Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| House Husband |
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| Hania |
| 12/07/01 at 15:37:52 |
| slm If your wife got a job (halal job-perfectly good), which was her dream job, and she earned more money than you, how many brothers here would give up their job/career to become a house husband, (do the washing, cleaning, ironing, look after the kids (kids are say age 3 years and above and are on solids :))), to let her pursue her dream? Or would any of the brothers feel ashamed to be house husbands because their friends laugh at them or would they be pleased they can please their wives? H. |
| Re: House Husband |
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| NewJehad |
| 12/07/01 at 15:39:44 |
| nope, i would be ashamed that my friends would laugth at me. |
| Re: House Husband |
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| mujaahid |
| 12/07/01 at 16:59:20 |
| YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSS YIPPEEEE!!!! DANCE DANCE DANCE!!!! MY PASSWORD IS WORKING AGAIN!!!!! YESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!! Anyway back to the topic: <If your wife got a job (halal job-perfectly good), which was her dream job, and she earned more money than you, how many brothers here would give up their job/career to become a house husband> YES PLEASE!!!!!!! <(do the washing, cleaning, ironing, look after the kids (kids are say age 3 years and above and are on solids ))> Can't you take them to work? <Or would any of the brothers feel ashamed to be house husbands because their friends laugh at them> Nah, i would laugh at my friends, why? Well i can chill out at home, hardley any work, no stress, no job pressure, just chillin and relaxing at home with the kids, in the garden, taking the kids to the park on sunny afternoons to play with their toys, what a wonderful life!!!! It would be a dream come true, no more getting up at 7am, no more stress at work, no more pressure, no more having to be nice to people you dont like!!! <or would they be pleased they can please their wives?> Well as long as she would be happy doing the work, than i would be happy chillin at home!!! How can any man wanna pass such a dream oppurtunity of the wife earning a good wage!!! |
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| Anik |
| 12/07/01 at 18:50:22 |
| asalaamu alaikum, actually, that will be a situation with me for one year Insha'Allah while I am trying to finish my one-year-longer-than-usual degree... In other words, I study, and my wife works, brings the money, etc. Insha'Allah. And I feel pretty bad about it. I have vowed I will get a job as soon as possible, becaus emen are the proectors and the maintainers of women. asalamu alaikum. abdullah,. |
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| Saleema |
| 12/07/01 at 21:07:08 |
| [slm] You are married Abdullah? Since when? Arent you living with your parents? I hope the questions aren't personal. ignore if you don't want to answer. I am staying at home if my husband earns enough money. nothing beats not working!!! :) And when my husband gets back from work he can iron my clothes so I can go out with my friends. ;) [wlm] |
| Re: House Husband |
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| Hajreee |
| 12/07/01 at 23:55:56 |
| Salaams inshaAllah all is well with you all... saleema- hehe@husband coming home and ironing your clothes so you can go out with your friends, that gave me a good laugh, hehe! :) hmmm, as for the two repsonses from the brothers...i'm waiting for more...because...i actually had a conversation about this before with someone and i thought and *still* think that many brothers wouldn't feel comfortable with their wives earning the money..or making more money than them....WHY? because...guys are very egotistical...*not accusing, but most guys are egotisitical, it's part of your guys's nature* well, i don't know...i'm saying this based on my observations and what i think about brothers and their ego problems... as for the actual q....if i was a bro...i wouldn't want to let the wife work, not because i would be afraid of my friends making fun of me, but because i would feel like i'm not doing MY responsibility...i know it would make the wife happy doing her job while i stay home, but i think she needs to be home...three year old kids aren't that old to have their mothers gone off to work...a kid always needs it's mothers influence...gosh, i'm 19 now and i still need my mother's influence, if she was a working mother, i don't think i would have been the person i am today...*hamdulillah* that's just my opinion...mothers go through the pain of labor and stuff...that's part of our job, now the husbands should do their job and wake up 7 am every morning, bring in the money, make the wife and kid's life comfortable, and work, work, work! :) well Allah knows best...but i wouldn't mind doing the cooking, ironing, cleaning, etc... just as long as the husband is doing his job and bringing in the money to make our life comfortable, inshaAllah...it's a nice balance, wouldn't you say?! okee dokee sorry if i offended anyone...but this is what i *think* Take Caree!! Wa Salaams =) *oh yeah, ps- saleema, some of your questions are answered in the thread about a brother torn between the love of two women...i *think* it's either in this thread or bebzi stand... mujaahid- hehe welcome back bro..i was wondering why i saw no posts from you, mashaAllah, usually you're up and running with posts :)* |
| Re: House Husband |
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| Caraj |
| 12/08/01 at 00:48:50 |
| Excuse me Mujaahid ... no stress ??? Hardly work??? Just chillin' ??? Were we not talking about staying at home with the kids and doing the house work??????? no stress, hardly work, chillin'? What planet are you from ??? OOP sorry I can't type anymore I am laughing to hard. By the way if you really feel that way I have many friends that would like to marry you. One has 4 kids. :D |
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| Faisals |
| 12/08/01 at 02:17:29 |
Caraj: Please give your friends my e-mail address I believe it's a golden opportunity once must not miss it ....... :) |
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| Hania |
| 12/08/01 at 05:29:39 |
| slm I have uncles in India and Egypt who work and so do their wives. Both come home very tired BUT, it is the wife who is expected to cook and clean the dishes after a tiresome day at work. I was so shocked when I saw that the husbands don't help, but apparently if the men start cooking its seen as very shameful, cooking, cleaning, its womans work! Another incident I remember was my sister's malay friend. She came to England to study and her husband was very kind, since he gave up work in Malaysia, to accompnay her. While she spent the whole day in the classroom, he was at home, doing er......something except cooking, cleaning, washing. His wife who had her days occupied with lectures and c/w was expected to do all the cooking, and cleaning when she got home, even though he had nothing to do the whole day. It seems to certain men around the globe that women are automatic house maids and if a man dare pick up a spoon and saucepan he will melt away into non existance. I'd like to point out to men, no harm will come to you if you decided to walk to the kitchen and make a meal, your fingers will not burn off if you decide to iron your own clothes, and your hands will not explode if you decide to do the washing up :) I was very intrigued to see what the new generation of brothers would write ;) Mujaahid's answer was really great mashAllah. I was happy to see a man say he'd love to trade places. But as Cara pointed out it's not easy. With young kids you won't be waking up at 7am, some kids like to wake you up at 1am, 3am and then 5am , then maybe 7am. You have to make all the kids breakfasts. There's no milk. What will you do? What about your wife? Did you make her a packed lunch for work? Are you taking the kids to school? Your wife leaves. Are you late for school, oh no you have to get them dressed, But little Mujaahid is having a tantrum. Hes screaming and yelling and drawing on the walls with crayons, what do you do? You have to get them all to the bathroom wash them. But have YOU washed and dressed? If you go to the bathroom, who will look after the kids and make sure they don't go to the kitchen, play with the cooker, or have an accident on the stairs , you'll have to take them in the bath with you! Now you have to take little muhaajina to school. you're late! Okay theres a parents meeting tonight you forgot! Well anyway you have other things to worry about, you have to do the shopping, get milk. You have to take little muhajid to the supermarket. oh no, he runs around the shop, screaming making a scene,he wants chocolate and sweets everyone stares.you buy him chocolate to keep him quiet. you get the milk, buy stuff for lunch, dinner. how do you carry it all home with mujahid as well? finally get home, have to start on lunch, mujhid cries 'im hungry, i want chocolate'. gve him more chocolate to keep him quiet. have to collect little mujahina from school for lunch, have to make her lunch. in a rush, just make sandwiches. have to run to collect little mujahina, but then mujahid vomits, too much chocolate. have to change his clothes, have to wash clothes and iron them everyday, kids dirty their clothes so much. will clean carpet later, no time! rush home give lunch.........................it goes on and on. You still havent made dinner for your wife! done the hoovering. cleaning the dishes, done the ironing, hanging out to dry. collected kid from schools. Oh what a lonely life it is 24 hours alone with the kids... :( man if this is supposed to be easy then nuclear physics must be child's play :) |
| Re: House Husband |
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| Hania |
| 12/08/01 at 05:40:53 |
| Aisha, the wife of Muhammad (pbuh) said: "Allah's Messenger (pbuh) used to patch his sandals, sew his garment and conduct himself at home as anyone of you does in his house. He was a human being, searching his garment for lice, milking his sheep, and doing his own chores." (Narrated by al-Tirmathi). ......................................................... In the construction of the Mosque in Madina after the Hijra, he carried two sun-dried bricks while everybody else carried one. In the digging of the ditch around Madina to defend the city in the Battle of the Ditch, the Companions bound a stone around their bellies because of hunger, but God’s Messenger himself bound two, because he was more hungry than anybody else. Once, a man saw him and, due to his awe-inspiring appearance, began to tremble out of fear. The Messenger, upon him be peace and blessings, calmed him, saying: ‘Brother, don’t be afraid! I am a man, like you, whose mother used to eat dry bread.’ Again, a woman suffering from insanity pulled him by the hand and said: ‘Come with me and do my housework.’ God’s Messenger went with the woman and did the work. As reported by ‘A’isha, mother of believers, God’s Messenger patched his clothes, repaired his shoes and helped his wives with the housework. .............. Just because Allah has given men a position of authority does not give them the right to abuse it. They have to treat their wives in the best manner. Allah says (what means), "Live with them honorably." (Al-Nisa 4:19) Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "The believer with the most complete faith is the one with the best character, and the best of them are those whom treat their women the best." (Tirmidhi) |
| Re: House Husband |
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| explorer |
| 12/08/01 at 06:38:51 |
| [quote] If your wife got a job (halal job-perfectly good), which was her dream job, and she earned more money than you, how many brothers here would give up their job/career to become a house husband, (do the washing, cleaning, ironing, look after the kids (kids are say age 3 years and above and are on solids :))), to let her pursue her dream? [/quote] [slm] Just some thoughts.... Is pursuing her dream more important than raising her kids at a time when they are most vulnerable and need their mother? Has she got her priorities correct? Will she be working forever? What happens after she stops working, who will become the breadearner? the husband? If so, is he prepared with enough experience for a decent job after sitting at home? Isn't the muslim woman head of the household? Its a jungle out there and if you're not prepared for it, life will be very very tough both for yourself and family. Is that what a man wants? Lets look deeper into the situation. Sister Hania's question raises 2 scenarios, both of which are based upon the wife earning more:- 1) Husbands income is not sufficient to pay for the family so the wife, who is earning enough, works. or 2) Husbands income is sufficient for the family, but he stays at home as the wife wishes to pursue her dream and of course in the process, more $$$'s are coming in. Shariah law permits scenario 1. As for 2, the wifes first attention should be her children. "Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more strength than the other, and because they support them from their means" (iv-34) It is the husbands duty to provide financially for the family and the wife providing a stable and welfare environment for the family. A woman has every right to work, yet if this comes between her kids, then some sort of compromise needs to be made. A balance needs to be formed between a husband and wife where both partake in the upbringing of the kids. She can for example, work part time - say, mornings, or even work from home. A husband should also put in his fair share of household duties and upbringing, allowing his wife some breathing space and 'time off'. Children are the [i]first[/i] priority, not career. You won't take your career with you to your graves, but you will be questioned about your children. There is a hadith in Bukhari about this but I dont have it with me. I for one moment dont believe that any *real man* will sit on his backside with the kids and Sony Playstation ;-D while his wife is doing all the earning. [wlm] |
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| Hania |
| 12/08/01 at 09:23:05 |
| Yes you're absolutely right explorer, a sister's duty is bringing up her kids: It is our mothers who have the greatest impact upon our lives. Even while we were still in the womb, she gave us love and taught us about Islam. During our lives, she is the one who will grieve the most when we do something wrong. On the day of Judgement, Allah will ask each person’s mother is she was pleased with her child* Insha’allah, if we can make our mothers happy, then Allah will be pleased with us. :) :) :) :) :) :) But it's just nice to know there are husband's out there who appreciate what us women do, and don't see cooking and cleaning as chores that are beneath them. In Islam, childbearing, nursing and taking care of the household are considered work!!! Important work! :D If there are any *real men* out there happy to help his wife, you have given me hope :) Otherwise I will be going to sister Saleema for husband training techniques ;) ............................. on a side note, I was reading an Islamic article that said the relationship of the mother to the son is the closest relationship two human beings can have. Are there any brother's here that are more close to their mothers than fathers? Here's the picece: The relationship of the mother to the son is the closest relationship two human beings can have. That is why psychological studies show that boy babies are much more attracted to their mothers than girl babies, who demonstrate independence at a far earlier age. This is due to the Wisdom and Mercy of Allah’s great Plan, because the girl, when she grows up, will go on to be part of an entirely new family when she marries, and she will have her own children to bear and to raise. The boy, on the other hand, will be responsible for his mother until she dies. So the bond has to be very deep and very strong, that it will help the son to make the great sacrifices for the protection of his mother, especially in old age. What happens if a mother only has daughters and no sons? |
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| bhaloo |
| 12/08/01 at 11:00:10 |
| slm [quote]Are there any brother's here that are more close to their mothers than fathers? [/quote] I am, aren't all brothers that way? ??? I better not here anyone call me a momma's boy. :) Sister Hania I found your story about the little mujahidas and mujahinas to be extremely funny. :) I think Mujahid is spoiling the little ones. ;) |
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| Hajreee |
| 12/08/01 at 11:22:19 |
| Salaams Br.Bhaloo- *hmm, i never asked you, why did you chose bear as your user name? of all things, a bear?!* but anyway...yeh, most guys are closer to their mothers and most girls are closer to their fathers... in my family- that isn't the case though, we are all girls, alhamdulilah, and my dad is closet to the first two and me and my other sis are closer to my mom... but in most cases, guys are momma's boy and girls are daddy's girl :) Hania- hehe nice explanation...BUT i wouldn't call that a lonely life...life with your kids is a blessing, all the hardships and troubles that occur with the kids are always overlooked, the only thing that really matters in the end is you being with your kids :) as for brothers in this generation, i think more are open-minded about what a sister must do when she gets married, most will probably HELP out here and there, but you just have to ask them to help you out, otherwise they won't! But hmm, i'm going to say something- i think it's okay that we are left to cleaning and cooking and stuff, because that's our responsbility and it's okay that the guy is looked upon to get the income, because that is his responsibility...so sister hania, if a brother thinks you should do that stuff, i don't blame him.... but the stories you mentioned were an exception- in this case, i would say that the brother should have cleaned or atleast attempted to cook or help out his wife who is working!!! gosh, why can't brothers let down their PRIDE? this is something i will never get! :( anywho, gotta jet, so take care all Wa Salaams |
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| Lisha |
| 12/08/01 at 11:56:25 |
| As-salaam alaikum, Mash’allah, its nice to c the bros not mind doing the house chores…ect! I personally think children need their mother with them especially at an early stage of their lives.  If the mother really wants/needs to work she could always wait until her child is 4 yrs old so that she can drop her child off at nursery and go to work:) whilst the kids r at nursery/school, then both the parents could share and do the house chores (maybe even get helpers)!!! …and if the husband is earning to little may b he should b the 1 getting a better paid job or another extra job If I was the husband, I wouldn’t mind the woman working as long as she had her priorities right:) ie-not put work b4 the children!  Then again a lot of it depends on the circumstances. hehe, SrHania, that theory is sooo true, i'm a daddy's girl:) so r all ma sr's and ma bros a moms lil boy!!! lol Take care |
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| mujaahid |
| 12/08/01 at 12:41:02 |
| Assalaamu-alaikum I think Hania deserves a standing ovation for that brilliant and hilarious little story of a day with the Mujaahid kids!!! That was classic! Now i said i am prepared to be a house husband, therefore its only right that i now say what i would do in the situations which were bought up :) <You have to make all the kids breakfasts. There's no milk.> Whats wrong with tap water? <What will you do?> Give them an alternative breakfast. <What about your wife? Did you make her a packed lunch for work?> No, she's on a diet ;) <Are you taking the kids to school? Your wife leaves.> NOOOOOOO!!!!! It must have been her dodgy past!!!! I told you she would leave me!!!! <oh no you have to get them dressed, But little Mujaahid is having a tantrum.> So is big Mujaahid <Hes screaming and yelling and drawing on the walls with crayons> WAHAY!!! I'm gona join him. I LOVE writing on walls!!! <You have to get them all to the bathroom wash them.> No. I would wash them the night before. Remeber if the kids are old enough to be going to school, it means they are about 3/4 or 5 at minimum, therefore at that age they dont need me to wash them after they have been to the bathroom! <But have YOU washed and dressed?> Hey look, lets leave my personal problems out of this :) <If you go to the bathroom, who will look after the kids and make sure they don't go to the kitchen, play with the cooker, or have an accident on the stairs> Well i'll hold it in until they have gone to school!!!! <you'll have to take them in the bath with you!> Hey i dont know about you, but we use the toilet!!!! <Now you have to take little muhaajina to school. you're late!> No worries, its fashionable to be late ;) Well thats what Mr TV told me :) <Okay theres a parents meeting tonight you forgot!> Yeah but if its tonight, why would i worry about it in the morning? <you have to do the shopping, get milk. You have to take little muhajid to the supermarket.> Well, i LOVE shopping, not all that nancy stuff like buying vegghies etc, i just love wondering around the shops, especially with kids!!! <oh no, he runs around the shop, screaming making a scene> Good for him, he's a kid, thats what kids do!!! Hey i may join him!!! Imagine that, a big baby and little baby running around the shop screaming!!!! <he wants chocolate and sweets everyone stares> Why? Do they also wants chocolates and sweets? <how do you carry it all home with mujahid as well?> Make HIM carry it!! But serously, i would sit him on my shoulders and carry the shopping home, i've seen many dads do that. And when i get tired, i can sit on little mujaahids shoulders, and he could carry ME home, like father like son ;) <finally get home, have to start on lunch> WAHAY!!! FOOD!!! <mujhid cries 'im hungry, i want chocolate> No, my kids would not be spoilt to that point. If they had one choc, they would know thats all they get for the day. Its not about being stingy, or a dictator, or a nastey father, its about teaching your kids to NOT be greedy, and also making sure they dont eat too much unhealthy stuff. Remeber they are gona grow up mujaahids, to defend the ummah, therefore i dont want them walking around in 20 years time with a wheelbarrow to carry their large stomuchs in! <gve him more chocolate to keep him quiet.> No, that is what weak parents do who are reaping the affects of not teaching thier kids discipline from a young age. <have to collect little mujahina from school for lunch> WAHAY!!! I'm gona skip all the way there!!! Hold on, that was quick, i only took her to school 5 minutes ago! <have to make her lunch.> awwww, anything for my little babies :) <in a rush, just make sandwiches.> Never, my kids will eat proper meals, not any of that sandwich nonsense!!! <have to run to collect little mujahina> No, i'm gona skip all the way!!!! <but then mujahid vomits> Excellant, now we can have our vomiting competition!!! <You still havent made dinner for your wife!> I told you, she's on a diet!!! only kidding, i would find time to make her a good meal. <done the hoovering.> No, it broke down last week. <Oh what a lonely life it is 24 hours alone with the kids> Lonely? No chance, i would LOVE IT!!! Remeber i know what its like, in the last 4 years, my bro has had 3 kids, therefore i know exactly what its like!!! And it aint as hard as you make out, its a lot of fun!!!! You also forgot to mention the kids sleeping a lot during the daytime!!!! How come you left that out? Is this a conspiracy? Kids are great!!!!!! I love them, they are fun, lively, hard work yes, but well worth it. And i am more then happy to be a house husband. My kids and i would go for walks parks, go to the local field to play with thier toys, etc, go to the local park, they can watch me do the DIY, they can pray, i can teach the Alif, Bhay, Thai etc!!! What a life!!! Who want to be stuck in a boring office all day!!! Not me!!! So tell me hania, where are these wanna be working women? |
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| mujaahid |
| 12/08/01 at 14:48:18 |
| LOL!!!! Bhaloo Ya big Mummy's boy ;) |
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| bhaloo |
| 12/08/01 at 15:03:52 |
| slm [quote]LOL!!!! Bhaloo Ya big Mummy's boy ;)[/quote] Look at this madina message someone sent me, and it wasn't mujaahid! mama's boy..mama's boy..arshad is a mama's boy :-D mama's boy..mama's boy..arshad is a mama's boy :-D mama's boy..mama's boy..arshad is a mama's boy :-D mama's boy..mama's boy..arshad is a mama's boy :-D mama's boy..mama's boy..arshad is a mama's boy :-D mama's boy..mama's boy..arshad is a mama's boy :-D mama's boy..mama's boy..arshad is a mama's boy :-D mama's boy..mama's boy..arshad is a mama's boy :-D mama's boy..mama's boy..arshad is a mama's boy :-D mama's boy..mama's boy..arshad is a mama's boy :-D mama's boy..mama's boy..arshad is a mama's boy :-D [quote] Br.Bhaloo- *hmm, i never asked you, why did you chose bear as your user name? of all things, a bear?!* but anyway...yeh, most guys are closer to their mothers and most girls are closer to their fathers... [/quote] I like bears. :) |
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| mujaahid |
| 12/08/01 at 15:04:03 |
| LOL!!!!! Hilarious!!!! Someone obviously went through a lot of trouble to make a point!!! SO Bhaloo who was it that sent you it??? The deserve an award for the effort :) |
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| eleanor |
| 12/08/01 at 17:45:33 |
| slm Wow! I'm really enjoying this thread! Well as far as I'm concerned, my hubbie has said once kids are here, no more work for me! Yippee! Now that I'm back at college full time, I asked my husband what'll happen if I get pregnant. The course lasts two years and it's my last chance coz I'm getting on a bit. Well he immediately said "no problem, I'll mind the baby and you go to school and get your qualification.." Mash Allah, he's so good. He cooks and cleans more often than me! Yesterday he did all the washing and hung it up to dry. He gets Iftar food ready and wakes me for Suhoor in the morning. That's why I don't mind a bit if he asks me to do something ("can you iron my shirt/hang up my suit/make me a cup of tea") Insha Allah all you single sisters out there will get a good, loving and kind husband to accompany you through life, and to walk the straight path with you. wasalaam eleanor |
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| se7en |
| 12/09/01 at 02:18:17 |
| as salaamu alaykum wa rahmatAllah, Eleanor, mashaAllah you sound like you have it good :) May Allah bless you both. I agree with br explorer's post, absolutely. What I have issue with is brothers who deny their wives the *right* to work when they are not financially capable of supporting the family because they feel that it takes away from their "manhood" (which I have seen); and brothers who refuse to let their wives work, not because it would be detrimental to the family or harmful to the children, but simply because they *can* and like the power trip of having someone dependant upon them, and also, I think, like to inhibit the intellectual development of their spouse. Another thing.. see, I know it's my *right* that my husband maintain the family, and that accountability for the financial wellbeing of the family rests on his shoulders. But dang, that's a hard thing to accept sometimes. In all honesty, I really have trouble with the thought of being entirely dependant upon another person in that way. It's a state of vulnerabilty, and it can be exploited if he is unjust. It really just reaffirms the wisdom of the saying of Rasulullah [saw], that you should marry your daughters to men of taqwa, because if a man of taqwa is pleased with his wife he will be good to her, and if he is displeased with her in some way, even then he won't oppress her. As for staying at home with the kids.. the little kids at salatul taraweeh are enough to prove to me that you can really go insane if you're around munchkins all the time :) One sister suggested that we should send all the screaming kids to their fathers during the salah for one night, and see what happens :) I'm pretty sure they'd gain an appreciation for their wives patience :) wAllahu a'lam. wasalaamu alaykum. |
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| Lisha |
| 12/09/01 at 08:32:49 |
| ...LOL (these post put me in stitches:)) Br,mujaahid u make everything sound soooooo easy!!! Mash'allah u like spendin time with kids! Please dont take this offencively, Its fun to spend time with kids (when ur an aunty or unkle of the kid) cos u dont hav to b too serious and kids take their temper out on their mothers the most (probably cos they're closer to their to them)!! Most kids will watch their tongue when they talk to their Unkles...ect. One day when u hav time, sit down and watch how a skool kid talks to u, their mom and their dad! u may nothice they act differently 2wards each of u, not that they're 2 faced or ne thin! sorry 4 makin this serious take care |
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| Hania |
| 12/09/01 at 15:00:06 |
| [quote]Salaams BUT i wouldn't call that a lonely life...life with your kids is a blessing, Wa Salaams[/quote] True it is a blessing. But it is a lonely life because as an adult your only company for 24 hours is tweenies, finger food and under fives. Maybe lonely is not the word, maddening is better :) I just know so many new mothers who appreciate adult company after watching the same episode of a Teletubbie show for the 1,000 time. :) Being an auntie/uncle is so different from being a mum because you can always hand back the kid when you're done ;) I liked sister seven's idea on screaming kids ;) Oh and I also think Bhaloo is a *real man* for admitting he is so attatched to his mummy and loves bears. Mind you I'm not sure whether men that are so attatched to their mum's won't cause trouble for future wives :) .........YES I've been reading the 'I'm torn between two women thread'!! BTW Bhaloo what do you call your mum? Do you use mom, mum, mummy, mother or something else? Personally I think you're a 'mummy' man. In public I call mine 'ma, or mum', in private I'll say 'mummyyyyy' I love my mummy :) Sis Lisha, why does your post have the strange charaters in them? Are you using 'word' before you paste? |
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| Rashid |
| 12/09/01 at 15:12:36 |
| [slm] [quote]we should send all the screaming kids to their fathers during the salah for one night[/quote] They're already doing that here, and every 4 rakaah it's "children in the back please quiet down...please go outside if you can't be quiet...please stop talking...etc etc" Meanwhile I get the feeling the sisters are in their area laughing and giggling at us. but back to the original question: I have no problem with being a house husband, for a while at least. Then I'd feel like I have to go back to work. I love children and all, and it's not even the tantrums and the feeding and all that (I'll rule with an iron fist LOL) But I'd just feel like "OK time to go back to my original nature" now how long is a while? some months maybe...these are one of those "you have to experience for yourself to make a decision" type things. But in theory I won't have a problem changing diapers and cleaning up all day...I think....:) [wlm] |
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| Hania |
| 12/09/01 at 15:17:15 |
| slm I just thought of something. Perhaps the best relationship between husband and wife is if woman does the duties at home, if man does the work outside the home AND both appreciate each others work. I still think about sister Soleah's beautiful thread about her grandparents, written in the sisters cafe: in the 'most romantic thing your husband would do' thread, her grandparents had a wonderful relationship and perhaps its because they both appreicated the importance of one other. I reckon this feminist movement amoung women is contributing towards the break down of modern marriage. Hania. |
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| bhaloo |
| 12/10/01 at 01:37:47 |
| slm [quote]BTW Bhaloo what do you call your mum? Do you use mom, mum, mummy, mother or something else? Personally I think you're a 'mummy' man.[/quote] I call her MOM. :) Mummy and mum are the British way of doing things, so to answer your question I am not a mummy man. Here was another strange madina message I received: [quote] hahahah..sissy mama's boy [/quote] |
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| Lisha |
| 12/10/01 at 02:26:53 |
| [quote]Sis Lisha, why does your post have the strange charaters in them? Are you using 'word' before you paste?[/quote]as-salaam alaikum, Nah its all in ur mind sister;) btw all the males i know r mama's boys (especially the eldest sons):) take care |
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| solehah |
| 12/10/01 at 11:08:39 |
| Salaam Thot of giving the sister's perspective to this :) I earn way above what my husband is earning but I would never ask him to be a house husband and let me be the income earner. LOL..before the sisters shoot darts at me let me explain why. Working is not just a mean of getting money but if you do something u like, its actually a process of self-fulfillment in some parts. So I would never ask my husband to do something that would undermine his feelings about his capabilities. We have discussed about this before and my husband (bless him) told me that if situation gets dire and we need a caregiver for the children and still manage on a single income, he wouldnt mind sacrificing his job and stay at home. But I told him no. I would rather tighten my belt and practise economies and stay at home and let my husband work. Why ? Because I am already higher educated than him, already earning more than him. Insya'ALlah I am confident about my worth as a contributing person. But my zauj needs to have that space and opportunity to feel that he has worth as a contributing person. Also, from my experience, the fitrah of a woman is more suited to be the nurturer. My husband is wonderful with the children but somehow the mother's touch is so much more. I will not feel the loss in income because it will be supplanted by the opportunity to provide a loving and nurturing environment for my children. I guess too many of us depend too much on dollars and less sense. However, my husband and I, ALhamdulillah, do not have this problem because marriage to us is a partnership. So we share in everything (although he gets the bigger share heh heh). I cook, he washes the dishes. I emmm look after the children (ie I play with them and sing along to the vcd of Land Before Time lol), he does the housework. I emm...read a book when the kids are asleep and he picks up littered clothes. Ok ok....told ya he gets the bigger share of the responsibility. At the end of the day, when a couple make a decision, it should not be guided by dollars and cents but by the genuine need to see how best their family can be a family of Taqwa....Insya'Allah. Wallahualam bissawab. Wassalam |
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| BrKhalid |
| 12/10/01 at 04:30:51 |
| Asalaamu Alaikum ;-) [quote]"Allah's Messenger (Peace Be Upon Him ) used to patch his sandals, sew his garment and conduct himself at home as anyone of you does in his house. He was a human being, searching his garment for lice, milking his sheep, and doing his own chores." (Narrated by al-Tirmathi)[/quote] Slightly off the topic but if we want to nurture husbands who are capable of doing their own chores then isn't it the duty of parents to ensure that their sons have some of these skills as they grow up? I mean how do you expect little Mujaahid to start hoovering when he's married, when he's never done it before in his entire life? [Actually this reminds me of a story which happened last Eid. All the brothers were in the Masjid helping to clean for the next day's prayers. One brother got hold of the hoover and started on the carpet. As there was lots of noise from other people hoovering other areas, he didn't notice when another brother went round and took out the plug from the socket. He just carried on hoovering without a care in the world even though his hoover was off. He finally twigged when he saw us rolling around with laughter unable to contain ourselves. ;-) You can tell who does the hoovering in his house ;-) ] But anyway, if parents bring up sons with the notion that housework is not for them at all, acting on the above Hadith will be a very difficult thing to do. |
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| Arsalan |
| 12/10/01 at 09:36:20 |
| [slm] Masha Allah Sr. Solehah, an awesome post! Sisters, you need to be taking notes :) |
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| tq |
| 12/10/01 at 09:40:06 |
| Assalamo elikuim “Slightly off the topic but if we want to nurture husbands who are capable of doing their own chores then isn't it the duty of parents to ensure that their sons have some of these skills as they grow up? “ and “But anyway, if parents bring up sons with the notion that housework is not for them at all, acting on the above Hadith will be a very difficult thing to do. “ SO, true Br.Khalid. That is why I personally think that raising boys is more difficult then raising girls . “I am, aren't all brothers that wayI better not here anyone call me a momma's boy. “ Mashallah br.Arshad! being a mother of two boys I felt very happy(sentimental :) ) reading this. Ignore those messages , those people are jealous :) And I definitely agree with Sister Soleha’s posts. Wasalam tq |
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| Enayath |
| 12/10/01 at 23:59:22 |
| As Salaam Alaikum All, I usually do not post much although I have been an addict board member since last year, so bear with me please. I just could not rest until I had replied to this one. First let me tell you that when my wife had our son, it was the best thing that ever happened to our little family, but came the responsibilities and I have always believed that when you are marrried and with a baby you need to help. Peroid. Anyways to answer Sr. Hania about what would I do if my wife got a job - She had a job before I got married to her so the question did not arise (I would not have minded if she wanted to get a job if after we got married provided it was halal and she would be able to handle both the reponsibilities). Coming to the second part - Would you become a House husband, Can I say a little story plz, I always told my wife that I would like to spend some time with my little one and we always talkied about it but never came to actually do it. But in late august I was laid off from my company, which in turn was a blessing in disguise. Now I could spend sometime with my son. My first words when my boss said that they had to let me go was 'YES!!!! Finally I can spend some time with my son'. (my boss must have thought, hmmm, I just laid this guy off and here he is thanking me for it....Wierd). I have been taking care of my son ever since and I have to admit it is not always easy, but always fun. I have had the best time of my life in these few months. The third part of Sr. Hania's question, Do the washing, cleaning, ironing, looking after kids (kid in my case) so she can pursue her job. Well I guess it depends on individual basis but I am doing and I not a bit ashamed of it. Oh by the way, some of my friends think that I am nuts, and some who have kids say "Man, I wonder how you do it, I dont think I can. I am not trying to pat my own back or score some cool points with the mothers on this board but to tell you that being the house husband is the best and the most responsibe job I have ever done in my entire life. Oh by the way if any of the brothers think being a house wife is an easy job, why dont you try being one for a week,....volunteer for your sister, sister-in-law, mother, or any other related women and see how you stack up, and then we talk OK. Brothers especially who are married and with kids, I would defintely recommend you to take some time off even if it is a week (I know you will procrastinate but we all know you can do it), and spend the time with your children. I dont mean go on a vacation to Disneyland but just hang out with the kids and then see the difference that makes to your relationship. We in US are so busy chasing the mighty dollar that we sometimes forget the value of the most precious beings in our lives, our future generation, and Of Course did I forget to mention - wifes. (apart from our parents whom we should be mighty thankful to for all that they did). I think my lay off was the best thing that happened to me this year, (last year my son was born). I am so thankful to Allah (SWT) that I cannot say enough. I am enjoying my Ramadhan with my son besides me and I am having a blast. Before I go let me mention some of the perks of being a house husband, I know someone wrote a few I would like to add to that list. Perks - You dont have to shave everyday. - You can be in your jammies all day long. - You could wake up and sleep at all different times of the day, regardless of the day. - you could do what you wanted to, like surf the internet when the kids are sleeping (ok this is a strech). - You could be silly, like a kid and play with them. - You could teach the kid all sorts of cool things that you did as a baby, like rolling over your shoulders, etc. - You could play monkey faces with your kid and not be embaressed about it. - You could teach him how to pray and learn some cool rhymes from tapes like the 'We are muslims, and we are muslims 2' tapes/CDs. Also sing along with them. - You could wear a smile all day and not feel that the whole world thinks you are nuts. - You dont care if you are humbled by a kids innosense. - You would rather eat out of the kids hands than yours because it is soo sweet when they make you eat out of their tiny little hands. - You could make the little one smile in 1/10th the effort it took to to say 'Hello, how are you', to your co-workers. - You could learn that the world does not have to be only job-money-promotions-status-more money-more politics, etc, etc, etc. - You could be having the worst feeling and one look and a smile from the little one can brighten up your day. - You may have had the worst day in office or outside the home but to the kid you are still the greatest. (how could you not be humbled by it). - You may not have a penny to your name but your smile or their smile can make you feel that you are the richest person in the world. - You could make a small gesture and they start gigling and you would care less if it is ok to do that or not. I could go on but I better stop. So in light of these perks and many more, if I had the time I would put them up, why in the whole wide world would you want to forgo the simple pleasures of life and do what?. Remember that life is flying by so fast that before you know it your kids/kid is already grown up and you will miss this opportunity. I am forever thankful to Allah (SWT) for this little blessing, truly children are the best gift that he can give. I hope I have not bored everyone with my long monologue. WaSalaam, AbuTanweer |
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| BrKhalid |
| 12/19/01 at 09:24:47 |
| Asalaamu Alaikum ;-) [quote]Remember that life is flying by so fast that before you know it your kids/kid is already grown up and you will miss this opportunity. I am forever thankful to Allah (SWT) for this little blessing, truly children are the best gift that he can give. [/quote] Wonderful post Br Abu Tanweer. Jazakhallah khair for sharing ;-) |
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| BroHanif |
| 12/19/01 at 15:27:39 |
| AWW, If my wife get her dream job and its completly hallal well I'll drop my job and look after my kids. I mean whats wrong with doing the housework I don't see anything wrong with it ? , as husband and wife you both complement each other, and above all you both support each other and the other familiy units. Another thing to remember is that if she had a her dream job then she'd be happier, so whats wrong with pursuing the dream for a while. ?? And being with kids is kewl until they ask 'Whys' to everything. Salaams Hanif |
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| Kashif |
| 12/19/01 at 18:13:32 |
| assalaamu alaikum C'mon brothers.. what is wrong with you? What is this I-don't-mind-my-wife-being-the-breadwinner-so-i'll-take-care-of-the-kids attitude? You guys ought to be taken into a basement and fixed. Where is the izzah in staying at home for a man, playing with the kids while the wife is out there doing the earning? That is so embarrassing it needs to be kept a secret. Sure, i don't see a problem with 'switching' roles for a short time.. a month, a few months, a year (hmmm.. thats stretching it). There isn't a problem with the husband helping out *properly* with house chores, but for him to don the apron.... gaaaahhdd thats bad! Kashif Wa Salaam |
| NS |
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| kiwi25 |
| 12/19/01 at 18:31:57 |
| salam, well in islam, a women is the caretaker of the house and the husband provides for the house, that is their MUST jobs, and their is ajr when a women takes care of the house and the men provide but it doesnt mean that they cant reverse roles, as long as they do what they are intended then everything should be cool, i would love it if my husband were to stay home in th elast few months of my pregnancy and a few months after... i agree with seven though when she says there are those men that dont even allow their women to work, now that is just WRONG!!! wasalam nouha:) |
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| Anik |
| 12/21/01 at 00:52:51 |
| asalaamu alaikum, When you say it is wrong to not allow their wives to work, is it wrong to disapprove of their wives working? I personally am in favour of choice, but many a times there are many kids and the husband has a job which demands him for most of the day... is it then wrong to ask the wife to stay home instead of sending the kids to the babysitter or grandparents house? Of course, wives like that deserve commendation and an outlet to make use of their skills- perhaps the father can take a day off every week and the wife works on those days, or part-time. This should be roughly agreed upon before marriage or early on I feel. About being a house husband, I wouldn't mind but I admit it wouldn't be very reponsible for me Islamically... we're not talking spending some time with kids as being a house husband, but a full-time, sit-at-home-and-watch-kids-while-wife-works house husband. The best solution in this case: start working from home! That's what my father does. asalamu alaikum. abdullah,. |
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| abdulsamad |
| 12/21/01 at 17:25:26 |
Assalamu Alaikum, I'm wondering...for the sisters who grew up in the west... would you actually WANT to work or prefer to be a stay at home mom? If your husband could comfortably support you, and you stayed at home all day, do you think you would get bored? And are sisters from "back home" more comfortable with the "man's place is the workplace, woman's place is the home" thing? Wassalam, Sabri |
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| Ayla_A |
| 12/21/01 at 19:38:07 |
| [slm] [quote] I'm wondering...for the sisters who grew up in the west... would you actually WANT to work or prefer to be a stay at home mom? If your husband could comfortably support you, and you stayed at home all day, do you think you would get bored?[/quote] I grew up in the west, not as a muslim and I feel I would love the opportunity to stay home with my child full time until he/she/they started Grade 1. I think if you keep yourself busy you would not get bored. My ideal situation would be of course to work from home. So I could be home when my children needed me, have a very flexible work schedule so that I could go help out in the school, drive the kids if they need a ride all that sort of stuff. I have been searching for something like this for a little while. I have an older child (12) and when he was small I was not able to stay home with him full time, this is one of my biggest regrets. You know alot of working mothers, after their children are grown regret the time they could not spend with their children....not very many mothers who choose to stay home regret that they didn't work when their kids where small... something to think about... [wlm] Ayla_A |
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| Caraj |
| 12/24/01 at 15:41:07 |
I so much agree with Ayla_A. Let me tell you, 18 years goes by very quickly even though when they are fussy or cutting teeth or sassy teens it may not seem like it. Between cleaning, cooking and being Mommy there is not much time to get bored. |
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| Kathy |
| 12/24/01 at 19:51:25 |
[quote] would you actually WANT to work or prefer to be a stay at home mom? [/quote] Prefer and want to stay at home! [quote] if your husband could comfortably support you, and you stayed at home all day, do you think you would get bored?[/quote] I stay home- even tho we could use more money- and never complain about doing without. Also- I have never been bored- but then I am very active in my son's school and other volunteer work... |
| NS |
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| Kashif |
| 12/24/01 at 19:57:37 |
| assalaamu alaikum Actually about a week ago, i read that 60% of women would prefer to leave work after having a kid. Kashif Wa Salaam |
| NS |
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