sisterly advice needed [how do I help my sis become a better Muslim?]

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sisterly advice needed [how do I help my sis become a better Muslim?]
Anonymous
08/09/01 at 01:46:38
Assalamu 'Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh

My sister works & lives away from home and for the past year I've
noticed that she's moved away from Islam.  She recently admitted to me that
she goes out drinking with her friends regularly. She knows that I am
very unhappy about it, but she tells me that its her own life and she
can live it the way she wants to live it and she makes her own decisions.  

I haven't told my parents about this because I know that it will make
the situation worse and will only upset them.  So I need some ideas on
how I could persuade her to stop living her life like a disbeliever.  I
don't want to sound patronising since she is my older sis.
Re: sisterly advice needed [how do I help my sis become a better Muslim?]
Merimda
08/14/01 at 22:01:41
Salam,

I've had a couple of close friends that have gone the way of your sister. It's very hard giving advice to one who won't listen. Just make dua for her insha-Allah. And hopefully insha-Allah she will come around.

I hope things work out insha-Allah. Best wishes.

Salam,
meri

Re: sisterly advice needed [how do I help my sis become a better Muslim?]
jannah
08/15/01 at 01:29:00
wlm,

i suggest you tell your parents. since you're the younger sister i doubt she'll take any of the advice you give her. but parents sure know how to pressure/guilt/seek help for their children. they have a right to know and will no doubt do everything they can to help her.

islam is a personal choice in a someone's life, especially if you live away from any islamic influence.. it takes a whole environment to keep one practicing as a muslim.
Re: sisterly advice needed [how do I help my sis become a better Muslim?]
Merimda
08/15/01 at 23:42:28
Salam,
I'm not sure if telling the parents would be a wise thing. As the sister mentioned she hasn't told her parents because it would upset them very much and it may make matters worse. I have seen this happen with friends. Often the parents' reaction only pushes them further away. It causes them to rebel. This only creates a great deal of stress for the parents and the whole family. So it's a very delicate situation that has to be dealt with utmost caution.
I'm sorry I cannot offer any real advice. I'm usually at a loss myself in these situations.  But one piece of advice I can give you before making any choice with regards to your sister is to think it over carefully and pray istikharah insha-Allah. That was my mistake, I often acted without thinking and then regret my decisions later.

best wishes
salam,
merimda
Re: sisterly advice needed [how do I help my sis become a better Muslim?]
jannah
08/16/01 at 00:59:08
true it may upset them but they also have the resources to help her. it's better than not doing anything and just leaving her... maybe if you don't want to go the parents route you might have some other trusted family members like an aunt or someone that your sister trusts that can talk to her??
Re: sisterly advice needed [how do I help my sis become a better Muslim?]
mango
08/16/01 at 08:06:14
Assalamu Alaikum,

I believe that telling your parents is the right thing to do. I personally witnessed a friend go through the same difficulties as your sister is going through now. I was so afraid for her. She was distancing herself from islam. After speaking to her, I spoke with her mother and I hinted at the problem.
Maybe you shouldnt tell your parents the severity of the problem if they will be hurt, but make it clear to them the direction in which your sister is going.
Parents are a very influential force in our lives. Unfortunately, they can be quite naive at times. She is more likely to listen to them.
Until then, she will be in our duaas.
Alahu Alim
Wasalam
Re: sisterly advice needed [how do I help my sis become a better Muslim?]
Anonymous
08/16/01 at 14:30:09
Assamalu alakum

Parents can react in different ways. If you tell the parents then they
may get mad and create a wedge between your sister and the family. If
someone feels they are being pushed and fored to do things they don't
like doing, then they do their best to distance themselevs from the thing
that makes them miserable. In this case she may distance herself from
the family and Islam.

Gentle persuasion is what is needed. Can you not suggest to your
parents that the whole family (including your sister) should go to an Islamic
talk(s). Possibly if your sister is surrounded by other muslims and
sees that islam is not just confined to the 'family' and hears the
messages of Islam it may make her 'think' about right and wrong and make her
choose a path that is correct. Often people act according to the
environment and influences they are in. It seems your sister's current
influences are non relgious friends, so you need to get her mixing in the
right circles. She probably hasn't mixed with us 'interesting' sisters yet
so she hasn't got friends that influence her :) Take the family to some
circles and let her mix with other muslims.
Re: sisterly advice needed [how do I help my sis become a better Muslim?]
Ruqayyah
08/16/01 at 21:59:47
[slm]

Anonymous, that is a very tough situation indeed. May Allah guider her back to the straight path, ameen. I think it's important at the very least to keep those lines of communication open between you and your sister. It sounds like she still keeps in touch w/ you and even though she has been these things, at least she's telling you about it. and even though your sisterly advice hasn't taken an effect, i would keep trying to let her know how you feel, inshallah maybe she'll remember what you have said and how much you care for her and change her ways.

I agree w/ mango and the other posts that suggested hinting to your parents that they should get a little more involved in your sister's life. It's a bit harder to stray when the guilt trip kicks in from the parents.

[wlm]
Ruqayyah
Re: sisterly advice needed [how do I help my sis become a better Muslim?]
Anonymous
08/21/01 at 22:27:50
Assalamu Alikum

Thank you for all the advice everyone has given for the problem I'm
having with my sister. It's nice to know there are so many caring muslims
around the world.

My mum kinda already knows that my sister is distancing away from Islam
and everytime she phones her she tells her to pray etc.  But it has no
effect, I think there's only a certain amount a mother can do really.  

My father, although a muslim, decided to take a silent role in our
upbringing and any problems we have he decides to ignore it and thinks its
up to my mother. I have asked my father to go islamic events, but he
tells me he's to tired after work and wants to watch TV!!

I think it is hard for my mother especially when she is from Pakisten
and doesn't understand us the way we live.  

If my sister lived with me I would try to involve her in islamic
events, but she lives away from home and has no contact with muslims at all,
which makes matters first.

I think the best thing I can do is, make dua for her that Allah (swt)
will make her follow the straight path.(inshallah).


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