Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| First impression lasts ? |
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| solehah |
| 10/01/01 at 11:26:20 |
| Salaam I was thinking about something today and did some self-reflecting. I was surprised at the discovery I mad about myself after honest and painful soul searching. I would like to find out, how many amongst us actually form strong impressions first time we meet someone, or first time we read a post by someone. In short how many of us make first impressions as the basis for future relationships and correspondences ? I ask this because I try very hard not to judge people as I am very much aware how painful it is when we are judged. But being human, I sometimes slip. As and when I realise my actions, I would try to repent and make extra effort to reacquaint myself with the person so as to see areas where I can connect with him/her. Recently, however, I have formed an impression of someone. And its not really a positive image. I have tried to get past the negativity but its hard. How does one keep oneself neutral, devoid of judgements and negativity about someone else ? Wassalam. |
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| Kathy |
| 10/01/01 at 15:06:32 |
| slm Get to know the person. There is one muslim on this board that really irritated me. After getting to know them better thru e-mails I have found my feelings change. Prejudice is often ignorance. Also- I keep in mind that my first impressions are always wrong... |
| NS |
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| ahmer |
| 10/01/01 at 16:07:15 |
| For those people who you are care about, any bad first impression doesn't last long and just blows away... I really find it hard to control talking on impulse, and it gets me into trouble. I strive hard to wait, think and talk, but on a lot of occasions can't control myself, and the first impression gets formed! The thing i have learned is that i try not to say anything or just go away from any place where i could have spoken to a new person that come to know!! i have tried this somewhat successfully i guess first impressions do count, but key is to wait, think and then form an opinion of a person. :)ahmer |
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| solehah |
| 10/01/01 at 19:47:22 |
| Waalaikumsalam wr wb [quote]Get to know the person. Prejudice is often ignorance. Also- I keep in mind that my first impressions are always wrong...[/quote] You are very right Sis Kathy. Under normal circumstances, I am pretty good at not making conclusions about a person until I truly know him/her. I may not condone his/her actions but I do not judge him/her as a person. In fact, I tend to rationalise someone's actions so that I can better accept their mistakes. This situation is different though. I have had contact with this person twice and on both occasions the vibes are strong. I do not like negative feelings because they are to me very exhausting. However, each time I come into contact with this person, I feel uncomfortable with her, and not just her actions. Sigh. I have tried to make dua and istighfar whenever I am around her but well.... Anyway, thank you for your thoughts. I guess I am disturbed by this because I truly hate to be feel negative around people. It tires me and drags me down. Wassalam. |
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| solehah |
| 10/01/01 at 19:51:19 |
| Salaam Sis Ahmer [quote]I really find it hard to control talking on impulse, and it gets me into trouble. I strive hard to wait, think and talk, but on a lot of occasions can't control myself, and the first impression gets formed! I guess first impressions do count, but key is to wait, think and then form an opinion of a person. [/quote] He he I too have the foot-in-mouth syndrome sometimes :) But through the years, age has taught me to mellow and not be too much of a firebrand. LOL, but the spark is there, always :) Sighhh I know that I have to wait and think and then form an opinion of a person but sometimes the feelings are just too strong that u cant help but form an opinion. Thank you for your input. Wassalam. |
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| Lisha |
| 10/02/01 at 04:15:48 |
| slm, sumtimes 1st impression means alot, but most times we should get to know a person b4 judging them:) I too alot of times judge ppl by 1st immpression!!! DONT worry, i havn't had a bad impression of all f u lot so far;) take care, w'salaam |
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| flyboy_nz |
| 10/02/01 at 06:49:59 |
| salaam, do you peops have that 'impulse' advert on your side of the World: "first impressions last"? I've been thinking about this and I guess this is something that is part of human nature... perhaps sussing a person out at first glance is a *skill* that we have developed from early human existance- closer to the time of Hazrat Adam? It seems logical to me that this is a 'friend or foe' mechanism, so on first impressions we know whether we should run away from this person or trust them. Sis Solehah I can relate to what you say....even tho I tend to be more on the trusting side..there are some people that i feel uneasy with from the beginning...and its usually people who seem to feel the same way about you. The cool thing about human nature is that we can train ourselves to control it. In Islam we are given ample tools to do so and I guess with remembrance of Allah swt we can overcome all our basic human desires. Remember a smile is a charity....give lots away and inshaAllah your first impressions will get a whole lot better :) -Ahmed |
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| solehah |
| 10/02/01 at 08:55:24 |
| Salaam Bro Ahmed [quote]there are some people that i feel uneasy with from the beginning...and its usually people who seem to feel the same way about you.[/quote] Thats just it. She is very forthcoming with me. In fact, I think she likes me. I know that we are able to train ourselves to contain our negative vibes and that is what I have been doing. In the past, I would make sure that I have ample valid reasons for deciding on future relationship with someone. In fact, I am still friends with someone who has swindled me of a considerable sum of money because I have talked with her and tried to understand her situation. The reason I am posting this is because in this case, I don't really know her very well and I have tried my very best to get to know her and overcome my negative vibes but thus far I have been unsuccessful. A friend was trying to explain this using Islamic psychotherapy but hmm.. Sighhh....yes I do smile. I am the one who smiles at taxi drivers remember ? Wassalam. |
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| M.F. |
| 10/03/01 at 05:13:07 |
[quote] Thats just it. She is very forthcoming with me. In fact, I think she likes me. [/quote] Maybe that's it. Perhaps you feel that she's kind of needy and you don't want to be the one needed. It's a big responsibility to be "chosen" by someone to be their friend or confidante. If it's someone you don't know very well you don't know how they'll react to something you say and you feel like you have to be careful all the time. Or do I have it all wrong? If you keep getting negative vibes even after getting to know the person more then you're probably right about her. She may not be a bad person herself, just not the right person for you to be around. And I'm sure that if you think really hard about it you'll know why you got the vibe and exactly how it came about. Wallahu a'lam. |
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| BroHanif |
| 10/03/01 at 07:14:48 |
| Hmm, I too have the same problem, when I see someone I make an impression immediatley which I shouldn't do. The way I try to get around is to talk at lengths to the person and indirectly I try to attain a better relationship with that person. Sometimes it works at others it doesn't, if I still have negative thoughts I say to myself this person is better than me in certain aspects and who knows one above might forgive him and he might not forgive me, in that way I make dua that may one above change my heart for the better. I've even gone to buying pressies for people to understand them better, chocolate usually works. [quote]Sighhh....yes I do smile. I am the one who smiles at taxi drivers remember [/quote] I hope its women taxi drivers.. :) Take care sis H |
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| solehah |
| 10/03/01 at 09:44:39 |
| Salaam [quote]If you keep getting negative vibes even after getting to know the person more then you're probably right about her. She may not be a bad person herself, just not the right person for you to be around. [/quote] Thats just it Sis. I would never presume to judge someone as bad or not. Sighhh I have made some progress with this person. I have started asking abt her background so I can understand her more and hopefully know more abt things in perspective. Wassalam. |
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| solehah |
| 10/03/01 at 09:49:23 |
| Salaam [quote]Sometimes it works at others it doesn't, if I still have negative thoughts I say to myself this person is better than me in certain aspects and who knows one above might forgive him and he might not forgive me, in that way I make dua that may one above change my heart for the better. I've even gone to buying pressies for people to understand them better, chocolate usually works. [/quote] I know exactly what you mean. I too think that way. Yes, I have made dua that ALlah will grant me hidayah on the situation. In the meantime I will still continue to try and understand her. BTW I dunno abt your first impression of me, but if you read my introduction ehem..u will notice that I mentioned abt my love for chocolates. LOL Wassalam |
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| M.F. |
| 10/04/01 at 04:56:38 |
[quote] BTW I dunno abt your first impression of me, but if you read my introduction ehem..u will notice that I mentioned abt my love for chocolates. LOL Wassalam[/quote] My first impression was: Hey, she's just like me!! Kinda nutty but super sweet :) Except to tell you the truth I'm trying to stay away from chocolate, although I've read recently that it's good for you (of course the study was done by the Mars company :) ) |
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| solehah |
| 10/04/01 at 05:09:25 |
| Salaam [quote]although I've read recently that it's good for you (of course the study was done by the Mars company :) )[/quote] Heh heh ..awwww syukran for the very nice words. And Sis never ever stay away from chocolate because they are a woman's best companion he he. Plus I just received e-mail that Cadbury's chocs are halal. Yeeehhaaawwwww Did I mention that I am the poster child for chocolate ? LOL :-) *hugs* here's a cadbury hazelnut for you :) Wassalam. |
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| M.F. |
| 10/04/01 at 10:28:09 |
[quote] Did I mention that I am the poster child for chocolate ? LOL :-) *hugs* here's a cadbury hazelnut for you :) Wassalam.[/quote] You did but I'm not sure what that means :) (besides sweet-n-nutty) Thanks for the hug :) Mmmm, hazelnut... You know what, you're right! Why should I stay away from chocolate? There's nothing else that makes me feel quite the same way. And so what if it shows up in places I don't want it to? I could cut down on bread or something else that doesn't make me as happy as chocolate :) So, where are you in this situation with this sister? Do you see her every day? Have you been able to put your finger on the thing that's bothering you. It could be somethin that you hate to admit to yourself like the way she looks or her accent or something like that... Allahu a'lam. Sometimes I feel that way about someone and I'm ashamed to see how superficial my judgment of someone can be. Of course after that first impression it changes but if it's someone that I just don't feel comfortable with I avoid them... the most cowardly way to solve a problem. salams Mariam |
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| BrKhalid |
| 11/02/01 at 08:39:07 |
| Asalaamu Alaikum ;-) [quote]How does one keep oneself neutral, devoid of judgements and negativity about someone else ? [/quote] Interesting and insightful thread. What's the old cliché? Put yourself in someone else's shoes? Trouble is stepping into someone's shoes at a point in time isn't enough but you've actually got to take time and wear them as well to get a clearer picture. [Of course I mean metaphorically and not literally for all of you who are starting to think I'm condoning shoenapping ;-)] I think its human nature sometimes to put people into nice little boxes. Anyway back to the original question, my opinion would be to never try to "judge" a person but rather, as has been said, try and rationalise their actions. If it turns out that after a while you still feel negatively towards this person, then at least you've made the effort to understand them and the knowledge you've gained may come in useful sometime in the future. |
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| Kathy |
| 11/06/01 at 12:51:39 |
| slm [quote] There is one muslim on this board that really irritated me. After getting to know them better thru e-mails I have found my feelings change. [/quote] But then after a few more e-mails- maybe I was not so wrong after all.. |
| Re: First impression lasts ? |
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| SuperHiMY |
| 11/18/01 at 13:18:34 |
AsalamAlay.com Peace and e-Greetings be upon you. Remember, You always get a first chance to make a second impression. ~ HiMY! ~ |
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