Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Family abuse...need advice |
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| Anonymous |
| 11/27/01 at 10:52:05 |
| Salaams yall, i got a problem. A friend of mine, who is Muslim, just confided in me that as a child, her uncle abused her in a not so nice way (girls y'know what i mean). Her parents know, and the family has 'shunned' him, meaning they act as if he doesn't exist. She wants to know if she or her family is getting sin for cutting off blood relations with him? She said her father feels responsible b/c it's his lil bro and he sponsered him into the country... what do i tell her? |
| Re: Family abuse...need advice |
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| Anik |
| 11/27/01 at 11:55:59 |
| asalaamu alaikum, one thing for sure- the actions undertaken by her uncle are by no means her father's fault or her fault because the wrong was done by the uncle. You know, when i read this thread, i just got this gut-feeling kinda jolt because this happened to a very close friend of mine actually... and no, i think it's understandable if they want to keep distance from him forgiving would be the hardest thing to do in this case, but the most righteous I think. you can still forgive but not keep in frequent contact. asalamau alaikum. abdullah,. |
| Re: Family abuse...need advice |
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| Kashif |
| 11/27/01 at 12:20:39 |
| assalaamu alaikum I remember reading a fatwa (on islam-qa.com) in which the scholar advised a woman who had been abused to stay away from the person who had committed the crime against her. I can't find it right now. Best to speak to a trustworthy person of knowledge for advice on this. Kashif Wa Salaam |
| NS |
| Re: Family abuse...need advice |
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| Anonymous |
| 11/27/01 at 22:23:07 |
| here is i think what you meant on islam-qa.com: Question #12665: A criminal tried to rape his wife’s daughter Question: A worried sister asks what should be done as her mother's husband tried to rape her. He tried molesting her but was unable to succeed in having intercourse with her. Does this have any effect on the marriage contract between the man and her mother? Should she tell her sisters and her mother (even though the mother is unlikely to believe her)? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. This girl has to tell her mother and her brothers so that they can put a stop to this crime before it happens. The girl must not sit with him in the place where he is sitting, rather she must keep away from him even if he is her mahram. The mahram – even if he is a father or brother – if there is no guarantee that he can be trusted (Allaah forbid), then it is not permissible to be near him, rather the guardian should prevent that from happening. If that can only be achieved by punishing or imprisoning him, then so be it. Whatever the case, this girl has to take every precaution to prevent this evil from happening. http://65.193.50.117/index.php?ln=eng&ds=qa&lv=browse&QR=12665&dgn=2 |
| Re: Family abuse...need advice |
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| Anonymous |
| 11/27/01 at 22:31:03 |
| Salam all, u know this kinda sick thing is getting so common now. Two of my close friends were abused by their khaloos (mother's sisters husband). The thing that gets me is that she didnt want to break up the family, so decided to keep this a secret despite the fact it was ruining her life. She tries to stay away from the uncle, but her mum wants a close family and often puts her in situations where she has to have direct contact with that particular family. She was scared nobody would believe her, and most of all, she didnt want to wreck the family. Its disgusting the way men abuse their role as an uncle. Really disgusting. Wasalam |
| Re: Family abuse...need advice |
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| mujaahid |
| 11/29/01 at 13:14:38 |
| Assalaamu-alaikum Anonymous "Her parents know, and the family has 'shunned' him, meaning they act as if he doesn't exist" My response is simple. Kill him. Full stop. If the evidence is thier, just kill him. If anyone done that to a relative or friend of mine, and i found out, i would make sure i dealt with him in the only way which stops these people. These people need stopping, not "counselling" as it dont work. Its like trying to counsel a man out of being attracted to women. I can't work. These people are bent in this way, and should be dealt with to rid the problem, not to hide it. If this is beyond you, as it probbly is, then go to the british police, they will deal with it, they are taking this kind of thing seriously at the moment, dont go to an imam, as he will just tell you to keep quiet about it. Kids need protecting, and anyone who abuses a child sexually should be made to pay with thier life. Either that, or they should be castrated. Its the only two options that would stop them. |
| Re: Family abuse...need advice |
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| Kathy |
| 11/30/01 at 08:55:31 |
| slm Does there need to be 4 witnesses to the crime to convict in a Islamic country? |
| Re: Family abuse...need advice |
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| Kathy |
| 11/30/01 at 08:56:38 |
| slm I agree. Does there need to be 4 witnesses to the crime to convict in a Islamic country? |
| Re: Family abuse...need advice |
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| Barr |
| 11/30/01 at 09:47:36 |
| Assalamu'alaikum :-) 4 witnesses are needed only for fornication and adultery... Even if one is able to provide with 3 witnesses, that would not be counted as a valid evidence. Maybe, someone can post the hadith/ ayah? Just shows how heavy it is that people are not being falsely accused of fornication and adultery, as it affects the honour of a person.... it would be a grave fitnah... but if such do happen.. then maybe... it must've been really way out of line and public such that 4 people can actually bear witness to it. Just my thoughts.... Wassalam |
| Re: Family abuse...need advice |
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| Anonymous |
| 11/30/01 at 12:08:39 |
| About the comment" Either that, or they should be castrated. Its the only two options that would stop them. " Without getting too gruesome I wanted to respond...because actually I've read articles about how some people's urge to violate others goes on even without certain organs, and they continue their attacks in other ways. Another thing - In this society you will get in a whole lot of trouble for killing someone. Even someone who did you wrong. There have been mothers who killed their child's abusers and went to jail. Of course, they might still consider it worth it, but does the child need the pain of having a mom in jail? It's worth investigating the police option. My cousin went to the police after her husband beat her up very badly, and they took it REAL seriously. They talked to her about why she should seriously consider leaving, the possible consequences (death) if she stayed, and helped her file forms to get a restraining order so he couldn't come near her. You have options. The victim should not feel embarrassed. They did nothing wrong at all. Make the victimizer feel the pain and shame. Or at least make sure he never comes near this girl again. There should be no reason that a crime like this gets covered up. Stop him from hurting anyone else. |
| Re: Family abuse...need advice |
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| Mystic |
| 11/30/01 at 16:49:01 |
| [slm] All this advice comes from a very honest and sincere place. If I were you Anonymous, I would take it all in stride and seep through your feelings and figure out *strategically* where you are supposed to be and how you are supposed to proceed from here. Allah knows best. [wlm] |
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