Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Istikhaara, specific question... |
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| Anonymous |
| 10/18/01 at 16:23:06 |
| Assalaamu alaikum I'm sorry if this has been discussed before, but I'm in a bit of a dilemma. I've been doing istikhaara about a certain brother for marriage. A good friend arranged this meeting based on her thoughts that we might be compatible, although she did not know him that well. Before I get into the details, let's just say that my istikhaara results were somewhat up in the air before meeting, and after meeting I’m more on the “no” side. I don’t necessarily get a neon sign after doing istikhaara (I wish!), it’s more of just a gut feeling, and God knows best. He had been recommended to me because he was intellectual, courteous, respectful, humorous, and from a religious family. All these things are good and hard to come by, but the problem is, I didn’t get to know much about his own deen from meeting with him in person. And he knows that’s the thing that matters most to me. Although he prays, studies Arabic, is very respectful to his family, etc., I’m beginning to think we’re more compatible on paper than in person. I mean, in our personal conversation, he did not mention the word “Allah” even once (not even an “insha’Allah”) nor was I ever reminded of Allah or the aakhira from what he spoke of (mostly superficial conversation). Yet when he emails, he does manage to bring up Islam. What’s the deal? Do I go by the impression I got of him in-person or email? I’m highly confused. He seems to have a more positive istikhaara outcome about this than I do. Any thoughts or suggestions would be highly appreciated, and may Allah reward you. For the brothers out there, I guess I’m wondering, wouldn’t you bring up the issue of Islam when first meeting a “potential”, even if the meeting was fleeting? Or is it too much to talk about the first time around? Would you only talk about it via email? Am I reading this all wrong? Wassalaam, One Confused Sister :-) |
| Re: Istikhaara, specific question... |
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| Kashif |
| 10/18/01 at 17:25:36 |
| assalaamu alaikum I'd imagine that in the first meeting both of you would have been somewhat nervous. You could perhaps arrange another meeting. And for that matter you c/should make istikhara more times - in fact as many times as need be before you are definite on the course of action you are going to take. Kashif Wa Salaam |
| NS |
| Re: Istikhaara, specific question... |
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| Arsalan |
| 10/18/01 at 19:15:57 |
| [slm] [quote]He had been recommended to me because he was intellectual, courteous, respectful, humorous, and from a religious family. [/quote]What about his own religiosity (practice of the Deen)? There must be people that he hangs out with, or has hung out with in the past, or is close to. Get in touch with some third-parties and try to find out if his daily behavior reflects the life of one who is struggling to become a good Muslim. Of course the hard part is to find reliable sources. If you can do that, you'll have alot of your work cut out for you. May Allah help you. Wassalamu alaikum. |
| Re: Istikhaara, specific question... |
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| M.F. |
| 10/19/01 at 09:11:17 |
[quote]Assalaamu alaikum it’s more of just a gut feeling, and God knows best. [/quote] That "gut feeling" isn't from your gut, it's from Allah. That's the answer to your Istikhara. Allahu a'lam, but if things were meant to be, Allah would have given you a positive gut feeling. That's been my experience with Istikhara anyway. But if you still have doubts, do a little more research before writing him off. Your first impression may have been wrong, wallahu a'lam. Maybe he was just really nervous, or maybe for some people it's easier to write about matters of faith than to talk about them. |
| Re: Istikhaara, specific question... |
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| Anonymous |
| 10/22/01 at 07:14:00 |
| Assalaamu alaikum Jazaaks for your insight, Kashif, Arsalan, M.F. I agree it was a situation in which one is naturally "nervous" and it's hard to come out with one's true thoughts/feelings, but I think one's true nature is something else, and God know's best. I hesitated to even meet this poor guy after not hearing much about his own "religiosity", although I inquired about it. He's from overseas, so meeting again is not possible, it was going to turn into an email conversation for "details". I personally don't find "religiosity" to be a detail, it's too major! Since i was concerned with paper vs in-person compatibility, I've gone with my gut, and although I know it may come to him as a surprise, I felt it best to just end it sooner, rather than later. I hope it truly is from Allah and not my own whims, insha'Allah! JazaakumAllahu khairan for your help, please make du'aa for all the Muslims, to be rightly guided and for truth to be victorious soon, aameen. |
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