Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| This is kind of a silly question. |
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| Sadiq |
| 12/27/01 at 14:00:58 |
| Assalaamu Alaikum I feel like I should know the answer to this question, but here it goes. Since you are not supposed to have a girlfriend or be involved in a relationship before marriage. Then how do you get to know a female before marriage. This question has been on my mind for a while now, and I was hoping someone could help me out. Thank you. |
| Re: This is kind of a silly question. |
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| little1 |
| 12/27/01 at 21:37:58 |
| slm Well in my view it depends how you meet the sister and wat her family is like. The first step is istikhara prayer, if she is right for you take things from there. You can c and talk to the sister but not alone. U can talk 2 her in private when u r married islamically as in when a contract is made. I suppose these days every one has access to the internet so u cud email her b4 marriage 2. Hope im makin sence wlm |
| Re: This is kind of a silly question. |
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| akbalkhan |
| 12/27/01 at 22:56:03 |
| As Salamu ALayka, I think contrary to many people's opinion, eveyone should be married. As far as how you get to know someone before marriage, the most anyone needs to know is that the other is a good Muslim, and for the very shallow, that the other is attractive ENOUGH so that you may never be tempted by anothers looks. I think that 'getting to know' someone is another way of saying you are not ready to be married because you are not confident about yourself, the other person, or you just want to engage in activities that would other wise be too suspicious if you didn't say anything and just started spending time with the opposite sex. Learning about people is something that usually does not begin in earnest until you are faced with compromise, adversity, tolerance-demanding situations, and yourself. Dating will never bring these things about in the form and intensity you will find them in marriage and so a person you may like while dating is not necessarily a person you will like in marriage. Dating is just not a good litmus or test for potential marriage partners, and the fact that someone dates may be a good indication that they may not make a good husband or wife. Hope this helps, Regards, QAK |
| Re: This is kind of a silly question. |
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| Rehana |
| 12/31/01 at 03:29:56 |
| [slm] [quote] Learning about people is something that usually does not begin in earnest until you are faced with compromise, adversity, tolerance-demanding situations, and yourself. QAK[/quote] I agree with Br.Qamar Akbal Kaan. You cannot begin to know EVERYTHING about an intended partner over a few cups of coffee. People who know their partners for [i]yonks[/i] still get surprised!! :D ..and besides, getting to know someone is half the fun anyway....you spoiling the fun by doing all the "I wanna get to know you" business b4 hand!! ;-D By dating or getting to know someone one could be looking for SUPERFICIAL qualities. Beauty will fade, money will be spent..but Ima'an will still be with the person. [i][color=green](is this making any sense????)[/i][/color] [wlm] [i][color=purple] ...and, as all our wonderful community memebers have stressed on, Istikhaara Namaaz....Allah will always guide us - if we ask with sincerity ;-D [/i][/color] |
| Re: This is kind of a silly question. |
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| kiwi25 |
| 12/28/01 at 18:01:03 |
| salam, first of all when it comes to islam and you want to know something to benefit your iman, no question is ever silly :) okay now with the answer: well if interested in a girl, you make istigharah (as mentioned before) and see where things go from there if you get a negative sign (which can come through a dream or other means ) , then stir away from the sister however if u get a positive sign, then take the necessary steps by telling your parents your interested and inshallah theyll approach her parents, and if she agrees, then you can get to know one another by talking to her and seeing with her wali or a mehram of hers. its worked many times..... its the islamic way so there has to be good init alhumdulilah u can always go to www.islam-qa.com for some answers wasalam nouha:) |
| Re: This is kind of a silly question. |
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| momineqbal |
| 01/01/02 at 04:45:11 |
| [slm], Istikhara is probably not the first step you need to take. Advice from family, relatives and friends are the first thing you might want to do. Unfortunately everyone wants to 'know' a prospective spouse personally before they get married. Some people also take the advice of the Prophet (saw) to a sahabi about seeing the girl before getting married too far. I haven't come across anywhere as this to be interpretted as goinig over an interview process and chatting and emailing to try and "get to know each other". All this seems to be a by product of an age where family system has collapsed and people are not taking responsibilities of getting people of marriageable age married. It should be the responsibility of the whole community to make marriages happen not just the parents. One experienced person once also told me that it is a fulfilling experience to get to know your spouse [u]after[/u] you get married. Wassalam Eqbal |
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