Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| want 2 ask 4 a sister in marriage |
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| Anonymous |
| 11/26/01 at 01:19:06 |
| assalmu aliakum There is a sister who i would really like to propose to. I know she comes on this board, as she introduced to this board, but not sure wat her id is! I have spoken to her many times and i find she is very practisng and aware. The thing is i know she wants a relgious pious husband and i am not sure weather it is right for me to propose to her or not. I pray and try to practise islam, but i have more down points than her, as in i dont always wake up 4 fajr, dont have a beard, watch alot of tv aand the list goes on. But i want to change that and i know she wold be a good influence on me. If a brother who was less relgious than u proposed to you, would you consider marrying him, or would you insist on marrying someone more religouis than urself. I know her family through a friend and know her parents will accept me, but i dont want to hurt her in any way. I have noticed her since i met her, but she never really pays any attention towards me im really confused and am so unsure if i should propose. Although she doesnt really know me properly, i have heard loads about her and i dont think i could get better. but is that me being selfish or is it right of me?? im sure there is a hadith saying its better 2 marry a woman for her relgion, but does that mean less relgious than yourself or more. im really confused, but i know i want her. sisters, if u were a real good muslimah, would you accept a guy less relgious than you. and if not, wat if i changed myslef before marriage?? was-salam A confused brother |
| Re: want 2 ask 4 a sister in marriage |
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| kareema |
| 11/26/01 at 04:45:30 |
| Salaams, first of all, I would tend to look at changes made right before the marriage as temporary ones intended only to get me to agree to the nikah. I want my husband to be at my level and going above or moderately above (and rising)me in his practice of and belief in the din. All this comes from my broken engagement to a guy who supposedly wanted to change, become more practicing, blah blah, the whole bit. Thus, I certainly couldn't be called a typical practicing Muslimah. While a marriage to a good Muslimah may help you, you should be aware that your wife may find it unaaceptable to go without fajr prayers etc. You already seem to have problems practicing Islam, so do you really want to put that potentially as a problem between you and your wife? Unless, you are the type of guy who happily accepts listening to his wife and could easily learn to practice Shariah! Is your problem motivation or practice? Either way, it will still be a struggle for you, you shouldn't try to export that struggle against the nafs to your wife. The reason she may not notice you may be because you don't come on her radar screen as a potential mate, or it may be something else. Bottom line, you should be learning to practice consistently whether or not you marry her or anyone else. You will be accountable for yourself on the day of Qiyam, not her, so strive to start remedying yourself 1 step at a time(get an alarm clock, grow a beard, cut back on haram TV viewing, stick to the more halal for now etc,etc.) |
| NS |
| Re: want 2 ask 4 a sister in marriage |
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| M.F. |
| 11/26/01 at 06:20:39 |
| [quote] Bottom line, you should be learning to practice consistently whether or not you marry her or anyone else. You will be accountable for yourself on the day of Qiyam, not her, so strive to start remedying yourself 1 step at a time(get an alarm clock, grow a beard, cut back on haram TV viewing, stick to the more halal for now etc,etc.) [/quote] Good point Kareema. Becoming more religious for the sake of another person is not the intention one should have. It should be for the sake of Allah. And one definitely can't rely on another person to make them better, because we'll all be standing alone on Yawm al Qiyaama with no one to defend us. Probably if a very highly practicing sister knew that someone had become a better Muslim for the sake of Allah that might be of more interest to her than someone who says they'll become better so that she can marry them. Allau a'lam |
| Re: want 2 ask 4 a sister in marriage |
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| Arsalan |
| 11/26/01 at 13:12:42 |
| wise words, kareema ... masha Allah! |
| Re: want 2 ask 4 a sister in marriage |
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| mujaahid |
| 11/26/01 at 13:32:59 |
| Assalaaamu-alaikum Anonymous. The fact that you are actually adimmiting your shortcomings and wanting to improve on them is a good thing. You know where you are going wrong, and its playing on your mind, so its a sign you care about your deen, why else would you feel the way you do. Also about this sister, i think its next to impossible to find two people on the same level of "deen". We are all different, and all have different levels, simply praying 5 times a day dont make you a better muslim, because its not the just the act, but also the intention. You could be standing thier praying five times a day, while the imam leads you through the prayers, and you could be thinking all kinds of crazy things, like the next big football match, or your next meal, or what cloths your gona buy, or the mole on the bro standing in the row in front of you! So just because you stand thier praying it dont mean you are actually doing it "properly", in fact it could be a total waste of time! Now onto the next question, what does this sister expect from her husband? Does she want you to be really religious, deeply religious, or is just GOOD religious enough for her? Does she want a practising bro, who reads the quran, or does she want a Hafiz, and imam etc? People are idfferent and everyone has different expectations. me persoanlly, i simply want a good sis, with a decent past, who lives according to islaam. She dont have to be a hafiz, or an Alima, or recite like Imam Sudaise, no, that is expecting too much. As long as she wears the hijab, lowers her gaze, lives according to islaam, and see's islaam as the most important aspect of her life, than i'm more than happy. I would expect most sisters would be similar, but then i aint a sis so i wouldnt really know! Also this is VERY important. Learn your deen for ALLAH, NOT for the sake of impressing this sister. IF you are doing it to impress her, or to get her attention, then this is shirk, because you are doing it to please this sister, not to please allah. SO bro, get your priotities right, do things for the right reasosns, and inshallah all will work out fine. |
| Re: want 2 ask 4 a sister in marriage |
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| kiwi25 |
| 11/26/01 at 14:38:57 |
| salam, alhumdulilah brother your intentions seem good. we all have to understand that yes even though we are muslims we are still human beings and created with the abiltiy to commit mistakes, the sister your interested in also has faults of her own, but you should worry about fixing your own for Allah(SWT) first, wasalam, nouha:) |
| Re: want 2 ask 4 a sister in marriage |
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| BroHanif |
| 11/26/01 at 18:27:00 |
| [quote]I have noticed her since i met her, but she never really pays any attention towards me [/quote] Yeah she shouldn't notice you, she's doing the right thing by keeping her gaze away from you. You should do the same Bro. Ask her parents for her hand in marrige and if she agress to it fine, if not then you will find something better. Salaams Hanif |
| Re: want 2 ask 4 a sister in marriage |
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| flyboy_nz |
| 11/26/01 at 18:40:34 |
| [slm] [quote]Bottom line, you should be learning to practice consistently whether or not you marry her or anyone else.[/quote] excellent point by Sister Kareema. I was discussing whether I should be thinking about getting married with a family friend and he gave me some really good advice. He told me that I was too young and first i needed to mature and the most important thing to mature is iman Perhaps you shouldn't be asking whether you should propose to her, you should ask first whether you are ready to get married. Instead of having someone elses influence to uplift your piety, you should look within and first find the strength to lift yourself up. Depend on yourself and not any other person. That way when you enter a marriage, you will be on the strongest platform for yourself, your wife and, inshaAllah, the family you will develop. All the best bro! wasalam, Ahmed |
| Re: want 2 ask 4 a sister in marriage |
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| Hajreee |
| 11/26/01 at 19:19:35 |
| Salams Anon- you got very good advice here... and everyone's telling you first to do things for Allah and to also think clearly and carefully if you're ready for marriage...of course, agreed upon... my advice- if you are REALLY serious about this sister and you kind of got that gut feeling, hehe, i suggest you make istikharaa!! if she's the one for you and it is that time for marriage, inshaAllah you'll get a good feeling/sign or everything will work out ok with hardly any barriers or hardships... if she's not the one for you or maybe you aren't ready for marriage, you'll get a bad sign or feeling or if you do try to propose, you might come in the way of hardships...inshaAllah whatevers' best will happen!! but maybe you should do istikharaa... also, as bro mujaahid said, everyone has different iman levels... and i'm not sure whether it's an ayah or a hadith- but people's iman can yunqus (decrease) or yazid (increase)... and one last note- bro mujaahid- i'm not saying this in a rude way at all, i'm saying this pleasantly, i was laughing at the part where you said "a sis with a decent past" heheh! (i'm laughing because of the other post) BUT i understand your point brother, no one is attacking you on that, inshaAllah whatever's best will happen for you when it comes time for getting married :) everyone's getting married though or *wants* to get married now... hehe that's cute :) all rightey, those were my two cents... take care everyone Ta Ta and Wa Salaams! |
| Re: want 2 ask 4 a sister in marriage |
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| AyeshaZ |
| 11/27/01 at 18:16:01 |
Asalamu Alakum Wa RahmatuAllah, MashaAllah everyone gave excellent advice. My suggestion would be if you are serious than talk to her parents right away and inshaAllah everthing will work out. However, also be prepared to take no as an answer and ready to accept it. ~Istikhara~ , do it ASAP.... WaSalamu Alykum |
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