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And he should never be forgiven
wsps
03/01/02 at 08:46:29
Bismillahirrahmaanirraheem! Assalaamuaalaikum wa rahmathullahi wa barakaathuhu! Is there anyone who you think should never be forgiven because of the agony he/she might have caused you, or because of his/her betrayal of trust or because of his/her oppression on you etc. etc. etc. at any stage in your life??? Wa'assalaamuaalaikum wsps

Re: And he should never be forgiven
Insanna
03/01/02 at 09:46:17
[slm] Although sometimes it can be very difficult to forgive, it is better to do so anyway.  My mother always tell me, "God forgives his slaves on earth.  How then, can we not forgive each other?"  She is right.  Not talking to someone because we can't get past our hurt or anger only makes things worse.  When they die, we'll want to make peace with them and it will be too late.

Re: And he should never be forgiven
Kathy
03/01/02 at 09:59:28
[slm] I have been hurt really bad :'( I was able to forgive.. Now if something happened to my son.... >:(

Re: And he should never be forgiven
Mary
03/01/02 at 12:52:17
[slm] Wow that is a hard question.  I'm not sure if I have forgiven peeople that have hurt me  or just decided to move on.  Some of these people are still in my life and I deal with or interact with them, but trust   never again.  And what about the ones that are no longer here.  I think now I understand why they hurt me.  Is that the same as forgiving.  sometimes I just forget (really forget, put it out of my  mind) what happened and let my mind make up the past I would have had. :( Weird but consider the source.   :-/ Be nice Kathy   :)

Re: And he should never be forgiven
Blessed
03/01/02 at 19:30:58
subhanAllah..this is a difficult question! i dont think ive held any grudges against anybody. before i go to sleep every night...i try to forgive everybody and anybody who might have done soemthing to me during the day...sometimes its hard...but insha'Allah theres more reward for it. Insha'Allah maybe if we forgive others for the sake of Allah in this dunya...Allah will forgive us the day we'll need his forgiveness the most.:)

Re: And he should never be forgiven
Barr
03/02/02 at 11:19:04
Assalamua'alikum :-) When I hear from people saying that they'll not forgive a person, and would bring the matter to Allah during Judgement Day... I always thought.. why can't you just forgive? I just can't quite comprehend the feeling that they must've felt.... for I have never felt it. I'm not the sort who bear grudges and I certainly hate confrontations. Then, one day... I felt the anger, disappointment, sadness, frustration... I felt so wronged and cheated... due to someone's actions... who not only effected me... but the Islamic Society and da'wah as well. Since I was directly invloved with the consequences of it, I felt this inability to forgive him. It took me 1 year to finally forgive him. And if I had died during that year... I would bring the matter to ALlah, and seeked His judgement. During that year, I've been told that the person, felt the negative vibes from me, eventhough, we are still cordial to each other, and say salam etc... At the end of the day, we're still brothers and sisters and I didn't want things to turn sour... but I guess... my anger, must've coloured whatever aura that I may have, and I guess.. he must've felt that... Allahua'lam. Alhamdulillah, I'm just so grateful, that time cools my anger, for I have never felt such anger before. And it is something that I would never ever want to feel again. Wassalam :-)

Re: And he should never be forgiven
mujaahid
03/02/02 at 11:57:37
Assalaamu-alaikum These are the people i personally would never forgive: Musharraf Saddam Fahad Gaddafi And all those Muslims that side with the Kuffar against the Muslims

Re: And he should never be forgiven
BroHanif
03/02/02 at 13:13:26
Aww, [quote]...Musharraf Saddam Fahad Gaddafi ....And all those Muslims that side with the Kuffar against the Muslims [/quote] Perhaps we should learn from the example of the prophet  [saw] who forigived many people. One of the famous one being Abu Sufyan and the people of Mecca.   For crying out loud,  at least make dua for these people that Allah change them for good. Can we really see a person being burnt in this life ??? Can we really see anyone being burnt in the fire of hell ? Have we fallen so low that we can't even raise our hands in dua ? Its attitudes like these where we become so concerned about ourselves that we fail to understand the heartache, misery and plight of others, regardless of whether one is muslim or not. And what is our forigiveness compared to Allahs. ? Salaams Hanif

Re: And he should never be forgiven
Ayla_A
03/02/02 at 13:46:20
[slm] Personally I tend to forgive people to a fault (my own :o)  I believe in forgiveness, but am learning to be able to forgive, but not to forget and not give people so many chances.  I am gullible, I allow people to do the same things over and over to me.....ack I am working on this with Allah's help....... I feel that if we do not forgive (but not necessarily forget) it pulls us down emotionally, carrying hate in our hearts. So I learning to forgive for the sake of Allah and learning to become stronger so the same things do not happen to me again!!! [wlm] :-)Ayla_A :-)

Re: And he should never be forgiven
Dawn
03/02/02 at 14:20:44
I once found myself in the position of being hurt so badly by someone that I never wanted to forgive this person.  But time can take care of a lot, and I eventually realized that, if I wanted to get on with my own life, I had to let go and forgive.  I think that much emotional damage can be self-inflicted when one refuses to forgive, even after time has helped to heal some of the pain.  (As some others have said, let's not confuse forgive with forget, lest we make ourselves targets for the same thing over and over again.) There is actually quite a bit of scholarly research out there on the concept of forgiveness and emotional health and development.  The two links below may be of interest to anyone who wants to look a bit further in this direction. [url]http://www.forgiver.net/[/url] [url]http://www.intl-forgive-inst.org/[/url] These two sites are not religious in nature, but rather are educational or research oriented, one associated with the State of California, and the other with the University of Wisconsin - Madison.  There are a number of links to other forgiveness sites from there. Peace, Dawn

Re: And he should never be forgiven
Abdullah
03/02/02 at 22:37:45
aslaamu alaikum, Don't take offense, but the name of the thread itself is somthing that shouldn't be asked- somewhat inappropriate muslims should find it in them to have at least a pinch of the mercy the Propet SAW had.. imagine how much Allah Subhana is merciful, Ar Rahman! Subhaan Allah! Instead of naming people off, which encourages others to hold grudges, lets say who we want to forgive? Or make dua for? aslaamu alaikum. abdullah,. No human is beyond hope unless it is the WILL OF ALLAH SUBHANA.
03/02/02 at 22:42:31
Abdullah

Re: And he should never be forgiven
BUSHRA
03/03/02 at 05:32:31
[slm] If I'm not mistaken I remember listening to a wa'az on tape by the departed maulana Ahtisham Ul Haqq Thanvi ra who mentioned that it is in human nature to hold grudges and a) we either not forgive people who have wronged us at all  or b) forgive them but cannot forget the incident that caused us that grief and keep it filed in our memories "just in case". but when ALLAH SUBHANAHU WATAALA forgives someone not only is the sin forgiven but forgotten i.e all the data in the file is destroyed and never to be remebered again. I also read a hadith once which mentioned the virtues of forgiving others and how much reward one gets for forgiving their fellow human beings. I have completely forgotten the names of the 2 sahabas rz  mentioned in particular but maybe someone on this board who has read it will correct me . [wlm] BUSHRA :-)

Re: And he should never be forgiven
Noor
03/03/02 at 09:58:08
[slm] .....pardon and forgive. Do you not love that Allah should forgive you? And Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful." (Sura An-Nur, Verse 22) I think this part of the ayah says it all. I remember listening to this scholar on TV, and he was talking about how a muslim should interact with others. He mentioned the interesting way the Quran talks about forgiveness. It says "khudu bil afw" i.e. [i] take[/i] with pardon- now this is interesting because pardon and forgiveness is usually given, but the Quran is telling us to take it.  Probably these words are used because giving is usually associated with negation and loss  and taking or recieving means the person has acquired somehting, and humans usually have an inclination to get rather than give. Basically, the Quran is telling us to treat with kindness anyone who has wronged us not only because it will improve relations and give peace of mind, but also the forgiver will be recieving the reward and blessings of Allah ta'ala. So in essence the forgiver, in pardoning someone else, is "recieving" the forgiveness of Allah ta'ala, the Most Forgiving, the Most Merciful. I think the best way to avoid hurtful situations is not to have strong expectations from anyone. Do your duty towards others but don't expect them to act in a manner that you'd imagined or expected. wallahu ta'ala a'lam wassalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah

Re: And he should never be forgiven
pseudonymous
03/03/02 at 10:43:22
[slm] I know what it feels like to not be able to forgive someone. I'm facing that problem right now. Even though I've tried to forgive this person, who has caused grief in my life, and still continues to do so, I find it impossible to forgive them. I want to, I've tried to, maybe I will in the future, but I can't now  :( I also notice that when I have anger and hate towards another person, it mainly effects me. The anger and hate eats at me and ruins ME. So, it's something that would be best to get over, if possible, inshaAllah.

Re: And he should never be forgiven
eleanor
03/03/02 at 10:51:14
[slm] I always try to forgive as quickly as possible. Alhamdulillah I have been blessed with a somewhat passive nature, so it comes easy to me. I couldn't imagine ever holding a grudge against someone. I hear of families where members don't speak to each other for years because of some stupid fight in the past. Alhamdulillah in my family, everyone is aware of the fact that we are together for so short a time in this world that we should make the most of our time together and be willing to forgive at all times. I find it restrictive to hold a grudge against someone. While you are sitting seething away at their offense, they are living their life regardless and probably having a good time while they are at it. Maybe I have been lucky that I have had no serious confrontations as of yet in my life, which would be serious enough for me to never want to forgive someone, but I have been forgiven by others for grievious things and for that I thank Allah. And remember to always forgive those who offend me, for the sake of Allah. Life's too short. wasalaam eleanor

Re: And he should never be forgiven
isra81
03/04/02 at 12:45:38
As Salamu Alaikum. Its depents from people. I would forgive also when I'm suffer and have illnes now from some muslims act to me. Wassalamu Alaikum

Re: And he should never be forgiven
Caraj
03/04/02 at 23:18:30
Although I have felt hurt in my life by some longer than I should of, when I feel angry toward someone for their hurtful ways I just remember God/Allah's forgiveness and mercy and remind myself forgiveness is the least I can do. How can one accept the blessing of forgiveness if one with holds it ??? A thought  ...   :-[  What about not only forgiving one who has hurt you but then going a step further to extend kindness to that person? Anyone care to share about such experiences?

Re: And he should never be forgiven
jaihoon
03/05/02 at 16:11:22
There is nothing to gain in this world or next by keeping a grudge against someone or not forgiving him. Nothing but a waste of brain cells and pain for one's own heart... What's the big deal ::) Just forgive the person.

Re: And he should never be forgiven
Kareema_Abdul-Khab
03/06/02 at 02:57:318/td>
salaams, I usually forgive people if they show they are truly sincere in their repentance, meaning they don't do it again and do whatever they can to make it better. Admittedly, I have not forgiven a person over things that happened 2 years ago, due to my lack of conviction that they are for real, not having done things they promised to do though they can do them. For my own sanity, so that every day doesn't have to be a diatribe of hate and vengeance, I informally forgive them, meaning Allah(swt) will talk to them of whatever injustices they have afflicted on me, so there's no need on my part for continual anger or stress. :-*

Re: And he should never be forgiven
Mentallect
03/06/02 at 07:02:04
Just shake off the haters, people.

Re: And he should never be forgiven
Caraj
03/06/02 at 11:37:06
I am not familar with the Quran but I know in the Bible it says to forgive, Doesn't say ... Forgive ... IF Such as honoring your father and mother... Doesn't have an "IF"  at the end of it. Loving God / Allah  ..... IF What does the Quran say about forgiveness ??? How could one accept the gift of forgiveness by God/Allah and others if they are not willing to extend it ???       Just a thought.   :-[ And if you wait to see if the person is sincere does that not put you in the position of ... judging anothers heart  ??? Is there a verse in the Quran that refers to Loving and caring and forgiving one another ???  And does it have a clause or conditions on such Love, mercy, forgiveness and such ???

Re: And he should never be forgiven
jannah
03/06/02 at 14:47:48
salam, there is a great tradition of forgiveness as part of islam. here are some hadith: [code] Uqbah bin Amir reported that the Prophet [saw] said: Should I inform you about the best characteristics of the dwellers of the world and of the Hereafter? They are keeping a relationship with one who cuts it off with you, giving to one who deprives you and pardoning one who oppresses [or wrongs] you.  [Related by al-Bayhaqi] [/code] [code] Abu Kabshah al-Anmari reported that the Prophet [saw] said: By the One in whose hand my soul is, had I been an oath-taker, I would have taken oaths about three things: 1) no wealth diminishes because of charity, 2) no man pardons an oppressor, seeking the pleasure of Allah, without Allah increasing his honor on the Day of Judgement and 3) no one opens the door of begging for himself without also opening the door of poverty for himself. [/code] [code] Those in whose hearts is no mercy for others will not attain the mercy of Allah.[Bukhari & Muslim] [/code]

Re: And he should never be forgiven
BrKhalid
03/15/02 at 06:48:13
Asalaamu Alaikum ;-) Sometimes when someone does something bad to you, one can't help but be angry and make rash promises of not being able to forgive. I myself found it hard to forgive someone for around 5 years for something which was done to me. With time, however, I realised that misfortune that arises in this world is either a test from Allah or a recompense for a bad deed and hence the *instrument* of that misfortune is not really what is important. As Br Hanif said, at least you can pray for them and inshaAllah you will be acting on the command: [color=Red]Nor can goodness and Evil be equal. Repel (Evil) with what is better: Then will he between whom and thee was hatred become as it were thy friend and intimate! [41:34][/color] [quote]What about not only forgiving one who has hurt you but then going a step further to extend kindness to that person? [/quote] I thought the above verse was also relevant to your question Cara.
03/15/02 at 06:49:27
BrKhalid

Re: And he should never be forgiven
isra81
03/15/02 at 17:51:10
[quote author=jannah link=board=bebzi;num=1014990389;start=15#21 date=03/06/02 at 14:47:48]salam, there is a great tradition of forgiveness as part of islam. here are some hadith: [code] Uqbah bin Amir reported that the Prophet [saw] said: Should I inform you about the best characteristics of the dwellers of the world and of the Hereafter? They are keeping a relationship with one who cuts it off with you, giving to one who deprives you and pardoning one who oppresses [or wrongs] you.  [Related by al-Bayhaqi] [/code] [code] Abu Kabshah al-Anmari reported that the Prophet [saw] said: By the One in whose hand my soul is, had I been an oath-taker, I would have taken oaths about three things: 1) no wealth diminishes because of charity, 2) no man pardons an oppressor, seeking the pleasure of Allah, without Allah increasing his honor on the Day of Judgement and 3) no one opens the door of begging for himself without also opening the door of poverty for himself. [/code] [code] Those in whose hearts is no mercy for others will not attain the mercy of Allah.[Bukhari & Muslim] [/code][/quote] Salam Sis Jannah. Also the person has right who is offended or such so. Here is a Hadith that I used much. He who has done a wrong affecting his brother's honour, or anything else, must ask for his forgiveness for it now before he will have neither dinar or dirham. If he has any good deed to his credit it would be out of his credit that the measure of his wrongdoing would be deducted, but if he has done no good deeds it will be taken from the other's evil deeds and laid upon him. (Bukhari) Which one is better? Forgive or to get good deeds or get out my bad deeds? I think, I leave it to Allah swt.
03/15/02 at 17:56:09
isra81

Re: And he should never be forgiven
Abu_Atheek
03/16/02 at 01:29:30
[slm] [quote]What about not only forgiving one who has hurt you but then going a step further to extend kindness to that person? Anyone care to share about such experiences? [/quote] At the risk of being branded a boaster, I wish to share my experience with Caraj, as requested by her, and with the rest of the Board. A certain member within our close family circle brought on a lot of misery to us to the extent that one of my children said that this child would cut up the body of this member and eat the flesh. You can then imagine the gravity of the suffering we underwent. Nevertheless, this did not prevent me from helping this member's family, and visiting them regularly. Insha Allah, until I have the resources, I will continue to help them. This is the lesson I learned from the story of the mother of the believers, Lady Aisha, and her great father (may Allah Almighty be pleased with them both) when they were subjected to untold misery following the slander of her character, and when her father resumed his help to one of their relations involved in the slander after vowing to stop it. Abu_Atheek (ex-Haniff with 2f's)
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