Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| would u marry....?? |
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| Anonymous |
| 11/27/01 at 10:53:02 |
| [slm] i was just wondering if u were approached by the family of a sister for marriage would you accept her if she did not the wear the hijab (but had hijab in all other aspects except the physical). if her parents were presenting her from wearing the hijab and she wanted to wear it would you accept her (hope this makes sense) [wlm] |
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| Anik |
| 11/27/01 at 11:59:39 |
| asalaamu alaikum, yeah, i would accept her then help her get that hijab on! asalaamu alaikum. abdullah,. |
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| Hania |
| 11/27/01 at 12:18:04 |
| slm You know Bro Anon just because some sister's wear a hijab doesn't mean she's as religious as a sister without one. I remember one sis in school last year who wore hijab and used to smoke cigarettes, had a boyfriend and never prayed. I think her mamma/papa made her wear one hence wearing it didn't come from her own heart. If you wear one because you want to, then it becomes a wonderful feeling and you feel so proud to wear it. If you are forced to wear one when you are not willing to, then its feels different. Heck if this 'sister has hijab in all other aspects' I'd marry her too! But my name is Hania not Hani so I wouldn't be able to :D Hania |
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| NinthMuharram |
| 11/27/01 at 12:42:12 |
| Assalamualaikum, Actually Hania, here Hani is a common name for female. This is my observation. I am wearing hijab , Allhamdullilah, but sometimes I feel as if I am insulting the honour of hijab. At the time of weakness and forgetfulness, I tend to deviate from the true path or acting like a Muslim. But InsyaAllah, I have never regretted wearing hijab and will never take it off. I have a friend, she's lovely inside and out. She doesn't wear hijab. If and when she wears it, masyaAllah she'll be complete. Example of deeds other than the daily ibadah :- punctual, fulfilling promises, making friends happy no matter how far/difficult she will do it. These are simple examples, but just because it is 'simple' these are the ones that the non-Muslims always noticed. These can actually affect our da'wah to them. There are a few type of ppl that I've come acrossed in my life : Those that has the knowledge and practising and living it ; Those that have knowledge, THINK they they practised it, but actually showing bad example to others; Those that LIVE Islam but not realising that they're doing it; and of course those that deviated. Let's look at her akhlak, attitude. Even without her hijab does she has the right akhlak of a Muslim, do you feel that with the right encouragement from you, she'll wear it? Only Allah knows best, and to Him we should seek answers and protection. May Allah forgives me if I've mentioned anything that will only cause fitna or displeasure among the Ummah . Wassalam |
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| NewJehad |
| 11/27/01 at 15:23:38 |
| If I told you I know a sister who does not do the five times a day prayers but has prayer in her heart. What would you say to that? I have heard this thing about hijab so many times, and each time I do I really feel like throwing up. The hijab is the hijab. It’s a rule of Islam. Women must cover all but face and hands. That’s clear. Women who do not are showing parts of their body they are not allowed to show to all. There is no confusion here. It is true that some people who wear hijab may not pray. But it is also true that some people who pray don’t bother covering them selves. But the fact is, when some one sins openly, they may do a lot more in privet. It is also true that if you cant see any sin on some one it may do it in secret, but you have no knowledge of it so you can trust them, as all you see of them is good. People who uncover in public make effort in concealing their sins. I WOULD NOT MARRY SOME ONE WHO UNCOVERS PARTS Of her SELF SHE IS NOT ALLOWED TO UNCOVER. People may tell you tales of women who cover their awrah doing all kinds of stuff to justify some women who don’t cover, but the fact is the amount of women who don’t cover who do deeds many times worse are all over the place, there are so many of them that examples are not needed. What would be needed are examples of uncovered women who do all the other requirements of Islam other then covering. Some one might give an example of the above mentioned person, buts that’s what I mean they are the examples, not the rule. Cause if some one fears Allah enough to obey him any every thing else, why would cover her nakedness be so difficult? This conversation has been had before. The reason why I feel so strongly about this issue is nothing to do with hijab. It is because of the drive to separate Islam from its rules. It’s not only this issue it has crept in to, but every issue. I pay zakat in my heart, I may do zinnah, but I am not doing it in my heart. I am dealing with riba, but in my heart I am dealing in a hallal way. Is there any issue where this argument is not present? Cause I don’t know of any. Each way of life, Devine or man made. If you remove the rules from them all that remains is stories. And we can’t relegate Islam to that. |
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| Hania |
| 11/27/01 at 15:57:28 |
| [quote]If I told you I know a sister who does not do the five times a day prayers but has prayer in her heart. What would you say to that? [/quote] BUT we are NOT talking about a sister that doesn't pray. We are talking about a sister that has all good Islamic values (including prayer) but does not cover her hair! Forcing her to put one on doesn't have the same effect as her wanting to put one on herself. But if she has good Islamic values then I am sure wanting to wear the hijab will shortly follow. BUT if there is a hadith or verse from the qur'aan that says do not marry a woman that does not cover her head then plse could you share it. p.s. sorry if I sound angry, my tone isn't. Typing tones sounds different from how I'm actually saying it in real life. |
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| NinthMuharram |
| 11/27/01 at 16:07:00 |
| Assalamualaikum, May Allah guide my mind and my fingers when I am typing this. May Allah forgives me if it creates any unpleasant feelings among my brothers and sisters who, InsyaAllah, will join the mukmin in the Jannah, and who I love dearly. Bismillah ar-Rahman ar-Rahim We don't want to start another controversial thread. As I read in the Akhwat Cafe, some of the sisters (including me) are tired with the topic of hijab. Not only we are being challenged externally ( Non-Muslims, Medias) but also Internally (ourself, parents). There is nothing wrong with Bro new Jehad's view and the evidence he gave. Thank you for the reminder. Sister Hania, I respect and share your view too. I guess it is a common bond among women ? But let's keep our sabr, it's better than way, right? C'mon, smile! :-). Regarding the verse from Qu'ran, as far as I know it doesn't mention directly "YOu cannot marry non-hijab woman" but it does give the men ( and women) what we should look for in a spouse :- mainly abt the akhlak and way of life that should follow the Deen. But, InsyaAllah, I'll look it up when I go home. In the mean time, why don't we stop to discuss abt this? I don't see the thread going anywhere since we already see clearly where we stand. But then again, I'm just a newbie ;) To Anonymous, maybe you should visit the islamic links at jannah.org where it tells you what to look in a spouse, understand that, and you'll not have a problem in selecting your future spouse, InsyaAllah. And don't forget to to Istiharah prayer, Allah will guide you. Wassalam. |
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| BroHanif |
| 11/27/01 at 19:17:47 |
| I'd marry er, and then teach her about Islaam, slowly but surely my diamond or flower would conceal herself one day. And it would be the first day of marrige after she is away from her parents, coz then me an er would be one unit. We can't just drop a sister for not wearing the hijaab, we need to make dua/educate to make her strong, if we do not look positively towards a good change then how are people going to change ? People will only change when there is real love amongst each other. And if a husband really loves his wife then he'll make sure that with hikmah, understanding and with the correct ways of the prophet saws he will teach her about the merits of hijaab and not hit her or impose a great force on her to wear the hijaab. Salaams H |
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| Rashid |
| 11/27/01 at 22:50:29 |
| [slm] Me and a bro were just talking about this the other day. It seems that women are only judged by hijab. Hijabi: good muslima. Non-hijabi: bad muslima. And I feel that this is not the case. I think, even though some don't wear hijab, they could still have good qualities. Good enough for marriage even, but as previously stated the proper way is to encourage them and educate them as to the importance of hijab, not condemm and cast them out. It's the same thing as the beard issue with bros. For example we see some bros who can't grow facial hair like the malays and indonesians, does that make them bad? Like what we're doing around here is "if you shave, you're not cool" and we joke around but at the same time encourage bros to grow a beard. Perhaps this approach can work with the non-hijabis too so they can look like this :-) [wlm] |
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| Arsalan |
| 11/28/01 at 01:37:43 |
| [slm] In response to Anonymous' question: The answer to your question will vary based on who you're talking to. I think what you need to ask yourself is ... can you spend your life with a wife who chooses to display parts of her body to others? A lot of Muslim men have no problem with it. In fact, you'll find many men in the Muslim countries (as well as in the West) who prefer their wives revealing their hair in front of everyone and beautifying themselves. It gives them some sort of satisfaction, I guess, if someone passes a good remark about the looks of their wives. There are other men, however, who cannot bear the fact that their wives' beauty is left exposed to others besides them. They feel that her beauty should only be revealed to them and her other mahrams, and that she should cover properly in front of others for that reason. If you are of this latter type, then I suggest strongly to you that you make it a condition that for you to marry someone, she must be *already* practicing proper hijaab. If you strongly feel that you cannot live with a wife who exposes her beauty in front of others, then I think it's better not to take the risk by marrying someone who does not practice hijaab and then *hope* that one day they will change. Because what if they don't?? It's not about whether a sister who does hijaab is a better Muslimah than one who doesn't. As some brothers and sisters have rightly said, you can't judge a person's Islam based on one or two actions. The human being is a much more complex person than that. What you need to ask yourself is, what kinds of qualities you absolutely need your wife to possess. Things that you cannot live without. (And things that you cannot live *with* for that matter). And then, make sure you marry a person who fulfills those fundamental criteria of yours. Wallaahu a'lam. Wassalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh. |
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| Hania |
| 11/28/01 at 05:49:57 |
| slm Yep Yep Br. Arsalan summed it up really well mashallah. ;-) + :-) = :D ;-) + :) = ? ..........oh no sorry I'm getting into Br. Khalid's terminology ;) Yah, I guess its up to the individal whether they choose to marry a girl with or without hijab. Sorry Br. Jehad if I sounded off in my post (i wasn't being off btw), you're entirely right in wanting a girl in hijab, thats you're decision and I respect you for it. :-) But Anon, as Bro Arsalan pointed out, 'it depends on who you're talking about'. None of us here actally knows the sister so I don't think anyone here can give you a justified, unbiased, answer as to whether you should/shouldn't marry the girl. With a decision like this offer two Rak'as of voluntary prayers and then recite Salatul-Istikarah because Allah is your best advisor. Best of luck. Hope you make a good decision inshAllah. Hania. |
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| NewJehad |
| 11/28/01 at 06:07:26 |
| slm my point is: why have people removed Hijab from what constitutes practicing of Islam? what I mean is its ok for some one to say the sister practices Islam, but does not wear hijab. but not ok to say, she practices Islam but does not pray, or does not fast, or eats harram, or drinks or does zinah? WHY? why is the rule of Hijab treated differently from all other rules? when people say" what is more important Hijab or prayer" that sounds no different from " what is more important not eating pork or pray". if some one refuses to obey Allah's commands in any issue, they are fasik, and when they do it in public, where all can see, they may well me proud of their disobedience to Allah. yep, there is no verse in the quran that says (don't marry non hijabis), there is also no verse in the Quran that says (don't marry people who don't fast), (don't marry prostitutes), (don't marry people who drink). cause it is hallal for a man to marry a Muslim, a Christian or a Jew. And a Muslim wife who is a prostitute is better then a kaffar who is not. why is it expectable to judge women on all the other issues and not on hijab? the reason why you hear the word Hijab mentioned more then the other issues, is that people can see Hijab. People might mention, "what really matters is how she is inside", but only Allah can see that and we cant. no one is saying a Muslim hijabi women who does not pray and has boy friends will make a good wife, what we are saying is that she is a sinner and so is some one who shows off her nakedness. they are both sinners, it's not for us to judge who is more of a sinner. but in any Islamic court, both of their testimonies will be invalid, as fasiks cannot be trusted. The issue here is, will a women whose testimony in a court of law will not be expectable, be a good choose as a wife and a mother? It is clear she will be a better choose then a disbeliever who covers her self, but not a practicing sister who is older, uglier, less educated, cant cook as well, comes from a worse family, comes from a poorer family, or any other donyah reason a man might look for. |
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| Barr |
| 11/28/01 at 08:07:23 |
| Assalamu'alaikum I think Br Arsalan sums it up good, alhamdulillah. It is really up to the person, and what his expectations, hopes and vision are. I'd just like to add another point to Br Arsalan's points, though.... More importantly, to me... is how the woman that I marry, would be a good mother to my children, for her lap would be the first madrasah to my children. Maybe, I have high expectations... but I wouldn't want my wife to still have "issues" about hijab, whereas she would be the example and teacher of my children. This, of course, applies to all other aspects of Islam, and once we get the basics sorted out, inshaALlah, we can move on to bigger things. Afterall, it is the amanah (trust) that Allah has put on my shoulders on the kind of mother that my children deserves, and the kind of children that I hope and want to have. I'm sorry, if I offended anyone... but these are just my thoughts.... if I'm a man.... I had a tough time when I started wearing the hijab... and I wouldn't want my children to go through the same thing.... Or worse...my children don't even see the struggle and point to wear one. Allahua'lam :-) |
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| humble_muslim |
| 11/28/01 at 16:24:09 |
| AA Mr. Jehad, if we go by your attitude, then no sister should marry you unless you do EVERY SINGLE FARD and avoid EVERY SINGLE HARAM. Are you at this stage ? I think Arsalan's advice is perfect. But I think the more general advice I would give is to try to get married to someone who is at least at the same level of taqwa as you are. |
| NS |
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| Anonymous |
| 11/28/01 at 22:03:07 |
| I was just wondering something. The majority of Muslim women I know do not cover. I only know a few people who do cover. Is that a cultural thing in some places where women don't cover? |
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| NewJehad |
| 11/29/01 at 08:32:41 |
| It's a practicing and knowledge thing. In some places people know less about Islam or abide by its laws less. |
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| kiwi25 |
| 11/30/01 at 00:16:23 |
| salam, i dont really wanna get into these controversial issue but i just wanted to comment hania, i like that way you made your quote with flowers :) wasalam nouha:) |
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| Marcie |
| 11/30/01 at 20:34:00 |
| As salamu alaykum [quote]But I think the more general advice I would give is to try to get married to someone who is at least at the same level of taqwa as you are.[/quote] Humble Muslim I totally agree with you on this one. If you are not going in the same direction Islamically it can be harder than having two different cultures. As salamu alaykum Marcie |
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| M.F. |
| 12/03/01 at 09:04:08 |
| Wait a minute. The brother said that the sister wants to wear hijab but her parents are preventing her. Yes, I know, there's no obedience to the created if it's disobedience to the Creator. But it's not always that simple. Parents can be very stubborn and very cruel as well. Brother this one's up to you. If she wants to wear hijab as soon as she gets out of her parents' house, and she doesn't do it just because of you, then what's the problem? Notice how different the brothers' answers are from the sisters? Interesting... |
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| siddiqui |
| 01/02/02 at 03:49:41 |
| assalam alikum Hijab is required by Islam and i would presonally go for a girl who is wearing hijab or who is atleast receptive (dont want to argues the rest of my life for it) but they might be some mujahids in this world( Masha Allah) who would marry a sister not wearing a hijab and then by reason ,love and hikmah change her May Allah swt reward yor for this brother but this is not my cup of tea |
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| akbalkhan |
| 01/02/02 at 16:53:34 |
| As Salamu Alaykum, I did marry someone who did not wear hijab. And I promised her that I would not force her to as well. She was pretty dead set on not wearing it. But, insha'Allah, I knew something that she did not. That Allah SWT has all of our hearts under control. I knew that she would have to wear the hijab while making salaat, and that she would eventually give up her old friends who most likely were the momentum behind her ideas of hijab, and that Allah SWT would turn her heart towards obeying the commands. As with other parts of sunnah and requirements, she came along in her time. I always told her that it made me sad that she was incurring sins for not recognizing the order to wear hijab. Alhamdulillah, she eventually recognized that even if she was not going to wear it for whatever reason, she had to repent each day and time she went out without it. Soon she began to wear it all the time outside or in front of others. I think a good piece of advice in this area is to consider the Quran and sunnah. Some good references to the sunnah have already been provided by previous posts, but something from the Quran that may help you in making the decision is that the Believers have to be merciful with each other. So to chime in with other posts I agree also with an approach to considering the marriage along lines of not turning down the possibility off hand, but to strongly consider the possible reasons for her not wearing the hijab. Another good litmus test for making your decision is to ask her if she believes that to wear hijab is required for her. If she does not believe it then find out why. Or take her answer into consideration as well. Ninth Muharam, I like your approach, and I totally agree with New Jehad. The Quran and sunnah also point to our choosing from among mates who are best suited to us as well. The divorcee for the divorcee, the virgin for the virgin, the young for the young. Although they are not orders or commands necessarily, they still seem to be there for our own protection and benefit. It may be possible and natural for people with similar iman and taqwa to be more drawn to each other anyway. may Allah SWT guide you in your decision. Regards, QAK |
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