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[AKHWAT] Please help me - i commited a big sin in the past
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08/18/01 at 04:08:34
Assalamualaikum, I am a happily married woman with a beautiful child and a loving husband mashallah. But I have had a troubled past and I can't get over it. When i was 16, I met this guy. He was such a sweet talker and made me go against everyone, even my parents. I was such a dumb kid then and i would believe everything he said. The problem is, I slept with him. Now I realize what a horrible thing i did and i feel so guilty all the time. Whenever something bad happens to me I say to myself that I deserve it because of what i have done. Now I realize how wrong i was and i don't know what to do. If my husband eveer found out he would leave me and hate me forever. I ask Allah for forgiveness but I have heard that this sin cannot be forgiven. I don't know what to do, I am so extremely upset and also scared that if that guy ever came back and told my husband, what will i do? Please help. love, a troubled sister [hr] Assalam'alaicum to those who are rightly guided Sister, Ibn Mas'ood (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: "The believer sees his sin as a mountain beneath which he is sitting and which he fears may fall down upon him. The rebellious person sees his sin as a fly which passes in front of his nose and he swats it away?" (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 6308 You should not despair of the mercy of Allaah, for no one despairs of Allaah's Mercy, except the people who disbelieve, and who despairs of the mercy of his Lord except those who are astray? Incha'Allah, if you repented sincerely and really hate what you did, Allah will forgive your sin. Also, you didn't say if you are a converted muslim, in which case all your previous sins that happened before islam were erased when you converted. May Allah forgive you and us and may He guide us on the right path. Ameen. Barbara [hr] Dear Sister; You are on the right track. Give it to ALLAH, HE is the most Merciful, HE will for give you. As for your husband, I do have mixed feeling. The stronger one is that you should tell him. I do have a question. I assume that he thinks that you had not been with anyone before. Is this right? Did you also indicate that this was so? If you did then maybe it's not just the past that is bothering you but the lie to cover it up? It might be that you need to tell him and ask him for his forgiveness as well, Not for the past but for the lie. Remember that ALLAH is with you always. HE will not turn from you. If you ask for forgiveness from your heart for the past and for the lie then HE will forgive you. Your husband need not forgive you for the past, just the lie. It sound like he might be upset at first but things have a way of working out. Remember that you are working for the comon goal. Your family and the service to ALLAH [hr] As Salaam Alekum . Firstly dear sister , you are not alone. I for one have plenty of sins which I cry and repent to Allah(swt). I heard a scholar once speaking regarding this. It was with regards to asking forgiveness before going on Hajj ( i think? from what i remeber ). His view was that if something is bad and perilous to tell.That the person should be open to this problem in their heart and pray to Allah(swt) for forgiveness and pray for the person whom they have inflicted/ are obliged to ask forgiveness from. This is not because they are avoiding the issue but want to prevent/fear greater sins resulting from anger and other problems. Will make duaa for you my sister!! just got back...Went websurfing hoping to find a Hadith I once read... about the old man who on hearing his grandson astonished at how vast the desert was replied "It is nothing compared to th Mercy of Allah(swt) Well any way couldnt find it but I did find the below. ( sorry to moderator ...it is a lot of text )I hope it sheds some light on the issue. take care sis! your Brother in Islam Majzoob DO I CONFESS? Someone may ask: I would like to repent but is it necessary for me to confess to someone and declare my sins before him? Is it a condition of repentance that I should go to a Qadi in the court, recount all my crimes and seek to be punished? and what else the stories of Ma'iz, the Ghamedi woman, and the man who kissed a girl in a garden suggest? Let me tell you my brother, that a man's direct contact with his Lord, without any intermediaries, is an important aspect of Unity of Allah, which He demands from us. Says He: "And when My slaves ask you (O Muhammad ) about Me (whether I am close to them or at a distance, let them know the), I Answer the prayers of him who calls Me." (Al-Baqarah: 186) And when we admit that repentance is for the sake of Allah, then the confessions of sins should also be to Allah alone. In fact, the words of a prayer of the Prophet are: i.e., "I acknowledge Your blessings, and confess my sins to You O Lord!" We are not, by the grace of Allah, like the Christians...the Priest, the Chair of Confession, the certificate of Pardon... and so forth. In contrast Allah says: "Do they not know that it is Allah who accepts the penitence of the penitents?" (Al-Tauba: 104) As for the administration of punishment as prescribed by the shari'ah and as judged by the courts, what can be said is that it is not necessary for a man to go to the authorities and confess his sins, for him whom Allah has screened it is of no harm if he screens himself. His repentance before his Lord will suffice for him. In fact one of the ninety-nine names of Allah is "Sateer" which means He who screens the sins and shortcomings of His creatures. As for the Companions of the Prophet such as Ma'iz , or the woman who had adulterated, or the man who had kissed a girl in the ga rden, they - by admitting their crimes to the Prophet - did something that was not binding upon them. They did so because of their extreme concern for the Hereafter. The Prophet's attitude also goes to prove the same in that when Ma'iz went to him he did not pay attention to him, and so he acted with the Ghamedi woman in the beginning, and so too 'Umar indicated when he said: "Allah would have left it in secret if he had left it in secret," and the Prophet kept silent as if assenting to the remark. It is not necessary therefore to go to the courts and confess your sins there. Nor is it required to go to the courts and confess your sins there. Nor is it required to go to the imam of the mosque, or demand that judgment be pronounced. Neither is it necessary to confess to a friend and ask him to lash you indoors, as some people imagine. And from the following story you will know how harmful it can be to consult ignorant people in religious affairs. It is said that a man wanted to repent. So he went to the imam of a mosque, confessed to him his sins, and asked for a solution. The imam told him: "The first thing you should do is to go to the courts and confess your crimes there. They will punish you according to the shari'ah. Then we will think about how you can repent." When this man saw that he won't be able to bear the punishment, he decided not to repent altogether, and went back to his sins. Majzoob. [hr] Dear Brother; I agree that you do not have to ask for foregiveness from other. But as the respondent befor did hit on something. That is - Is there not two sins being commited. If I knew of a way for her to tell her husband that there was a fals hood without telling what it was then I think that would be the best. I do not thenk that the past bothers her as much as the lie. She has already ask for forgiveness for the past. I too am torn and wished I could take away the pain of the past. As a word to those SINGLE people out there. This is an example of it is perfered that we are married. Connie [hr] As Salaam Alaikum, Sister, I can sympathyze with you because I lived a very haram life after I converted to Islam. I was in a sexual relationship for years and thought I was going to marry this brother. He was also troubled so we were sinning together. I am in the process of repenting and I believe you are on the right track. You have so much remorse and guilt and that is the sign of sincere fear of Allah. I don't think you need to tell your husband. If this was an incident that happened before you were married then there is no need to cause your husband grief. You have to think, how will this make HIS life any better or more fulfilling? How will it make your marriage stronger? You run the risk of creating a rift in your relationship and bringing unhappiness into your family. You need to make sure that your marriage stays strong and stable for the sake of your kids. If you have a REALISTIC AND RATIONAL reason to believe that this other guy will come into your life and do something so evil as to tell your husband your PAST mistakes, then you should be the one to tell him. Otherwise, this is your mistake, your grief and your problem. I don't think it's neccessary to make it your husband's and ultimately your whole famly's problem. I think you have the strength and courage to handle it on your own. Allah is truly merciful. Now, go do the RIGHT thing!!! Salaam! [hr] Assalaam alaikum wrt, There is no sin that is unforgivable if you repent before you die. Shirk is the only unforgivable sin if you die upon it. Some conditions of repentance are: 1. You have to stop committing the sin immediately. Avoid it 2. You acknowledge it was wrong. You have to really regret committing it in. You are sincere in repenting over this sin. You feel it was wrong you feel bad about it. Shame --remorse--regret--guilt = Al Nadm 3. You promise and make resolve for you not do ever do it again. If you transgressed against the rights Allah has upon you, these are the main conditions. If you transgressed against the rights of another person go on to condition #4. 4. If you hurt someone in the sin you committed you must rectify the situation with the person. ie for example if you stole something you have to return it. Like the sister said before, when you become Muslim you are a like a new-born child. And Allah knows best. "Surely Allah will forgive those who do sins in ignorance and soon turn in repentance. These Allah will forgive, for Allah is all-Knowing, all-Wise." Quran 4:17 Huma & Shazia [hr] salamalakum wa rahmatAllah wa Barakatu Dear Sister, I hope that insha'Allah, you are in the presence of good health and high Iman. I have a few questions/comments first of all, I suggest you check out the next page and look at the post/responses to "What I did Prior to Islam": there's a situation almost identical to yours. second, I am wondering, We're you raised Muslim? And to anyone who knows-Does this make a difference (vs. someone who reverted)??? Please keep this in mind that I am NOT a scholar. (I think you should contact a scholar and explain to them your situation and get advice). I have to say though, what the Shaytan (devil) wants most, is to break up marriages. Thus, I can't imagine that if telling your husband about your past will ruin your marriage, why should you do so, especially since you've repented to Allah, subhana wa ta'ala. One principle in Islam is that we are concerned and responsible for our ownselves and that we fear no one but Allah. Therefore, I suggest you focus your fears and guilt towards Allah because He is the only one we should fear and the only one who has power to help you and protect you(instead of feeling so guilty and worried if your husband found out). Dear sister, keep praying, reading your Quran, and begging Allah's forgiveness and protection. We answer our deeds to Allah and no one else. [hr] Dear troubled sister :) As-Salamu Alaikom Wa Rahmatollah One: Your sin was one of the Major Sins in Islam, no doubt about it! (i will not sooth your soul by telling you otherwise) Two: Every sin (no matter how major it is) can be forgiven, even the highest sin which is Shirk (unless a person dies as Mushrik). If a person repents from Shirk while he is alive, then insha Allah, he/she will be forgivenn by Allah SWT, and he/she is to start a new clean book from this point forward, and this goes to all the sins, which are obviously less than Shrik. No matter how great your sin was, bear in mind that Allah's Mercy is even Greater than your sins (even if you come to Allah with ocean size of sins, as the prophet SAAWS stated). DO NOT ALLOW SATAN MAKE YOU FEEL DESPAIR OF ALLAH'S MERCY. For God says in the Quran, that only those who have no Faith who will loose hope in the Mercy of Allah. Three: For your sin to be forgiven you have to FIRST sincerely repent to Allah SWT. Did you? Four: Repentance means three things (as some of the companions explained): 1- Recognise your past sin, and really regret it. 2- In the present time, sincerely promise Allah SWT and yourself that you will NEVER do it again, no matter what the circumstances are. 3- In the future (from now on), stay away from anything that would lead you to fall again in such sin. (there is another condition for repentance but that does not apply to this situation) Five: Do not tell anyone about your sin whatsoever. Hide your sin and do not expose it to others, for the hope that Allah SWT will not expose your sin in this life to anyone including your husband, and will not expose it in the Hereafter. Six: Constantly pray to Allah for forgiveness of your sin. Pray to Allah never to expose you in this life to anyone. And pray to Him that you will be one of those whom the prophet SAAWS said that Allah will cover up for them both in this life and in the Hereafter. Seven: Do not be afraid of this person, all matters are in the hands of Allah SWT. So put your FEAR and TRUST only in Allah SWT. P.S. some people in the past (among the companions), and in the present time, did major sins (like the one you mentioned) and, Subehana Allah, this sin was "the" reason for changing their lives completely. Sometimes it is Allah's Will to make a sin the reason for guiding a person and changing his/her life 180 degrees! mira [hr] alsalamu alaykum dear sis...i can see ur situation is kinda tough......but am sure this will help..i went to a lecture last night and the imam was talking bout this type of thing...and he said...(i think its a hadith) '..do not disbelieve by uncovering the sins that Allah sub7anaho wa ta3ala has covered up for u' ok so there it is...its not the exact quote but thats the idea ur sis apple salam:o)
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