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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Marriage Advice Badly Needed! |
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| rashidazad |
| 02/26/02 at 13:56:34 |
[slm] I am interested in a sister who is from everything I can see, one of the most pious I have ever met, and so modest, MashaAllah. Subhanallah!! She goes to my school, and though I see her studying often, my only encounter with her was to make Maghrib with her one time upon her request. I am not sure how to approach her about marriage - I don't really know anything about her family and I could never violate and talk to her any more than what I feel is respectful. And my other concern is that I am a convert to Islam, and am concerned about the sisters' parents' reaction to the fact that my family are Hindu. I have full trust in Allah that He will take care of me, but I am in need of some guidance as far as presenting myself for marriage to someone/their parents. I wonder how sisters feel about brothers who converted to Islam, who have been in a lot of Jahiliyya, but have sacrificed a lot too and practice their Deen well, Inshallah ? Does it make a huge difference, that our only true family is our Ummah and our Brotherhood? And even if a sister feels a man is a suitable match, has good Deen and is mature and capable etc, what when the parents want to meet his parents? Jazakallah Khair Subhan Allah I'm really impressed by this messageboard I wish I'd found it earlier [slm] |
| Re: Marriage Advice Badly Needed! |
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| mujaahid |
| 02/26/02 at 14:16:46 |
| Assalaamu-alaikum Bro. I dont know how sisters feel about male converts, but as a muslim man, i would have no problem marrying a muslimah who converted to islaam, as long as she converted before ever meeting me, as in she converted for the love of Allah, and not for me. I think a lot of bro's feel the same, but i dont know about the sisters marrying converts, as they often have more pressure on them, from families etc to follow family traditions. Bro my advice is this. If your interested in this sisters, before you do anything, find out what her family is like. As everything depends on them. The reason i say this is because some families are extremely backwards and will be appalled at the thought of thier daughter marrying a convert, or someone who they themselves do not choose. The reasosn for this is cultural, and although its haraam for them to think that way, its hard, if not impossible to get them to change thier way of thinking, as that way of thinking has been drilled into them from a very young age. On the other hand, you will get families who will only look at a mans imam, and if he is a good decent bro, they have no problems marrying their daughter to the bro, regardless of his colour, nationality etc. All they will look at is if he can support her, if he has good character, and good imam. But the key is, it all depends on the Family. Find out as much about them as you can, ask others to find out for you, such as bros you may know who also know this family. It will save a lot of heartache in the long run. ;-) |
| 02/26/02 at 14:18:45 |
| mujaahid |
| Re: Marriage Advice Badly Needed! |
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| momineqbal |
| 02/26/02 at 14:29:02 |
| [slm], Just one comment. I hope I don't hurt you. But keep your emotions out of it. Approach this situation as objectively as you can. Its going to work out or it isn't and in either case it will be good inshaAllah ;-). Wassalam |
| Re: Marriage Advice Badly Needed! |
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| jannah |
| 02/26/02 at 15:06:38 |
| This is Anik aka Abdullah's post. I've deleted the other thread so we don't have duplicate threads running throughout the Madina!! ===================================== asalaamu alaikum, I know you asked the sisters here, but I was once in your situation EXACTLY. My family is also hindu. The one thing I've found. Many sisters talk about wanting a pious husband, and "it does matter if he's a convert" (idealism very often), but many-a-times, when it comes down to it, the family really cares and it ends up really mattering. The sisters who accept this revert-marriage situation gotta be really willing to cut through some traditional boundaries and willing to swallow some things around them, and frankly in my opinion, its not something you see all the time. Many very pious sisters are not strong enough to do it, and walking the walk is a challenge. Many born muslims unfortunatley feel, these days, that its a "risk" to marry your daughter to a convert... That its a problem or gamble with their daughter's lives... just bear all this in mind, and that the revert's mind is obviously open because they came from outside to inside Islam, many people however are still closed up to this and often look at reverts as "cases" and look upon them sympathetically. But I say try to find out if she has an older brother and talk to him. Its a lot tougher for guys like us - we don't got much back-up family-wise for support in this duniya. It ain't easy. PM me and we can talk. asalmu alaikum. abdullah,. |
| Re: Marriage Advice Badly Needed! |
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| rahimah |
| 02/27/02 at 00:02:12 |
| [slm] Regarding marrying a convert muslim brother, well I think it is not a problem if that brother converted Islam before the marriage, so it means he chooses Islam for the sake of Allah SWT only and not because he wants to marry a muslim woman. Well..I also have seen that many converted muslims are much better than muslims that were born and raised in Muslim families. So I think it depends on that sister itself. If she is also interested in marrying you and don't care about your past religion, well I think you can go on. Well, suppose you know someone that you trust and is close to that sister, well I think you can ask that person's help to do approach to her, at least to get know her view about you. If it is positive then the next step you can do approach to her families, Insha Allah. Well..however this is just my thought :). If there is anything wrong, then I am very sorry.. Good luck for you.. [wlm] |
| Re: Marriage Advice Badly Needed! |
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| Seeker |
| 02/27/02 at 00:52:10 |
| [slm] as a sister, personally, if I found a suitable brother who had recently or in the past (doens't matter) reverted to Islam, it would not make a difference in my choices or opinions of him. One of the well known ladies in my (Albanian) community even said she wouldn't mind marrying her very own "Br. Bob", or a muslim revert. As long as he is in constant purification of his heart and acquiring of 'ilm to better himself, as I would be, insha'allah, it wouldn't matter to me whether he reverted or had been a muslim all of his life. We all struggling in this deen together. When two people get married, they work in a mutual effort to better each other. Insha'allah I would not let and physical, cultural, or ethnic differences get in my way on decision. To approach this sister about marriage, you might want to learn more about her first, whether it'd be through a friend that you two may have in common, or an imam. When you've learned a substantial amount of info about her, then, make salatul istikharah. This is the best and most reliable way to receive guidance from Allah conerning important matters. Believe me, you will not be let down with whatever guidance you may receive, just be open to both options. Then, if Allah shows you that the marriage is the right way, proceed with talking to the parents first about it. You have to give her parents the respect of asking them first for their daughter's hand. In asking the parents, they will (probably check you out first, then..)inform their daughter of the proposal if they find you suitable (that's gotta be scary for a guy!). All of the proposals I've heard of, they've gone first through the family first out of respect, haya, and tradition, not directly from the guy to the girl. In one instant, a good friend of mine received a proposal from a guy only after he had spoke with her parents first. oh yes, sometimes, parents can be a bit discriminate and harsh when choosing either husbands or wives for their children. Most of the time it's the culture in which racial or ethnic mixing is still not the first choice. Parents want pure this and pure that. I'm not saying it's right, nor am I criticizing it for being evil. Human nature for ya. In the 50's? mulatto kids made women faint in their homes. Crazy people. but yeah..little dramatic. My point? don't take it personal, if that's anything to say.. ::) sorry. ok, I hope I was of some help. I pray everything turns out alright. [wlm] ~Tauhirah |
| Re: Marriage Advice Badly Needed! |
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| Aneesa_A. |
| 02/27/02 at 02:53:09 |
| [slm] Firstly I would like to say how wonderful it is that you have acknowledged Islam. SubhanAllah, I find people like you quite inspirational for non-Muslims. I don't think that there is anything "different" about anyone that was non-Muslim before, at least you found the right path and have embraced Islam and are a good and pious Muslim now, and that is what matters. Allah has cleansed you of all your past sins and you are now as pure as a baby! :) I understand that you may be going through a state of confusion, but i think that the brothers & sisters here have given good advice :) I think it would be important to find out what her family background is, there are lots of families that do not want their daughter marrying someone that was not Muslim before. But if the family is quite religious and they realise that your love for their daughter is pure and that your faith in Allah is strong, then they may consider it. All families are different and they all have different factors to consider before getting their daughter married. (Especially to someone they hardly know). More so, you seem like a very pious brother, and inshaAllah you have to be believe in destiny, and that is, if you are meant to end up with this sister, you will inshaAllah. It's all in Allah's hands. Just ask him to do what is best for you and her. Also, i think you should somehow ??? try and find out if she would be interested in you, perhaps observe who she hangs around with and maybe you could speak to her friends/peers and see if she would be interested. (Don't stalk her though..!) :D It all just depends, and i think you'll only find out the outcome once you make the effort. Good luck brother, and InshaAllah I hope it works out for you, if she isn't convinced, send her here and we'll tell her what a wonderful person you are! Keep your faith in Allah and inshaAllah it'll all be for the best, [wlm] :-) |
| Re: Marriage Advice Badly Needed! |
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| humble_muslim |
| 02/27/02 at 12:03:56 |
| [slm] Please do not take this personally. As a parent, if I was looking for a match for my daughter, my biggest concern would be if, during the time of Jahillya, the suitor had done things which may have had a permanent effect on him. In particlaur, of course, I am talking abouts Aids, which can take years to fulyl develop. |
| Re: Marriage Advice Badly Needed! |
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| rashidazad |
| 02/27/02 at 17:11:00 |
| [slm] I just wanted to thank everyone for their excellent advice and support. Jazakallah Khair to you all. It so happens that I found out a very good brother I know is a close friend of the sister's family. I don't want to rush into anything because haste only blinds you to Allah's signs, but next time I spend some time with him Inshallah I'll find out some more about the sister. Make Du'a Inshallah 8) [slm] |
| Re: Marriage Advice Badly Needed! |
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| AyeshaZ |
| 03/05/02 at 21:38:58 |
| [wlm] InshaAllah i hope everything works out for you :-* JazakumAllahu Khair |
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