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What do bros look for in a wife
mujaahid
12/13/01 at 15:28:58
Assalaamu-alaikum Guys i just wanted to ask you all a few simple questions on what you would look for in a potential wife. I'm referring here to these following things and would be grateful if brothers could give thier opinions on all 9 points. 1)Imaan, 2)looks, 3)education, 4)family, 5) race/culture, 6) height, 7) build? 8) Sisters past (boyfriends etc) 9) Hijab, Nikab Jazaakullah P.S No long discussions/essays please, i just want a kind of short response as i've mentioned to the sisters!!

Re: What do bros look for in a wife
abdulsamad
12/13/01 at 22:34:25
Assalamu 'Alaikum,           Why don't you go first, mujaahid! ;-) Wassalam

Re: What do bros look for in a wife
explorer
12/14/01 at 05:10:30
My sentiments exactly! :) Mujaahid, take the lead, we'll follow.... I'll post my answers up tonight.

Re: What do bros look for in a wife
Caraj
12/14/01 at 05:45:19
mujaahid... Only one word for you... "haha"  :) Open mouth... insert keyboard You go first, inquiring minds wanna know Not being rude, just having fun

Re: What do bros look for in a wife
mujaahid
12/14/01 at 10:34:48
Okay okay!!! You win!! sigh here goes....ooo look is that the time? I gota go ;) Only kidding!!! 1)Imaan, Well imaan MUST be fairly strong. She must be the type that puts islaam first in everything. I dont want any of them "liberal" types, ie. "it dont matter if our daughter wants to wear skirts or reveal her body, or not wear the hijab, its ok if our son has girlfriends, and hangs in gangs, its part of growing up!!". No, i want a strong muslim women, she dont have to been an alima, of super strict, but as long as islaam is most important to her, and she looks to islaam in everything she does, then i am happy.   2)looks, Well i dont really want a super-model, or miss world, in fact i would rather NOT have such a women because of all the attention, looks from men etc. I dont really want an UGLY wife, although ugly is something i rarely see, if ever. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I want someone ok looking. 3)education, i want a really dumb sisters! One that walks into lamposts and then apologises to them!!! lol!! Only kidding! Well education dont bother me one bit, because i am more into the spiritual side. To be spiritual, you dont need to have a high degree! I want someone intelligent, not in terms of highly educated, or nuclear sceintist, just someone intelligent on everyday life, someone who i can have a good discussion with, also a strong personality, none of them: Mujaahid: Look what you done, you burnt the chikcen!!! Wife: WAA WAA WAA I CAN'T TAKE THIS!!!! I'M USLESS!!! cath my drift? I want someone like this: Mujaahid: Look what you done, you burnt the chicken!!! Wife: Dont diss my chiken mister!! You just eat it up or else!! Mujaahid: squeak squeak!! Okay. Do you understand? I dont want a man beater, but i also dont want those sofite types that let themselves get pushed around!!! I want a women who can stand up for herself, because muslim women get a lot of grief from people. 4)family, All that i want is a family who will accept me. 5) race/culture, Dont matter one bit. In fact i would prefer marrying someone from another culture, either white or black simply because its more interesting, fun and adventourous mixing with other muslims of different cultures!!! You get to see different traditions, different foods, etc etc, all in ways which islaam allows!!! 6) height, Someone same height or shorter, not taller!! I'm 5'8, so aint THAT many sisters taller then me, a few same height, but not many taller!!!   7) build? Well DEFINATELY not skinny/aneroxic types!!! Bones and skin, how horrid!! I would prefer someone average. But overall, be they thin, average, or chubby, as long as thats how they are naturally, i'm happy. I dont want any of those skinny types that are skinny because they diet, or have eating disorders. 8)Sisters past (boyfriends etc) You all know my stance on this!!! (mods no need to reach for the lock thread key)!!! Past is VERY important!! 9) Hijab, Nikab As long as she wears the hijab i'm happy. If she wants to wear the veil, i dont mind. If she don't wanna wear the veil, i also dont mind! So guys, lets hear what you all have to say!!

Re: What do bros look for in a wife
explorer
12/14/01 at 13:37:40
[slm] Imaan - Being a practising muslima and humble is a *must* and ideally must be very passionate about Islamic issues and who holds perfecting her character, soul and closeness to Allah very dear to her. Almost definately someone who wakes up early morning for fajr(so she can get me up!) and qiyaam at night. Not those who wear hijab, organise conferences, go to demonstrations shouting "down with USA!!" but hardly pray, gossip all the time and look down upon non-hijabis. Looks - I won't lie so will admit that looks do play a part. I always go for eyes, its like looking into someones soul. I love large black pupils against a strong white background, a well defined nose, but most of all an innocent look, not someone with 10tons of make up who looks like a doll. If she looks anything like Salma Hayek then I'm happy :D  But of course, a great character and imaan can easily tilt the favour against looks which wouldn't matter then. Education - Doesn't matter but a degree would be nice. As long as she can hold her own, knows whats going on in this world and has a good islamic grounding then cool. An intellectual conversation is the key for me. Family - Not too bothered. Her character is the issue here, not the family. If the family cause trouble, no problem, I'll take care of them ;-D Race/Culture - Ideally, arab-indo-pak culture, but generally don't care as long as she isn't some zulu warrior running around with a spear in her hand. Height - 5' 6" MINIMUM!! Why? Because I'm 6' 1" tall :) so you have to look right when standing next to each other. I don't want to tower over a 5' 1" wife! But if shes a good muslima then i'm prepared for her to drop the odd inch or so - it all depends individually. Ideally, 5' 8-9". Build - Not a Sumo wrestler but then again not a matchstick either who gets blown away by the spring breeze. I don't place as much emphasis on a womans figure as I do on looks. I tend to have preferences for both chubby and petite/slim builds but this goes around in cycles so its not a big deal for me. Past - Something which we may never know, are prepared for, or can judge due to prevailing circumstances. If shes dated(this doesn't mean illict acts) during her ignorant jahil years but has now discovered Islam and is practising, then fine by me. If I am told in advance she has commited fornication or any other abhorent act, then sorry no way. I cannot marry a non-virgin. If I've managed to fight naffs and kept myself clean and untouched, then I expect the same from my wife. Its just the way I feel personally. Hijab, Niqab - 70-80% yes. If she doesn't but still has a good character and is practising, then I have no problem whatsoever. Marriage is a journey a couple embark upon together, helping each other with their faith - she can still adorn the hijab later and of course, I can help her with hijab styles ;-D  Many sisters have said and do start to wear hijab after marriage. But a hijabi is my definate first choice ;) No problem with niqab.

Re: What do bros look for in a wife
Merimda
12/14/01 at 18:26:15
[quote]Mujaahid: Look what you done, you burnt the chikcen!!! Wife: WAA WAA WAA I CAN'T TAKE THIS!!!! I'M USLESS!!! cath my drift? I want someone like this: Mujaahid: Look what you done, you burnt the chicken!!! Wife: Dont diss my chiken mister!! You just eat it up or else!! Mujaahid: squeak squeak!! Okay.[/quote] salam, This made me laugh so much...lol...it's a good thing no one is around me right now.. salam, meri

Re: What do bros look for in a wife
Enayath
12/14/01 at 21:36:35
As Salaam Alaikum, Although I am married, I would like to share with you my preferences when I was looking for a wife. Although I did not have a top ten/nine list like Br Mujaahid has but I had only about three. My first must have was Imaan – This was the top for me. All else paled in front of this. I wanted a practicing Muslima, because as per my thinking when I was getting married was that the children would spend more time with their mother and that the mother would be their first teacher so to speak. I wanted a person who was grounded in the belief the Islaam is the first, middle and the last thing you need to live this life. My second must have was Hijaab/Nikab – I wanted this as my second must have. Although it could be argued this would be a part of the first must have, but I wanted to make sure about it. My family does not encourage it, and thinks that it is their right to wear or not but I differ in opinion so hence the separate must have for this. My third must have was Education – I wanted to have college grad but I was open about this that this will not matter as long as she is able to hold her ground if the topic is talked about , in other words I was looking for an intellectual Muslima who can hold a decent conversation about any topic with me. I will try to answer the rest of the list as best as I could rememeber, Looks – I am not into looks myself, although I might have preferred a presentable look. (What I mean exactly is if she is pretty enough to my eyes that was enough.) Family – I remember specifically being asked this question because my last name is Syed (from the family of  SAW), and I even remember the reply because many people still give more notice to a last name then to the person, my reply was as long as the girl is a practicing muslima it does not bother me a bit what her family is. Although I would have wanted a family support system but would have been ok without one. I am marrying the girl not the family was my blunt reply. Race/Culture – This was not important to me at all. (I did marry a muslima from a Spanish background who converted much before I married her.) Height - I am about a tad shy of six feet so anyone above five was ok to me. Build – Hmmm this never figured in my list ever at all. Sisters past (boyfriends etc) -  I don’t think this one also figured in my list as this was irrelevant to my future. Wa Salaam AbuTanweer

Re: What do bros look for in a wife
Anonymous
12/15/01 at 01:21:41
what do guys look for in girls? cooking skills

Re: What do bros look for in a wife
Anonymous
12/15/01 at 01:23:30
I'm referring here to these following things and would be grateful if brothers could give thier opinions on all 9 points. 1)Imaan, This is very important, the stronger it is the better.  Her religious knowledge is also very important. 2)looks, This is very important also.  (Imaan and Islamic knowledge) = 50%, looks (covers points 6 and 7 also) 50%.   So as far as looks go, Britney Spears in hijab, uhhh, better make that niqab in her case.  if any brother is saying looks isn't important he is probably lying. 3)education, Not important at all, just some high school education should be fine. 4)family, Should have a good family to get along with. 5) race/culture, Should be from the west.  by that i mean, US or UK.  I am not sure about canada, cause that is the north, and i don't know much about canada 6) height, 5'4" and above.  if she is smaller then 5'4" then i might not be able to see her face cause she would be too tiny. 7) build? no female bodybuilders, has to take take care of her figure, slim, petite.  from very thin to normal is fine. 8) Sisters past (boyfriends etc) this is important, prefer virgins only, but this maybe offset if the sister scores near perfect in the imaan & knowledge category AND the beauty category 9) Hijab, Nikab hijab, no facial hair.  the sister should remove any beard or mustache that she has*  i don't want to be confused by others as to who the man is in the family.  i don't mind if she wears niqab, but even then she should get rid of any mustache or beard. Sincerely, ABUSA (AMERICAN BROTHER FROM THE US OF A)

Re: What do bros look for in a wife
Rashid
12/15/01 at 01:46:06
[slm] Well I guess I can do these in order of importance: 1)Imaan- obviously...if she's not a practicing muslima it's like "next" I mean there's limits.  If she's struggling with some aspect of the deen or nafs, that's understandable.  No one is perfect and I'm willing to encourage her and help her out.  But if she's like a part-time muslima or just going through the motions, there's no point.  We have to work together and ideally she should be at the point where she wants to practice Islam and is willing to make the effort.  And if she's already practicing, alhamdulilah. 2) Hijab, Nikab- same as above...if she's not hijabi I would encourage it but that's something she has to decide on her own...besides hijab is fard.  But proper hayaa, adab, modesty, she has to have these qualities already.  So if she has these qualities, hijab should not be too far behind.   3) education- I just recently heard of a brother who is interested in a sister, and this sister has memorized 18 juz of the qur'an...no type of dunya degree can beat that.  So I place a high importance on education in deen.  I'm all for intellectual conversation and everything, but imagine marrying a hafiz!   4) Sisters past (boyfriends etc)- here is where i gotta proceed with caution...it's something that has to be carefully discussed.  It is said that if Allah loves a person their sins will be concealed.  But nowadays you're literally playing with fire when it comes to the past, so let's both come clean. The rest really has no relevance...looks, no big deal.  Pleasing to my eyes, thats all.  family, well i hope they accept me, it would suck to have wack in-laws.  build, same as looks.  Race and culture, i'm open to anyone from anywhere... Ok I think I revealed too much...but it's all about ;-) + :-)

Re: What do bros look for in a wife
Anonymous
12/19/01 at 12:47:53
[quote] if any brother is saying looks isn't important he is probably lying. [/quote] i must i say i disagree, i can never fall in love with looks, its a personality which i can fall 4!!!  There is this brother i know who has married a bimbo!!  she is beautiful, yet has no personality and is boring, so wats the point in beauty, as mentioned b4, it fades!!!

Re: What do bros look for in a wife
mujaahid
12/19/01 at 16:14:42
Assalaamu-alaikum Anonymous "There is this brother i know who has married a bimbo!!  she is beautiful, yet has no personality and is boring, so wats the point in beauty," She may "appear" to be boring, but how do you know what she is like in private, in her home? Many sisters are shy, or quite in public, yet with their husbands, they are out going, friendly, funny, hilarious, fun etc. I prefer the shy types, they have less of a past! Also on this point "she is beautiful, yet has no personality" What do you mean by no personality? EVERYONE has a personality, some shy, some loud, some quite, some outgoing, some funny, some serious, some laid back, some stressies, but everyone has a personality!!! I think the quiter ones are the best, because when you speak to them, and they get past thier shyness, you realise that in fact they are deeply thoughtful and intelligent, a lot more so then the loud ones! They also tend to be a lot funnier when they crack jokes!!! My ideal wife would be shy, but not insecure shy, just modest shy. Not the "shy, shy, i feel so insecure, i dont exist, i'm so shy, ooo ooo what a nothing am i" I want the "hee hee (hiding behind door), hee hee, i'm soo shy, dont look at me, hee hee!!!"

Re: What do bros look for in a wife
Anik
12/19/01 at 17:06:06
asalaamu alaikum, I think modest is good, but shy is almost a lack of self-confidence to me.  She should know her role and belief well enough to confidently be modest, not childlike and unconvicted about why she should act a certain way. lol Br. Mujahid I can see you having lots of fun with that Indian movie type of wife: so shy that she is running and hiding behind trees lol but then again, those Indian movie people never seem to portray a married couple taking walks in the park like that.  I'm sure you'll change that Insha'Allah with a "tee-hee" type wife. :) asalamau alaikum, abdullah,.

Re: What do bros look for in a wife
Hania
12/19/01 at 18:25:19
[quote] lol Br. Mujahid I can see you having lots of fun with that Indian movie type of wife: so shy that she is running and hiding behind trees lol but then again, those Indian movie people never seem to portray a married couple taking walks in the park like that.  I'm sure you'll change that Insha'Allah with a "tee-hee" type wife. :) asalamau alaikum, abdullah,.[/quote] I'm sorry brother but whenever I read your posts I get severe stomach cramp from laughing so hard! :) a "tee-hee" type wife?

Re: What do bros look for in a wife
Ruqayyah
12/19/01 at 23:51:10
[slm] maybe by "no personality", what the brother really meant was a "bad" personality

Re: What do bros look for in a wife
Anik
12/20/01 at 15:15:25
asalaamu alaikum, or maybe "no personality" means "introverted personality". Our personality is our sense of self. asalaamu alaikum. abdullah,.

Re: What do bros look for in a wife
Anik
12/20/01 at 15:31:54
asalamau alaikum I'll take a brief go at this, [quote] 1)Imaan[/quote] must be there, must be relatively steadfast, but I think if we can help each other and grow and there is room for both of our improvement, Subhaan Allahil Azeem. [quote] 2)looks[/quote] she can look any way to the rest of the world but to me she is beautiful- like she is the only woman in the world. [quote] 3)education[/quote] Whatever she choses. Its a duniya thing. [quote] 4)family[/quote] I will love her family Insha'Allah and make them my own, and try to create love betweeb the families even if their religion is different.  I amnot marrying a family. What would you rather want, good family, bad wife or bad family, good wife?  You see, if Allah Subhana has made her good for me then that is enough. [quote] 5) race/culture, [/quote] My wife Insha'Allah is not of the exact same culture, but similar, but it doesn't matter as long as their is understanding and acceptance of each other's culture. [quote] 6) height,[/quote] What a non-issue lol enough about that. [quote]7) build[/quote] hmmm... this will change with time, its wrong to even write this i feel. [quote] 8) Sisters past (boyfriends etc)[/quote] Past is past, and past can hurt now, but I feel that if there is repentance and nothing "too far" then it is okay. [quote]9) Hijab, Nikab [/quote] I know this now- it is a great thing, even a standard thing, for Islamic wives and yet there is no compulsion and thus if she needs time to take the step all while agreeing to build up to it, I am alright Masha'Allah. [quote]Jazaakullah [/quote] Wa iyyakum, Jazak Allahu Khairun to everyone on the board. asalamu alaikum. abdullah,.

Re: What do bros look for in a wife
siddiqui
12/25/01 at 06:12:07
assalam alikum in the order of importance 1),9),3),4),2),6),7) 8) 5) if you can make sense of them :)

Re: What do bros look for in a wife
kareema
12/26/01 at 01:25:39
I would have to disagree in your rankings, unless they are meant to portray an practicing Muslimah. A person's past may play a lot into what they do in the future, or at least into 'where they're coming from'. The boyfriend part is unimportant if she is indeed a believing Muslimah. The culture a person has grown up in usually colors their behavior at least a little, so a potential mate should be aware of how the culture does that and act accordingly. I would rank it(practicing Muslimah)right after family.
NS

Re: What do bros look for in a wife
siddiqui
12/26/01 at 02:03:52
assalam alikum what is  meant  when a person repents ,comes back to Allah swt and turns a new page in ones life, its not appropriate to rake up the  past well race and  culture have the  roles of identification in a persons life, but coming from the asian sub continent  where the  question of race, family(khaandaan), lineage etc  have taken presedence over anything else (maybe  except money) when it comes to matrimony i have  ranked  it as i have and would like to remind my self after all we are all Muslims. on the flip side i sure would  love have  spouse ineterested in the same 'cultural' things  as me (like urdu poetry :) )
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