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Adopting an Orphan!
taueeya
08/17/01 at 01:52:37
Assalamu Alaikum,         I don't know if this topic has ever been discussed before on the board or not, but I would like all brothers/sisters to participate in this discussion.                 Lets say that a brother wills to adopt an orphan (after his marriage) and raise him/her as an ideal Muslim/ah. Although, it is easy to adopt an orphan, BUT it is very difficult to bring-up an orphan like one's own child, specially when one aims at providing him/her with everything from food to clothes to education etc. etc. (exactly as he would wish for his own blood-related child).                 Considering the reality of today's world, our own culture and society (where-ever each one of us comes from), and keeping in mind that growing/grown-up children can be very demanding sometimes and how demanding they'll be in future (in next 10-20 years), I want all of u to feed me with ur opinions/thoughts on following queries: 1. Do u think that it is feasible for a Muslim couple to adopt an orphan? If it is, shall they adopt him/her before having their own children or after it? Why before/after? 2. How do the sisters think regarding the adoption of an orphan? And do they think that it is really important to inform them about such an intention before marriage? Or it doesn't matter much if they are informed before/after marriage?   3. How can the adoption of an orphan, impact your married life? What can be the worst consequences u can think of and why do u think such will be the consequences?        My most important concern (as it is particularly concerned with the child's life itself): 4. If u are one of the foster-parents, will u or will u not, let ur adopted child know (when he is grown-up enough to understand/handle these things) that s/he is an adopted orphan and not ur own real offspring? In either case, why?        I have quoted a few aayaat and a hadeeth below to emphasize the importance of this thread/topic. 1. And (remember) when We took a covenant from the Children of Israel, (saying): Worship none but Allāh (Alone) and be dutiful and good to parents, and to kindred, and to orphans and Al-Masākīn [] (the poor), [Tafsir At-Tabarī, Vol. 10, Page 158 (Verse 9:60)] and speak good to people [i.e. enjoin righteousness and forbid evil, and say the truth about Muhammad Peace be upon him ], and perform As-Salāt (Iqāmat-as-Salāt), and give Zakāt. Then you slid back, except a few of you, while you are backsliders. (Tafsir Al-Qurtubī, Vol. 2, Page 392).    [2:83] 2. It is not Al-Birr (piety, righteousness, and each and every act of obedience to Allāh, etc.) that you turn your faces towards east and (or) west (in prayers); but Al-Birr is (the quality of) the one who believes in Allāh, the Last Day, the Angels, the Book, the Prophets[] and gives his wealth, in spite of love for it, to the kinsfolk, to the orphans, and to Al-Masākin (the poor), and to the wayfarer, and to those who ask, and to set slaves free, performs As-Salāt (Iqāmat-as-Salāt), and gives the Zakāt, and who fulfill their covenant when they make it, and who are As-Sābirin (the patient ones, etc.) in extreme poverty and ailment (disease) and at the time of fighting (during the battles). Such are the people of the truth and they are Al­Muttaqūn (pious - see V.2:2).    [2:177] 3. They ask you (O Muhammad SAW) what they should spend. Say: Whatever you spend of good must be for parents and kindred and orphans and Al­Masākin (the poor) and the wayfarers, and whatever you do of good deeds, truly, Allāh knows it well.  [2:215] 4. In (to) this worldly life and in the Hereafter. And they ask you concerning orphans. Say: "The best thing is to work honestly in their property, and if you mix your affairs with theirs, then they are your brothers. And Allāh knows him who means mischief (e.g. to swallow their property) from him who means good (e.g. to save their property). And if Allāh had wished, He could have put you into difficulties. Truly, Allāh is All-Mighty, All-Wise."    [2:220] 5. And give unto orphans their property and do not exchange (your) bad things for (their) good ones; and devour not their substance (by adding it) to your substance. Surely, this is a great sin.[]   [4:2] 6. And if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphan­girls, then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one or (the captives and the slaves) that your right hands possess. That is nearer to prevent you from doing injustice.  [4:3] 7. And try orphans (as regards their intelligence) until they reach the age of marriage; if then you find sound judgement in them, release their property to them, but consume it not wastefully, and hastily fearing that they should grow up, and whoever amongst guardians is rich, he should take no wages, but if he is poor, let him have for himself what is just and reasonable (according to his work). And when you release their property to them, take witness in their presence; and Allāh is All­Sufficient in taking account.  [4:6] 8. And when the relatives and the orphans and Al­Masākin (the poor) are present at the time of division, give them out of the property, and speak to them words of kindness and justice.    [4:8] 9. And let those (executors and guardians) have the same fear in their minds as they would have for their own, if they had left weak offspring behind. So let them fear Allāh and speak right words. [4:9] 10. Verily, those who unjustly eat up the property of orphans, they eat up only a fire into their bellies, and they will be burnt in the blazing Fire!    [4:10] 11. Worship Allāh and join none with Him in worship, and do good to parents, kinsfolk, orphans, Al-Masākin (the poor), the neighbour who is near of kin, the neighbour who is a stranger, the companion by your side, the wayfarer (you meet), and those (slaves) whom your right hands possess. Verily, Allāh does not like such as are proud and boastful;        [4:36] 12. They ask your legal instruction concerning women, say: Allāh instructs you about them, and about what is recited unto you in the Book concerning the orphan girls whom you give not the prescribed portions (as regards Mahr and inheritance) and yet whom you desire to marry, and (concerning) the children who are weak and oppressed, and that you stand firm for justice to orphans. And whatever good you do, Allāh is Ever All­Aware of it.   [4:127] 13. "And come not near to the orphan's property, except to improve it, until he (or she) attains the age of full strength; and give full measure and full weight with justice. We burden not any person, but that which he can bear. And whenever you give your word (i.e. judge between men or give evidence, etc.), say the truth even if a near relative is concerned, and fulfill the Covenant of Allāh, This He commands you, that you may remember.[]    [6:152] 14. And know that whatever of war-booty that you may gain, verily one-fifth (1/5th) of it is assigned to Allāh, and to the Messenger, and to the near relatives [of the Messenger (Muhammad SAW)], (and also) the orphans, Al-Masākin (the poor) and the wayfarer, if you have believed in Allāh and in that which We sent down to Our slave (Muhammad SAW) on the Day of criterion (between right and wrong), the Day when the two forces met (the battle of Badr) - And Allāh is Able to do all things.        [8:41] 15. And come not near to the orphan's property except to improve it, until he attains the age of full strength. And fulfil (every) covenant. Verily! the covenant, will be questioned about.  [17:34] 16. What Allāh gave as booty (Fai') to His Messenger (Muhammad SAW) from the people of the townships, - it is for Allāh, His Messenger (Muhammad SAW), the kindred (of Messenger Muhammad SAW), the orphans, Al­Masākin (the poor), and the wayfarer, in order that it may not become a fortune used by the rich among you. And whatsoever the Messenger (Muhammad SAW) gives you, take it, and whatsoever he forbids you, abstain (from it)[] , and fear Allāh. Verily, Allāh is Severe in punishment.      [59:7] 17. And they give food, inspite of their love for it (or for the love of Him), to Miskin[] (poor), the orphan, and the captive.    [76:8] 18. Did He not find you (O Muhammad (Peace be upon him)) an orphan and gave you a refuge?     [93:6]               The hadeeth is as follows: Narrated Sahl bin Sa'd (RA): The Prophet (saw) said," I and the person who looks after an orphan and provides for him, will be in Paradise like this, putting his index and middle fingers together. (Sahih Al-Bukhari, Vol.8, Hadith No.34)         Please, look at the words of this hadeeth again and again. Imagine, not only being in Paradise (InshaAllah), but being in Paradise so close to Prphet Muhammad(saw). Subhan Allah! What else can a Muslim wish for better than this? Please , enlighten me with ur thoughts. Wassalam.

Re: Adopting an Orphan!
momineqbal
08/17/01 at 13:33:47
[slm], MashaAllah, very good thoughts brother. I definitely think muslims must show greater initiative in taking care of orphans. [quote]4. If u are one of the foster-parents, will u or will u not, let ur adopted child know (when he is grown-up enough to understand/handle these things) that s/he is an adopted orphan and not ur own real offspring? In either case, why?[/quote] You have to let the child know from the beginning that you are not his/her father or mother even though you love them as much. Believe me it would be much easier when the kid is small. And it wouldnt hurt him/her as much if you really show love and affection to them. But if you wait till they are grown up it can lead the child to have utmost distrust of you that you hid from him/her a basic fact. In most cases it leads to depression, no matter how much you love them. I believe that in the long run telling a difficult truth is always better than waiting on it. And isnt it lieing if you say to them you are their parent? And one lie leads to another 100 of them. Wassalam Eqbal

Re: Adopting an Orphan!
Haniff
08/18/01 at 02:14:06
Assalamu Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh I am reproducing below the answer given by a scholar to a question relating to adoption which, I hope, will be of use to us here. [center]Adoption of child[/center] I have a letter from a reader who wishes to remain anonymous saying that as an only child he has been given by his parents all the love, care, education and money he could wish for. He has reciprocated their love all his life, only to discover recently that they are not his real parents. They adopted him when he was a young child. He now knows his real parents who are Muslims as well. He is now facing some problems with his position. I would like to tell him first that Islam [color=Red]forbids adoption[/color] which means that a child is looked at legally and practically, as a son or daughter of a couple who are not their real parents. This means that both his real and assumed parents were wrong to make a legal adoption in accordance with secular laws. What they should have done is that he could have been brought up by the childless couple without them giving him their family name. They should have retained his original name though although they were actually the couple bringing him up. That would have saved everyone the sort of problems he is now facing. One area where problems are likely to be very intricate is inheritance. He may not inherit anything from his adopted parents, as he is not their son. He is a total stranger to them despite the legal documents they and his real parents had signed. No man-made law may take precedence over God's law, which states: "He has not made your adopted sons your real sons. That is something you say with your mouths, but God says the truth and guides to a straight path. Call them after their real fathers, for that is fairer in God's sight". (33:4-5) If my reader was to inherit from his adopted parents, he would be depriving other legitimate heirs of their rightful inheritance. His inheritance comes from his real parents, like all Muslims. His inheritance from them is whatever share is due to him along with their other heirs. What he may get from his adopted parents is anything which they may wish to give him by will. Every Muslim may make bequests by will, amounting to no more than one-third of his or her property. That is all he may get after their death, if they wish to give it to him. Otherwise, he retains only what they give him during their lifetime. My reader speaks of fighting for his wealth against his adopted parents' relatives who have designs to claim their rights. He should entertain no such thoughts, because if he does he would be going against God's law. My reader speaks of his bitterness against his real parents. He must not be bitter, because he cannot understand the feelings of a parent who is living in poverty and having to look after a large family. If a wealthy person comes to him with a proposal to reduce his burden and to give one of his children a much more comfortable living, that parent faces a really tough decision. How would he know what agony his real parents went through before they consented to the adoption, wrong as it is. In fact, he should maintain a kindly attitude to them, and if they need help, he should be forthcoming with any help he can provide them, as well as helping his brothers and sisters. As an adult, he need not live with his real parents, but he must be kind to them. That is a duty binding on every Muslim son and daughter. He may still retain his relationship with his adopted parents, but the relationship must be rectified so that it does not claim to replace that which he has with his real parents. [i]"Islam in Perspective" - Arab News - 14 September 1999[/i] Wassalamu Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh Haniff (with 2 f's)

Re: Adopting an Orphan!
se7en
08/19/01 at 22:55:43
wa alaykum as salaam wa rahmatAllahi wa barakatuh, [quote]1. Do u think that it is feasible for a Muslim couple to adopt an orphan? If it is, shall they adopt him/her before having their own children or after it? Why before/after?[/quote] Yes.  I actually met a Muslim couple (or half of one, at least :)) at a program I attended that had adopted a child.  They were a young couple and did not have children of their own. I think that you should just seriously ask yourself -- can I care for this orphan and sufficiently provide for my own children when/if they come along in the future?  If the answer is yes, then I don't see why it would be a problem to adopt first and have children as they come bi-ithnillah. It's really sick to see the number of Muslim refugee children that come into this country and wind up in 'good Christian homes' indoctrinated with christian ideology.. And it's interesting that the Qur'an says shaytan will threaten us with *fear of poverty*.  Isn't that often times the reason why people hesitate to take in these children that have rights over us?   [quote] 2. How do the sisters think regarding the adoption of an orphan? And do they think that it is really important to inform them about such an intention before marriage? Or it doesn't matter much if they are informed before/after marriage?  [/quote] If this is something you want to dedicate yourself to, then you should tell your prospective spouse -- in the same way you would tell her if you have a desire to study islam extensively, to build a masjid, fight in combative jihad, etc.  It's just good to let her know, and good to see what her reaction is to your desire to do that. [quote]3. How can the adoption of an orphan, impact your married life? What can be the worst consequences u can think of and why do u think such will be the consequences?[/quote] *racking brain* it's 5:30 in the morning so I'll have to leave this one to another day :) [quote]4. If u are one of the foster-parents, will u or will u not, let ur adopted child know (when he is grown-up enough to understand/handle these things) that s/he is an adopted orphan and not ur own real offspring? In either case, why?[/quote] This is incumbent on the foster parents as was mentioned by the brothers before me. The brother that I spoke to, that had adopted a child with his wife, mentioned that they were very open about the fact that she was their *adopted* child.. the word had no negative connotation to it and therefore it was not an issue.. she just thought she was special :) The child also carries her parents last name and not those of her foster parents.. not to feel alien to the family that had taken her in, but to preserve her roots, heritage, identity. It's interesting that in the United States the exact oppposite is done with legal adoptions.. as an adopted child it is extremely difficult to find out who your real parents are.  I've heard it described as "an oppression concealed as a freedom". I think we just need to be careful with how we discuss this issue, especially with non-Muslims -- it's very easy to misunderstand the statement "adoption is forbidden in Islam".  Just make sure to clarify that taking in children is not impermissible (is actually the exact opposite, as can be seen by the ayaat and hadeeth brother taueeya mentioned), but what is impermissible is forcing the child to take on the name of the adopted parents and not know his/her roots.. wAllahu 'alam wasalaamu alaykum.

Re: Adopting an Orphan!
se7en
08/26/01 at 03:51:17
as salaamu alaykum, [url=http://www.jannah.org/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.pl/YaBB.pl?board=sisters&action=display&num=1728]Here[/url] is a discussion we had on whether taking in orphans is something one should include in their marriage contract. wasalaamu alaykum.

Re: Adopting an Orphan!
Anonymous
08/27/01 at 07:10:33
Assalamalaykum, One point to keep in mind: when the child will become a teenager, if he's a boy, the woman and her daughters (if they have daughters) will be obliged to cover in front of him.  And if the child is a girl, she will have to cover in front of the man and the couple's sons (if they have sons).  It's something to think about when you live in the same house 24 hours a day.  I already thought about that and came to the conclusion that if you already have daughters and no sons, and you don't plan to have other children, it would be easier to "adopt" a girl, so that she will have to cover only in front of the man who, most of the time, is not at home if he's working.  On the other hand, if you adopt a boy, it might become a burden for the woman who will have to be covered 24 hours a day in front of her adopted son.  Just my 2 cents.
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