Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Asking a Brother |
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| Anonymous |
| 12/03/01 at 10:28:13 |
| assalaamu alaikum, i have a tricky situation with which i would like some advice, inshallah. i know a brother who i think will be good for my sister but i am at a loss on how i can approach this with him. i want to avoid any awkward moments - any advice would be much appreciated inshallah. jazakallah. |
| Re: Asking a Brother |
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| se7en |
| 12/03/01 at 10:46:32 |
| wa alaykum as salaam wa rahmatAllah, We had a discussion about how brothers would feel if a sister approached them for marriage [url=http://www.jannah.org/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.pl/YaBB.pl?board=brothers&action=display&num=2495]here[/url]. Interesting stuff :) |
| Re: Asking a Brother |
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| Kashif |
| 12/03/01 at 10:53:01 |
| Se7en, is anonymous a brother or sister though? *smile* |
| NS |
| Re: Asking a Brother |
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| se7en |
| 12/03/01 at 11:05:38 |
| Ohhh.. my bad. sorry, it's too early in the morning for me to think properly :) Anyway I'll leave this one up to you to discuss in a brotherly fashion.. |
| Re: Asking a Brother |
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| Saleema |
| 12/03/01 at 11:07:37 |
| [slm] Well you are certainly one heck of a nice brother. :) Most brothers don't want their friends to marry their sisters--some sort of weird protective thing on their part i guess... Ok, I'm good at this sort of thing, proposing,(Se7en knows what i'm talking about. ;) lol ), but only if I know what kind of a personality the other person has that will determine how/when to approach and what to say. So if u can give us some idea. [wlm] |
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| Arsalan |
| 12/04/01 at 00:06:40 |
| How well do you know the brother? Is he older than your or younger? |
| Re: Asking a Brother |
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| NewJehad |
| 12/05/01 at 07:14:14 |
| Try and get a brother to ask him. First Q: are you married? Second Q: would you like to be? Then tell him about your sister. Simple. |
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| Hajreee |
| 12/05/01 at 10:05:21 |
| Salaams bro jehad- it isn't that simple! if only it was...*sigh* hehehehe take care all :) Wa Salaams |
| Re: Asking a Brother |
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| akbalkhan |
| 12/05/01 at 13:02:08 |
| As Salamu Alaika, Bro, Unless it was a really good friend of mine, I was sure of his stature as a practicising and dedicated Muslim, and was well aware of his intentions, I personally would not recommend anything between my own sister and a 'friend'. That would really be true for any 'sister' in Islam even. I would feel terrible to recommend a nikkah between two people and then be to blame for a bad situation. Although I fully recognize that all good and bad is due to the will of Allah T'ala, we have a duty to protect each other as well. Not to question any sisters' ability to judge good character for herself in any matter, but in this situation where your action may appear as vouching for someone, be careful. It never hurts mentioning the possibility, and pursuing it later if need be. Regards, Qamar A. Kaan |
| Re: Asking a Brother |
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| NewJehad |
| 12/05/01 at 13:16:49 |
| Hajreee brothers prefer being asked direct. that way we know what we are being asked.just put your self in the brothers shoes, he either wants to get married or doesn't. |
| Re: Asking a Brother |
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| Anik |
| 12/06/01 at 01:12:14 |
| asalaamu alaikum, I am in TOTAL agrrement with Brother Jehad... No need to be timid or scared.... in the past week, I have been trying to hook up four people... and each time, I come straight... no beating around the bush; actually, it's a complement to a guy to be asked- what does this say about how he is thought of? A sister is so precious- to give her away decidely is to a brother very hard, so the man he asks to marry her must be a Mahsa'Allah a really good brother. asalamu alaikum. abdullah,. |
| Re: Asking a Brother |
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| Anik |
| 12/09/01 at 00:36:20 |
| AA SKUNKED thread #2342342347 lol. asalamu alaikum. abdullah,. |
| Re: Asking a Brother |
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| se7en |
| 12/09/01 at 01:45:54 |
as salaamu alaykum wa rahmatAllah, Brother Abdullah, I'll bring it back for ya :) Hmm.. I know I'm completely ignorant as to how the brother species works.. but don't you think saying, "Hey, wanna get hitched to my sister?" is not exactly the best way to go about doing things? What if he's not interested in your sister, for whatever reason? That would make things between you two awkward, to say the least, especially after you dropkick him in defense of her good name. It really depends on how slick you are. If you can *casually* ask the bro his plans for the future, get him to tell you if he's looking to get married soon, what he's looking for, etc then I'd suggest going that way. Then, maybe jokingly mention the idea of them two hooking up, and see what his reaction is. If you're not this slick (which is okay, I personally have no idea how to be subtle at all) then maybe ask a third person to do these things. Then, if all the above looks positive.. I don't know what you should do :-/ There are two reasons why I'm hesitant to tell you that you should then ask him directly about your sister. One, if he is not interested, it would make things between you guys difficult and awkward. Two, sometimes approaching a brother like this puts his back up. He might not like that you are basically approaching him with a proposal instead of vice versa. (We had an [url=http://www.jannah.org/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.pl/YaBB.pl?board=brothers&action=display&num=2495]interesting discussion[/url] on this too, so I'm obliged to add: not *all* brothers would take issue to this.) So.. I dunno :) Another thing.. have you spoken to your sister about all this? Make sure she's interested bro, or else you're in trouble :) And sisters have this very cool network thing goin on.. she might be able to hook herself up. Allahu a'lam. May Allah guide you to take the best course of action. Brothers, this is where you step in and give real advice :) take care :) wasalaamu alaykum. |
| Re: Asking a Brother |
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| explorer |
| 12/09/01 at 17:05:44 |
[quote]And sisters have this very cool network thing goin on.. she might be able to hook herself up.[/quote] [slm] hhhmmm now that caught my attention :) Sorry to diverge from the topic being discussed, but can you please enlighten us about this " cool network" you sisters have? Or are brothers not allowed to know? :D Sounds intersting, like some sort of mafia type thingy ;) |
| Re: Asking a Brother |
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| se7en |
| 12/11/01 at 10:03:06 |
| [quote] hhhmmm now that caught my attention :) Sorry to diverge from the topic being discussed, but can you please enlighten us about this " cool network" you sisters have? Or are brothers not allowed to know? :D Sounds intersting, like some sort of mafia type thingy ;) [/quote] You know, I could tell you.. but then I'd have to kill you. wasalaamu alaykum :-) |
| Re: Asking a Brother |
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| siddiqui |
| 01/02/02 at 03:24:28 |
| assalam alikum -------------------------------------------------------------- You know, I could tell you.. but then I'd have to kill you ------------------------------------------------------------------- OMERTA WOW! 1) Please ask your sis if she approves it if yes 2) Talk to your parents ( they might have diffrent views about the brother) if yes 3) put it straight to the brother either by a letter, email,or an intermediatory though telling him directly would be the best(i know some times its hard to look in the eye when dealing with these things) 4) talk to him about your sis ( may be he dosent really know her) 5)Tell him to consider it as an" islamic proposal " and he has the right to say yes or no and his saying no will not ( ' Might not ?') affect your relation ship with him 6) if he says yes Alhamdullilah go ahead with the nikah 7) if he says no Alhamdullilah (alhamdullilah min kulli haal) for Allah swt must have some thing better in store for your sister |
| Re: Asking a Brother |
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| Ruqayyah |
| 01/03/02 at 01:14:52 |
| [slm] [quote]And sisters have this very cool network thing goin on.. she might be able to hook herself up. [/quote] network??? hey let a sister in on this! ;-D [wlm] Ruqayyah |
| Re: Asking a Brother |
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| lightningatnite |
| 01/03/02 at 23:49:29 |
| salam :) Marriage is a serious thing, i don't know if i'm just a fool but i would like to know if there is someone thats a possibility, without any games. If the brother is mature enough, he should know how to deal with marriage stuff. Its a yes or no deal, and if no, you should both just forget about it, thats how I would deal with it. It just depends on how mature the brother is. Why can't you get an uncle you trust to corner him and ask him what he thinks of such and such?... |
| Re: Asking a Brother |
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| Anonymous |
| 01/06/02 at 05:17:27 |
| Salams is everyone missing something here? How about asking the sister first what SHE thinks of the bro before jumping in with a proposal? How would it look, if he agreed and she turned around and said 'nah, not my type!' Speaking of which, you never know she might have someone else in mind! Talk to her first. |
| Re: Asking a Brother |
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| kiwi25 |
| 01/06/02 at 19:57:02 |
| salam, anon -- siddique allready mentioned it in his post above wasalam nouha:) |
| Re: Asking a Brother |
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| Abd_Allah |
| 01/15/02 at 23:40:49 |
| Assalaamu Alaykum, I have a story to share which I hope will show how a sister should NOT approach a brother about marriage 4 years ago at a particular Muslim convention (I wont give the name cuz I dont want to have any awkward "I REMEMBER THAT's") I was security for the convention. I was in the main security room with two other brothers in the room with me. I was talking to one of the brothers when I noticed a sister walk into the room. When she entered she asked the brother whom i wasnt speaking with if she could ask him a question. She softly spoke to the brother and I wasnt even paying any attention to what was being said. Then I saw the brother's eyes widen and he shook his head, got up, and quickly exited the room. I still paid it no mind. Then the sister interrupted the conversation that the brother and I were having and said "Assalaamu Alaykum brother, I dont know how to put this, but...I was wondering if you would like to get married." Before I even got a chance to react, I saw the brother whom I was talking with desert me and run out of the room!!! This left me and the sister alone in the room!!! I could not believe it. The sister then continued her shpeal saying "Well my Wali is in the convention somewhere, he is brother so and so and he is speakin right now!!!" I was like O dear. I then asked her if she knew how old I was and told her I was 16. She said she was in her mid twenties and she didnt care that I was 16 and then gave me her phone number and told me to call. I was completely in shock and decided not to stay for the remainder of the convention. Now sisters...this is NOT the way to approach a brother about marriage. This sister was a complete stranger and she had the gaul to approach me face to face. DONT DO IT. Inshallah someone has learned something from me sharing this story. Abd_ALLAH |
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