What do sisters look for in a husband

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What do sisters look for in a husband
mujaahid
12/13/01 at 15:25:18
Assalaamu-alaikum

I have an important question for the sisters, dont know if this has ever been discussed in detail before so i thought i'd ask now.

What do sisters look for in a potential husband?

I'm referring here to these following things and would be grateful if sisters could give thier opinions on all 9 points.

1)Imaan,

2)looks,

3)education,

4)family,

5) race/culture,

6) height,

7) build?

8) Bro's past (ie. former drug user, addict, drinker, dater etc)

9) beard etc!!

Jazaakullah

P.S No long discussions/essays please, i just want a kind of short response!!!
IMHO
NinthMuharram
12/13/01 at 16:20:05
Assalamualaikum,

Bismillah ar-Rahman ar-Rahim

I think this is a tricky question. Answering these questions would somehow let other people have an insight on the person answering the questions, but that's just an assumption. What we assume of other people will remain an assumption. Only Allah s.w.t knows whats going on in the mind of the questioner and the person answering ;) . I'll begin answering the question before I start writing an essay. The answers might change in the future, the answers have changed in the past. Only Allah knows what's going in my mind as I sometimes remain confused with my own mind.


1)Imaan
Only Allah knows the level of Iman of my future husband. All I can do is make du'a that Allah will give me someone that will lead me to Allah, encourage me to do more for my Ummah and never stop me to do it. I believe , in order for me to expect these from another person would be to start from myself. If I want something/one I'd have to work hard on myself  and raise the bar of my conducts in Islam. InsyaAllah. Only Allah knows best


2)looks  
Don't care. But of course it'll be wonderful to have someone who cares abt his own personal hygiene,health and doesn't look like he's just returned from the Survivor, The Game Show.


3)education
Don't really need someone who says this.. "Here's my list of qualification, I'll be the super candidate to father your child"
I myself is a drop out, aspire to be Bill Gates ;) . Somehow, in my short life I've proven to many people with the help of Allah, that I can work well. You can ask my boss ;) . Anyways, I'd like someone that will encourage me (and himself) to pursue education. Or else who's gonna answer my kids when they say this .."Mom, can you explain the types of display adapters: VGA, SVGA and graphic accelerators
Accelerated Graphics Port (AGP) video and also the refresh, interlace & multisync capability" <-- gotta attend this training next week on 2nd day of Eid *sigh* spending it at work.


4)family
If by family you mean the Line of Family, whether he is from a line of prominent Muslim Scholars or Basketball players . I don't think so. But it'll help very much to know the family is accepting me into their family. When I marry the guy, I am also marrying the family, his parents become my parents and they have rights upon me that I need to fulfill. It'll be hard to get inlaws that keep saying this.. "We have other candidates. You are not from the line of family we wanted.." . Again, Allah knows best. But I do hope not to be in the situation as I have very limited sabr at this point of time.


5) race/culture
Don't care. It'll be fun exploring another person's culture. It's all abt diversity. But if this is what he wants "Look, in my culture we don't cook that way. That's *your* culture. When you marry me you leave your culture" . Then I ain't marrying him. I love my culture and my race and I do want the person I love to share the same love, and vice versa

6) height, 7) build? <-- don't care

Bro's past (ie. former drug user, addict, drinker, dater etc)<-- I'm not perfect, I don't ask for perfection. Even the Prophet's sahabah has their own past and when they accepted the Deen, they then led a beautiful life. But of course I'd advice the sisters to be careful on this matter. Only you know what you want for yourself. And Allah knows best. But I'd need him to take all the proper test for any diseases, I'd request this even if he doesn't have this kind of past.

9) beard etc!! <-- You may assume anything you want of me but this is not in my major list of "What I want my husband to be"

If I have offended anyone in answering this question, pls forgive me for I answer this mix with emotions and life experience. May Allah grant all of you His Blessings, InsyaAllah.

Wassalam
















Re: What do sisters look for in a husband
kareema
12/13/01 at 18:04:48
Iman-It's very true that just by looking at outward practices, it may not be possible to see the real level of their iman. I would like a guy who holds fast to the Shariah, and has a deep attachment to Islamic beliefs. This is probably the hardest one of all, but generally a good Muslim, with his faults(they should be small) in areas that I wouldn't be so affected by.

Looks- He has to a flat out stud. Period.

Really, I don't think I want an 'ugly' husband-however, if I was sure we would be a good match, I'd probably pass on this one. After all, looks will probably only last the first 10 years of marriage anyway, after that it's pot belly time. Projecting an Islamic image is important, clothing, hygiene wise etc.

Education-I don't think you met Islamic, but I'll tell you anway. I want him to have a good grasp of Quran and also familiarity with Sunnah.
Secular wise, I want a big family, and a high school diploma would probably not support that. I don't want to have to work, so probably for starters a BA in some field where there's a lot of demand is what I would want.

Family-I would really like to get along with his family. If they were all good practing Muslims, it would be great. Realistically though, if he can avoid their influence, its not so necessary. Also, if we could get along to the extent where it would be a pleasure to have long visits, that's a great advantage. If his family doesn't accept me, I would be wary of marrying him, especially if he is very attached to them.

Race is not very important, the culture is though. I would certainly consider marrying outside my own African-American background, but going back to the family acceptance issue, I would be careful about it.
If the husband to be is a different culture altogether(Traditional Arab, Pakistani etc.) with very little experience with American culture, I would again be cautious, and look to see his thoughts of American Muslims.

height:I'm 5'7, but I would marry someone a couple of inches shorter than me, I was engaged to a guy a little shorter than me.

Build: Preferably not stick thin, but not body-builder type. Somewhere in between with a little bit of definition would be nice.


Past: I agree with Ninth Muharram, also I think the past is an important part of a person's makeup, so I would want to have some idea, religous, secular or cultural, where he's coming from. I don't need to know every little detail, but some pointer in that direction would be helpful. I'd hate discovering(I hate surprises) a year into the marriage something that totally changes the light I see him in, unless it was something good of course. I know people say you should cover sins, but some things (dater) can continue to affect the future, so I'd like to know about those.

Beard:definitely! I love those! Especially if they're well-groomed and stylish.
NS
hasn't this been asked before..
princess
12/13/01 at 19:51:35
walikumas'salaam warahmatullah ;-D

1)Imaan this is 1 of the most important things i look @..he has to be down with islam, (i.e., practicing, abiding..) i would prefer someone who is more practicing then myself..as i'd want someone to kind keep me going when i'm being lazy..i also think this is important because a father is someone the kids will look to..and if he's not down with islam, then the kids r gonna not wanna be either..

2)looks [i]I[/i] have to be attracted to him..even if the rest of the world finds him not so appealing to [i]their[/i] eye..;) i've never been big on looks..if he looks good, hey..that's a plus for me ;) ;-D

3)education as long as he's edcuated enough to do whatever makes him happy (career-wise) then it's all good with me..i have no preference..:)

4)family i'm HUGE on family, alhamdulillah..;-D i would need/want him to be as well..i spend a lot of time with my family, so i would want someone who's come from the same feel..so it wouldn't be a problem for him to adjust to that type of enviornment..

5) race/culture  race i have no issues with..but whatever race he is, i would want him to be down with his own culture :)

6) height being tall myself..i would want someone @ least 6ft..if not taller ;-D

7) build? not too built (rocky) not too small (peewee herman) but like..will smith ;-D

8) Bro's past this may be the saddest thing..but..now a days..there's a lot of muslims even who fall into the drinking/drugs life..it sometimes hard to tell before [i]really knowing[/i] the person..not to say i would be ok with that..but if he's repented sincerely..then Allhu alam..as far as someone dating in his past..it's not as big of a deal to me..(insert repenting line here :))

9) beard etc!! i would think this would fall under the "looks" catergory..lekin, if he's got 1, he's got 1..if not, then i don't mind..:)
Re: What do sisters look for in a husband
Caraj
12/13/01 at 21:55:32
Hi
1)Imaan??? I don't know what that is.

2) looks, really doesn't matter. What really matters is very good personal hygiene.

3)Education. hmmm Well I have known wise men with no formal training and college educated with out a lick of sense. If I can carry on a mature, stimulating and sometimes even a challenging conversation about all subjects that is cool.

4)Family:  I didn't marry as such but if I could of had my way I wish his family was closer and more family oriented. I think family and love and closeness and such are so important. But my hubby's Mother died when he was 17 and the rest are not close.

5)race/culture: Doesn't matter to me.It is but a shell and to me the inside counts, the mind and the heart

6)Height: Always prefered my height or taller. I am 5'5"

7) Build: I don't mean to be shallow here but I myself? I prefer a normal to heavier build man. I just am not, hmm how do I say this. Skinny isn't attracting to me.

8)Past: Doesn't matter and if it is anything not good, so long as they have over come it and the problem and/or situation is atleast 1 to 2 yrs past. Preferably 2 yrs or more in the past.

9) Beard:  :) I have always prefered facial hair on a man.

Now I must add I am 40 and have sons 22 and 23 and my opinions have changed much since I was in my 20's and even in my 30's.
Hope this helps
Re: What do sisters look for in a husband
se7en
12/13/01 at 23:40:31

as salaamu alaykum,

We had a thread somewhat similar to this before, you can check it out [url=http://www.jannah.org/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.pl/YaBB.pl?board=sisters&action=display&num=846]here[/url].    It's interesting how people change :)

Cara, iman is the Arabic word for faith.
Re: What do sisters look for in a husband
Anonymous
12/14/01 at 11:46:42
Salams all

heres my reply, this is all in fun, but the
majority is true ;)

1)Imaan, +++++major plus---it has come to my realization that I want
and need a brother with mad hayaa, son---I love that. And that they can
help me as well u know. I need a brother who is "deening" you can see him deening, you can feel him deening---ya know what Im mean.

2)looks,---not sooo important, I mean its like this , when u know the
brother is real and u know how he is and what he's all about , and the
different things that he does that make u say DAMN, Allah blessed me---u
will over look that---trust me , ma I know ;)

3)education, ---I mean I would like someone who is as my sista said "lettered"
LOL ;)---we are life long learners, as long as he is with
that then its all good, but I would like to have decent conversations
with him and I would like if he had the attitude  he doesn't understand
something he's quick to say I don't understand , teach me , help me
understand, no ego stuff, no pride---"I'm a MAN, I know every thing, NOT"

4)family, ---important but I understand if u have difficulties---BUT as
long they are respectful and patient then its all good, but they
better NOT diss me, u know what I'm saying--and the way he treats his mama,
might be the way he treats u ;) and no mama's boy, please cause I'm
neither of those 'mamas or dada's lil girl', ya know

5) race/culture,  doesn't matter much, but like one sista said it "no
cultural baggage" :P nah, let me stop, my thing is as long as he's al
right with it , his family is, and they don't try to diss me then its all
good, cause I know my family is VERY open about that, so I don't care
and u know me , I want a Sudanese, somalian, British talking, Asia...etc
and of course my peoples LATINOS in da house and I cant forget my
chocolate brothers --oh yeah and I wouldn't mind a vanilla here and there a
little br. bob if I can LOL LOL

6) height,
Ummmm, u should know better, I mean I would love if the brother is like
taller then me ( I mean we gots to look good together, sheeshh can a
sista dream for a mint.), u know but hey if that's the only thing missing
then I guess ill go with it, BUT he cant be mad short. The shortest he
could be is like a bit, I mean a tiny bit shorter then me, u know ( I
need a basketball players height,ya know what I mean,I'm a tall girl)

7) build?
umm, I like slim brothers, tall slim.....not into big muscles and
stuff, he can be built but no body builders . Nothing like that, that kind
stuff turns me off a bit, I know I'm like weird---so yeah I'm into slim
guys ummm not skinny, slim--so get it right

8) Bro's past (ie. former drug user, addict, drinker, dater etc)
well, it depends, cause I have a past, that's something we need to talk
about, but I'm not going to discriminate u know, it depends how his
past is playing into his present and future, u know (And we ALL got a
past).

9) beard etc!!
hey if he got one, then baby rock it, BUT u gotta rock it well, and if
u don't its all good, Allah knows why, and if he can throw down some
tim's with a thob, oh man he got me son, he got me :-D and a kufi then u
know I'm tripping, LOL

***For the record, this sista is not looking to get married,

peace









Re: What do sisters look for in a husband
Anonymous
12/14/01 at 12:07:56
as salaam alaikum,

that post right there ^ has got to be one of the funniest I have EVER read on the entire board.  I was laughing so hard I was crying yo :)

[quote]it has come to my realization that I want
and need a brother with mad hayaa, son---I love that. And that they can
help me as well u know.[/quote]
Hayaat-ic brothers are hard to find though, know what I'm sayin?  But I hear you son.  The quiet, spiritual brothers are the ones that get me.

[quote]2)looks,---not sooo important, I mean its like this , when u know the brother is real and u know how he is and what he's all about , and the different things that he does that make u say DAMN, Allah blessed me---u will over look that---trust me , ma I know [/quote]
You think it's the same for brothers though?  I think there are like ten, maybe fifteen brothers tops in the states that would be able to say, "you know, she's not all that pretty physically.. but I'm not looking for a model, I'm looking for a companion in this battle of mujahida.. and she seems like a warrior worth having by my side."

You know any brothers like that, you let me know aiite :)

[quote]3)education, ---I mean I would like someone who is as my sista said "lettered" LOL ;)  ---we are life long learners, as long as he is with that then its all good, but I would like to have decent conversations with him and I would like if he had the attitude  he doesn't understand something he's quick to say I don't understand , teach me , help me understand, no ego stuff, no pride---"I'm a MAN, I know every thing, NOT" [/quote]
Hahahahah.. yo man, nothing wrong with wanting a lettered brother.  Education does not equal wisdom, a degree does not equal knowledge, but you want someone you can have an intelligent conversation with.  Right?!!  Yeah, that's what I thought.  Stop making me feel guilty. :P

And what man do you know that can say "I don't know, help me understand".  I think you're dreaming sis.. floating around in the clouds :)

[quote]5) race/culture,  doesn't matter much, but like one sista said it "no cultural baggage" :P nah, let me stop my thing is as long as he's alright with it , his family is and they don't try to diss me then its all good, cause I know my family is VERY open about that, so I don't care and u know me , I want a Sudanese, somalian, British talking, Asia...etc and of course my peoples LATIONS in da house and I cant forget my chocolate brothers --oh yeah and I wouldn't mind a vanilla here and there a little br. bob if I can LOL LOL [/quote]
Hahahahhahaha... you're gonna have some rainbow colored brother named Tyronmut'aahjuan or somethin.  Just keep it real son you know you're gonna marry salman.. but I hear he's real organized so you don't have to worry about anything there. ;)

[quote]6) height,
Ummmm, u should know better, I mean I would love if the brother is like
taller then me ( I mean we gots to look good together, sheeshh can a
sista dream for a mint.), u know but hey if that's the only thing missing
then I guess ill go with it, BUT he cant be mad short. The shortest he
could be is like a bit, I mean a tiny bit shorter then me, u know ( I
need a basketball players height,ya know what I mean,I'm a tall girl)[/quote]
Whatever man.. your boy is gonna be 5'2" and *quiet*, just watch :)

[quote]9) beard etc!!
hey if he got one, then baby rock it, BUT u gotta rock it well, and if
u don't its all good, Allah knows why, and if he can throw down some
tim's with a thobe, oh man he got me son, he got me :-D and a kufi then u know I'm tripping, LOL[/quote]
Hahahahhahahha :) :)

First of all, no thank you to these desi sensation craig david l-train style beards.. i like beards sunnah style ;-)

As for thobes and tims.. only certain brothers can rock it.. I don't know if brother bob could do it justice

[quote]***For the record, this sista is not looking to get married,[/quote]
May Allah reward you and grant you a spouse that is khayr for you ;)

Hahahah.. your post ROCKED.. love you girl :-*

salaam
Re: What do sisters look for in a husband
Hania
12/14/01 at 07:59:35
[quote]Assalaamu-alaikum
[color=red]
1)Imaan, [/color]
I agree with what princess said. I'd like someone more knowledgable than myself so he can teach me and the kids :) I don't want a crazy fanatic that is hell bent about revenge and killing everyone. I also don't want someone that follows a group like a sheep, I'd rather he question and know what he was doing. I just prefer a guy that practices Islam properly, with peace and forgiveness in his heart.
[color=orange]
2)looks, [/color]
When I meet people with amazing personalities they always seem to look physicaly attractive to me even if they look like the back end of a bus. But if I haven't spoken to the person two things I like are kind eyes and someone who smiles a lot. Oh and I don't like men who are obsessed wth designer labels. Cheap asda/wallmart wear looks fine.
[color=yellow]
3)education, [/color]
There's something about a man with brains that makes my heart beat faster. I really respect educated men that use their brains to help others. Like human rights lawyers, doctors that help in poor countries, the imam in the mosque that gives advice to everyone , islamic speakers who have the knowledge to teach and represent muslims.
[color=green]
4)family, [/color]
I would like someone whose parents get on with my parents and give blessing for their son to marry me. But if they are a convert and their familes are against them entering Islam, then I'd make sure they are really welcome in my family.
[color=blue]
5) race/culture, [/color]
I think babies from mixed cultures are sooooooo cute! Plus you get to go on two different holiday destinations, you become bilingual and there's a variety of food to eat!
[color=purple]
6) height,[/color]
Taller than a smurf.
[color=red]
7) build?[/color]
Strong enough to carry home the shopping.
[color=orange]
8) Bro's past (ie. former drug user, addict, drinker, dater etc)[/color]
Depends on what he's done. Yes if has changed and become a true muslim why not, but if he was a former murderer or Paedophile I may say no.
[color=yellow]
9) beard etc!![/color]
I don't mind if he has facial hair as long as he doesn't mind my facial hair :)

[/quote]
Re: What do sisters look for in a husband
Ayla_A
12/14/01 at 16:41:59
[slm]

[color=red]1)Imaan,[/color]Definitely has to be the most important issqe, to be truly practicing!!  Also someone that is not afraid to research an issue and come up with a good solution when it comes to Islam and to not let culture overcome the beauty of the religion

[color=red]2)looks,[/color] Well I think looks is up to each person in general, I feel that there has to be something that attracts you to that person physically, but most times if their personality is awsome, they will be attractive in your own eye.

[color=red]3)education,[/color] I think it is important that the person be educated both in Islam as well as in school.

[color=red]4)family,[/color]They have to be close to their family and very respectful for their parents.  I think alot of how they will treat their spouse is directly related to the type of relationship they have with their parents.  If they hide things from their parents, it is a good chance that they will hide them from their spouse and I am of the thought that there should not be anything hidden between a man and wife.

[color=red]5) race/culture,[/color]Not important at all.  Someone said it best (Caraj) that the body is only the shell!!!

[color=red]6) height,[/color] My hubby is only 1 inch taller than me, I never thought I would ever be with someone of this height, but it doesn't really matter.

[color=red]7) build?[/color]This is also not important cause most men loose this as they age anyways.

[color=red]8) Bro's past (ie. former drug user, addict, drinker, dater etc)[/color] I think this is something that I personally would have to really take care of.  It is very easy to fall back into an addiction (once an addict always and addict) so I would have to think very long and hard before getting involved with someone with these issues.

[color=red]9) beard etc!![/color] Well I guess for me this is not such an issue because as the way I understand the Hadith that the Prophet[saw] said that during war that the men must wear their facial hair different from the people they are at war with, so I see this is something that needs to be done in certain circumstances and not all the time.  I would no discourage my husband from wearing a beard if he choose to (I have encouraged him to grow it)

[wlm]
Ayla
Re: What do sisters look for in a husband
Anonymous
12/15/01 at 01:22:15
what do women look for in a Husband?

Money!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Re: What do sisters look for in a husband
Lisha
12/15/01 at 01:36:41
[quote]what do women look for in a Husband?

Money!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!![/quote]as-salaam alaikum,

hehe! just wat i was abt to say!
Also has to b a good practicin muslim (ie-PATIENT PERSON). Tall, handsom, 6ft+, Highly educated, No pasts (mr perfection)!!! half caste with different col eyes to me, either a realy long beard or no beards (i'm still thinkin, i'll get back to ya's);)

...tell me if i've missed somthing!!!

take care
Re: What do sisters look for in a husband
mujaahid
12/15/01 at 08:19:17
Assalaamu-alaikum

I missed an important point, MAJOR point in my list!!!!But some of you have mentioned in anyway.

So i'll ask now, i see some of your sisters mention you want a bro with a fantastic personality, what do you mean by this? Someone loud, noisey who gets everyones attention, the kind of king of the class types? What about bros who are shy/quiet types? Which one would sisters prefer? Loud or quiet?

And what exactly do you mean by fantastic personality?
Re: What do sisters look for in a husband
Ayla_A
12/15/01 at 14:42:34
[wlm]

My idea of a great personality is someone that likes to talk, but doesn't have to be the center of attention.  Someone funny, but serious when they need to be.  Someone that people enjoy being around, you know the type of person I mean.  Someone that is not scared to express his fears, hopes and dreams to his wife.

What I don't like in a personality - someone that does not know how to control their temper, loud obnoxious people.  I also do not like people that think they have to tell the world around them what is going on in their life.

I guess I am pretty picky but it is the personality of that person that you will have to spend the rest of your life with, not the shell so to speak.

Ayla
Re: What do sisters look for in a husband
kiwi25
12/15/01 at 19:23:41
salam,

iman --  everyone always say the first thing they want in a hubby is good iman, i agree but i cant expect him to be the most perfect guy in the world, i mean i have faults and im sure he has faults too (liek everyone else) and inshallah when we get married, we can work on them together :)

looks -- it would be great if he was good looking but someone said this before, looks just fade within time, at the end looks arent important, i mean are you going to divorce your hubby when he's old and shriveled?

education -- the way i see this is educations leads to money which leads to being able to afford marriage, wasnt there a REALLY big discussion about this before?

family --  i dont think a person should be judged by their family, i think my own family would see this as more of a problem if the his family was bad but he wasnt than i would

race/culture -- dont matter

height -- i want him to be taller than me

build -- i think this goes with looks

bro's past -- if he repented to Allah(SWT) and he did a complete 360 degrees change, then he deserves someone....i would take him

beard -- this is me personnaly... i dont want him to have a loooooong beard but some facial hair... it is still sunnah

personality -- other than being a good muslim, i want him to have a good sense of humor and he must be ROMANTIC,.... i was touched by the thread "what was the most romantic thing your hubby ever did to u" :)

wasalam
nouha:)
Re: What do sisters look for in a husband
nehar
12/18/01 at 07:25:56
[quote]
Tall, handsom, 6ft+, Highly educated, No pasts (mr perfection)!!! half caste with different col eyes to me, either a realy long beard or no beards (i'm still thinkin, i'll get back to ya's);)
[/quote]

[slm]

Lis, im sure we can get one of those off the super market shelf

[wlm]

Nehar
Re: What do sisters look for in a husband
Kathy
12/18/01 at 10:51:20

[quote]Imaan??? I don't know what that is.[/quote]

[quote]Now I must add I am 40 ... and my opinions have changed much since I was in my 20's and even in my 30's.[/quote]

So true!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hmmm..... I would love to respond- but I do not want to give the impression that I am looking for #3..... ;)

Imman- faith- lifestyle- Religion as a way of life- not a Sunday (Friday) Warrior!

Re: What do sisters look for in a husband
amal
12/18/01 at 11:58:37
[quote]

I would love to respond- but I do not want to give the impression that I am looking for #3..... ;)

[/quote]

You should post Kathy..You have the wisdom that can only come with experience and i,for one, could use some off-the-record advice on the subject ;)





Re: What do sisters look for in a husband
blissfull
12/18/01 at 16:30:26
slm

A human being!

this covers 99.999999 percent of the problem

and the bit thats left ?!

i will forgive.......

Re: What do sisters look for in a husband
Mahmoodah
12/19/01 at 10:37:53
salam
Nehar n Lisha know wat i want!!!
heheheee!

i want sum1 with more then 5 castes, n practicing!!!1
nah... just kiddin;)  i just say dat to wind ma mom up!!!
neways...

1)Imaan... VERY imp!!!! i want

2)looks, i dont want mr ugly! but not to good lookin, coz i'll look bad, hehehee... actually i want sum1 slightly ugly, dat way i'll feel good infront of him AND no1 will hav evil eyes on him!!

3)education... i dont want an illeterate, sum1 cleva mailly islamically educated!

4)family... Who am i marrying? him or his family???
if i like him, i'll b prepared 2 put up w/ his faily!

5) race/culture... PLZZZZZZ a non-asian, but actually i dont mind, as long as hes not just 1 type, i want afew castes:D
i hate da caste system, hehee

6) height... OBVIOUSLY taller then me, but dats not hard coz i'm mega short! hehehee! i dont think height is dat imp!

7) build... not toooo skinny, not too fat! AVERAGE!
well built, and REALLY tuff!

8)Past.... well yea, dependts! if its gal friends, but not commited zina, den i'm fine!
BUT if hes smoked or took drugs, den NO WAYS!

9) Beard.... aarghhhhhhhh!!! i dont want a chacha or grandad!

NE1 interested??? LOL
Re: What do sisters look for in a husband
Mahmoodah
12/22/01 at 10:43:15
... btw i'm NOT lookin, so dont taker it rong, lol
me was jokin b4!, lol

wa-salam

Re: What do sisters look for in a husband
mujaahid
12/19/01 at 16:04:58
Assalaamu-alaikum

<2)looks, i dont want mr ugly! but not to good lookin, coz i'll look bad, hehehee... actually i want sum1 slightly ugly, dat way i'll feel good infront of him AND no1 will hav evil eyes on him!!>

Yeah but if he has good imam, and lowers his gaze, having women looking at him wont really be a problem!!!

<4)family... Who am i marrying? him or his family
if i like him, i'll b prepared 2 put up w/ his faily!>

Family can be nastey, especially to sisters/daugthters in  law.

<6) height... OBVIOUSLY taller then me, but dats not hard coz i'm mega short! hehehee! i dont think height is dat imp!>

hmmmm

<7) build... not toooo skinny, not too fat! AVERAGE!
well built, and REALLY tuff!>

HMMMMM!!!!! You may be discribing the mujaahid!!!

<9) Beard.... aarghhhhhhhh!!! i dont want a chacha or grandad!>

But you said islaamic, now he must have beard if he's islaamic!

<NE1 interested LOL>

Hmmmmm :)

I'll put my mods hat on and say this

This is not a matrimonial site so PURLEASE!!!!....actually (taking mods hat off)...if anyones interested.....;)
Re: What do sisters look for in a husband
Caraj
12/22/01 at 02:42:03
I know I already answered this thread but would like to add another.

A kind heart is a major thing in a man.

My husband and I are the product of and internet courtship (for lack of a better way of putting it(We emailed the first 6 months then emailed and did the over seas phone call thing for months after that.

What really impressed me was I was working on a ranch and the woman's husband made a pass at me. I was so upset and angry I was quiting. At that time I told my husband (who was just my pc email pen pal back then that) I was going through a hard time and may not be on the pc for a week or two. He said he was not being noisy but he was there if I wanted to talk about it and said he was a good listener. I told him I would prefer not to say and I thanked him and asked him to please remember me in his prayers.  

I then decided to move out of state. My husband (friend at the time) didn't even know me and on the pc sent me a guardian angel e-card. He asked me to print it out and take with me.

Talk about ... WOW. I learned my husband had a heart like no other I ha` ever met before. He will do things for people and love people with no expectations, demands nor conditions.

So sisters my opinion is if you meet a man who is loving and kind to not only you but to those around him don't worry about the looks or family or education.

Past stuff ... When it comes to things like drugs, alcohol or divorce and such I always say if the person has asked forgiveness and corrected the situation and atleast a year and preferably two have gone by then forgive and go on.

I myself have a past and some of it I'm not at all proud of. I was really really dumb when I was younger. My husband, thank God was not concerned with my past. He didn't care where I came from, was concerned about who I am today. If I mess up, make mistakes, whatever, he still loves me. Even if I get ornery  (which hardly ever happens) :)  he still loves me.   um ... er... I guess lying is a sin huh?   :) ok ok well when I get ornery which happens more than I care to admit  :)

Sisters I'd go for a kind, caring and compassionate heart
Re: What do sisters look for in a husband
MentallectCom
01/01/02 at 16:45:50

[list]*Imaan:

In this matter, all I ask is that the brother understand a persons deen is as individual as ones ability to learn. No matter if he's a new Shahada or a Mufti. And also that he be interested being my partner Islamically, meaning we lean on each other when we're stuck on a particular issue concerning our deen. If I feel like I have to hide my shortcomings to my husband, I wouldn't be with them for very long.

* Looks:

I'm not particularly picky. I wouldn't invest myself in a person who was conspiculously obese because not only is it unhealthy, but it just turns me off. I'm not crazy about sculpted physiques either. I'd most prefer a man who looks like a healthy adult for his stature. Even ripped guys who work out and are very defined kind of throws me off. It strikes me as fake. *shrug* I dunno, I'm crazy. Moving along..

*Education:

Islamically, again, I don't mind which level they're at as long as they're not obnoxious about their knowledge or ignorance. However if my mate isnt a thinker, or lacks common sense......I just cant tolerate that. A decent sense of logic is a must.


*Family:

I really don't like the idea of my spouse having intrusive family members in our business. I barely let my own family in mine. And I love kids.

*Race/Culture:

I've come to the conclusion that I would much rather prefer I deal with an Americanized Muslim. Race is irrelevant.


*Height:

Doesnt matter.


* Build:

Answered above


* Bro's past (ie. former drug user, addict, drinker, dater etc)

As with anyone I'd consider marrying, I'd have them tested for possible diseases. And I'd want to know of their past...if they were drinkers..etcetera. Only because I want to know exactly how much they've grown as a person. Theres something to be said for 'tainted' people who emerge out of their past and develop as well rounded Muslims. It shows they have the stuff it takes to tough it out of trouble and strife. REAL strife like being an alcoholic involves physical and egotistical conquest. I admire it. But I'd love a guy who grows up realizing drinking alcohol and drugs are just pretty damn stupid and don't mess with them in the first place.

* Beard etc!!

Depends on the guy. I'm flexible either way




*P.S No long discussions/essays please, i just want a kind of short response!!!

Ooops, sorry. I already typed all that stuff out.
Re: What do sisters look for in a husband
Kathy
01/02/02 at 09:38:41

[quote]As with anyone I'd consider marrying, I'd have them tested for possible diseases.  [/quote]


Curious- has anyone ever asked a marriage partner contender to do this?

How well did it go over?
Re: What do sisters look for in a husband
se7en
01/03/02 at 04:44:04

as salaamu alaykum,

Kathy I don't know if you remember [url=http://www.jannah.org/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.pl/YaBB.pl?board=sisters&action=display&num=1248]this[/url] thread, but brother Nalasra's response was this:

[quote]what next, skull measurements? history of retardation in family? instances of hereditary diseases? genetic propensity to carcinomas? They call it discrimination and profiling out there in the west. [/quote]
That was a crazy discussion :)
Re: What do sisters look for in a husband
Kathy
01/03/02 at 08:28:41
wlm

;)

Of all my posts- this is one I remember best... I think you dubbed it "Kathy's Horror Story"

:)


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