Women's condition in non-Muslim states and their status in Islam

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Women's condition in non-Muslim states and their status in Islam
Haniff
08/23/01 at 07:18:24
Assalamu Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh

[center]Women's condition in non-Muslim states and their status in Islam

By Shazia Nazir
[/center]

Everyday in the United States, between 5 and 11 women are killed by a male intimate partner. Ninety percent of women murdered are killed by men who are a family member, spouse or ex-partner.

Majority of women kill their abusers as a last resort in defense of their own and their children's lives.

Between 2.1 and 8 million women are abused by their partners annually in the US.

At least 53 percent of all battering husbands also batter their children. Between 25-45 percent of all battered women are abused during pregnancy.

These facts, brought together by the National Clearinghouse in Defenses of Battered Women, Washington D.C., are a curtain raiser on the domestic scene of a country that stands as a champion of human rights and justice for the whole world. Violence, especially against women, is as old as the hills but what prompts me to write on this topic is the finding of a site that I chanced upon while browsing the Net. The site, run by an Australian NGO, updates one on "cruelty on women in Islamic countries." Searching for similar matter I came across the above report and a plethora of other such web pages.

To put it bluntly, all cruelties and violence against women stem from a biological makeup that favors men in terms of physical strength and renders women vulnerable. And the only way for striking a correct balance between the two sexes is for both to understand their special abilities as well as their limitations; and thus define their actions accordingly. This becomes difficult, as understanding does not come naturally to every Tom, Dick and Harry. But the societies that have reached an appreciable level in education and regard for human rights are expected to show adequate respect to their womenfolk.

Regardless of the fact that how nature has endowed a woman with mental and physical capabilities, and how her emotions and feelings have been shaped for a special reason, she has been subjected to a kind of treatment that not only weighs her down but is contrary to her very nature. So many years after the assertion of gender equality, men continue to occupy most of the coveted positions in politics, corporate houses and other organizations while most women work in unorganized sectors and are paid far less. "Glass ceiling" is no more considered a figment of feminist imagination but is conspicuous in most of the firms.

Financial independence do not free a woman from her domestic duties and in many cases, she does not have a right even on the money that she toils for. She is used as a commodity and made to act according to the wishes of men. Oblivious to this humiliation, she not only accepts this as a part of a civilized society but also supports it in order to be labeled as the liberated woman of the modem times! This attitude is largely an outcome of women having led a hard and often a life of disrespect because of which they crave for value and try to seek approval from men. In societies that set hard physical standards and beauty criteria, women are bound to suffer both physically and psychologically because these standards are usually health defying and put enormous pressure on women. Teen-age girls are particularly susceptible and often suffer from eating and other obsessive-compulsive disorders

As opposed to this picture, Islam attributes a completely different status to woman. It lays down such codes of conduct that she is not merely protected but respected as well. The Prophet (PBUH), in his last sermon had greatly emphasized this point by asking men to have a kind attitude toward women. As man is the guardian of his house, similarly a woman is also responsible for her household and answerable to Allah for that. In view of her physical limitations and to provide her a safer and comfortable life, Islam stresses that her primary duty is to look after the house and make a family, which in every way is the most vital and crucial of responsibilities. However, it also makes education an obligation on every woman as it does on everyman.

The Islamic dress code, Hijab, is in no way a hindrance in a woman's pursuit of knowledge or a symbol of slavery but a garment that protects her dignity. Modern culture thrives on sexual exploitation of women and the consequences of the false propaganda of women's liberation are apparent. Even if all other Islamic codes pertaining to woman are kept aside, there seems no harm in dressing in a way that guards a woman's body and is not offensive to others.

As for the cruelty on women by way of polygamy reported in the above-mentioned site, it is clearly stressed that polygamy is not a favorable thing in Islam but merely a solution in case of some marital problem. A man is given the right to take another wife only when he has a genuine explanation for it and if he can be just in treating the two equally. As marriage is by consent in Islam, a woman opting for an alliance with a married man usually does so out of her own problem and free will. Besides, it surely is better than the dalliance permitted in liberal societies that leaves the child born out of such relations fatherless and puts the onus of raising the child solely on woman. Keeping mistresses is a widespread practice in Western countries, which is nothing but a camouflaged polygamy. Even Hindus, who regard marriage sacred unlike Islam, which considers it a contract between two consenting adults, polygamy is practiced by a large number of men and interestingly it is more prevalent among them compared to Muslims.

Comparisons are odious and mud-slinging, certainly not a decent game; but one is pulled into the argument if the criticism is intended solely to malign others. A clean chit can certainly not be given to the Muslim populated countries or claimed that they have no problems at all. These societies do have their share of ills and need to rectify them if they want to create a healthy environment for all.

However, most of the problems faced by Muslim women in these countries are a creation of the people's interpretation of Islam to suit their own convenience. Often the laws are construed in a way that they become instruments of exploitation in the hands of a male-dominated society.

A great deal of responsibility in this regard falls on Muslim men to create conditions where a woman feels respected and cared for as Islam stipulates. Ridiculing the domestic work and treating daughters as secondary to sons make them easy victims to the western propaganda of liberating the "hapless Muslim woman".

Islam's injunction that a woman must be cared for and her needs be attended to, is used as a pretext by most men to browbeat women and impress upon them that only men are worthy of respect.

This sometimes results in women back-lashing against an oppressive environment, which further aggravates the problem. It is impossible for any society to progress if one half of its part remains a confused and distressed lot. Thus a serious introspection and an urgent sincere effort to build a healthier society are called for.

[i]Special to Arab News - 24 March 2000[/i]

Wassalamu Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh

Haniff (with 2 f's)
Re: Women's condition in non-Muslim states and their status in Islam
Kashif
08/23/01 at 14:25:12
assalaamu alaikum

The article above is pretty good, but i don't believe the extracts i've quoted below are correct. Its the popular argument that a man may only take plural wives due to some 'legit' reason.

The Qur'an regarding this issue says: "Marry women of your choice, Two or three or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one." [al-Qur'an 4:3]

What is quite clear is that it starts off by saying marry two or three or four women. And then , it makes an exception to this: if you can't be just to them, take only one. So, there is an opinion amongst scholars, which based on this interpretation, states that the general ruling is for men to have plural wives, however, it is the exception for them to have only one and even that is because of a given reason.

[quote]it is clearly stressed that polygamy is not a favorable thing in Islam but merely a solution in case of some marital problem.[/quote]
This is quite interesting. If it is clearly stressed that polygyny is not a favourable thing, where is that written? Its certainly not in the Qur'an. Is it written in a hadith? Or perhaps Abu Bakr, or Umar said something to support this view?

I'm quite happy to change my view if someone can show me something that substantiates this statement, but most likely such a text doesn't exist, because if it had, i can guarantee you it would have been blasted over the internet a long time ago, and been included in every article written on the issue of marriage, and every madina citizen would have known about it.

Does anyone see the extra conditions added in the article? While the Qur'an attaches only one condition to a man marrying plural wives the article does add another. "A man is given the right to take another wife only when he has a genuine explanation for it and if he can be just in treating the two equally."

Is that allowed without any proof?

Kashif
Wa Salaam


Re: Women's condition in non-Muslim states and their status in Islam
bhaloo
08/23/01 at 17:27:13
slm

I agree with Kashif on this point, I think the article is a little too apologetic, trying to dismiss the notion of polygamy, making it seem as if its looked down upon.  I'm going to go look back at a discussion I read some time back and put it up, it was relevant to this topic.
Re: Women's condition in non-Muslim states and their status in Islam
Mona
08/23/01 at 17:16:59
Assalamu alaikum,

I am going to write something insha'Allah when I get home tonight. For now, I would just like to draw attention that the full text of the verse that br. Kashif quoted is as follows:

If ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, marry women of your choice, two or three or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one, or (a captive) that your right hands possess, that will be more suitable, to prevent you from doing injustice.     [i]An-Nisa'a 4:3 [/i]

[img]http://islamicity.com/mosque/arabicscript/ayat/4/4_3.gif[/img]

And the previous ayah [verse] was dealing with conduct with orphans

To orphans restore their property (When they reach their age), nor substitute (your) worthless things for (their) good ones; and devour not their substance (by mixing it up) with your own. For this is indeed a great sin.   [i]An-Nisa'a 4:2 [/i]

Wassalam




Re: Women's condition in non-Muslim states and their status in Islam
bhaloo
08/23/01 at 20:58:16
slm

[quote]If ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, marry women of your choice, two or three or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one, or (a captive) that your right hands possess, that will be more suitable, to prevent you from doing injustice.     An-Nisa'a 4:3
[/quote]

With regards to:
But if you fear that you will not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one or what your right hands possess

Ibn Kathir's Tafsir of this ayah says that this ayah commands if you fear that you will not be able to do justice between your wives by marrying more than one, then marry one one wife, or satisfy yourself with only female captives, for it is not obligatory to treat them equally, rather it is recommended.  So if one does so that is good, and if not, there is no harm on him.  In another Ayah, Allah said,

You will never be able to do perfect justice between wives even if it is your ardent desire
(An-Nisa'a 4:129).  Allah said,
"That is nearer to prevent you from Ta'ulu" meaning, from doing injustice.
Re: Women's condition in non-Muslim states and their status in Islam
Mona
08/24/01 at 10:17:26
Assalamu alaikum,

The paragraphs below are reproduced [i]verbatim ac litteratum[/i] from Dr. Jamal Badawi's "Gender Equity in Islam" American Trust Publications, Indianapolis, 1995, pp. 26-29.  
[color=black]
  POLYGYNY
1. Associating polygyny with Islam, as if it were introduced by it or is the norm according to its teachings, is one of the most persistent myths perpetuated in Western literature and media. No text in the Qur'an or Sunnah explicitly specifies either monogamy or polygyny as the norm, although demographic data indicates strongly that monogamy is the norm and polygyny the exception.
  In almost all countries and on the global level, the numbers of men and women are almost even, with women typically slightly outnumbering men. As such, it is a practical impossibility to regard polygyny as the norm, since it assumes a demographic structure of at least two-thirds female and one third males (or eighty percent females and twenty percent males, if four wives per male is the norm!) No Qur'anic "norm" is based on an impossible assumption.[sup]17[/sup] The Qur'an was revealed by Allah, Who is the creator of males and females. Allah created about equal numbers of human males and females. This is His law in the physical world. It follows that His "norms" in the social realm must be consistent with His norms in the physical realm. Only monogamy fits as a universal norm, with polygamy as an exception.

2. Islam did not outlaw polygyny, as did many other peoples and religious communities; rather, it regulated and restricted it. It is neither required nor encouraged, but simply permitted and did not outlaw. Edward Westermarck gives numerous examples of the sanctioning of polygyny among Jews, Christians and others.[sup]18[/sup]  

3. The only passage in the Qur'an (4:3) that explicitly addresses polygyny and restricts its practice, in terms of the number of wives permitted and the requirement of justice between them on the part of the husband, was revealed after the battle of Uhud, in which dozens of Muslims were martyred, leaving behind widows and orphans. This seems to indicate that the intent of its continued permissibility, at least in part, is to deal with individual and collective contingencies that may arise from time to time (e.g., imbalances between the number of males and females, created by war). This provides a moral, practical and humane solution to the problems of widows and orphans, who would otherwise surely be more vulnerable in the absence of a husband and father figure in terms of economics, companionship, proper child rearing and other needs.


[center][i]...If you fear that you shall not be able to deal
justly with the orphans, marry women of your
choice, two or three or four; but if you fear
that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them),
then only one...(Qur'an 4:3) [/center][/i]

4. It is critically important to point out with regard to polygyny that all parties involved have options. Men may choose to remain monogamous. A proposed second wife may reject the marriage proposal if she does not wish to be party to a polygynous marriage. A prospective first wife may include in her marital contract a condition that her prospective husband shall practise monogamy. If this condition is mutually accepted, it becomes binding on the husband. Should he later violate this condition, his first wife will be entitled to seek divorce with all the financial rights connected with it. If such a condition was not included in the marital contract, and if the husband marries a second wife, the first wife my seek khul' (divestiture), explained in endnote 15.

  While the Qur'an allowed polygyny, it did not allow polyandry (a woman's marriage to multiple husbands). Anthropologically speaking, polyandry is quite rare. Its practice raises thorny problems related to the lineal identify of children and the law of inheritance, both important issues in Islamic law.
  In the case of polygyny, the lineal identities of children are not confused. They all have the same father and each of them knows his or her mother. In the case of polyandry, however, only the mother is known for sure. The father could be any of the "husbands" of the same wife. In addiction to lineal identity problems, polyandry raises problems relating to inheritance law. For example, which of the children inherits of shares in the estate of a deceased "probable" father?

---
[sup]15[/sup] Khul', or divestiture, is an arrangement whereby the wife may offer some financial compensation to her husband (usually by returning his marital gift to him) in return for terminating the marital relationship. It is provided for in cases in which there is "no fault" on the part of the husband (e.g. faulure to support his wive, impotence or abuse) and the wife is the one who initiates marriage dissolution. In such cases, it is only fair that she should return to her husband whatever he gave or paid her with the view of permanent and lasting marital commitment. In case of dispute over the amount of compensation, a judge may examine the case and determine the fair amount, which is normally the marital gift (mahr) previously paid by the husband. See Sayyid Sabiq's [i]Fiqh-us-Sunnah[/i], , Dar Al-Kitab Al-Arabi, Beirut, Lebanon, 1969, pp. 294-308.


[sup]17[/sup] Fore more details on the issue of polygyny, see Badawi, Jamal A., [i]Polygyny In Islamic Law[/i], American Trust Publications, Indianapolis, In; also [i]Islamic Teachings[/i] (audio series), Islamic Information Foundation, Halifax, Canada, 1982, album 4. The term [i]polygyny[/i] rather than [i]polygamy[/i] is used since [i]polygamy[/i] means either polygyny (more than one wife of the same husband) or polyandry (more than one husband of the same wife). Only polygyny is permissible in Islam.

[sup]18[/sup] See, for example, Westermarck, Edward A., [i]The History of Human Marriage[/i], (5th Edition Rewritten), Macmillan and Co., London, 1925, vol. 3, pp. 42-43; also Encyclopedia Biblica (Rev. T.K. Cheney and S. Black, Editors), Macmillan, London, 1925, vol 3, p. 2946. [/color]
----


As far as the article written by Shazia Nazir, I think we have to keep in mind the intended audience - my guess is that this would be a muslim audience living in a Muslim country. While being on the defensive side, the goal of her article is clearly to dismiss Western-brewed notions and accusations that Muslim women are oppressed because of their religion.  She is recanting to her audience what the true Islamic teachings and traditions are and deligently distancing current-day ill practices towards Muslim women from the "true" religion. Nothing new to me.  I find it an over-exhasted topic. Yes we all know that, but the question is why are such oppressive practices allowed to take place in a supposedly *Muslim* country?  

Her attempt to attack the Western  lifestyle for its negative impact on the status of women is seriously flawed - logically speaking.  Currently, there is no written secular North American/European law, that holds women as inferior beings unworthy of equal treatment, entitled to less salaries than men, or considers them as sex objects, for it is only the practice of ill-informed, backward-thinking, and chauventistic people that makes it look like so, isn't it?

In regards to polygyny, I too find the article's comments inaccurate.  The exerpt from Jamal Badawi's book gives the overall impression that polygyny is [i]allowed[/i] and regulated in Islam, rather than [i]encouraged/recommended[/i] at all times. It is rather dangerous, in my opinion, to jump to interpretations of a verse in Qur'an, however simple it may look. I would rely on a scholar/muffassir's interpretation more since the context/linguistics play a major role. I don't think that Dr. Jamal Badawi gives a complete and final interpretation to the verse, but he certainly has researched it and tried to study its context.  But let's just say for a minute here "... that the general ruling is for men to have plural wives, however, it is the exception for them to have only one and even that is because of a given reason." Does this mean to imply that men who don't practise polygyny -for reasons other than being afraid to be unjust -have a deficiency in their practice of their deen?  Or is it more likey that there are more scholarly opinions on this very subject that hold a different opinion on the conditions needed to be fulfilled for polygyny to be a valid?  

The way I see it, putting conditions (upholding justice in spending, general mu3amalah and care) on the matter (polygyny) makes it a more difficult choice for the man.  In that regard monogomy is simpler, ergo its more wide prictise. It takes a very strong pious Muslim man to shoulder the responsibilities of a polygynous marriage - and in that case there is no fear from inflicting injustice on any of his wives, right?

Wassalam
Re: Women's condition in non-Muslim states and their status in Islam
Arsalan
08/24/01 at 00:50:47

[quote]Ibn Kathir's Tafsir of this ayah says that this ayah commands if you fear that you will not be able to do justice between your wives by marrying more than one, then marry one one wife, or satisfy yourself with only female captives, for it is not obligatory to treat them equally, rather it is recommended.  So if one does so that is good, and if not, there is no harm on him.[/quote]Bhaloo, I'm not sure if you have quoted this directly from the English translation of Ibn Kathir or if you are paraphrasing it in your own words.  In any case, the way it is put in English, it's extremely misleading.

"for it is not obligatory to treat them equally, rather it is recommended."

The word "them" in this sentence refers to the "female captives", and not to other wives.  In other words, according to Ibn Kathir, it is not *obligatory* [fard] to treat the captives equally (i.e. divide up the time, money, etc. equally among them and the wives), but *recommended* [mustahabb].  However, it is an obligation [fard] to treat all the wives justly.

It is clearer in the Urdu translation :)

Wassalamu alaikum.
Re: Women's condition in non-Muslim states and their status in Islam
bhaloo
08/24/01 at 01:38:35
slm

Its a direct quote.
Re: Women's condition in non-Muslim spates and their status in Islam
Haniff
08/24/01 at 09:27:00
Assalamu Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh

[center]Polygamy: A right or a privilege?

By Adil Salahi
[/center]

It is well-known that Islam allows polygamy within certain conditions. A man may be married to no more than four wives at the same time. However he must maintain fairness between his wives at all times. He may not show favoritism to any one of them. He must give them all the same type of accommodation, and the same standard of living, dividing his time equally between them, and meeting all their needs on equal and fair basis. This is certainly a hard task which many people cannot achieve. Yet it is obligatory. However, in the feelings of love, the question of fairness is beyond any person's control. Therefore, God makes it clear that people who are married to more than one wife should not go strongly in favor of one of their wives. They should try hard to moderate their feelings so that no wife should feel abandoned or neglected.

This question is very important and must not be trifled with. Its importance is made clear by none other than God Himself, who says: "Should you fear that you may not be able to maintain fairness, then marry only one wife". In other words, if one suspects that he may not be able to maintain fairness, he is not allowed to marry more than one woman.

The polygamy option is meant to provide a solution for some social problems which would have more difficult or unwelcome results unless such a possibility is granted. Take the example of a wife who is suffering a chronic illness that limits her abilities to fulfill her tasks in the normal way. Her husband does not like to divorce her as she is dear to him and he cares for her welfare. Moreover, divorce would put her in a more difficult position. He wants to retain their marital relationship but there may be compelling reasons which require the presence of anther woman so that the family could function in a better way. This is particularly true when the family includes young children whose mother cannot provide all their needs.

There are numerous other situations where a second marriage seems to be the better solution for family problems. However, men sometimes have a totally different view of this situation which Islam allows. People speak of a man's right to marry more than one wife, despite the fact that all the texts that speak of it in the Qur'an and the Sunnah stress that it is something that should be approached with caution.

I have a letter from reader who starts by asking whether marrying a second wife is a Sunnah, and how to convince one's children by his first wife to accept that. It is certainly not a Sunnah to marry a second wife. Indeed, it is more preferable to marry one wife only. This is seen clearly in the Prophet's attitude when his son-in-law, Ali, wanted to many a second wife. The Prophet went to him and said, "No woman may be taken as a wife together with the daughter of God's messenger". If such a marriage was a Sunnah, or if there was a preference for it in the Islamic faith, the Prophet would not have prevented anyone from fulfilling it, particularly in a society where polygamy was the norm.    

My reader suggests that a friend of his goes as far as saying that if one thinks that one should not marry more than one wife is a step toward sin. How peculiar! If this is a sin, what is not? If treating one's wife with care and compassion, and if giving her feelings the due respect they deserve is viewed as a step toward sin, what is the proper course of action to earn reward from God? That person is taking matters much too far.

[i]Arab News - 11 September 1998[/i]

Wassalamu Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh

Haniff (with 2 f's)
Re: Women's condition in non-Muslim states and their status in Islam
sarah
08/24/01 at 14:07:05
wlm

I agree with the fact that muslims tend to be too apologetic about this issue.  It took me a long time to realize that, islamically, a man can take up to four wives without having to justify it, as long as he can treat them justly.

I had come to the conclusion that it to be permissible, period.  

But now I am confused and have some questions.

[quote]So, there is an opinion amongst scholars, which based on this interpretation, states that the general ruling is for men to have plural wives, however, it is the exception for them to have only one and even that is because of a given reason.[/quote]

Br. Kashif:

What do you mean by a general ruling is for men to have plural wives

Are they saying that the ONLY reason they should not is if they can not be just to them.  Does that make other reasons invalid?

Are they saying that Islamically it is recommended and better for men in their religion? In other words, a recommended sunnah?

Are they interpreting this verse as a recommendation from Allah for men to do their best to have more then one wife, unless they can not be just?

I'm not understanding this logic because I have never heard of this to be a recommended sunnah. Just a practice that is permissible.  

Please clarify...
Which scholars have made this general ruling and more clear explanation please?

Thanks...
Re: Women's condition in non-Muslim states and their status in Islam
sarah
08/24/01 at 14:24:46

[slm]

By the way Mona, amazing post!

[quote]Her attempt to attack the Western  lifestyle for its negative impact on the status of women is seriously flawed - logically speaking.  Currently, there is no written secular North American/European law, that holds women as inferior beings unworthy of equal treatment, entitled to less salaries than men, or considers them as sex objects, for it is only the practice of ill-informed, backward-thinking, and chauventistic people that makes it look like so, isn't it?[/quote]

This is a good point.  I think we tend to throw out these statistics but fail to see that these things --wife abuse, child abuse, rape, sexual abuse-- happen among muslims too. The more dangerous thing is that in our communities it is a silent problem that few people want to discuss.
Re: Women's condition in non-Muslim states and their status in Islam
Haniff
08/24/01 at 23:50:13
Assalamu Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh

[center]Legislation for emergencies

Answers provided by Adil Salahi, Religious Editor
[/center]

[i]Question:[/i]

People take advantage of the permission to have more than one wife. They do this through a wrong interpretation of the rule which they abuse in a variety of ways. A number of Muslim countries have adopted a rule that for a married man to have a second wife, he must first have a written permission by his first wife. Is this permissible and, if your answer is in the affirmative, can we have the same rule introduced in all Muslim countries?

Asma Saeed
Karachi, Pakistan

[i]Question:[/i]

Women frequently suffer as a result of their husbands getting married again. Please comment.

Hena Imran
Lahore, Pakistan

Answer:

There is no doubt that women do not like to share their husbands. They very much prefer to maintain a lifelong, one-for-one relationship. But in allowing polygamy, within certain limits, Islam looks at much wider issues and provides what we may term a "legislation for emergencies". To understand these we need to look at the needs of both husband and wife, their children and the community. If we look at the legislation which allows a Muslim man to marry up to four wives only through the eyes of his first wife, we tend to arrive at a wrong conclusion.

To start with, Islam lays down a very important condition before a man decides to marry a second wife: He must be able to treat his wives equally in every respect. If he suspects that he cannot maintain such fairness, then he may not proceed to marry a second wife. The only thing which is not included in this condition of fairness and equality is the one which is beyond any human being's control, namely, love. Nevertheless, men are counseled not to show too much preference to one wife over the other. In material matters, such as the type of accommodation and the standard of living provided, equality must be maintained. No wife should be given any privilege over another.

It is true that in the majority of cases, a first wife may experience a great deal of mental agony when her husband decides to marry a second or a third or a fourth wife. It is also true that many men do not begin to feel the extent of such mental agony until it happens to a woman who is very closely related to them. But neither of these situations applies universally. There are many men, scholars and writers as well as ordinary people, who adopt an objective attitude which wants polygamy limited to situations of real need. That is, they want it to be understood as a legislation for emergencies. As for the pain it causes, most emergencies are likely to cause pain to one person or another. Besides, everyone of us goes through situations and experiences which may give us immense pain. There is no way we can stop these. A Muslim woman who believes in God and His Messenger realizes that God has allowed such a situation to happen and she can always rely on her faith to be able to come to terms with the fact that her husband has married again. I am not denying that this is difficult, but I am saying that the situation can be handled reasonably well.

Many people, particularly women, speak about the legislation allowing polygamy in a highly charged, emotional manner. My first reader assures us that no single woman in the whole world would agree to her husband marrying again. This is not true. There are countries in Africa where polygamy is very much a way of life to the extent that when the first wife gets pregnant for the first time, she begins to look for another wife for her husband. She is keen to select for him a wife who is likely to please him on the one hand and with whom she can have a proper relationship on the other. When her husband marries again, the first wife is considered the senior woman in his household and she would not change that position. She would like to have another woman to help her in looking after their husband and children.

On the other extreme, in Western society, the whole concept of fidelity has been thrown out of the window. For a married man, or indeed a married woman, to have a naffair has come to be accepted as normal. Nevertheless, Western society would not accept bigamy or polygamy. It denounces both practices. How illogical! An illegitimate relationship is condoned, while a legitimate one is denounced! When you speak to Westerners, they say that an affair is a temporary matter, but a marriage is permanent. This is partly the reason for allowing polygamy in Islam. It simply takes care of the other woman, it gives her a respectable status as a wife, and looks properly after the children. In Western societies, none of these considerations is given much thought.

However, many people in Muslim countries of today tend to take the Western example and want to imitate the West in restricting marriage to one woman, paying little attention to all the aspects that make the legislation of polygamy, within certain restrictions, the solution to many a social problem. Such people also tend to disregard the social problems created by the Western attitude to marriage and extramarital relationships.

Ms Asma Saeed wants to impose a restriction requiring the consent of the first wife to her husband's second marriage. This requirement has not been made by God. Therefore, it is not open to any authority to introduce it. Those countries which have made that requirement have simply introduced amendments to God's law. That amendment is null and void.

Ms Hena Imran speaks of the hereafter and how men are preferred, since they are in the company of most beautiful women. In fact, she mentions seventy of these for every man. I can tell her that there is simply no authentic tradition which suggests that number. In the Qur'anic descriptions of heaven, beautiful women are mentioned as companions to the dwellers of heaven, but there is no suggestion that such a companionship is the same as a marital relationship in this world. In other words, we do not know that these are going to be wives of the believers in heaven. What we know is that many of the prejudices and hard feelings which we experience in this life will not be experienced in the hereafter. For example, God tells us that all grudges toward one another are removed from the hearts of the inhabitants of heaven. Therefore, if there is some hostility between two believers in this world and both are admitted to heaven, they will have a refined brotherly relationship in the hereafter. Jealousies simply do not come into the lives of the dwellers of heaven. If a married couple are good believers and God wants to admit them both into heaven, they will be in each other's company as man and wife. Needless to say, both will experience endless bliss.

[i]Arab News - 15 November 1993[/i]

Wassalamu Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh

Haniff (with 2 f's)
Re: Women's condition in non-Muslim states and their status in Islam
Kashif
08/27/01 at 19:36:50
[quote]What do you mean by a general ruling is for men to have plural wives[/quote]
assalaamu alaikum

I had an opportunity to speak to Sh. Ja'far Shaikh Idris this weekend and he clarified for me that taking more than one wife as being a general ruling is NOT a majority opinion, and in fact, one of the four madhaahib recommend having only one wife.

Kashif
Wa Salaam
NS
Re: Women's condition in non-Muslim states and their status in Islam
Arsalan
08/27/01 at 19:44:43
[slm]
[quote]in fact, one of the four madhaahib recommend having only one wife.[/quote]Which madhhab is that?  The Maliki madhhab?
Re: Women's condition in non-Muslim states and their status in Islam
Saleema
08/27/01 at 21:49:29
The Maliki madhhab?

:) I doubt that. but i may be wrong, who knows. but mos of africa follows the malaki madhab and my nigerian fried says that to have more than one wife for them is in the genes.

[wlm]
Saleema
Re: Women's condition in non-Muslim states and their status in Islam
amatullah
08/28/01 at 09:42:43
Bismillah and salam,

Astaghfirullah as I feel I am about to write something controversial and perhaps I am ignorant. But even when reading sayid Qutb's fi thilal alquran, I notice how most mufassireen of the quran tend to have a male view. Qutb seems to me to went on and on for pages when it is a man's right aya, and skips or very brief about the ones that are of interest to females, and the background of the interest for to learn more about it.

I always wonder about the WHOLE aya. How come it is always quoted by men middle passage on? What is the whole context of it. MOst time even scholars will say let's go back and see what is the context of the ayat to understand it, how come this aya is always taken as though it is a green light. period. Doesn't imply that is it permitted but not recommended or preferred by islam. That it is a last resort to help the general society as a whole to be more flexible under rough conditions? like a flexible social safety net...Like the aya suggests? This is a better million times then a welfare system. I mean yes we have sadaqat and zakat money going to the poor, but this is especially for the women with children who eventually the money will be spent then what? this is a way to be provided for and loved and respected and protected, what essentially roots of marriage does for the women in islam. Unfortunately, most men today when they marry again is to get someone younger or other selfish reasons. And really most scholars i listen to or read do not addrss all that as being important conditions on when to be permitted. It is not an open invitation from my humble understanding. In fact just he words "if you fear" in the aya should put someone off. It is doesn't say suspect or worry, but the slightest spec fear.


I want to add something I read:

Actually there are three kinds of polygamy practiced in Western societies:
1. serial polygamy, that is marrigae, divorce, marriage, divorce, and so on any number of times. (my note: i think that should have said serial monogamy, which is a kind of a polygamy really just not at the same time)

2. a man married to one woman but having and supporting one or more mistresses;

3. An unmarried man having a number of mistresses.

"Taking aside the plagues of venereal disease, herpes and AIDS, the male continues to enjoy himslef free of worry. Men are the ones protected by monoggamy while women continue to be victims of men's desires. Polygamy is very much opposed BY the male dominated society because it would force men TO FACE UP to the responsibility and fidelity. It would force them to take responsibility for their polygamous inclinations and would protect and provide for the women and the children."
Re: Women's condition in non-Muslim states and their status in Islam
sarah
08/28/01 at 11:14:43
[slm]

[quote]That it is a last resort to help the general society as a whole to be more flexible under rough conditions? like a flexible social safety net...Like the aya suggests?[/quote]

Amatullah: How does the ayah suggest this?  

I think us sisters (some of us anyway) hava a bit of a double standard going here, and I am speaking of myself firstly.  Its as though we are ok with it in theory and as long as it happens to people we don't know but when it comes too close to home, it becomes a problem.

On the one hand, we will defend this permissible right that men have tooth and nail siting all the wisdom behind it but, on the other hand when it comes to ourselves, we think our husband, no way, no how.

There is wisdom behind a husband having many wives and it could be as noble as giving a divorced woman and her children a home and support.  But, from what I now understand (correct me if I'm mistaken), it could also be simply that a man is not satisfied with having just one wife and wants to protect himself from doing something wrong so he gets another wife who he intends to treat equally to the first.  

Islamically, the husband does not need to give noble reasons for wanting a second wife.  

But as women we have the right to add things in our marriage contract addressing this issue and of course can seek divorce if we are not willing to live with this arrangements.  As much as we may be emotionally hurt by such an option, we should not think the man is in the wrong for wanting a second wife as long as he is still kind and just with us.
Re: Women's condition in non-Muslim states and their status in Islam
Kashif
08/28/01 at 14:02:03
assalaamu alaikum

Masha'llah, good point sister Sarah, jazakillahu khair.

I suppose one of the factors that makes people even more wary of the practice of polygyny (esp. sisters) is that most of the stories we hear are of brothers who take plural wives and handle the situation without hikmah and without compassion.

Kashif
Wa Salaam

Re: Women's condition in non-Muslim states and their status in Islam
sarah
08/28/01 at 13:25:55
[slm]

Just one more thing that has to do with the brothers this time.  

If a brother thinks he is prepared to have multiple wives, he has to be skilled enough to deal with their emotions too.  We can not control the way we feel -- not men or women, but we can control how we behave.  A true test to know if a brother is truly kind and just to his wife is to see how he deals with a wife who is so hurt by his wanting a second wife.  

Some brothers can't bear the sight of seeing their wife so upset and sees that this may be too much for his wife to bear.  So regardless of who is right and who is wrong, he puts her well being first and exercises patience.  

Other husbands deal with their wives with such patience and understanding that she eventually sees his good character and realizes that her jealousy is not worth ending her marriage over.

But some brothers now a days seems to not be able to deal with their wife's feelings in a compassionate way at all.  They just understand that they have a right to this and if she's upset thats her problem.  He's right and she's wrong.  Thats it.  

This is not the way the Prophet saw dealt with his wives and this is certainly not sound like someone who is able to deal with his wife with kindness.


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