Madina Archives

Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board

It's Spring
Kathy
03/05/02 at 23:12:52
[slm] and the Birds and the Bees are buzzing in my house. I fell off my chair today and i wasn't laughing! When did your parents answer the question- "Mom- where did I come from?"- :oAli came home from school and knew just about everything.... [i](yes Br. Haniff- I should have let him tell me all about the basketball game...)[/i]

Re: It's Spring
M.F.
03/06/02 at 04:34:37
Wow!!  :o  Who told him?? His teachers or his friends at school?? What did you say?  Did you try to deny it?   ;)   Ali's just 7?  I don't think I ever asked my mom that question... I would have remembered.  I just found out somehow on my own.  I can't remember how.

Re: It's Spring
BUSHRA
03/06/02 at 04:59:03
[slm] Well I'm glad my son is still 5 I think I found out in science class , I think I was 11 but I did not  bring it up with my parents. Atleast you can have the dreaded talk with him now and explain to him that as muslims only people who are marrried have kids,....or is that too much for a 7 year old. Now I 'm gonna fall off my chair. :D BUSHRA :-)

Re: It's Spring
Barr
03/06/02 at 05:52:07
Assalamu'alaikum :-) Aww.. Kathy, baby  :-* So.. what did you do? ?  ? tell us! I think my parents told me I came from my mum's tummy. I have no idea when.. but I think since I could remember! And when I was a teenager, like 13... my dad gave me a weird explaination of how women got pregnant. I wasn't even curious. I think it cropped up due to some reports of some teenager who got pregnant. He said, something like this," You gott abe careful and take care of yourself. Boys and girls shouldn't mix around too much. If they are not careful, that's how those things you read in the newspapers happen." And while he was speaking, he was putting the edges of his thumbs together, and I thought... hmm.. would something travel across our thumbs, from under our nails, if boys and girls put them together like that?.. seriously.. one of the dodgy things my dad taught me  :D And I gotta know abt the real thang, a couple of months later, in school... when they called in a nurse to talk about our reproductive systems and during Home Economics class. Anywho.. . (Hajree.. I love your line, hon ) This is what I'll say to my 'lil children when they do ask, inshaAllah. You are a gift from Allah. When there is a lot of love... so much love between you dad and I, Allah makes it a special moment and gives us a gift, wrapped inside me. And that's you :) Hmm... better start practising those lines... I may just fumble when the real thang happens! Wassalam! :-)
03/06/02 at 05:57:45
Barr

Re: It's Spring
Muslimah
03/06/02 at 06:49:23
[color=Teal]As-salamu alaikum, thats soo cute :)Lol ;D, also its hilarious :-/ -hehe kids can be soo cute/funny...so wat did u tel him sis ??? i found out at abt the same age as Ali and i just stared at the boy who told me and called  him a lier i also said he din know any thing (poor kid got a good hard kick too...like always :D) But alhamdulillah i din tel ma parents any thing as i din believe it and he din tell on me (well he couldn't) take care, w'salaam[/color]

Re: It's Spring
eleanor
03/06/02 at 06:58:16
[slm] My mother was pregant with my little brother when I was 6/7. So I got told that God decides to put a baby in a Mammy's stomach whenever he wants. But the Mammy has to be married first. When I was about 9 or 10 my mother told me for real and I was disgusted!! I couldn't believe it. I remember shouting "Well I'm never going to do THAT!!!". hmm..maybe it was a little early? But 9 or 10 is the time for period talks so we got it all over and done with at the same time. wasalaam eleanor  :-*

Re: It's Spring
Kathy
03/06/02 at 08:48:28
[slm] This is how it went. ;)"mom- I know what sex is." Just like that- out of the blue. :oI made a mental note to close my dropped open mouth- and put a pleasant- non chalant face on. :-)And said - "Oh? what is it?" :-[He proceded to tell me in a very 'biological reproductive way' ... and he was accurate. :-/The only part that was wrong was he mentioned that the fluid was pee.(urine) Then I knew he was getting info from a fellow friend.- One who has 5 brothers and sisters, lives in the country and his mother is about to deliver any day. ;-)I talked to Ali's Dad and "cleared it with him" that it was time for "THE TALK" :o >:( ??? 8) :-X As expected, my husband was in shock, anger, denial and finally resolved to the fact that it was time.- although he was going to have nothing to do with it.- After all no one ever told him! A few years back I had bought a "Tell Me Where I Came From" book from a tag sale. I was so glad that I did- because I would have hated going to Barnes and Nobles and searching for a book with Ali in tow. So I got the book from storage and gathered Ali into my lap. He squirmed off and we layed on the floor- side by side- reading and looking at the books pictures. (Jannah- we need a blushing smily) :-)I am trying to not make it obvious that i am watching his expressions- of delight, embarassment, wonder and curiosity. I watch him trying not to look at me and hoping that I am not looking at him. At one point I skipped a sentence- and he noticed immediately- he was not going to miss a thing. ;D I am really greatful that i am Musim while reading. I was able to add hadith and ayats at appropiate times and to speak of Allah's swt creation and majesty. We were able to talk about marriage and of course i planted the seeds of what a sin it was to do - unless you are married. In fact he can not do it until he is married.  :P This  also gave me the opportunity to explain to him that certain conversations are only appropiate at home- with me or dad. Perhaps now he will continue to feel comfortable in asking me about'delicate matters' So- Alhumdullillah it went well- the book made it alot easier- But i know this subject is not closed- so this year i am off to find more age appropiate books on the Birds and the Bees! :-*tweet tweet- buzz, buzz! :-/

Re: It's Spring
M.F.
03/06/02 at 09:10:01
Poor Kathy!!!!  :o  It sounds like you did pretty well though ma sha Allah.  I cannot IMAGINE having "the talk" with a kid, especially mine! So his dad couldn't face up to doing it huh?  Al hamdu lillah for that book! Gosh your little one's growing up. May Allah protect him and help him protect himself from Haram. poor Kathy.   I don't know whether to laugh or cry.  It's sad and hilarious at the same time.

Re: It's Spring
Nazia
03/06/02 at 13:47:28
[slm] Ok so I'm confused. When a child that young asks, you're supposed to explain everything??? Whoa :o How oh how did you pull that off Kathy??  What exactly did the book say?? I'm confused. Take Care, Wassalamu Alaikum, Nazia

:)Re: It's Spring
nouha
03/06/02 at 14:35:42
[slm] i found out in fourth grade by a freind who was in sixth grade, my mouth dropped lol!   stupid me? you wanna know what i did next..... still very young, immature and clueless about life.... i didnt think it was a big deal, just a thing ppl do, so i go to my younger brothers who were like 7 and 4 and told them they were just as clueless so they went to my mom, my mom came to me and then we had the mother/daughter talk about the birds and the beez..... :D i felt so dumb.... :P [wlm] nouha :)

Re: It's Spring
Kathy
03/06/02 at 19:42:33
[quote author=Nazia link=board=sis;num=1015387973;start=0#9 date=03/06/02 at 13:47:28] [slm] When a child that young asks, you're supposed to explain everything??? [/quote] He told me everything.... Normally a parent would just answer with the most simplistic lines.... Ali knew the rest... [quote]What exactly did the book say?? [/quote] Most probably jannah would fire me as a moderator if i wrote it on line... But you can come over to my house and I will read it to you!- if your parents says it is ok.... The book was accurate from body parts to body actions to the development of the baby to labor/birth. It was cartoonish.

Re: It's Spring
jannah
03/06/02 at 21:50:26
There's a great Islamic book for kids that sort of explains that stuff:. It's called the Miracle of Life. !! :)

Re: It's Spring
yoursister
03/07/02 at 04:47:01
assalamu alaikum i find it all pretty worrying. i mean we learnt all this in science lessons but not until about 14-15. now things are changing. children can't understand but the outside world wants them to know everthing. it is worrying because if the teachers are not telling them it is the kids in the playground. it should be the parents job at the right age - 7 seems very young but if he already knew i'm glad you he was able to tell you and you were able to talk to him about it. wa alaikum assalam

Re: It's Spring
Noor
03/07/02 at 07:01:14
Assalamualaikum I aggree, seven is way too young  to find out all this :o Actually I feel a tinge of sadness when i see young children know it all, it's almost as if they've lost their innocence too soon. I wonder how ppl in the old days used to learn of the facts of life, I mean when there were no public schools or teachers to tell them. Where/how did they find out? Kathy, Alhumdulillah, you handled it well, but then, mashaAllah, you're a great mom   :-* Besides talking about marriage etc, it should also be pointed out that puberty is the age of takleef (majority) in islam, after which the person is considered an adult and all his actions will be counted as such. wassalamalaikum

Re: It's Spring
Mary
03/07/02 at 08:45:49
[slm] Kathy, :o Well at least that dreaded first step is over with.  That is the hardest part. He will probably move on to more interesting stuff to 7 year olds.  Legos, Gobotts, Pokemon,   :-/ He is so open with you so if he has questions later on (and he will)  he will ask. For mine, when they would ask, On the inside I was so nervous but on the out side I answered very... cool clam and collected.       And when I was wrong about something they corrected me in the same cool, calm, and collected way
03/07/02 at 08:49:02
Mary

Re: It's Spring
Hijabi4eva
03/07/02 at 08:46:26
salam, kids talk abt the most embarrassing things! my mum was tellin me the other day abt all the questions i asked as a kid lyk, if a women has a baby in her womb, how did it get there? and, Y do husbands and wifes sleep to gether? i asked REALLy bad Q'z, 1s i dont think i wanna mention! neways, theres these kids in our st, and wen 1 of en was 6 she asked told me, kids r' the cause of ur own doing, she then aded, auntie, do u know dat u can bcom a mother w/o being married? i was speach less, i then told her mum dat she know toooo much! i get really worried wen all these lil kids talka bt periods, as if its sumthing to b openly discusses! w/s hope i'm makin sense!

Re: It's Spring
Kathy
03/07/02 at 09:48:50
[quote author=Hijabi4eva link=board=sis;num=1015387973;start=15#17 date=03/07/02 at 08:46:26]i asked REALLy bad Q'z, [/quote] [slm] I don't think there are "bad questions." The lines of communication are so important. I would like to foster a relationship with my son that he feels it would be better for him to ask me a question, rather than a kid on the street. I am thinking of the Sister who posted questions about the menses. She had real concerns that were worrying her. She had misconceptions of the flow, pain, etc... The Sisters on this board allievated her fears and educated her in the most proper way. I must admit I was pretty 'proud' of the moderator for letting the conversations continue. Alot of us have or are growing up in a home which these questions are frowned upon.  It is good that we have somewhere to go- rather anonymously, to ask. Some say that the Brothers are reading these posts also. I am glad that they are- because Insha Allah, one day they will be husbands and fathers. Perhaps this will educate them too- and if they already know it all- help them deal with the emotional value of these issues. In the brothers secton I posted a topic on Play by Play. It was supoosed to be a 'tongue in cheek' kinda post. However Br. Hanif and Mujaheed did make some points I did not really understand how important dialog is to my son. Because it came from a man's perspective- I look at the situation a little different. Are their bad questions? There are hadiths about too many questions. If you really need to know something- ask. 8) but of course there are those questions that are more appropiate for one on one e-mails.

Re: It's Spring
Lisha
03/07/02 at 10:39:31
salaamz, I think its really important to ask questios so that u can learn :) -wheather ur a kid or a grown up, we all need to learn!!!  I also think its good when the bros wanna learn but not when they're not welcum ;) Sis u must hav been shocked but mash'allah i think u handled the situation soo well...Ali's 1 luck boy ;) If i asked my mum she probably would have changed the subject or tel ma older sis to talk to me-lol Alhamdulillah i had a older sister to talk to ;D...and cousine (i would hav been doing somethin soo wrong if she din talk to me :-[) tc

Re: It's Spring
BroHanif
03/08/02 at 18:55:57
Salaams, I think Master Ali and Mom Kathy did great. sadly, when I was young my head was already filled with negative thoughts about the birds and the bees. I can still remember those sad days when we use to joke about it and talk complete nonsense, it was shame though because we had no one to go to. No mom or dad, no elder friends or family, no scholar, no one. At some times I thought about asking my mom and dad but I was too shy at other times my friends filled my head that a stork comes and gives your mom a cotton cloth with a baby in it. At other times it was way too rude and disgusting. Later on in life we were told about it at school, just before teenage hood and the effect of that teaching was very destructive, it wasn't carried out in an Islamic way, there was no shame no hayah, little boys and girls turing into adults in one room, no barrier no hijaab. I felt very uncomfortable at that age, and you know what the worse thing was ? the teachers assured us that its natures way so no ones going to miss it, they talked like you shouldn't feel shy or worried about it becuase its natural. In fact I'm sure those who missed it were made sure they didn't miss it again. What sad and pitiful days. And from there it just went worse you had guys/gals talking about the act  openly, later on these young adults started to forge realtionships with other members of the opposite sex, by the way no ones a teenager yet!. You had the sad situation fall low to of girlfriend/boyfriend, holding hands kissing, lust flirt etc etc. It was only when I was in my teens that I found out the Islamic way, sadly a bit too late. And again not from my mom or dad but a scholar. [quote]Some say that the Brothers are reading these posts also. I am glad that they are- because Insha Allah, one day they will be husbands and fathers.[/quote] 2 right, lets hope we are good at what we do. [quote]Ali came home from school and knew just about everything.... (yes Br. Haniff- I should have let him tell me all about the basketball game...) [/quote] The best talkers are the best listeners as well. Hanif

Re: It's Spring
Kathy
03/09/02 at 11:03:19
[slm] Thanks Bro Hanif , for the man's perspective on this.  Mom's are always wondering and questioning if they are doing the right thing. Muslim Moms have a greater fear and also want to please Allah swt.

Re: It's Spring
gift
03/13/02 at 05:22:06
[slm] my mum was pregnant with my little brother when i was 7.  because she was going into hospital for a c-section she told me that baby's came from the hospital.  so .... when i got mad with my big sister i'd ask my mum "can we take her back to the hospital and get a new one"  ;)  and it was kinda weird but when my brother was about 5/6 and my sister or i annoyed him he would say the same thin  ::) i found out about everything from my older sister when i was 9 (she was 11 and had just studied it in biology).  i also thought euuugh  :D mashallah kathy its great that ali is able to talk to you about stuff like this - and i'm sure you're being told this for the 100th time - you seem like a really great mom  :-* [wlm]
Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board A R C H I V E S Individual posts do not necessarily reflect the views of Jannah.org, Islam, or all Muslims. All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective owners. Comments are owned by the poster and may not be used without consent of the author. The rest © Jannah.Org