muhajaba weddings!

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muhajaba weddings!
Anonymous
11/03/01 at 23:41:51
as salaam alaikum sisters :)

I have some concerns about my future wedding.  I'm hoping some of you
sisters may be able to help me out Insha Allah.

1- It looks like I'm going to have a mixed weddings--there's nothing I
can do about this :(

I haven't been wearing hijab too long but I am aware of the fact that
we're not supposed to beautify ourselves for non-mahram males.  

I'm just wondering what other sisters have done or seen at weddings.  
I've only been to a handle full of muhajabah weddings and they all
buckled under family pressure and showed a lil neck here, wore make-up, the
full works.  

Insha Allah I'd like to be modest yet look nice for him...  

so any suggestions?

Or should I beg my family to let us have a un-mixed wedding?

Jazak Allahu Khair
Re: muhajaba weddings!
Mahmoodah
11/04/01 at 06:23:30
salam,
there was a sista in our area that got married afew yrs back, most ppl in this area DONT wear a hijab, so it was difficult for her!

Neways, this sista had NO make-up on, she wore her hijab properly, she had sum simple jewlerry under her cloths, ppl WERENT allowed to take pics!

i really thought that was mint, n it was a MIXED weddin!

Another thing u cauld do sista is... wear make-up, but FULLY cover urself, so no other guys can cya!  Ma cousin was tellin me tha otha day that 1 of her friends got married, n she wore makeup n all that, but she covered her whole face w/ her dupatta!

wa-salam
Re: muhajaba weddings!
Kashif
11/04/01 at 07:53:54
assalamu alaikum

What if you could somehow get the brother's side to express to your parents that they would like segregation: brothers in one hall, and sisters in another? Thats how it works around here.

Kashif
Wa Salaam
NS
Re: muhajaba weddings!
Ziggy
11/04/01 at 10:39:51

[quote]



Or should I beg my family to let us have a un-mixed wedding?

[/quote]

beg 'em :) i don't like the idea of an un-mixed wedding...not that its got anything to do with me! lol...but sista, segregated weddings reinforce the fact that we all try our best to be humble muslims..plus its sunnah :) i don't think the prophet Muhammad (pbuh) approved of mixed weddings...am i right??? sum1 correct me if i'm wrong.. :)

anyways, if u really  can't have an un-mixed wedding...then i think its best if u cover urself so that others can't see you...make it so that only males who r relatives of urs can see ya, and females who r friends and relatives...not the males who ain't related to u at all... :)

gotta go..BTW, congratulations!
wassalam
zakira :-)
Re: muhajaba weddings!
Hania
11/04/01 at 11:13:11

[quote]

Or should I beg my family to let us have a un-mixed wedding?

[/quote]

Assalamu alakium

Have you thought about sending a message to the groom or his family telling them how you feel? I am sure they will respect your intentions and wish to remain modest during your wedding day and InshAllah they might be able to persuade your family to have a wedding where males/females are seperated. Most parents usually listen to the in-laws and don't want to upset them before the wedding :)

Also its your wedding so thus your day should be special and be the way you would like it. InshAllah everything will work our for you dear sister :)
Re: muhajaba weddings!
nehar
11/04/01 at 20:05:58
[slm]

My friend wore her make up and dressed up, but wen non meharams were around she covered her face with her scarf.  It was very diffult 4 her as she got married back home where it was hot.  but mashaalah she got through it.

Anyways, if they dont let u do that just pretend ur cryin so they have 2 let u cover ur face!

[wlm]

Nehar
Re: muhajaba weddings!
kiwi25
11/04/01 at 20:26:50
salam,

hehe quick salution nehar ;)!

well most people are saying to still have it un - mixed but are you also under time pressure? if its too late to change if its mixed or not (for ex the motel) then you need to come up with a salution where u wont be exposing your beauty in front of men.

the big duppata sounds good, thats only if your wearing a langaa i guess

wasalam,
nouha:)
NS
Re: muhajaba weddings!
nehar
11/04/01 at 20:42:48

[quote]

the big duppata sounds good, thats only if your wearing a langaa i guess

[/quote]

[slm]

sis u can wear a dupatta with a saree 2.  Most weddings the bride is given a duppatta 2 cover up, but these days it tends 2 b see through which is another prob!

I suppose u can b creative and make ur own thing up as in mix and match thing.  But thats my imagination running, lol

[wlm]

Nehar
Re: muhajaba weddings!
Anik
11/04/01 at 23:41:39
asalaamu alaikum,

so what about the right/wrong of a mixed and non-mixed marriage?

Sorry to bring in a serious tone! :)

any Hadith? in the Qu'ran? asalaamu alaikum. abdullah,.
Re: muhajaba weddings!
M.F.
11/05/01 at 09:42:43
Assalamu alaikum,
My own wedding was mixed.  However, we didn't have men and women sitting together at the same tables.  We had a huge room (or hall I guess the word is) and the men's tables were on one side and the women's on the other.  Al hamdu lillah there was also a little room partitioned off where women who didn't even want that could sit alone.  It was easier to keep it not-so-mixed because we didn't have a buffet, the caterers had waiters so we didn't have to mix with the men to get our food.
I wore full hijab, but I still felt nice because I had a beautiful dress and matching scarf.  No make up, or maybe I used some kohl, I can't remember. :-)
Anyway, it was fine that way, but then again there was no pressure from anyone to modify the hijab.  
But no one says you can't have a wedding without make-up and jewlery! :-)
Re: muhajaba weddings!
se7en
11/05/01 at 11:07:33


as salaamu alaykum wa rahmatAllah,

What I've seen done at a few desi weddings is a "halalifying" of the lengha.. having a solid colored scarf that covered the neck and chest underneath the big dupatta.  The way that scarf was tied allowed for the earrings to show (though not the ears) and the necklaces as well (which were pretty long).  The shirt was full sleeve and loose, and mashaAllah the bride still looked very beautiful and very desi :)  (I think the sister had her entire outfit made for her in Pakistan.. so it wasn't too difficult for her to get a scarf made from the same material)

And.. I've been to segregated weddings with more shady behavior than at "mixed" weddings.  I think it depends on the logistics of the site and also the vibe of the wedding.

My imam's wedding was "mixed".. brothers were to one side and sisters to the other, (it was outside :)) but there was no partition.  The bride sat on the stage.  And  it was beautiful :)  Everyone was comfortable, and there was no shady behavior (at least as far as I can remember)  

gotta get to class, more on this later inshaAllah :)

take care

wasalaamu alaykum.
Re: muhajaba weddings!
mujaahid
11/08/01 at 12:25:29
Assalaamu-alaikum

When you say its gona be mixed and you say you have no choice, what exactly do you mean by not having a choice over this issue? It is haraam for men and women to mix at weddings.

Also taking pictures, and video camera's filming is haraam.

Music is haraam. (duff is allowed)

Dancing (mixed) is haraam, although i have heard some people say that women ARE allowed to dance, as long as no men can see, and as long as it isnt provocative in any way shape or form (jumping up and down on the spot is OK).

No alchohol.

No haraam food.

So basically thats all thier is to making a wedding halaal.

Now prepare for Jihad. Read up on books about weddings, you'll find quite a few good ones. Gain knowledge in this matter, then take it to your future husband and show him the islaamic rulings on weddings. Tell him you want an islaamic wedding and that you will not be happy with anything less. Talk him into it, and keep trying. It may take a few attempts, but inshallah he will accept your wishes. THEN, and Only then, once your fuancee has agreed, then you can ask him to tell his family how he wants it done your way, and you tell yours. Families will try and put pressure on you, and they may be upset at you not wanting it their way, but that is irrelevant, because they are wanting you to do something harram to please them, so if you not doping it upsets them, so be it. Remember your most important concern should be to please Allah, not your relatives. If you have to choose one or the other, you must choose Allah.
Re: muhajaba weddings!
se7en
11/08/01 at 12:42:49

as salaamu alaykum,

[quote]Also taking pictures, and video camera's filming is haraam.[/quote]
[quote]Music is haraam. (duff is allowed)[/quote]

Thank you for your fatawa, but scholars do differ on these issues.  There are legit opinions that say both are indeed halal.
Re: muhajaba weddings!
Kashif
11/08/01 at 13:08:25
assalaamu alaikum

Agreed with Se7en about the tone of mujaahid's 'fatwa', but for the sake of satisfying curiosity what are the opinions that video cameras/photos are allowed to be taken at weddings based upon?

Kashif
Wa Salaam
NS
Re: muhajaba weddings!
mujaahid
11/08/01 at 13:25:40
Assalaamu-alaikum Se7en

I didnt give a fatwa. I just said it was haraam, and i base this on what i have read. After all did the companions take pictures or draw pictures of people at weddings? No, so how can we do it?

If at my wedding, a camera man shows up, i will kick him out myself. After all what islaamic purpose is thier to film a wedding? It is done solely for the purpose of showing of to family and friends. How can you say parading the bride in front of a camewra like a bollywood/hollywood/lollywood movie is acceptable? And NO, i have yet to see an islaamically acceptable video. Why? Surely they cannot exist, why? A video of a wedding is pure and simple for entertainment. It has no other purpose, and so it makes it haraam to record images for entertainment. However CCTV camera's, security camera's etc are allowed under the ruling that they serv a specific purpose of crime prevention, and crime detection and therefore have a usefull, and important role in social life.

So tell me, what scholar said its ok to film at a wedding? They may have said filming for CCTV, security, education is ok. BUT i have yet to read or hear ANY scholar say its ok to record images plainly for entertainment.

And no, please dont say filming a wedding is eductational. What do people do at weddings? Eat, now how is watching people eating educational? Surely your not gona say "the Ettiquettes of eating" ;)

Maasalaam

Grand Mufti Mujaahid.
Re: muhajaba weddings!
se7en
11/08/01 at 14:02:42

as salaamu alaykum wa rahmatAllah,

As an administrator of this board, I want it to be clear when there are differences of opinions on things.  I am not saying that your opinion is wrong brother mujaahid; what I'm saying is that there are other opinions that scholars hold that are just as legitimate.

If you have any problems or questions on this, feel free to email/Madina msg me.  

Now.. if you want to know what I've been taught about this, or what opinion I personally hold, you can email me and we'll talk inshaAllah.  Aside from that, it's not something I will discuss on the board.

Just one comment though..

[quote]After all did the companions take pictures or draw pictures of people at weddings? No, so how can we do it? [/quote]

We do a lot of things the companions did not do - that doesn't automatically make these things haram.  I'm using a computer right now; drinking from a plastic bottle; sitting in a leather chair; surfing the net - the companions never did these things.  That doesn't automatically make them something impermissible, wAllahu a'lam.

Again, please take this discussion off the board.  I'm sure this is not what Anonymous intended when she expressed her feelings about her wedding!  

Jazakam Allahu khayran.

wasalaamu alaykum wa rahmatAllah.
Re: muhajaba weddings!
Anonymous
11/08/01 at 14:15:08
as salaam alaikum everyone!

Jazak Allahu Khair everyone for your thoughts and ideas.  I'll be
taking some into consideration.  Masha Allah you guys are so helpful :)

After reading sister se7en's post I do feel a little more at ease Al
hamdulillah.  

There's no hurry, I'm not getting married tomorrow so I still have time
to work on some things mentioned above.  

I'll keep you guys updated insha Allah.

Take Care everyone! :)



[quote]

as salaamu alaykum wa rahmatAllah,

What I've seen done at a few desi weddings is a "halalifying" of the lengha.. having a solid colored scarf that covered the neck and chest underneath the big dupatta.  The way that scarf was tied allowed for the earrings to show (though not the ears) and the necklaces as well (which were pretty long).  The shirt was full sleeve and loose, and mashaAllah the bride still looked very beautiful and very desi :)  (I think the sister had her entire outfit made for her in Pakistan.. so it wasn't too difficult for her to get a scarf made from the same material)

And.. I've been to segregated weddings with more shady behavior than at "mixed" weddings.  I think it depends on the logistics of the site and also the vibe of the wedding.

My imam's wedding was "mixed".. brothers were to one side and sisters to the other, (it was outside :)) but there was no partition.  The bride sat on the stage.  And  it was beautiful :)  Everyone was comfortable, and there was no shady behavior (at least as far as I can remember)  

gotta get to class, more on this later inshaAllah :)

take care

wasalaamu alaykum.[/quote]
Re: muhajaba weddings!
amal
11/08/01 at 17:15:52
slm,

I thought the following excerpt from Shaikh Qardawi's "The Lawfull and Prohibited in Islam" might shed some light on the question of photographs.

[color=black]
[color=blue]Photographs[/color]

Thus far the word picture (suar) has been used in reference to what is drawn, painted, or imprinted on a flat surface. Photography is a recent invention which was obviously non-existent in the time of the Prophet (peace be on him) and the early generations of Muslims. Thus, the question naturally arises whether the Islamic rulings concerning pictures and artists apply to photographs and photographers.

Those jurists who consider the prohibition to be restricted to statues alone do not see anything objectionable in photographic pictures, especially if they are not of the full figure. Others raise many questions. Are photographs similar to drawings? Is it not true that the reason stated in some ahadith concerning the punishment of figure-makers, namely, imitation of Allah's attribute of Creatorship, does not apply in the case of photographic pictures? Does not the absence of the cause of prohibition nullify the prohibition?

[color=red]The late Sheikh Muhammad Bakhit, the Egyptian jurist, ruled that since the photograph merely captures the image of a real object through a camera, there is no reason for prohibition in this case. Prohibited pictures are those whose object is notpresent and which is originated by the artist, whose intention is to imitate Allah's animal creation, and this does not apply to taking photographs with a camera. 'See the pamphlet, Al-Jawab al-Shafi fi Ibahat al-Taswir al-Fotografi. [/color]

Even those who are very strict in classifying all kinds of figures, including photographs, as detestable, exempt, according to necessity, pictures retained for identity cards, passports, keeping a record of suspects and criminals, pictures for instructional purposes, and so on, with the proviso that there is no intention of respect or sanctification of these pictures which would affect Islamic belief. The need for such pictures is definitely greater than the "prints" on cloth which were exempted by the Prophet (peace be on him).

[color=blue]A Summary of the Rulings Pertaining to Figures awl Their Makers[/color]


We summarize here the rulings pertaining to figures and figure-makers.

1-The most strictly prohibited figures are those which are made to be worshiped in the place of or in addition to Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala. If the one who makes them does it intentionally for this purpose, he is going in the direction of unbelief (kufr). The most detestable among such figures are statues. Anyone who has a share in propagating or glorifying them will bear the sin proportional to his part.


2-Next to this in sinfulness are figures which are not made to be worshiped but which are intended to imitate Allah's creation. If the artist claims that he originates and creates as Allah does, he is an unbeliever. This matter pertains solely to the intention of the artist.


3-After this are statues which are erected in public places in order to commemorate great personalities such as kings, leaders and celebrities; this applies equally to full-length statues and to busts.


4-Next are statues of living beings which are neither worshipped nor reverenced. There is general agreement that they are haram, except those which are not treated in a manner indicative of respect. Dolls or figures made of chocolate or sugar are clear exceptions.

5-Next are portraits of great people such as rulers and political leaders, especially when they are displayed or hung on walls. Strongly prohibited among these are portraits of tyrants, atheists, and immoral individuals, for to respect them is to degrade Islam.


6-Next are pictures of people or animals which are not accorded respect but constitute a display of luxury and high living, as, for example, when they cover a wall or the like. These are classified as detestable only.


7-Making and acquiring drawings or paintings of trees, lakes, ships, mountains, and landscapes of this sort is permitted. However, if they distract from worship or lead toward extravagant living, they are disapproved.


6-Photographic pictures are basically permissible. They become haram only when the subject matter is haram, as, for example, in the case of idols, individuals who are revered either because of their religious or worldly status, especially the leaders of idolaters, Communists or other unbelievers, or immoral individuals such as actors and entertainers.


8-Finally, if the prohibited statues and pictures are defaced or degraded, their use becomes permissible; an example of this are figures on a rug or carpet, because they are walked upon.
[/color]

The way i understand it is that photographs are mirror images of an object framed at a certain point in time.Thus, photographs in and of themselves are not haram but the subject matter is what makes them halal or haram, just like anything else that can be used for good or evil.

When people take photos at a wedding is not necessarily to show off to other people but to keep record of an important event in their lives so that they can relive it when they're old or show it to their children and grandchildren.It's just like keeping a diary of your life but in a visual form.

Wallahu A'alam (And God knows best)
Re: muhajaba weddings!
Kathy
11/09/01 at 07:36:14
[quote]Dancing (mixed) is haraam, although i have heard some people say that women ARE allowed to dance, as long as no men can see, and as long as it isnt provocative in any way shape or form (jumping up and down on the spot is OK). [/quote]

Loooooooool! ;-D

No swaying? or two stepping? :o only the bunny hop?

How can a woman dancing be provocative to other woman?;)


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