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ouch
Anonymous
08/19/01 at 23:43:21
[slm] Has anyone ever been ridiculed about their deen by their own family members? I'm not talking about joking around, but literally being yelled at and criticized because your trying to become a better muslim/a? And not only criticizing you, but criticizing your muslim friends for trying to help you become a better muslim? Well that's what just happened to me.  I cried for a bit and I'd rather write about it than keep it all in. And maybe get some advice insha'Allah. My family members tend to occasionally, when they are in a bad mood, take it out on me and how I live my life. Not that I think of myself as better than them, no way. Alhamdulillah for every situation. It's heartbreaking that my own brother would yell at me saying, "How come you didn't used to wake up for fajr before you started wearing hijab and now you do? (this is the attitude when Islamic knowledge isn't sought for) Subhan Allah,  I've been muhajjaba for almost three years now, and I did used to wake up for fajr and try praying all my salat as much as possible.  But, he only cared to criticize ignorantly. I asked him why he didn't pray, he said, "how many muslims do you know who wake up to pray fajr?", I told him thousands, millions.  Its like being a practicing muslim is a faux pas and sleep is way more important(astaghfor Allah). Anyways I wasted my breath, got aggravated, and my brother got the loudest and last word.  Its like a competition to win the argument no matter how ignorant the remarks. My other fmaily members will do this occasionally as well. I can't take it anymore. It really hurts. Not so much the yelling, but the things said. The fact that my own brother doesn't care if he goes to hell, he actually said "I don't care if I go to hell".  I usually try to set a good example but it gets thrown back in my face.   Now of course I only mentionned a few things that were said and how I feel, there were other things that were dunya related and ridiculously cruel.   But, people,  what would you do? I need advice because I really can't stand getting depressed about these things.  It messes up my whole self. Alhamdulillah, it could be worse, but I want to make it better insha'Allah. [wlm]

Re: ouch
Anik
08/20/01 at 00:31:47
A.A. i totally can understand what you are saying... when it comes to your brother's adversity to you... maybe he feels bad that his imaan isn't where he thinks it should be... maybe he thinks your trying to throw it in his face... just try to have Sabr, be patient, and take things with a calm mood. don't worry, trust in Allah Subhana fully. asalaamu alaikum. abdullah,.

Re: ouch
Arsalan
08/20/01 at 14:11:46
[slm] Brother/sister in Islam.  I feel for you!  Let me start by saying that all of what you are going through, if it is true, then it is a great sign from Allah (swt) that you are on the Right Path, and you should rejoice in that.   Unfortunately we are living in a time when most of the people who surround us are in a state of ghaflah (neglect).  And a time in which, to quote Br. Arshad, "evil not only struts about defiantly, it has the audacity to call itself good."  It goes without saying that all those who have chosen to tread the Path of Guidance face obstacles like you are facing.  Hardships and opposition become a believer's norm because these are the tests through which Allah (swt) purifies our Imaan, and filters the true believers from the hypocrites.  And he tests those whom He loves most with the most difficult tests of all.   So stand firm, and persevere.  Be patient, and remember the ultimate goal that you seek.  The Pleasure of Almighty Allah, and Eternal Bliss in Paradise.  This life is a prison for the believer, but a prison which will only last a few decades.   Realize, also, that you are at a level of Imaan, insha Allah, which you have attained by the blessing of Allah (swt).  And He chose to bless you with it, for whatever reason, whereas He has not yet showered His Mercy on those around you.  And Allah guides whom He wills.  You should realize that they are not at the same level as you, that they do not see things the same way that you do.  It will take time for them to reach that level.  It also took you time, didn't it?  If it didn't, then there must have been something major that occurred in your life which changed its course.  Give them this benefit, that they did not experience any such life-changing experiences. Give them time.  Talk to them with gentleness and kindness.  Let your actions do most of the talking, and use your tongue very sparingly.  And above all, make du'aa for them, because the hearts of people are in the control of Allah (swt).  With time, with your patience, uprightness and good behavior with them, and with your prayers to Allah (swt), they will eventually also see on the same level that you see things.  Insha Allah. So cheer up!  Don't say "ouch," say "alhamdulillah!" :) ˙Thank Allah that it is not you who are in their position, threatening someone else's Islam.  That you know better than them, because Allah chose to guide you to His Way.  And know that you have thus been appointed as an ambassador from Allah to your family.  Take this as a gift and a responsibility, and fulfill your responsibility to the best of your ability.   Leave the rest to Allah (swt)!  And know that His Help is always near to the righteous.  And that He is All-Knowing, All-Powerful, and The Wise. Wassalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh

Re: ouch
SomairaAltaf
08/20/01 at 12:02:17
aww Assalamualaikum I'm so sorry to hear about whats going with you sis, all i can tell you is to have Sabr, and make dua, and inshaAllah your fam will come around, and start to understand why you love Islam so.. just remember...it's a test from Allah swt...and Allah swt would NOT pose a test you cant handle..so inshaAllah just be strong..keep prayin =)and things will get better. take care ws Somaira

Re: ouch
taueeya
08/20/01 at 02:42:51
Assalamu Alaikum,         Sister, Please, read the following aayaat and ahaadeeth and try to realize what have u been honoured with. May Allah (swt) help u (Ameen). Allah, the Exalted, says: "O you who believe! Endure and be more patient..". (3:200) "And certainly, We shall test you with something of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits, but give glad tidings to As-Sabirun (the patient)".  (2:155) "Only those who are patient shall receive their reward in full, without reckoning.'' (39:10) "And verily, whosoever shows patience and forgives, that would truly be from the things recommended by Allah.'' (42:43) "Seek help in patience and As-Salat (the prayer). Truly, Allah is with As-Sabirun (the patient).'' (2:153) "And surely, We shall try you till We test those who strive hard (for the Cause of Allah) and As-Sabirun (the patient)'' (47:31) There are numerous Verses of the Noble Qur'an inculcating patience and extolling it. 1. Abu Sa'id Al-Khudri (May Allah be pleased with him) reported that: Certain people of the Ansar asked the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) and he gave them; then they again asked him and he gave them until all what he possessed was exhausted. Then the Prophet (PBUH) said, "Whatever wealth I have, I will not withhold from you. Whosoever would be chaste and modest; Allah will keep him chaste and modest and whosoever would seek self-sufficiency, Allah will make him self-sufficient; and whosoever would be patient, Allah will give him patience, and no one is granted a gift better and more comprehensive than patience". [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]. Commentary:  Besides describing generosity, kindness, munificence and nobility of the Prophet (PBUH), he has been ordained by Allah to adopt patience, contentment and self-respect and to avoid anyone's favour. 2. Abu Yahya Suhaib bin Sinan (May Allah be pleased with him) reported that: The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, "How wonderful is the case of a believer; there is good for him in everything and this applies only to a believer. If prosperity attends him, he expresses gratitude to Allah and that is good for him; and if adversity befalls him, he endures it patiently and that is better for him". [Muslim]. Commentary:  A Muslim is required to behave in poverty and prosperity, affluence and hardship, in the manner stated in this Hadith. It means that to forget Allah in prosperity, rather than being thankful to Him for His Favour is defiance of His Orders. Similarly, it is unbecoming of a Muslim that in troubles and turmoil, rather being patient, he tends to weeping and crying, grousing and grieving against the Will of Allah. 3. Abu Sa`id and Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Prophet (PBUH) said: "Never a believer is stricken with a discomfort, an illness, an anxiety, a grief or mental worry or even the pricking of a thorn but Allah will expiate his sins on account of his patience". [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]. Commentary:  This Hadith mentions the special Grace and Mercy of Allah for the Muslims. It relates how Allah turns the hardships and troubles suffered by a Muslim into a means of expiation for his sins. But this is only possible if the believer exercises patience. However, if he starts wailing instead of showing patience then beside suffering hardships, he would be deprived of the reward which lies in bearing them patiently. Thus, he shall have to take the burden of additional sins also. 4. Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported that: The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said: "He whom Allah intends good, He makes him to suffer from some affliction". [Al-Bukhari]. Commentary: Troubles of this world like grief, calamity, disease, poverty, loss of life and property, etc., have a benign aspect for a Muslim in the sense that on account of them he turns towards Allah and begs mercy and compassion from Him because of which his sins are forgiven. Thus, in these troubles there is a blessing for him in the Hereafter. 5. Anas (May Allah be pleased with him) reported that: The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, "When Allah intends good for His slave, He punishes him in this world, but when He intends an evil for His slave, He does not hasten to take him to task but calls him to account on the Day of Resurrection.'' [At-Tirmidhi]. Commentary: This Hadith shows that, for a Muslim, trials are also a blessing in this world because his sins are forgiven in proportion to the trials he has to face and his reward is increased with the Will of Allah. Thus, a Muslim should always be patient and contented in the event of trial because without these qualities he will not have the privilege associated with them. In fact, his impatience would increase his sins even further. Wassalam.

Re: ouch
Kashif
08/20/01 at 08:17:22
assalaamu alaikum Alhumdulillah, i don't find myself being criticised by my family about religion at all - but i am annoyed at how easily i'm drawn into arguments about other silly things. Now the advice i'll give is still something i'm trying to perfect myself because it does require patience. So its basically at the experiment stage. How about when they start to slate you, you just remain silent and not say anything. Just look at them and don't respond with anything. What can they do? Sure their words will hurt, but i wonder if there is any possibility that a person who is continuously insulting another person gets to the stage where they feel enough shame to stop slandring when they see that the victim of their harsh tongue isn't responding with like. It might not happen the first or the second time, but perhaps a month later or two months later. It reminds me of an occasion when a man came to a gathering and stood up and started slating Abu Bakr, and Abu Bakr remained silent. And then the man continued slandering him until Abu Bakr started to respond, so the Prophet told Abu Bakr to sit and said something like "whilst you were silent Allah had sent an angel to defend you." (I'll have to look for this hadith tonight insha'llah). If you do pursue this, then please post again to let us know if you see any difference in their actions. jazakillahu khair. Kashif Wa Salaam
NS

Re: ouch
muslimah03
08/21/01 at 14:54:24
AsSalaamuAlkium -   Hey, I understand exactly what your going through. I know it hurts a lot, but try your hardest not to let it get to you. My parents are the exact same way with me. They always find a way to say something bad about Islam. They say really sacrastic stuff sometimes and it upsets me. And a lot of times, they may bring up my past, or my brother's past and be like 'oh how come it was okay to do such and such then..but all this is wrong now?' and saying stuff like that. And its even harder because most of my friends are non-muslims or non-practicing muslims so I don't get to talk to them about Islam and theres already enough pressure from them to do stuff that's haraam, but when I have my own parents pressuring me saying stuff like 'how come you didn't go to this party or how come you won't go out with guys anymore'? And my deen is pretty weak so I know it's frustrating. But just keep your head up and try to get out of situations that you think will end up with something bad about Islam being sad. Your not alone. wa salaam

Re: ouch
*sofia*
08/21/01 at 16:03:03
Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullah, sister I can't really add much more to the excellent advice given, but wanted to let you know I've known people (both those who were and weren't raised in Muslim families) who have gone through similar situations.  For most of them, alhamdulillah, there was at least one person in their family who started to appreciate Islam more because of their struggles, and how they handled them.  So may Allah give you the strength and patience to perservere through it, aameen.  Insha'Allah, good will come of it.  In some cases, it seems that those family members/friends who aren't strong in faith/Muslim who criticize those who are stronger, seem to be afraid most of their own inadequecies.  Allah'alim.  And that can manifest in strange ways... At the very least, keep trying to show by example.  Sometimes, words don't mean very much until later.
NS

Re: ouch
bhaloo
08/22/01 at 00:43:07
slm Alhumdullilah there was some really excellent advice given here.  I think quite a few of us have gone through similar situations. From Quran 25:63 ...and when the foolish address them they say:"Salama." (peace) If the ignorant people insult them with bad words, they do not respond in kind, but they forgive and overlook, and say nothing but good words.  This is what the Messenger (SAW) of Allah (SWT) did: the more ignorant the people, the more patient he would be.  This is as Allah says: "And when they hear Al-Laghw (evil or vain talk), they withdraw from it" (28:55) [taken from Ibn Kathir's tafsir] Anonymous, do not engage the ignorant in debate, let them have the last word.  Some people love to argue and ridicule others.  Don't give into that.  Just walk away, as there will be no benifit from such a situation and you will only make yourself angry and upset and the other person as well, and ultimately achieve nothing.  Continue doing good and practice your deen to the fullest.  Lead by example, pray for them, and insha'Allah Allah (SWT) will guide them.

Re: ouch
Anonymous
08/22/01 at 11:12:53
[slm] Jazakum Allah khairan for all the advice:-) It has made me think and alhamdulillah be more thankful. Thankyou all for the reminders, and the beautiful kindness you used to help me with.  May Allah subhana wa ta'ala award you with the highest place in paradise (al-firdaws il a'la) Brother Kashif, I put your advice into action the next day and alhamdulillah it made me feel a lot better, and it prevented a possibly nasty argument. Insha'Allah I'm going to put all of your advices into practice and keep up with dua'. Please make dua' for me and the ummah Alhamdulillahi alladhi ja'alna min almuslimeen Alhamdulillah Allah subhana wa ta'ala has made us muslims:-) [wlm]
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