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[How can I be a good a muslim wife?]
Anonymous
08/06/01 at 13:40:35
I AM MARRIED TO A MUSLIM MAN, AND I WANT TO KNOW HOW I GO ABOUT TO BE A MUSLIM WIFE. THIS IS SOMETHING I FEEL SO STRONG ABOUT. I REALLY WANT TO BE A GOOD WIFE TO MY HUSBAND AND DO WHAT PLEASES HIM AS WELL AS MYSELF. HE HAS SHOWN ME UNENDING LOVE OF HIMSELF AND OF GOD. I WANT TO KANOW THIS LOVE ALSO.                  THANK YOU                  NICOLE

Re: [How can I be a good a muslim wife?]
Anonymous
08/06/01 at 22:23:38
Asalaamu alaykum, To be a good muslim wife, try to listen to your husband, and do not get upset easily when you disagree with something.  If something is bothering you, try and explain it to him without getting upset.  because lots of times if things do not seem fair to you, it may not have been your husbands intention so its always good to try to see things from his perspective.   if he asks you to do little things for him, then just do them with the intention of reward and do not first complain or ask him to do it himself.   There are many different things to do to be a good wife, but i would say number one is to listen to him and just watch your own tongue.  and i don't mean if he is truely being unjust to just take it, but just think about what he really means.  and one more thing, never refuse your husband when he is getting intimate.  In Bukhari and muslim report from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (PBUH) said:  "If a man calls his wife to his bed and she does not come, and he goes to sleep angry with her, the angels will curse her until the morning."   Just try and be happy with him and he will insha-allah be happy with you. Read the book THE IDEAL MUSLIMAH by Dr.Muhammad Ali Al Hashimi

Re: [How can I be a good a muslim wife?]
zanfaz
08/06/01 at 22:25:18
[slm] Here's the link where it is discussed how to be a good muslim wife :) [url=http://www.jannah.org/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.pl/YaBB.pl?board=sisters&action=display&num=3536][10 Tips] How to be a Successful Wife[/url]

Re: [How can I be a good a muslim wife?]
se7en
08/06/01 at 22:50:07
as salaamu alaykum / peace Nicole, that's awesome :)  It makes me really happy to hear about Muslim men *being* Muslim men, being good to their wives and living their lives in taqwa [mindfulness, awareness of God].  I don't have any advice for you though.. Hmm.. I really would *not* recommend reading the Ideal Muslimah.  If you're looking for books to read up on marriage in Islam, I'd recommend The Muslim Marriage Guide by Ruqayyah Waris Maqsood. Here is something beautiful I read about marriage recently, by Abdullah Adhami: [color=black]By getting married you are not just getting a wife, you are getting your whole world. From now until the rest of your days your wife will be your partner, your companion, and your best friend.  She will share your moments your days, and your years. She will share your joys and sorrows, your successes and failures, your dreams and your fears. When you are ill, she will take the best care of you; when you need help, she will do all she can for you; when you have a secret, she will keep it; when you need advice, she will give you the best advice. She will always be with you: when you wake up in the morning the first thing your eyes will see will be her; during the day, she will be with you, if for a moment she is not with you by her physical body, she will be thinking of you, praying for you with all her heart, mind, and soul; when you go to sleep at night, the last thing your eyes will see will be her; and when you are asleep you will still see her in your dreams. In short, she will be your whole world and you will be her whole world. The best description that I personally have ever read describing the closeness of the spouses to each other is the Quranic verse which says: "they are your garments and you are their garments" Indeed, spouses are like garments to each other because they provide one another with the protection, the comfort, the cover, the support, and the adornment that garments provide to humans. Just imagine a journey in the winter of Alaska without garments! Our spouses provide us with the same level of comfort, protection, cover, and support in the journey of our lives on this earth as garments would do in the Alaska journey. The relationship between the spouses is the most amazing of all human relations: the amount of love and affection, intimacy and closeness, mercy and compassion, peace and tranquility that fills the hearts of the spouses is simply inexplicable. The only rational explanation for these most amazing of all human feelings is that: it is an act of Allah. Only Allah Almighty in His infinite power, boundless mercy, and great wisdom can create and ingrain these amazing feelings in the hearts of the spouses. In fact Allah is reminding those who search for His signs in the universe that these feelings in the hearts of the spouses are among the signs that should guide humans to His existence as He says in the Quraan, " And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquility with them and He has put love and mercy between your hearts: verily in that are signs for those who reflect" But the human heart is not a static entity, it is very dynamic. Feelings can and do change with time. Love may wither and fade away. The marital bond might weaken if not properly cared for. Happiness in marriage cannot be taken for granted; continuous happiness requires constant giving from both sides. For the tree of marital love to remain alive and keep growing, the soil has to be sustained, maintained, and nurtured. Remember that our Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him had found the time to go out to the desert and race with his wife Aisha. She outstripped him but later after she had gained some weight, he outstripped her. Remember that the Prophet took his wife to watch the young Ethiopians playing and dancing their folk dances. The show of emotions is necessary to keep the marital bond away from rusting and disintegrating. Remember that you will be rewarded by Allah for any emotions you show to your wife as the Prophet said "one would be rewarded for anything that he does seeking the pleasure of Allah even the food that he puts in the mouth of his wife" Never underestimate the importance of seemingly little things as putting food in your wife's mouth, opening the car's door for her, etc. Remember that the Prophet used to extend his knee to his wife to help her ride her camel... Try to always find some time for both of you to pray together. Strengthening the bond between you and Allah is the best guarantee that your own marital bond would always remain strong. Having peace with Allah will always result in having more peace at home. Remember that the Prophet gave glad tidings for those couples who wake up at night to pray together. The Prophet even urged the spouse who rises up first to wake the other spouse up even by throwing cold water on his/her face. Always try your best to be good to your wife by words and by deeds. Talk to her, smile to her, seek her advice, ask for her opinion, spend quality time with her and always remember that the Prophet said "the best of you are those who are best to their wives" Finally, it is common that spouses vow to love and honor their spouses until death do them part. I do believe that this vow is good or even great, but not enough! It is not enough that you love your wife. You have to love what she loves as well. Her family, her loved ones must also become your loved ones. Don't be like my colleague who was unhappy about his wife's parents coming to visit for few weeks. He candidly said to her "I don't like your parents" Naturally she angrily looked at him straight in the eye and said " I don't like yours either"... Also, it is not enough that you love her until death do you part. Love should never end and we do believe there is life after death where those who did righteousness in this world will be joined by their spouses and offspring. The best example in this regard is the Prophet whose love to Khadija his wife of 25 years extended to include all those she loved and continued even after her death. It was many years after her death and he never forgot her and whenever a goat was slaughtered in his house he would send parts of it to Khadija's friends and whenever he felt that the visitor on the door might be Khadija's sister Hala, he would pray saying "O Allah let it be Hala" [/color]

Re: [How can I be a good a muslim wife?]
meraj
08/06/01 at 23:01:55
slm, you found it! i was lookign for that a while back but no one had it.. thanx se7en :)

Re: [How can I be a good a muslim wife?]
BrKhalid
08/07/01 at 04:56:02
Asalaamu Alaikum ;-) [quote]I'd recommend The Muslim Marriage Guide by Ruqayyah Waris Maqsood[/quote] One of the key things that come out from reading the above book Sr Nicole is that it’s in the nature of men to be respected by their wives and the nature of women to be loved by their husbands. If the two of you can implement that in your own marriage then inshaAllah you will always be at peace and content ;-) [quote] Hmm.. I really would *not* recommend reading the Ideal Muslimah[/quote] Any reason in particular?

Re: [How can I be a good a muslim wife?]
jaihoon
08/07/01 at 05:41:05
[quote] The show of emotions is necessary to keep the marital bond away from rusting and disintegrating... "one would be rewarded for anything that he does seeking the pleasure of Allah even the food that he puts in the mouth of his wife" ... Remember that the Prophet used to extend his knee to his wife to help her ride her camel... ...Remember that the Prophet gave glad tidings for those couples who wake up at night to pray together. The Prophet even urged the spouse who rises up first to wake the other spouse up even by throwing cold water on his/her face. [/quote] Subhanallah! No wonder Shah Waliyullah Dehlavi (rahmatullahi alaihi) said that 'Rasool saws's nature is that of the entire humanity'. Even the Husband-Wife love did not escape his attention. The Beloved of Almighty so wonderfully explained how to show afection for one's beloved. Let the angels convey a million greetings to Rasool saws...

Re: [How can I be a good a muslim wife?]
Anonymous
08/08/01 at 14:45:41
Asalaamu Alaykum, Se7en, i am also wondering why you would not recommend The Ideal Muslimah.

far from ideal..
se7en
08/09/01 at 02:39:11
as salaamu alaykum wa rahmatAllah, Man, I'm trying to think of a way to get out of this one.. I just think it's the wrong type of book for a non-Muslim or someone who isn't really well versed in Islam and it's teachings on women. I have no problem with the authenticity/scholarship of the book.  It just has a certain.. flavor that I personally didn't like very much.  Other sisters I've spoken to about the book don't find the approach very appealing either, from what they've told me. It just puts my back up.  The book consists of basically a list of what the ideal muslimah should or should not do... which is fine, but it's not motivating, inspiring, or encouraging.  It's just a list of obligations, duties.  The book didn't *once* make me consciously work to improve myself.  I just found myself shaking my head thinking, there's no way I could even come close to this.. (obviously since it's about the *ideal* muslimah)   The Qur'an has a beautiful balance of direct commands and stories that, upon reflection, increase your love for Allah and your love for following His commands.  I think the book just needs more of that balance.  I would have loved for it to have had more accounts of actual women from the legacy of salihaat we have.. descriptions of women who fulfilled a lot of the characterestics the ideal muslimah would possess.. something that would motivate me, inspire me, make me go, *I* want to be like that.. and so the descriptions in the book are not just abstract concepts. And I also don't think that you need to annihilate your personality to fit into an ideal.. which is the feeling I get from this book.  Look at the sahaba.. they all had very very different personalities.. yet was one more "ideal" than the other?   It just made me think of some lyrics from a myna raps tape:   "tales of armies stood only 300 strong / and even overcame the evil powers of shaytan / these are the stories that hold solutions / when being persecuted by those who lack ablution / when talkin about the do's and dont's you'd rather harp on the dont's / and inshaAllah I won't / but maybe if you amped up the positive / my soul to shaytan wouldn't be so easy to give.." I don't mean to insult the book or the author.  May Allah reward him for his efforts.  I just think that perhaps it's a book better for reference, along with other books on women in Islam and their role as wives. wAllahu 'alam.. feel free to correct/disagree with me on this.. wasalaamu alaykum.

Re: [How can I be a good a muslim wife?]
Rabia
08/09/01 at 16:17:48
Salaam, I'd have to agree with Se7en (once again) on this one. Some years back I read a few pages of the book here and there. It was helpful, so, soon afterwards I decided to purchase it for myself and read it from front to back. I still think that the book is helpful, very much so, but it's also kinda' cold(???) in a way. I can't explain it really. Being a Muslimah I can read it and take alot from it because I know it's intention...to give me the description of a the "Ideal Muslimah". But I can't help but wonder how a nonMuslim might perceive this book. I think the best advice that I can give is to just open yourself to Islam, but for yourself, and if it appeals to you and you embrace it through studying the din and placing yourself amongst other Muslimahs' you'll more than likely become a good wife. But as far not being Muslim, then I guess just talking to your husband and learning (atlease some of) the ways I good Muslim wife carries herself is a start.   Just my opinion ~Amina
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