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Urgent!! [friend has eating problem]
Anonymous
12/22/01 at 16:19:29
Assalamu Alaikum waRahmatullaHi waBarakatuHu, This is urgent, plz help me!!! I have a friend who's been suffering from weight problems for about two years now. First she wanted to lose the extra weight and she did, but then it turned obsessive. She wanted to lose even more and it came to a point where she became anorexic. She suffered from anorexia for about six or seven months. Then she became bulimic. It started off light but then it got serious, very serious. It is still very serious and I am afraid for her. Right now, she is at the point where she will eat food and then just throw it all up. It is very serious and she hasn't told anyone but me. Her parents don't know, her friends, or anyone else don't know. She made me promise not to tell anyone but I've kept quiet long enough. I don't know what to do anymore until I heard about this board and came on to ask your advice. What should I do, she will get mad at me if I tell anyone. She wants to handle this herself. She wants to stop, she really does. She attempted to stop and has made many attempts. It worked a couple of times where she wouldn't for about a week, but that's the max it went to. She really wants to stop, she cries about it almost everyday. She doesn't know what to do and I don't know what to do, but she doesn't want to tell anyone b/c she's so embaressed. She brought this all onto herself and she's too afraid to tell anyone. Plz help me, I want to be able to give her some advice that will help her Insha'Allah. Jaza Kumullahu Khayran for all ur help. Wassalamu Alaikum, Concerned friend

Re: Urgent!! [friend has eating problem]
Saleema
12/22/01 at 23:35:03
she will get mad at me if I tell anyone. She wants to handle this herself. Inform her parents, now!! before she kills herself. Doesn't matter if she will get mad at you, you are doing her a favor because you love her for the sake of Allah. She needs to see a doctor. She needs professional help. This is not something that she can stop by herself, she needs the support of her family more than she needs your support. Although your support is important too. Be there for her, let her know that right now she may think that you did a wrong thing but really its good for her. She will realize it later on in the line. Saving her health/life right now is more important than keeping a promise which might lead to her death. God forbid that. Don't hesistate a mintue longer and go see her parents, or call them on the phone when she is not around. I say that because so she won't have a confrontation with them or you, and so that you are able to tell them everything without a fight between you and your friend. Or get your mom to tell their parents. I would get my mom involved if I were you. But in any case, I can't stress this enough, tell her parents!!! Whether she end up hating you for the time being or forever is not as important as her life. So pick up that phone or drop by her home and tell her parents! May Allah grant your friend health, may He give you courage. Ameen. [wlm]

Re: Urgent!! [friend has eating problem]
Kashif
12/23/01 at 06:52:48
assalaamu alaikum What about persuading her to see a counsellor? That would be an anonymous and professional service that she could get help from insha'Allah. You could offer to go along with her to offer support and be a friendly face there. Kashif Wa Salaam

Re: Urgent!! [friend has eating problem]
eleanor
12/23/01 at 12:28:34
slm I second Saleema's opinion. Tell her parents or a responsible adult as soon as you can. Your friend is not only physically but also mentally ill. She won't understand that you are doing it for her sake, but believe me, if she survives, she'll thank you. My mother told me that a neighbour of ours has died from anorexia. She was 21 years old. This is a serious illness, and if your friend dies, I hate to say it, but how could you live with yourself? May Allah give you strength to tell someone and may Allah protect your friend and help her recover. Ameen. wasalaam eleanor

Re: Urgent!! [friend has eating problem]
Saleema
12/23/01 at 20:45:20
Kashif, Free counselor service can only offer her moral suppor to say the least. They are not going to pay for her to go to a hospital and the expensice diet plans to get her body to start accepting food again! She's *sick*, she needs professional help fast. More than counseling she needs to be forced fed by tubes (if she refuses to take food by herself or if she keeps throwing it up). She's starving her body and you can't last very long in this world like that. Sooner or alter it's going to be death, God forbid if she doesn't see a doctor soon. Tell her parents. Your friend needs her family, she doesn't need a counselor's help, which will consist of nothing more than talk. They will do what is best for her, let them handle it. You do what you can but it's not your responsibility to take her to anyone, free counseling or other wise. Don't keep a wrong promise. [wlm]

Re: Urgent!! [friend has eating problem]
M.F.
12/24/01 at 07:25:00
Assalamu alaikum, I agree with Saleema and Eleanor that you can't keep her secret anymore.  There's only one way to help her and that's to tell someone about it.  Anorexia is a deadly illness and is rarely survived if there's no intervention.  She needs both mental counselling and physical help as soon as possible.  Starving the body can very quickly lead to brain damage besides all the damage she's doing to her internal organs and her throat and teeth. A counselor could be a good first step, and could encourage her to trust her parents and let them help her, but like you said, this is urgent and something needs to be done about it right away.  Counselling could take more time than you have. May Allah help you in this.

Re: Urgent!! [friend has eating problem]
Kashif
12/24/01 at 08:25:54
http://cbshealthwatch.medscape.com/cx/viewarticle/402841
NS

Re: Urgent!! [friend has eating problem]
Rehana
01/02/02 at 05:58:29
[slm] ...just a sobering thought.... On Sunday, I visited a mother who's child had passed away as a result of "experimenting" with Bulimia. It wasn't a pretty sight as all, even more so becuase she was their ONLY child.  They did everything they could ONCE they had found out.  She got the BEST medical treatment possible under the circumstaces.  Yes, they are grieved with the loss of their ONLY child (she would have been 18 in March 2002!) but take a LITTLE  solace in the fact that they did the best they could for her.  At least they had a CHANCE!!!!!! to take care of her and try to remedy the situation best they could. Imagine what goes though parents minds when they only find out in the last minute that it was ANOREXIA or BULIMIA that afflicted their child.....and when that child passes away, they are DENIED the comfort of knowing that they could have been there in the child's darkest moments!!!!!!!!!! Insha-Allah, those afflicted by such pain will find solace in remebering Allah(swt) [wlm] [quote] Abu Sa'eed Al-Khudri and Abu Hurairah (RAA) reported that the messenger of Allah (SAW) said what translated means: " No harm befalls a believer - tiredness, disease, worry, sorrow, injury, distress, even a thorn pricking his finger - but will be a means by which Allah expiates some of his sins. " Al-Bukhari[/quote]

Re: Urgent!! [friend has eating problem]
S.S.T
01/02/02 at 14:12:40
salaam....i dont think telling her parents is a good idea...i live thro what this girl is going thro(being bulimic/anorexic) and i know..if somebody told my parents..i would be in more trouble then getting help....but it depends on the type of parents this girl has...my parents i know would not understand y i would want to be skinny(even tho i think its half there fault that i became anorexic)and would scream at me for doing all this to myself...maybe going thro a trusted teacher/family memeber...to explain to the parents that there doughter need real help..and screaming at her for doing this to herself is not gonna help....*might* work...and let the gurl know b4 telling her parents that u r going to tell and explain to her y ur gonna do it...so it might not be such a big shock..and also dont expect ur friendship to return back to normal right away...it might take her some time to accept that u where actually doing her a favor by telling her parents and not just trying to get her in trouble or whatever. i hope everything works out with ur friend inshallah..i'll remember her in my duaa's:)

Re: Urgent!! [friend has eating problem]
amatullah
01/02/02 at 15:06:55
Bismillah and salam, I am totally ignorant about this issues. But i just have a question, is this a culture specific disease? I mean only in Europe and North America? I have never really heard of it or seen people,especially women, affected by it except for here. Is it because what they think is beautiful for a woman here. Is it then just psychological? I am sorry if my questions don't make much sense, i am just trying to understand this better.

Re: Urgent!! [friend has eating problem]
Mystic
01/02/02 at 15:21:51
[slm] I don't think its cultural specific..only cuz wayyyy back in Mombasa one of my friends had described that she was bulimic (and we were in high school)...none of us knew what the term for it was. When she told me, I told her to stop, cuz it just didn't seem right...and she challenged me why. I couldn't provide an answer then. Until i came to the states and heard all the hype about it. So basically I think its just more publicized in the west, and the remedies are readily available. For people in other countries, there may be less of a problem due to the many problems already afflicting these places..but i think it still does exist across cultures, since its pretty much a psychological disease that stems from distorted self image issues... Wa Allahu A'alam, Maliha :-) [wlm]

Re: Urgent!! [friend has eating problem]
Saleema
01/02/02 at 19:06:06
[slm] S.S.T--Sorry to say this but your parents need to find out about your health problem as well, even if they do the screaming. They aren't going to kill you are they? :) Getting screaming at is not as bad as throwing the toilet every day, no? Besides the screaming may be a sign of frustration and anger. The anger may not come from because they hate you, it's because they are sad that you did that to yourself. Nevertheless, they are going to get you help. Going through a friend or a family member is a good idea, so long as the parents find out as soon as possible. [wlm]

Re: Urgent!! [friend has eating problem]
se7en
01/03/02 at 04:30:29
as salaamu alaykum, We talked about this before [url=http://www.jannah.org/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.pl/YaBB.pl?board=sisters&action=display&num=5293]here[/url].

Re: Urgent!! [friend has eating problem]
Sparrow
01/03/02 at 08:02:41
Hi Anonymous, Absolutely tell someone in your friend's life about her problem. She may hate you for it in the beginning but in the end, when she has her life back she will thank you.  Exisiting within the confines of an eating disorder is a painful, exhausting, shattering way to live.  Food consumes your thoughts every second of every day until you want to scream and tear your hair out just to stop thinking about it.   What's more, with the available help out there these days there is no reason for your friend to keep going through this alone.  There are therapists, and doctors and organizations whose entire reason d'etre is to treat EDs.  There are also many, many web sites, both personal and professional, that can point your friend in the right direction.  One place to stop is www.anred.org. Good luck. Sparrow
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