Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Marriage [should he tell her about his past?] |
|---|
| Anonymous |
| 12/31/01 at 19:15:23 |
| Assalam 'alaikum: I have a friend who is about to get marry to this sister. This brother has been a Muslim for about ten years now. In his past he used to have alcohol(drinking) problem. Since he became a Muslim, he hasn't gone back to that problem. But someone is afraid for him(maybe I think this person thinks that he will go back to that old ways) because this sister is very pious .And also the brother is very hard working and dedicated to Islam(Because that is is life). Now the person who is concern about his drinking problems in the past thinks that the brother should let the sister know about what used to happened ten years ago before he bacame a Muslim. What do you'all think? Please help. |
| Re: Marriage [should he tell her about his past?] |
|---|
| Kashif |
| 12/31/01 at 20:07:28 |
| assalaamu alaikum This Q&A may prove helpful. Question #2021 [Asking about a person's past] As-salam wai lai kum, When helping brothers/sisters to find suitable Muslim partners, what questions can be asked, and what is forbidden to ask? Can one ask about their past when they were non-Muslim or not practicing Muslims? Can one ask ones wife/sister to describe in detail the appearance of an intended wife or describe in detail to them regarding a brother? Was Salam Answer Praise be to Allaah. If you want to look for a wife for someone, or a husband for a woman, then you can ask him about his wishes, such as the desired age, level of education, employment situation, country and origin and position of the family, and whether he has any preferences about her general appearance, such as skin colour, height, etc. The most important characteristic to ask about is a person’s level of commitment to Islam. This kind of useful question is fine. But asking for details of a person’s past and wanting to know what sins they might have committed when they were ignorant about Islam – this is not right at all. Allaah covers people’s sins and loves to see them covered (i.e., not dragged out into the open). So long as a person has repented, his sins have been wiped out. Islam deletes whatever came before, so why should we ask questions that will only embarrass people? Allaah accepts people’s repentance without their having to confess or expose their sins to any other person. A number of the Sahaabah had committed adultery and murder repeatedly, or had buried infant girls alive, or stolen things, but when they entered Islam they were the best of people. No one needs to be reminded of a shameful past; it is over and done with, and Allaah is the All-Forgiving, Most Merciful. What matters when considering a person for marriage is how that person is now: is he righteous or not? Has he cut all ties with his past and his wrong deeds, or not? If he is clearly living a good and righteous life now, then it is wrong to dig up the past. If there is any fear of anything that could have future implications, such as certain diseases and so on, then there are medical tests which can give the answer and put your mind at rest. As far as giving a detailed description of a prospective wife to someone is concerned, this can be done in writing: one of her mahram relatives (i.e. a blood relative to whom marriage is permanently forbidden) or a woman who knows her can write down a description, then a trustworthy person can deliver it to one who is seriously considering a marriage proposal. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No woman should describe another woman to her husband as if he can see her.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 4839) The wisdom behind this prohibition is the fact that a husband might like the sound of what he hears, so he may divorce the one who described the other to him, or there may be temptation to do wrong. (Commentary on the above hadeeth in Fath al-Baari). We ask Allaah to help us all to do that which He loves and will earn His pleasure. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) |
| Re: Marriage [should he tell her about his past?] |
|---|
| kiwi25 |
| 12/31/01 at 20:09:34 |
| salam, even though, becuase he was a non muslim in his past and then became muslim, Allah (SWT) has forgiven his past sins, he should still tell this sister about his past.... since they are about to get married, im assuming they have performed salatul istikharah and both got positive signs so why should his past be a problem when Allah(SWT) showed them a positive sign for their marraige.... wasalam nouha:) |
| Re: Marriage [should he tell her about his past?] |
|---|
| Marcie |
| 12/31/01 at 20:21:15 |
| As salamu alaykum, I would have to disagree (politely, of course) with Nouha. Allah (swt) has forgiven him his sins so it really is no ones business but his own. A lot of times once you are married you tell each other about your past as you open up and get to know each other. If he felt comfortable then he could tell her. One of the prerequisites for marrying my husband was not telling him about what I had done before I became a Muslim, but how I live my life as a Muslim now. As salamu alaykum Marcie |
| Re: Marriage [should he tell her about his past?] |
|---|
| Kathy |
| 12/31/01 at 20:38:42 |
| slm The past is the past- I would recomend that neither partner tell the other anything about past loves, behaviors, etc... I think a seed of thought would be planted in the spouses mind- one that needent be there. A friend of mine had a tell all sharing night with her husband. Their marriage was never the same after that. He could not get over the images that entered his mind, even tho she is a wonderful, pious Muslimah. |
| Re: Marriage [should he tell her about his past?] |
|---|
| kiwi25 |
| 01/01/02 at 18:30:47 |
| salam, marcie -- i had a conversation with someone about this thread after i posted with someone who is married, and she clearly said YES HE HAS TO TELL HER ABOUT HIS PAST!!! before they get married there is no problem here if he tells her, as long as he isnt drinking anymore, he has been sober for ten yrs, so its his past, also he hasnt been drinking as a muslim, he was a non muslim before, so she should expect that he did non muslim things. i mean she has agreed to marry him alhudulilah, so its ok to tell him.... but i do not want to argue... everyone has their own opinion.... wasalam nouha:) |
| Re: Marriage [should he tell her about his past?] |
|---|
| siddiqui |
| 01/02/02 at 02:37:24 |
| assalam alikkum In my opinion its the right of the spouse to know about each others past may Allah help them |
Individual posts do not necessarily reflect the views of Jannah.org, Islam, or all Muslims. All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective owners. Comments are owned by the poster and may not be used without consent of the author.The rest © Jannah.Org |