Short or Long, Which One is Better???

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Short or Long, Which One is Better???
y_rahmi
09/05/01 at 21:00:34
Assalammu'alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakathu

How are you? Insha Allah bi khairan? Then I want to open another discussion with  you all regarding marriage. Hmmm..I also know that marriage has been very interested issues that youth discuss on net, magazines, or real life :). Even “marriage” is very interested issue for me.

How long / how much time do you think we need to know our prospective life partner before we can decide to marry? Do we need SHORT or LONG time?

Will we need more time to get now our prospective life partner if  we met him/her for the first time on net. Maybe via Islamic club, matrimonial site, etc? Then regarding marriage, is it good idea to marry person that we meet on internet? Some people say that there are many “sparks” / cheaters on net. They say that it is not good idea to marry person u meet on net. But I am sure we also can fine toooooo many sincere people on net. Am I right?

That’s all for now..

Take care and Wasalam

RAHMI
Re: Short or Long, Which One is Better???
nehar
09/05/01 at 21:16:49
[slm]

u get good and bad whereever u go.  If u do meet someone i reccomend u do istikhara prayer and ask Allahs guidance.

I suppose it depends on individuals how long u have known them for.  my friend is in a happy relationship with her husband and only knew him 4 about 3months b4 they got married, she sed she got 2 know him better as it was easier 2 express their views online.

[wlm]

Nehar
Re: Short or Long, Which One is Better???
Kathy
09/06/01 at 07:49:02
slm

Allah who allum, You never really know until you are living with them!- boy do I have the stories.............!
Re: Short or Long, Which One is Better???
M.F.
09/06/01 at 09:22:05
Assalamu alaikum,
I totally agree with Kathy.  You don't really know them till you're married.  However, I do think it's a good idea to get to know the person "in person", even with all the matrimonial services and such.  Even more, I recommend seeing the person in different contexts: friends, family, parents etc.  That way you'll at least have an idea what it's like.
But as for the actual duration of the 'getting to know them' step, that's for you to judge at the time.  I think the shorter the better if you're ready to be married.  As long as you know enough to be satisfied.
Re: Short or Long, Which One is Better???
amatullah
09/06/01 at 10:59:09
Bismillah and salam,

sister,
Personaly I think if you sit with the families a few times and like each other and istikhara is all good then just do the nika7. keep it short. It is good to during that time after have done the nika7 contract, you can go out together buy a few things together, have a romance walking around and getting to know each other. Then you move in. This makes you more comfortable for wedding you will be friends.

The long engagenments without the marriage contract often lead to 7aram to happen.
The long periods before you move in while having nika7 is hard on the guy but it is his right yet you are not together.

But if you mean before 3aqd nika7, then my own advice and experience was to sit all together the first time, if yes, then you meet with him alone in public. like the garden of the house where they can see you from the window, or the family will take you all to the coffee place and they sit seperate, you know.. but the third time you meet is when you should have a good idea of whether it works or not.
Re: Short or Long, Which One is Better???
humble_muslim
09/06/01 at 13:28:17
AA

I think the big problem is that if you meet a person outside marriage, that person will make him/herself look as good as he/she can, and you have no way of knowing how that person really is.

I think best advice is to find out as much as you can about that person from someone who is honest and candid, and knows the person really well.
NS


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