Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Marriage: I believe I've been tricked. |
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| Anonymous |
| 12/31/01 at 19:17:26 |
| I married a Saudi a few years ago. I didn't ask questions about how an Islamic marriage was done because I trusted him. I recently found out that he married me only so he would not fall into the haram while he was studying here in the USA. I became pregnant and now have our son with me. He left the country and has no idea I know what his real intentions were for our marriage. What can I do about this and should I confront him? I was under the impression our marriage was for real and inshallah we would be together forever. He lied to me and he tricked me. And now I don't know what to do. |
| Re: Marriage: I believe I've been tricked. |
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| kiwi25 |
| 12/31/01 at 20:02:13 |
| salam, sister i think you'll find more help on www.islam-qa.com there are lots of questions about similar situations, plus u can ask your own question and the imam will respond instead of people here giving their own advice May Allah (swt) be with you wasalam nouha:) |
| Re: Marriage: I believe I've been tricked. |
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| explorer |
| 12/31/01 at 20:09:00 |
| [slm] Clearly this is a very difficult situation you are facing and may Allah give you sabr and strength to come through this. I think we may need more details before the right advice can be given. You said he left the country, but is he still in contact with you - I mean have you spoken to him on the phone since he left? Do you know his contact numbers in Saudia and moreso that of his family? His family should be told of what he has done since he has a responsibility towards you and your son. The manner in which he left is important too - did he tell you in advance or leave without mentioning anything? He did the right thing by marrying to prevent himself from falling into haram, but this also comes with responsibility which he seems to have neglected. A lot of factors come into mind when considering what action you should take. For example did he treat you with love and respect throughout your marriage, how were things between the both of you before he left and do you still want to be with him etc. Do you have family with you in the US? Best bet is to find a local imam whom you can talk to about this in detail. If you give your location in the US maybe the members here can direct you to one. [wlm] |
| Re: Marriage: I believe I've been tricked. |
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| Anonymous |
| 01/09/02 at 18:07:02 |
| salam alaikum I just registered but it won't yet let me use it so i will respond to the replies this way. "You said he left the country, but is he still in contact with you - I mean have you spoken to him on the phone since he left?" - He emails me every couple of weeks and every few months he calls. "Do you know his contact numbers in Saudia and moreso that of his family?" - I dont have any way other than email to contact him and i only know his mother through email. i've never met any of his family. "The manner in which he left is important too - did he tell you in advance or leave without mentioning anything?" - He told me he was leaving and I asked him to come and see Yousif (our son) before he left and he didn't. he didn't call until he was already at the airport. "A lot of factors come into mind when considering what action you should take. For example did he treat you with love and respect throughout your marriage, how were things between the both of you before he left and do you still want to be with him etc." - for the first 6 months of our marriage, he was absolutely wonderful to me. after that if i did or said anything wrong, he smacked my hands and sometimes my face. he kicked me in the stomach, whipped me with a belt, kicked my feet and legs, slapped my head. when i was 6 months pregnant we were in the car and i was in tears because he had kicked me earlier and he said if i didnt stop crying i had to get out. so i got out and he made me walk most of the way to my mother's house. he has spit on me, bruised me, swore at me. when i was 7 months pregnant we were coming from the birthing class and he pulled me out of the car and flung me into a wood pole. he said i deserved these things and more for the things i did to him. the things i did were i used to smoke cigarettes and he forced me to quit (alhamdulillah i do not smoke now). i say he forced me because, if any ex-smoker would know, it can be very hard to quit and he didnt support me. he bought me the nicorette gum and then when i asked for more, slapped me and yelled at me and said no. he constantly called me a bi*** and a wh***. I don't want to be with him. i don't want him near me or my son. but he says he wont divorce me, but he'll marry somebody else in KSA and leave me here so i cant marry anyone else ever. "Do you have family with you in the US?" - I'm american so i have all my family here. i am the only muslim in my family though. i'm in Seattle, Washington and i dont know any other sisters here. i'm scared of him and i dont know what to do. i'm scared if he comes back to the US. right now my son and i are living with my parents and he doesnt have our address. i just dont know what to do and i'm also scared to go to somebody in person. i know that may sound weird, but i am a very private and shy person. the only reason i can post this is because it is anonymous. i did register, but i can't be identified by my information (not that it is false though) thank you to those who responded wassalam |
| Re: Marriage: I believe I've been tricked. |
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| explorer |
| 01/09/02 at 19:31:08 |
| [slm] Sister, the way things seem, the guy is a creep. I really cannot think of a reason why a man would treat a woman the way he has done with you - beatings, abuse, humiliation, lack of respect etc. He's refraining from divorcing you so you cannot remarry. In essence he's blatently blocking your path from finding happiness again. He didn't even bother to see his own son before leaving. My own advice is to keep away from him, he will only cause you more trouble if he ever shows up. He doesn't know your home address and please keep it that way, don't give it out to him if he ever asks over email. Also I think his mother should be told how he has behaved before she gets him married off in Saudia and ends up hurting another sister. The first and foremost step is to pray istikaarah on what to do from here. You say you don't want to be with him and divorce is an option but he isn't there. I don't know what the laws are in the US governing divorce proceedings in the husbands absense. But at the same time you have a son and he needs to be given consideration. There are some muslims from this board in the Seattle area, notably Cara but I think shes a little busy right now. Maybe a member whos in touch with her can email her and ask her to help if possible since shes close by. Someone posted a list of mosques in the area and contacting an Imam at a later stage should be a priority before making a final decision. Once your membership here has been cleared you can privately talk to some members away from the public eye and enable them to help you further. |
| Re: Marriage: I believe I've been tricked. |
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| Marcie |
| 01/09/02 at 19:44:38 |
| As salamu alaykum Sister, Please, please, please contact a local Imam. You do have rights and he should be able to help you. No matter how shy you are it will help you. Do you know any sisters in the area or are you completely by yourself? I belong to two other sisters's groups so maybe I can find a sister in the area for you if you'd like. My duas are with you. As salamu alaykum Marcie |
| Re: Marriage: I believe I've been tricked. |
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| Saleema |
| 01/09/02 at 20:53:45 |
| [slm] He sounds like a jerk, a very mean person. Why do you want to stay with him? It won't be good for your child either, although that's his father, he's not being a very good one. Here's the thing--If you want divorce from him, and if he refuses to divorce you, then an Imam can pronounce the divorce for you. And Islamically, you can marry again inshallah. Do you have a masjid (mosque) near you? Contact the imam and talk to him? Were you two legally married? I mean, is your marriage valid by United States law? If so, you can file for divorce in the court, he doesn't have to be present. If he ever comes back and tries to hurt you call the cops on him! Don't let him scare you. I don't know what else to say. I pray everything turns out ok. And oh yeah, when you marry again, make sure you also get a marraige license. [wlm] |
| Re: Marriage: I believe I've been tricked. |
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| Kathy |
| 01/09/02 at 21:58:03 |
| slm My dear Sister, What a trial you are under. Only Allah swt can help you. Ask Him swt for help. While your husband is away, take the time to figure out what you want, what is best for you and what is best for your child. If his family calls- be calm. How old is your son? If you grew up in America you know that unless there is counseling- once a beater always a beater. Keep this in mind. I bet you are overwhelmed with financial decisions. How are you financially? Do you have the basics of shelter, food and clothing? There are many agencies in your area that can help. Is he supporting you and his son? How are you emotionally? Do you have a reliable friend that can give good advice? I remember one of my problems was embarrassement. I felt like a failure- I did not want to see anyone, especially when they all had misgivings about me marrying a foreigner. Now I know- it wasn't me that failed. Also I remember not wanting my family and friends to equate Islam with this man, as he was the only Muslim man they had really met. It is tough to become Muslim in America- especially on your own. I think much of the advice above is good. Ask the Imam about your options. I remember saying- "But I love him!" "I want him" "I need him" However, you are no longer soley responsible for yourself. Everything you do will affect your child and his emotional growth. Do not cut him off from Daddy. Every boy needs to think his dad is a hero. You may know better- but let him find out himself. You ask if you should confront him. And say what? Ask what? Do you want him back? Why did you allow him to treat you in such a shameful, demeaning and physically hurting way? Do you think he will change? |
| NS |
| Re: Marriage: I believe I've been tricked. |
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| kareema |
| 01/10/02 at 02:07:19 |
| Salaams, And this guy was worried about falling into the haram?:o :o Wa Laikum, Kareema |
| Re: Marriage: I believe I've been tricked. |
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| Caraj |
| 01/10/02 at 02:33:12 |
| Hello, this is Cara the one Explorer meantioned in one of his posts in this thread. I live not far from you across the water. Bremerton area. If you need someone to talk to or if you would like to walk along the water front, pikes place market, wherever and just talk or maybe not talk but just have someone to visit with I am here. My email is caraam61@hotmail.com Are you currently involved with a Mosque? I was given a list of some in Seattle and Tacoma. If you want I can email you that list. I'm here and I care. If you email me I'll email you back my phone number. You sure already took the first (and the hardest) step. You came here to the board and shared your problem and allowed others to care and help. |
| Re: Marriage: I believe I've been tricked. |
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| Anonymous |
| 01/10/02 at 23:05:31 |
| Salam alaikum, i just wanted to say thank you to everyone who responded. I want to make it clear that I don't want to be with him anymore and I haven't for a long time. I've been asking him for a divorce for a few months and he kept telling me I had no right to ask for one and even if I did, he wouldn't give it to me. I don't know any sisters here. I know a few brothers, but they are his friends. He never really let me have any friends. My non-muslim friends, he never let me see. Same as my family. And he never took me anywhere so I could meet any sisters. ( I don't drive ) How we got married was he typed up a contract and had 2 witnesses sign it then we thumbprinted and signed it ourselves. I didn't even think to ask questions about it. From what I've learned from the internet and from sisters online is that kind of marriage is the one a man can use in a different country to avoid the haram. Then I overheard a conversation he had with his mother that he never intended to marry me forever. So when I learned of that kind of marriage, it all made sense. He pushed me to not tell anyone about our marriage and for the longest time, he wouldn't tell his family. My son is 5 months old. I am doing so poorly financially. I feel like I'm failing my son because I can barely support us. I never finished high school because I went to live with my husband when I was in my senior year and I went to the community college. Then I became pregnant, so I never finished. I do not have enough education to get a decent job. Right now I'm receiving financial help from the state, but it is nowhere near enough and my husband does not help us. We are living with my parents and almost have enough to eat. All my money goes for my son, and I'm not complaining because anything he needs I love to buy him. I just don't have any money to go back to school or buy the things I need. Emotionally, I feel like I'm falling apart. I'm frustrated, heart broken, and I feel like I'm failing as a mother. I am only 19 and I feel so old. I don't want to cut my son off from his father. I know how important he is in my son's life. I just don't want him near me or my baby. I don't want him to grow up with the same characteristics that his father has. I don't want him to take him when he is 7. If I absolutely have to and I have no choice, I think my heart will fall from my chest. He will never change. We've tried. I told him what you are doing to me is wrong and you need to work on it. But he says I am the one with problems. I am the one who is to blame for everything he did to me. It's my fault and mine alone. And finally when he did admit he needed to change, he only said it and when I reminded him, he denied it. I'm trying to respond to everyone's posts so forgive me if I miss something. I just realized somebody mentioned telling his mother. I did try to tell her the things he did to me. We had gotten into a fight because I was busy with the baby and couldn't talk to him. (when he was still in the us) I told her and she told me to not change the subject. I hope I covered everything everyone said. I need to go now. I can feel the tears coming. Wassalam |
| Re: Marriage: I believe I've been tricked. |
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| Saleema |
| 01/10/02 at 23:18:39 |
| [slm] Dear sister, i live so far away in Houston. I wish there was some way I can help you. :( If I lived closer to you i could have come over and we could have talked and stuff. just having moral support helps sometimes. Just remember these words from the Quran that with every hardship comes ease. Your ease will come inshallah. Be strong and have trust in Allah. You are in my prayers. [wlm] |
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| amatullah |
| 01/10/02 at 23:48:40 |
| Bismillah and salam, sister Omm Yousif, I have read this post and wasn't able to write for along time i was so angry and shaking, i still am when i read it. it is so wrong and i pray that Allah will help you. He is a sick man. Please remember sister that this life is a house of trials and use this terrible situation to make you a better stronger person. I know it is hard when you are in a situation so low to see past or above it but with your son around you probably are forced to more. One thing that comes to mind immediately is you must move from the address which he know, change your phone to not be registered that kind of basic safety thing. Some may say you should maintain contact, i would think that if he is endangering you life and health then you are not obligated to keep in touch. cancel the old email. If you are too shy to seek an imam out, PLEASE write a letter to the counsellors in islamonline.org asking islamically what the best way to go. they give you at the end a number and then you check for the answer by that number in private from counsellor awhile later. I think you can do that with the fatwas as well. It is hard right now, but use this time to improve yourself health sanity just well being and self care, trust me it will even get your mind off the negative feelings. there is a world out there and many of the people who are so dynamic part of it and very valuable have been in these tough situations. Feel free to email me as well. |
| Re: Marriage: I believe I've been tricked. |
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| M.F. |
| 01/11/02 at 07:05:51 |
| Bismillah Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah I cannot imagine what you must be going through and don't even dare ask myself whether I'd have the strength to go through it if I were in your situation. However, I know a sister who was in a similar situation. I sort of helped "rescue" her in a manner of speaking. Her husband didn't abandon her but he was extremely abusive and he was also just plain nasty, he gave her herpes and was just disgusting. The first thing I did was offer her me and my sister's home as a temporary refuge. That period was maybe one of the hardest periods in my life as a student. Here was this girl, she'd just turned 16, she had a horrible disease and... she was pregnant in her early weeks. What was worst for us is that she was still somewhat of an adolescent, meaning that her husband could still overcome her with sweet talk. I dragged her to go see the imam of our masjid to see what could be done, and seeing as how she sort of wanted to go back to him and especially that she was pregnant, he made a contract that the guy would never hit her again and explained the question of hitting in Islam... Sure enough, like Kathy said, once a beater always a beater. Back she was at our place, and this time she was finally determined to leave. Subhan Allah; in the meantime she had a miscarriage. I saw that as a gift from Allah. We went back to the Imam and she explained the situation again, and this time he granted her a divorce, without the husband having any say-so in the matter. I think that's what you should do now. I know that any Imam with a heart and brain and conscience will take your side and get you divorced even without the approval of your husband. As for you son having a father, insha Allah Allah will give you a much better husband if you want one in the future. In the meantime you and your parents are the only family he has and Allah will make it enough. His father doesnt support you and him financially (as is your right in the Qur'an) so he doesn't really have any rights over you. Insha Allah you'll have the strength to put all this into action and start righting your situation right away. I believe wallahu a'lam that the sooner this person is out of your life the better for you and your son. It seems like he's only harming you right now, even just with his words. If you don't know where there's a masjid look in the phone book under Islamic Center or under religious institutions or mosque, and find a way to get there as soon as possible. May Allah guide your search and make you strong! Al hamdu lillah you sound like you're very resiliant and strong, and Allah will help you heal and get on with your life. I don't live in the US anymore but I'm sure there's someone on this board who's close to your area and I'm sure they'll go out of their way to help you and stand by you till you get your situation resolved. Let them know. Cara's already offered her help. May Allah bless you Cara! your sis mariam |
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| Ayla |
| 01/11/02 at 11:25:31 |
| I am beside myself as I have read this and can only hope that you can listen to your heart and do what you feel is best for the welfare of your son. If sounds like you are very aware of what an evil person he must be to treat you this way. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise. As Miriam said - once a beater always a beater! If you would like any support or someone to talk to I live far away but was in an abusive relationship for many years. I was very young (13) and abused sexually, mentally and physically. Overcoming that is a long and difficult road - but you can do it. And be a strong person who is aware of her limits and strong in her faith as well. Please feel free to email me. kara@fightingmonkey.com. Even for just a cyber hug. While your priority is to care for your son (which it sounds like you are doing amazingly well under the circumstances) don't forget to take care of yourself. There are many groups out there that can help. I don't know of any in seattle but I know there are many here in DC. Contact your local Planned Parenthood - even though I know many here disagree with the organization they do much more than Family Planning and can refer you to a cirsis center or women's support group. Also, please get involved in your religious community. Maybe you and Cara can venture to one together one day? Spiritual support is SO important. Also, I'd like to point out that while you commitment and conscern about the marriage/divorce issue is totally appropriate and important - under US law you are not married. Under US law he cannot take your son away from you at age 7 and under US law he is a foreigner and therefore has no legal hold over you or your son. From a legal perspective you are free of him. File an offical complaint about his behavior and deception NOW so that if the time comes that you need legal help, he is already on file. Since he is not a US citizen any harm he does to you can lead to deportation or limitation/removal of his VISA. If he comes back or threatens you in any way, don't let him. I understand you are shy and nervous but these things must be done to protect yourself and your son. Get a restraining order so if he comes back to the country he CAN'T visit you or your son. Put in a provision that a social worker or representative of the court must be present at any meetings if you ever want to meet with him. Protect yourself. The world is full of wonderful loving men who will cherish you and your son. I finially found one and was married in March. Do not lose hope. It is your strength and beauty and commitment to your son and Allah that will get you through this and one day bring you a man who deserves you. I wish you all the love and happiness in the world. Please feel free to email if you need anything. And please get yourself some legal advise and support. |
| Re: Marriage: I believe I've been tricked. |
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| Caraj |
| 01/11/02 at 14:11:39 |
| Hi, it's Cara again. If you are interested in some work to help you financilly I can help. I have a sewing business and I personally manufacture a small gift/health type item I have in about 60 plus stores. It is a blessing but at times overwelming. If you want I can teach you to sew if you don't already know how. I also have an extra sewing machine if you do not have one. It is nothing at all fancy just all straight lines. I would be more than happy to come to you with the machine and teach you. If you like it I would be willing to come once a week to drop off fabric, pick up stuff you did and pay you for what I pick up. And while I am there I would be more than willing to take you to a store, I would even do this on a Fri (isn't that a prayer day?)and could take you to a Mosque and either go with you or drop you off and come back and take you home. I have been so blessed with this business and if it will help you support you and your son I would be honored if you will allow me to help you and if you would work for me it would actually be helping me out as at times I am sooooo overwelmed. I was a single parent many many years. (They are now 22 and 23 and wonderful young men with wives, good jobs as they are hard workers and homes, I am not bragging I am just thankful to the Lord and proud of them) When this happens we have only three choices... 1) welfare....2) min wage at a burger joint or simular work ........ or my favorite one :) ....3) Make your own way. If you feel you won't be bored sewing at home it is a great way to earn a living and stay home with your child. No sitters :) If you are ambitious you could sew 8 or 10 hours one day and if the baby is fussy or you are tired you can take a day off :) I would just drop the materials off once a week. When you do it is your business. I pay by the piece done. Email me and I would be more than willing to come to you. I would very much consider it a blessing and an honor if you would allow me help. caraam61@hotmail.com and caraaj@hotmail.com How are you getting to a pc? |
| Re: Marriage: I believe I've been tricked. |
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| Caraj |
| 01/11/02 at 14:35:41 |
| Also I am not an attorney but I do agree with Ayla, if you did not get a marriage lisc I don't see how you are married legally. But you also have your religious beliefs to deal with here too. For that you would have to get advice from a Muslim scouler. (I know I spelled that wrong) There is a way to protect yourself and get legal custody of your child to protect yourself. I can email you any info you wish. These services are free to those in need. I married my sons father when I was 15 and had my sons at 16 and 17. He was not from a good family and was quite dysfuntional and immature. He was emotionally and phys abusive. At 5 months preg with my youngest(Michael) my ex slammed me up against a wall for something silly, it was a very long time ago but i think it was for not putting enough suger in the ice tea or forgetting to make ice tea, anyway. Work on getting you and your son in a better situation. Forgive you baby's father as it is right to forgive those who do us wrong then work on ..... "YOU" and your baby. I will be more than happy to assit, provide any info I can and if you wish to work at home I as per my prior post can help with that. This way you can be home with your baby and not stressed. Let me know. I am only an hour away from you and am in Seattle often doing deliveries. I'm here for you :) And if you want a ride to shop or a doctors appointment or to meetings at the Mosque I'll take you. Maybe one day I can come pick you and the baby up and we can walk around Pikes Place Market and just walk and talk and munch on fresh veggies from the venders :) I always get a bag of those baby carrots and walk around munching on them ;-D Then off to a bakery for something sweet:O I will even wear a hijab/scarf so you won't feel uncomfortable or out of place, but you'll have to show me how to put it on and secure it. As for clothing I am quite conservative anyway, always have been. So if you don't mind hanging out with an old lady :O (I am 40) email me. |
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| eleanor |
| 01/11/02 at 16:18:24 |
| slm Cara can you come and live near me next? :) Mash Allah, nice of you to offer to help. Sister Anonymous if you are reading this, then take strength in Allah and for the sake of you and your little baby then get in touch with Cara. We can vouch for her, she's really really nice :) Sorry to hear what you've gone through, but Insha Allah it's mostly over and done with now and all you need is to draw just a little more courage from that very deep well of courage that you have, and contact someone who can help you. I'm in Germany, too far away to be of much practical help to you, but I'm thinking of you and making dua for you :) wasalaam eleanor |
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| Merimda |
| 01/12/02 at 01:37:50 |
| Salam, I read this thread late last night and was in bw tears and rage...I didn't want to post bc in my anger I would have had nothing useful to say and it would have probably needed editing.. All last night I was thinking about what you have had to endure...I couldn't get it off my mind..I even had a very disturbing dream about this. I just really hope that no other woman has to go through what you did. You said he was thinking of marrying another...I really hope he doesn't.. make dua that no other woman falls prey to him.. Cara you are really so sweet..May Allah reward you..I am so moved by your kind heart masha-Allah. I wish I could help as well but I don't live anywhere near seattle..But I will keep you in my duas insha-Allah. You are most welcome to email me as well: merimda@yahoo.ca May Allah make things easier for you insha-Allah.. |
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| Caraj |
| 01/16/02 at 15:06:33 |
| Has anyone heard from this sister??? I haven't. And I wonder if she is ok. I think about her and hope she is ok. If you are out there would you please let us know you're ok??? And if anyone has heard from her please let us know how she is doing. Thank You |
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| Anonymous |
| 01/19/02 at 21:58:16 |
| Salam alaikum, I'm sorry I haven't replied. I've been really busy with Yousif. He has started on solids. We went to visit my father this past weekend and also I have so many appointments this month. Doctors, the state, etc. I'm going to try to reply to everyone, but there have been so many responses. Alhamdulillah i am really grateful that so many people have such warm hearts and have responded. If i can't reply to everyone tonight, I will come again and finish. We have recently changed our phone number and we moved in october. the only way my husband has to contact me now is through email and he only knows one of the hotmail accounts i have. somebody mentioned if he is endangering my life or health then i'm not obligated to keep in contact with him. my response to this is it seems everytime i hear from him, i end up in tears and i get so upset that i find myself with a headache. i'm a migraine sufferer, a history of 6 or 7 years of them, and i think i've gotten so many from him. everytime he yells at me and insults me, i get so upset that i can barely breath. i was looking to write in to Islam Q&A but i learned they only accept questions on tuesdays. I missed it because i have been so busy so inshallah i will write in to islamonline.org. i know i should go see the imam, but i have no way to get there. i am young, i look way younger than i am, and i have a baby. my only means of transportation right now is the bus and i just dont feel comfortable going anywhere on the bus by myself or with my son. i am not trying to make excuses, inshallah i will find the phone number. is that an okay way to speak to the imam about my problem? M.F., i was just reading about your friend. inshallah she is doing wonderful now! but after reading, i have a question. for an Islamic marriage to be valid, do the 2 people have to see the sheikh (sp?)? my husband and i never went anywhere for the marriage. even though i am asking this question, i still believe he tricked me because i did overhear a conversation of him telling his mother he didn't want to be married this way and he didnt want to be with me forever. he told her my pregnancy was a mistake and i betrayed him by refusing to have an abortion. (i dont know who all has read my other anon post, but if you look in at Madrasatul Ilm, i am the auther of a post about abortion and whether or not it is halal. i refused to abort because i learned that it is not okay unless the pregnancy endangers the mother or the baby and in my case, both these factors were false. he wanted me to abort because he didnt want to raise children in the USA. I need to know if when my son turns 7 if i absolutely have no choice but to give him to my husband. i am worried he may harm him just from how he acted at the hospital. my son was crying and he told him to "shut up". also from the abuse he gave to me. my husband says i have no choice and once my son is 7, he is my husband's property. (his words, not mine) Caraj, i am seriously thinking about your offer and i greatly appreciate it. but before i can do this, i need to get a few things in my life straightened out. i never finished high school so i have to work on that. inshallah i'll get it done soon and i will let you know. i went to see the state about getting sole custody of my boy but they told me there was nothing they could do since my husband was never named the legal father. (not married in the USA = husband had to fill out paternity affidavit but he never did) I'm sorry, but i'm running out of time to respond to everything. baby is calling! if anyone would like to email me, it is ajaj5@hotmail.com (i still havent been able to register) i have to go now, i'm sorry and i will be back again later to finish this! Wassalam |
| Re: Marriage: I believe I've been tricked. |
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| Ayla |
| 01/21/02 at 15:19:06 |
| "I need to know if when my son turns 7 if i absolutely have no choice but to give him to my husband. i am worried he may harm him just from how he acted at the hospital. my son was crying and he told him to "shut up". also from the abuse he gave to me. my husband says i have no choice and once my son is 7, he is my husband's property. (his words, not mine)" Sister, you absoloutely positively under no circumstances have to give up your son at age 7. He is clearly abusive and if his name isn't on the birth certificate the state doesn't currently recognize him as the father. All of this sounds funky and what the state told you doesn't sound like all the informatino you need. I thinhk since you are the soul parent of your son you do have soul custody. Email me and I will try to get you in contact with legal advice. Since I am far away I can't promise anything other then information but I will do anything I can for you. I am not a lawyer so can't give you definates on this but know many who may be willing to speak with you. Please, let me help you with this. Many out there can help you with your situatino in terms of Islam, but I assure you, US law will not allow your son to be taken from you, especailly since he was born here. I would suggest posible disconnecting the email account your husband knows of. Looks to me like he is continuing to terrorize you and distance might help. Kara@fightingmonkey.com I also looked up some numbers for you...no need to travel, just call and get some help: Washington State Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-562-6025 Confidential 24-hour info to adults & children. Referrals for medical, legal, shelter, counseling, anger management. Uses AT&T Language Bank, so can readily help in almost any language. Domestic Abuse Women's Network (DAWN) 24-hour hotline: 425-656-7867 P.O. Box 88007, Tukwila 98138 Emergency shelter for abused women. Support groups, advocacy, referral, and legal assistance. Women's Advocacy Services 9am-5pm daily, 425-656-8423. Columbia Legal Services 206-464-5911 101 Yesler Way, Suite 300, Seattle 98104 Free services for low-income abused women or men with custody disputes. Legal advice to women of any income. |
| Re: Marriage: I believe I've been tricked. |
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| Caraj |
| 01/27/02 at 13:37:15 |
| Hello there Anon, we haven't heard from you in almost a week, was wondering how you're doing? How are things going? Are you able to get around and to places you need to? Just was thinking about you and hoping you are well and things are falling into place for you :) |
| Re: Marriage: I believe I've been tricked. |
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| jaj |
| 02/06/02 at 02:02:27 |
| salam alaikum, it's me! anon! Cara, i'm doing pretty good. thank you for thinking of me! alhamdulillah i'm back in school and things are looking pretty good. i have not heard from my husband in a while (i'm glad for that). just wanted to update you! wassalam, jaj |
| Re: Marriage: I believe I've been tricked. |
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| explorer |
| 02/06/02 at 03:31:24 |
| jaj, How about staying in touch with Cara via the private message thingy? Shes lives not so far away from you and it would be nice to have someone close-by to help you in case things get difficult and to talk about matters away from public viewing as this forum. I haven't asked Cara yet, but shes more than willing to help :D |
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