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What do the men do??
Aneesa_A.
03/19/02 at 02:35:27
[slm] So let's see..it's quite common to see the sisters talking about how they'd treat their hubbys, and we are always hearing of what women have to have to do for the hubby's according to Islam, i.e. obey them and keep them happy in every possible way. BUT, no one really talks about what the  ;-) have to do... So let's talk about it! What do the brothers have to do for the wives? How is a man in Islam supposed to treat his wife? Lets hear what you have to say! [wlm] :-)

Re: What do the men do??
mujaahid
03/19/02 at 02:54:11
[slm] <So let's talk about it! What do the brothers have to do for the wives? How is a man in Islam supposed to treat his wife?> Personally, i wouldnt know as i aint married   :-X However I assmue he is supposed to treat her good, buy her whatever she wants, do the housework, help look after the kids, etc etc do his fair share of the house work etc etc.

Re: What do the men do??
Aneesa_A.
03/19/02 at 03:42:09
[slm] neither am i married Mujaahid, but you dont really hear much of what guys have to do as opposed to the amount of things women have to do for their hubbys! [wlm] :-)

What do men do??
iimaan
03/19/02 at 06:39:22
[quote author=Qurat-Ul-Ain link=board=bro;num=1016523327;start=0#0 date=03/19/02 at 02:35:27]BUT, no one really talks about what the  ;-) have to do...[/quote] Bismillahirahmanirrahiem [slm] bro, At jannah.org there's a link to the sisters corner, you can find there an article on what the dutys are of a muslimhusband. A short summary: How to make your wife happy !! (Part 1) --------------------------------------- The following is part ONE of a summary of the book "How to make your wife happy" by Sheikh Mohammed Abdelhaleem Hamed. 1. Beautiful Reception 2. Sweet Speech and Enchanting Invitations 3. Friendliness and Recreation 4. Games and Distractions 5. Assistance in the Household 6. Consultation (Shurah) 7. Visiting Others 8. Conduct During Travel 9. Financial Support 10. Smelling Good and Physical Beautification     11. Intercourse 12. Guarding Privacy 13. Aiding in the Obedience to Allah 14. Showing Respect for her Family and Friends 15. (Islamic) Training & Admonition 16. Admirable Jealousy 17. Patience and Mildness 18. Pardoning and Appropriate Censure     Got curious? Go to sisters for the whole article. Salaam,  :-*

Re: What do the men do??
mujaahid
03/19/02 at 07:23:09
[slm] Qurat are you a feminist? You sound a bit angry  :-/ Anyway i guess the reason we dont hear much of what us guys are supposed to do is becuase the sisters are too shy to talk about what they expect from a husband, thats hardly the bro's fault! The bro's they are always saying what they want in a wife, thats why the women know what guys want, but we hardly ever hear what the sisters want in a bro  ;-) So sisters, forget talking about cross stitch, flowery hijabs and nail varnish, and tell us what you want in a husband  ;D

Re: What do the men do??
iimaan
03/19/02 at 08:16:57
[quote author=mujaahid link=board=bro;num=1016523327;start=0#4 date=03/19/02 at 07:23:09] So sisters, forget talking about cross stitch, flowery hijabs and nail varnish, and tell us what you want in a husband[/quote] Bismillahirahmanirrahiem [slm]  ;-), what makes you think that we talk about cross stitch and flowery hijabs ::). What's cross stitching anyway  ??? Nail varnish!?  Sorry bro, can't pray with nail varnish, so what's the use? Salaam, ;).

Re: What do the men do??
Aneesa_A.
03/19/02 at 09:01:09
[slm] No Mujaahid, i'm not a feminist :P although looks like i'm going that way... Thanks for your info iimaan, that is what i was looking for =) ie. what the husbands should do for their wives. In response to what you said Mujaahid, that the sisters are too shy to say what they want in a hubby, well that may be true you know. So i'll start off for the other sisters  to add on...;) Oh bother, the list is too long. [wlm]

Re: What do the men do??
mujaahid
03/19/02 at 11:24:54
[slm] ....i'm waiting for the list...... .....still waiting .... []

Re: What do the men do??
EdisonShi
03/19/02 at 13:02:12
I'd like to hear the list as well. ;)

[color=Purple][/color]Re: What do the men do??
UmmWafi
03/19/02 at 13:14:27
[slm] My list is rather short  :-) What I want in my husband, from my husband and what have yous is this : That he be a Khalihaf and Imam who is Mu'min to myself and my children and to my family.  All else will follow methinks. Wassalam

Re: What do the men do??
Aneesa_A.
03/19/02 at 13:46:32
[slm] So you want the list huh..okaaaaay..here goes. First and foremost, he has to be a good Muslim  ;-), and has to be very knowledgeable about Islam and has to assist me in integrating it in every part of our lives. He has to have a good sense of humour, he has to make me laugh! :-/ He has to be understanding, or make an effort to be, especially where my feelings and emotions are concerned. He has to be intelligent! So that i can learn a lot from him about all sorts of things, and so we can get into topics relating to different things that can end up rather deep. He has to love kids, and be the type that helps in giving them a bath etc...that is just so cute. He has to be fun to be with, someone that likes going to different places and trying new things. Someone that accepts that we're both different people, and realises that being different is the beauty of a marriage because that is what makes you compromise and learn to accept differences of opinions & views. Someone that helps around the house now and then, if not regularly, not because he considers it to be his duty but because he WANTS to. Someone that likes spending time with me even if we're not doing anything exciting in particular. And someone that does sweet out-of-the-blue things that drives me crazy. :) And last but not least, someone that respects and loves his parents & my parents. You guys happy now? - Thats all i can think of at the moment. [wlm] :-)

;DRe: What do the men do??
nouha
03/19/02 at 17:40:02
[slm] subhannalah quratul ain, i was about to post the exact things you mentioned in your list.... 1) good  ;-), he must AT LEAST do the basics, pray etc 2) OHMYGOD , i am very keen on this one, HE MUST HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR!!!!! 3) he MUST be romantic -- shower me with love not necessarily gifts and such, those are very dunya things but i guess they wouldnt hurt ;) well i also just wanted to mention that theres a hadith that says the Prophet  [saw] said: "the best amongst you is the one who treats his wife kindly" there are SOOO namy hadiths actually that says what men have to do, i dont have them at the top of my head right now so inshallah when i find them ill post them.... ;D [wlm] nouha:)

Re: What do the men do??
Kashif
03/19/02 at 18:59:14
[quote author=Qurat-Ul-Ain link=board=bro;num=1016523327;start=0#10 date=03/19/02 at 13:46:32] [slm] So you want the list huh..okaaaaay..here goes. First and foremost, he has to be a good Muslim  ;-), and has to be very knowledgeable about Islam and has to assist me in integrating it in every part of our lives. He has to have a good sense of humour, he has to make me laugh! :-/ He has to be understanding, or make an effort to be, especially where my feelings and emotions are concerned. He has to be intelligent! So that i can learn a lot from him about all sorts of things, and so we can get into topics relating to different things that can end up rather deep. He has to love kids, and be the type that helps in giving them a bath etc...that is just so cute. He has to be fun to be with, someone that likes going to different places and trying new things. Someone that accepts that we're both different people, and realises that being different is the beauty of a marriage because that is what makes you compromise and learn to accept differences of opinions & views. Someone that helps around the house now and then, if not regularly, not because he considers it to be his duty but because he WANTS to. Someone that likes spending time with me even if we're not doing anything exciting in particular. And someone that does sweet out-of-the-blue things that drives me crazy. :) And last but not least, someone that respects and loves his parents & my parents. You guys happy now? - Thats all i can think of at the moment. [wlm] :-)[/quote] pffft.. thats all easy... I tell you what.. i'll do the first half before lunch, and the rest afterwards... *haha* Kashif Wa Salaam
NS

Re: What do the men do??
Laboogie
03/19/02 at 23:50:16
[slm] [quote]pffft.. thats all easy... I tell you what.. i'll do the first half before lunch, and the rest afterwards... *haha* Kashif Wa Salaam [/quote] LOL LOL  :-/ u had me on the floor, thats a joke , LOL---- ***Sr. Qurat-ul-Ain, interesting list u got there :-X

Re: What do the men do??
Aneesa_A.
03/20/02 at 02:04:13
[slm] LOL Kashif..all that easy huh?! aheem i dont think so! Why'd you think its a list...an "ideal" list, it doesnt really exist you know! Thanks Laboogie for the whole "interesting list" thing =) And JazakAllah Noura for the hadith, you see..THAT'S the kind of stuff i want! Stuff that the MAN has to do. Boy oh boy..i'm really going down the road to feminism..Mujaahid..:P Anyway, i'll be glad to read lots more responses...withOUT Kashif's wonderful comments :P joke! Wsalaam, :-)

Re: What do the men do??
mujaahid
03/20/02 at 07:11:45
[slm] <and has to be very knowledgeable about Islam and has to assist me in integrating it in every part of our lives.> Why can't YOU also be knowlegable? Why is it the guys always have to be the ones with the knowledge? huh? Well?   <He has to have a good sense of humour, he has to make me laugh!> Yes, thats a good trait to have, i have, however yet to meet a bro who dont make me laugh! I think everyone is funny, in a nice way! <He has to be understanding, or make an effort to be, especially where my feelings and emotions are concerned.> lol, what you mean like when you have your temper tantrums?   <He has to be intelligent!> Yes, well SOMEONE has to be the intelligent one  ;) <So that i can learn a lot from him about all sorts of things> Such as boxing, football, Mechanics, DIY? <He has to be fun to be with, someone that likes going to different places and trying new things.> Going to different places? Such as clubs, bar's restuarants etc? <Someone that likes spending time with me even if we're not doing anything exciting in particular.> Well that ball is in your court because you gotta make him wanna spend time with you! If your moody, boring, bad tempered etc etc, then knowone will wanna spend time with you!! <And someone that does sweet out-of-the-blue things that drives me crazy.> Such as? Break wind while guests are around?   ;)

Re: What do the men do??
Aneesa_A.
03/20/02 at 08:09:22
[slm] "Why can't YOU also be knowlegable? Why is it the guys always have to be the ones with the knowledge? huh? Well?   " Mujaahid, well, i said I'd like him to be knowledgable..but in a way that we both learn from each other, but coz im talking from MY perspective, i would want to learn from him :P "lol, what you mean like when you have your temper tantrums?  " howd you guess? you understand women pretty well huh "Yes, well SOMEONE has to be the intelligent one " yes exactly, thats what im saying..its never the men, so i'd like someone who IS "Going to different places? Such as clubs, bar's restuarants etc?  " erm..no..going to different countries..ie. travelling "Such as boxing, football, Mechanics, DIY? " that would be interesting "Such as? Break wind while guests are around?   " Boy, do i feel sorry for your future wife. [wlm] :-)

Re: What do the men do??
M.F.
03/20/02 at 08:48:27
Assalamu alaikum Quratul Ain, I thought you were asking about what a man's DUTIES are when you first posted, not what a perfect husband has to be like (I'm happy to say my own hubby checks very well against your list and more ;) Al hamdu lillah!!! ).  But what I'm saying is that it would be good to know that all the future husbands around here (and current as well) know what their duties are Islamically.  Yes, you could say that one of his duties is to make you laugh ;)  but I'd have a hard time finding a text to support that :)

Re: What do the men do??
Aneesa_A.
03/20/02 at 09:50:06
[slm] ONLY the women seem to get what i'm talking about & it was Mujaahid who twisted the whole thing around. But anyway, guess the guys got more info now. But still like M.F. Sis said,"But what I'm saying is that it would be good to know that all the future husbands around here (and current as well) know what their duties are Islamically" So brothers..stop messing around and answer! :P [wlm] :-)

Re: What do the men do??
sabri
03/20/02 at 10:10:15
Assalamu Alaikum,                          Well, you mentioned most of it in your list. Also I guess he should be considerate. And he should have mastery over his temper. I have heard that when two people get married, they should make an agreement that they will not both be angry with each other at the same time. I guess there's wisdom in that. Another thing, would you want him to be good with children?                               Wassalam,               Sabri P.S. I guess maturity is important too (hint hint mujahid ;)). just kidding.

Re: What do the men do??
mujaahid
03/20/02 at 11:31:18
[slm] <P.S. I guess maturity is important too (hint hint mujahid ).> hello? Say, woof wof, puk puk, yip yap, buck buck, wiggle de bum, wiggle ya pants and dance!! Pepsi anyone?  [] Free Hijabs  :-) Bro's, get your free Hijabs  :-/ Hijabs on the house, lets have a hijab Party :-X come on guys, lets dance!! :-/ :-/ :-/ :-/ :-/ :-/ :-/ :-/ :-/ :-/ :-/ :-/

Re: What do the men do??
Aneesa_A.
03/20/02 at 11:35:15
[slm] yup i mentioned that he should love kids. And you mentioned a good point Sabri, about the temper aspect. JazakAllah :) [wlm]

Re: What do the men do??
Othman
03/20/02 at 19:54:06
[slm] I'd like to put my 2 cents in this one, inshaAllah. The ahadith have already been given mashaAllah, so I'd just like to add to what is being said about the proper conduct of a husband. I think that one very important detail that any husband has to remember is the nature of women.  They are women by nature (duh!  ::) ) and therefore they are more sensitive and respond more to emotions than to rational.  Please do not misunderstand me.  I do not mean to say that women are not smart, or intelligent, or rational...I merely mean that most women are more easily moved by (or respond more easily to) feelings and emotions. So kind treatment, understanding, compassion and care are very important qualities in a muslim husband. Samurah (may Allaah be pleased with him) reported that the Prophet  (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The Woman was created from a rib, and if you try to straighten the rib you will break it, so be gentle with her and you will be able to live with her.” (Reported by Ahmad, 5/8; Ibn Maajah, 1308; Saheeh al-Jaami’, 2/163). To be gentle with her means, me thinks, to overlook her short comings and faults (those that do not put her deen in danger, which we all have) and to advice her kindly of the things which she needs to correct in order to please Allah (SWT) more.  (This of course, should also be done by the wife towards her husband). When asked about what was the best kind of wealth a man can acquire, the Prophet (SAW) said: “The best (wealth) is a remembering tongue (one which always remembers Allaah), a thankful heart, and a believing wife who will help you with your faith.” A man should be able to get help from his wife in his deen and adherence to Islam.  I have heard of many men who will not take advice from their wives, nor will they listen to them, even if what they are saying is right!  ::) It seems as though they feel that their manhood will diminish if they listen to their wives.  How sad, for it is not so.  On the contrary, a real man will be able to take advice from anyone who advices with wisdom, even if this "anyone" is from the opposite sex. This type of attitude reassures the wife that her husband considers her a smart, intelligent, and trustworthy individual.  Sometimes I find it difficult myself to listen to my wife (my male ego kicks in, I guess) and I may rebel against my wife's words "just because" ....he he he....but later on I end up coming back to her and telling her, "you know what? you were right"  I love seeing that happy smile on her face when I do this....(and plus, it's better than hearing her say 'I told you so'  ;D)  joking  ;) Another thing I believe is important, is the fact that a man should not be as strict and harsh with his wife as he is with himself (in the matters that do not affect her aqeedah).  And he should not try to make her BE LIKE HIM.  If that is what he wanted, he should have married a MAN! (this is an absurd statement to prove my point). As the Prophet (saw) said, if you try to straighten the rib, you will break it."  So enjoy her crookedness (for that is what makes her a WOMAN!) The Prophet  (saw) also said: “The most perfect of the believers in faith are those who are the best in attitude, and the best of you are those who are best to their women.” (Reported by al-Tirmidhi, 1/217; Ahmad, 2/250; al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 284). There are so many reports of how a husband should treat his wife.  The only thing the believing man has to do, is look for them with true sincerity to serve and please Allah (SWT) and inshaAllah, Allah will make his task easy for him. A very beautiful statement I found on Islam-qa.com makes for a beautiful closing statement: [quote]Know that paying attention to her intellectual level, working with her way of thinking, understanding her psychology, treating her appropriately, being good to her and making her feel good are among the most effective ways of showing how wise and manly you are and how good your personality is.[/quote] Othman.

To be gentle with her meanRe: What do the men do??
Caraj
03/20/02 at 21:20:45
[quote author=Othman link=board=bro;num=1016523327;start=15#22 date=03/20/02 at 19:54:06] [slm]  They are women by nature (duh!  ::) ) and therefore they are more sensitive and respond more to emotions than to rational.  Please do not misunderstand me.  I do not mean to say that women are not smart, or intelligent, or rational.. [/quote] nawwww we don't misunderstand, so what you are saying is we are rationally emotional ???     :-[ ********************************************************* To be gentle with her means, me thinks, to overlook her short comings and faults ( *********************************************************** What?????? We have faults    :o *********************************************************** A man should be able to get help from his wife.  I have heard of many men who will not take advice from their wives, nor will they listen to them, even if what they are saying is right!   *********************************************************** Thats right real men never ask directions   :P       ;D *********************************************************** Another thing I believe is important, is the fact that a man should not be as strict and harsh *********************************************************** Especially if he sleeps sounder than her    8) Actually Othman, well said. Hope no one took this disrespectfully, was only having a little fun and throwing a little humor in.
03/20/02 at 21:21:48
Caraj

Re: What do the men do??
Aneesa_A.
03/21/02 at 02:12:41
[slm] JazakAllah Khair brother Othman for that post, it was very well said!! I'm glad you posted this particular extract "Samurah (may Allaah be pleased with him) reported that the Prophet  (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The Woman was created from a rib, and if you try to straighten the rib you will break it, so be gentle with her and you will be able to live with her.” (Reported by Ahmad, 5/8; Ibn Maajah, 1308; Saheeh al-Jaami’, 2/163). " As it pruly reflects what a woman's nature is like. Hope more brothers can give info just like brother Othman has, inshaAllah :) [wlm] :-)

Re: What do the men do??
Mentallect
03/21/02 at 03:01:20
Not to sound belligerent, because I'm probably the biggest fan of men by nature...or rather the pure nature of men. So don't get it confused, I'm no left wing feminist or whatever you want to call it. Aside from the obvious, like understanding and good Deen...... My biggest concern is for my mate to understand exactly how many layers I potentially have. In fact, as many potential layers he has as well.  My biggest fear is to be married to someone who, even if he is kind and fair, does not attempt to see me on different levels. Emotionally, philosophically, sexually, casually...the list goes on. The mind and soul strike me as a multilevel conundrum that is as rewarding as challenging when you put the effort into delving into them. I don't just want to live with a man, I want to live with him, you dig? The last thing either one of us would want, is for me to get bored with him. I know if we work on all those levels, and integrate the challenges of every day life...I really don't think we could go wrong.
04/01/02 at 21:46:40
Mentallect

Re: What do the men do??
EdisonShi
03/21/02 at 18:04:58
I think it's interesting, Mentallect, that you chose to add knowing each other "casually" in your list of levels to be discovered.  I have had trouble with this in the past.  I take the role of my being a man in a relationship so seriously that I sometimes can't relax and allow her to be her or to just playfully babble about whatever suites her mood.  Everything has to have so much importance placed on it that I don't just allow us to enjoy the moment, ya know.  Something I must work on.  Inshaallah.

Re: What do the men do??
Aneesa_A.
03/22/02 at 04:29:37
[slm] "I don't just want to live with a man, I want to live with him, you dig? " I think thats very interesting Mentallect, and i agree with that. In a marriage, two people should be able to understand each other in every possible way, as you mentioned. And both should be "allowed" to be themselves. Interesting comments.. JazakAllah Khair, [wlm] :-)

Re: What do the men do??
salik
03/22/02 at 10:37:52
[slm] Qurat-Ul-Ain is that list of yours pre condition for agreeing to a proposal? Then I tell you you'll be one of the luckiest if you find one. There are more chances of finding those qualities in a widower than in an unmarried or a divorcee..  ;D You are talking about experiance related stuff..  ;) Anyways I think marriage is what one makes of it.. Plans rarely work in marriages. Good communication and patience is a must apart from love and respect. I used to be very short tempered, my marriage has taught me patience. It's a learning and evolving process. The rest of the things brothers have said and I don't want to repeat here.

Re: What do the men do??
Aneesa_A.
03/22/02 at 11:16:45
[slm] nope its not a pre-conditioned list, its an "ideal" list..someone that probably doesnt even exist anyway! [wlm]

Re: What do the men do??
mujaahid
03/22/02 at 11:49:10
[slm] Quirat should he be a bit taller then you  ;D Yes you know why i said that!! Anyway good luck in finding mr Ideal, bad news is he dont exist! Anyway, a good husband boils down to these few points. 1) He is sweet, polite, friendly. 2) He is able to protect his family. 3) He can stand up for his wife. 4) tHE WIFE finds him attractive 5) he treats the kids good, spends loads of time with them, money on them. 6) He is religious, he dont have to be a sheikh, but if he prays his prayers, follows the 5 basic pillars, then that is a good. 7) Has good hygiene. 8) has good humour. In my opinion, that is all thats required for an ideal husband. Obviously you will get women who want a guy with LOADS and LOADS of money, but hey, thats thier loss. Most rich guys are geeks or nerds anyway  ;D

Re: What do the men do??
Aneesa_A.
03/22/02 at 13:27:29
[slm] Well Mujaahid, about the height thing, i was messing around you know :P as long as hes the same height its alrite..as long as we look good together :) Yup it is sad that the "ideal" person doesnt exist ready made  ;D, but i think that as long as he loves me & cares about me as I would him, those qualities listed will inevitably show in him in one way or another, inshaAllah. [wlm] :-)

Re: What do the men do??
Othman
03/22/02 at 15:32:48
[slm] I do recall reading a sister's post saying that her hubby measures pretty good with your list, sis!   :) You've made a good point, however, when you said that there is always a possibility that those wanted traits will show up in your partner with time.  ;-) I do not believe there is a "perfect man" in the true sense of the word, just in the same way I do not believe that there is a "perfect woman."  :o However, there is a different perfection that exists, and which a lot of people tend to overlook. This perfection is the "Human Perfection."  I consider this perfection to be more important than the "Ideal Perfection" because it opens up so many doors through which a person may find satisfaction and contempt.   The "Ideal Perfection" may lead to dissapointments and frustrations, because it may involve very high standards  or expectations. whereas the "Human Perfection" can lead to hope, more understanding and compassion, as well as a peace of mind. "Human Perfection" to me means, being able to modify your whole self (mind, spirit, attitudes, etc) according to your surroundings and circumstances (so long as they comply with Islam, of course).  Being able to adapt to the different environments in every way, to welcome well given criticism, and to strive for self-improvement.  In other words, being able to change. As we grow up, we develop certain traits/attitudes which are in part shaped by our experiences in life, and in part by our own beliefs.  These attitudes may not always be the correct ones;  and someone may come along, whether a spouse, friend, etc. and point out to us that there may be better ways or other alternatives.  Are we then willing to consider those new ways? Are we then willing to change?  ??? This applies to anything and to every aspect of our lives.  You will find that no one (man or woman) is perfect in the literal sense of the word (or we'd be shaking hands with the angels! LOL).  But I believe that both spouses should be willing to change, sacrifice and addapt to their partner; I consider this a "human perfection." I remember how I was when I first got married, and looking back now, I go "WOW! what a change! How could I have been that way?"  I owe a lot (and all thanks are due to Allah) of these positive changes to my wife; who with her patience, understanding, care, compassion and love, has helped me improve in so many ways.  8) This in turn has helped me feel more respect for her, and value her and appreciate her a lot more.  I am sure I have helped her too, alhamdulillah. She tells me so all the time.  But I don't think that either one of us fully and trully knows how much help we've been to each other. Am I "The Perfect / ideal husband" ? No, but I am striving to be.  ;D Sorry if I bored you! Othman.
03/22/02 at 15:41:19
Othman

Re: What do the men do??
Aneesa_A.
03/22/02 at 20:23:12
[slm] JazakAllah Khair for your thoughts yet again brother Othman, i agree with you whole-heartedly about what you said in regards to 'Ideal perfection' & 'Human perfection'. "As we grow up, we develop certain traits/attitudes which are in part shaped by our experiences in life, and in part by our own beliefs.  These attitudes may not always be the correct ones;  and someone may come along, whether a spouse, friend, etc. and point out to us that there may be better ways or other alternatives.  Are we then willing to consider those new ways? Are we then willing to change?  " This is of course true, and there are always experiences & circumstances that make us the people that we are today, and it is upto us to better ourselves. Of course the perfect person doesnt exist, but like you said that you're striving to be  a perfect husband, inshaAllah lets hope that we can strive to "perfect" or close enough to our future spouses. It will definately take time and lots of patience & understanding to get there, but we all have to make the effort! Oh and hey, we need an "ideal list" so that we can check boxes against it when we meet someone..;)  lol! just kidding! [wlm] :-)

Re: What do the men do??
se7en
03/23/02 at 00:28:23
as salaamu alaykum, Wait a minute.. how did the brothers manage to make this thread about what *sisters* think on this issue, when it was supposed to be the *brothers* sharing their thoughts and opinions??? pretty sneaky you guys  :P

Re: What do the men do??
Aneesa_A.
03/23/02 at 13:19:12
[slm] I know..they are sneaky! arent they?! [wlm]

Re: What do the men do??
mujaahid
03/23/02 at 15:03:52
[slm] Yeah we bros have become a bit sneaky!! Well what do you expect, we're only doing what you women do :P

Re: What do the men do??
nouha
03/23/02 at 15:24:03
[slm] ....watch ur words mujahid ;) again i posted this soemwhere else, read the muslim marriage guide.... the author who is a lady, doesnt take sides with either gender so it might help out quratul ain:) [wlm] nouha:)

Re: What do the men do??
mujaahid
03/23/02 at 15:29:23
<watch ur words mujahid> I'm watching, I'M WATCHING, but nothings happening!! Whats suposed to happen? ??? Anyway Qurat, have you told ya parents you wanna get married? Becasue i think you should. Actually why not ask your parents about this topic? Have you asked your dad this question? If so what did he say? I once heard of this sister who was too shy to talk to her own dad! Now i though that was rather pathetic of her! If she cannot talk to her own dad, who CAN she talk to?

Re: What do the men do??
Othman
03/23/02 at 16:15:01
[quote] Wait a minute.. how did the brothers manage to make this thread about what *sisters* think on this issue, when it was supposed to be the *brothers* sharing their thoughts and opinions pretty sneaky you guys  [/quote] huh!   ???  Weren't the women the ones who started saying what qualities they would like in a man???   ??? ??? ??? Now don't you dare try to turn this back on us!  Y'all are the ones who deviated from the subject.  :P Besides, I don't recall reading that it was only brothers who were supposed to answer. The original question reads: [quote]BUT, no one really talks about what the   have to do... So let's talk about it! What do the brothers have to do for the wives? How is a man in Islam supposed to treat his wife?   Lets hear what you have to say! [/quote] Now here came the sisters saying what they'd wish their husband would be like.  How's that the brothers fault?   ??? Othman  ;-)

Re: What do the men do??
Aneesa_A.
03/24/02 at 05:18:13
[slm] JazakAllah Nouha =) Mujaahid, *I* don't exactly go and speak to my dad about marriage, they speak to me about it. Ie. to be open about guys that they may ask me about, or if i like someone & am interested in someone. It's not a big deal at the moment, because my older sis is getting married inshaAllah this summer, but after her it's my turn   ::) Brother Othman, initially, i wasnt asking what QUALITIES that women may want in their hubbys, i already know that!  :) I wanted to know the DUTIES that a husband has towards his wife. Which you did explain quite well previously. Anyhow, i suppose, however sneaky you lot maybe....you guys learnt some things and so do we! So..it's all good..=) Anything anyone has to say is always welcome  :-* [wlm] :-)

Re: What do the men do??
Othman
03/25/02 at 19:59:36
[slm] [glow=red,2,300]WARNING! [/glow]The following post discusses different isssues concerning sexuality.  If you feel shy reading posts containing material pertining to sexual activity, please do not read any further! Perhaps another detail that every Muslim husband must remember, is the importance of the sexual activity with his spouse.  Someone in this board mentioned before that one of the responsibilities of the muslim husband (one of many rights of the wife) is intercourse.  However intercourse is a very generalized term, and leaving it at that, would allow many men to think that simply "having intercourse" satisfies this requirement. And though it may, in the technical sense, satisty this requirement, the Prophet (SAW) showed us that this requirement meant much more than its technical implication.  Intercourse is not only to "have intercourse" with one’s wife.  In Islam, it is term that implies intimacy, care, love, affection, and patience.  It combines the sexual and physical satisfaction with pure intentions, remembrance of Allah (SWT) and prayers; and this is what "elevates it from mere bestial pleasure and plain physical desire." The point I would like to make here is concerning the woman's side of intercourse.  A woman, just like a man, is entitled to the full enjoyment of the sexual activity, for it is as much her right as it is his.  But by sexual activity I do not mean the sexual act alone.  We have in the life of the Prophet (SAW) a beautiful and perfect example of how a man should approach his wife.  He (SAW) said: [quote]’When you approach your wife, do not come to her like the animals do, but send a messenger before you.  The companions asked, "And who should be this messenger?"  The Prophet (SAW) answered, "A kiss, a caress, some kind words."’ [/quote](reference to be provided, inshaAllah). Thus, foreplay plays a very important role in lovemaking.  And foreplay can take place not only right before intercourse occurs, but all throughout the day.  A kind loving word, a special touch, a whisper, a flower, a phone call in the middle of the day for no reason whatsoever, a heart-felt smile, when done with love, can all be a part of foreplay.  A foreplay that begins in the morning, with a good-bye kiss, and ends at night with intercourse. It is the man’s responsibility to make sure that his wife is satisfied.  Intercourse is a means of protection from the temptations of shaytaan.  So the husband should ensure that such protection is accomplished by making sure that his wife’s sexual appetite / desire is satisfied as well.  This sexual satisfaction may be gained not only through intercourse, but through any means which have been made halal to us by Allah (SWT) and His Messenger (SAW).   There are only certain things which are prohibited during the sexual activity.  As long as these things are avoided, the man should take the initiative and explore the different ways by which he can please his wife.  He may be surprised to find out how many more things he can do, which will be enjoyed by both, husband and wife. Communication between the couple is very critical.  Both, husband and wife, should give one another feedback, letting each other know what works and what doesn’t.  Through this communication, both can be sure that they are doing that which pleases the other.  Without it, it will be like walking down a black alley….both of them thinking that they are going in the right direction, but neither one knowing for sure if they are. I personally believe that the greatest satisfaction of sexual activity is knowing that both partners are pleased.  This creates in both, husband and wife,  an overwhelming feeling of happiness and peace of mind that cannot be achieved through the sexual act of intercourse alone.  It also keeps the love-flame alive, burning more and more intensely every time their bodies meet, and eagerly looking forward to the next time. One of the main differences between Islam and other religions, is that Islam has left no stone unturned.  It has covered every aspect of our lives, and the sexual aspect plays a very important role in the marital life and family integrity; therefore it feels no shame in discussing such issues which can help to improve the conjugal relationship and subsequently strengthen the moral characters of individuals.  Sex is a given gift of Allah.  Enjoy it to the max, and be grateful for it. Allah is the Giver of Strength. Othman

Re: What do the men do??
Aneesa_A.
03/26/02 at 03:15:17
[slm] JazakAllah Khair brother Othman for your recent post. It is in-built in women to be rather shy about these things, but it's a very natural process and Allah has given us the right to enjoy it lawfully. It is also something that should be discussed openly between the husband and wife, as you said, since this communication does enable them to enjoy each other more. I'm sure a lot of the sisters that read that were probably very shy. But let's face it, its a reality of life and something that if discussed like brother Othman did, it would help us in the future. It is a big part of a marriage & keeping each other happy in every way including sexually, would lead to a much happier married life and thus, Allah being happy with both partners. :) [wlm] :-)
03/26/02 at 03:17:02
Aneesa_A.

Re: What do the men do??
Supa_Star_Sista
04/01/02 at 14:35:53
[slm]     Oh MY ALLAH , u sisters are *cough* nevermind *cough*. According to my calculations... i need NOTHING FROM MY HUBBY except iman and respect cuz am sensitive i'll cry easliy ..... he works, pays the bill , go grocery and thats it anything that has to do with money is his job.... the rest ..... cook, clean , look after the children is the female job . well i guess am done thats all i expect......  ;D     :-)    i guess thats it am off easily ;D " MAY ALLAH BLESS MY FUTURE HUSBAND " ameen x infinity . [wlm]

Re: What do the men do??
Othman
04/02/02 at 17:07:37
[wlm] MashaAllah, sister.  If that is all you expect from your husband, inshaAllah you will not have a hard time finding him.  May Allah reward you with a wonderful believing husband, inshaAllah. I have a feeling that once you do get married, though, you will change your mind, Allahu Alim. You see, once you get to doing the cooking and the cleaning and the laundrying and, oh let's not forget, the changing od poopi diapers when you have kids, day after day, hour after hour, believe me, you will at least EXPECT him to TAKE OUT THE TRASH!!! And you will nag 'im and nag 'im till it makes you  :'( and you'll wish your kids were old enough to take out the trash...it would definetely be faster that way, anyway, etc etc etc. Don't mean to scare you, but when times get tough, you might wish that your hubby come and give you a hand once in a while  :) You see, when I saw my wife going day after day like that trying to please me, I decided I was gonna help her take care of the baby (aka "BucketMouth") as well.  So I offered to take full charge of him on the weekends.  She was ever so grateful for that.   I try to give her a break whenever I can, and she pays me back by being the sweetest wife a man can ever have, alhamdulillah. BTW.  I know that women are "expected" to take care of housework, but can anyone point out the hadith that says they must?  I remember reading a hadith narrated by A'isha (r.a.a) where she said that " ...the Prophet  [saw] used to spend his time at home serving his family"  and another hadith that says that the prophet (SAW) used o mend his own clothes, etc. but I have yet to see the hadith that says that women "must" do the housework like cleaning, cooking, laundrying, etc.   Don't take me wrong. This is not to make women rebel against their husbands... ;-)  I personally think it is great if the woman takes care of the house, the cooking, the laundry, etc... it takes big loads off a man's mind  :)  but I think that is something men should be truly grateful for, rather than taking it for granted. Now, while I do not believe that our Prophet  [saw] was a slave in his own home, I do believe that he set the example for us, that kindness towards our wives also means helping them out at home.  Allah knows best. Anyways, I meant to make this post a funny one, but somewhere along the road, I got serious.... go figure. Take care, y'all. [slm]

Re: What do the men do??
Mohja
04/02/02 at 17:26:54
Bro Othman  :o Please watch your back!!! there's no telling how some brothers *cough* Abu_Hamza *cough* might react to what they perceive as joining the enemy lines ;)

Re: What do the men do??
Abu_Hamza
04/02/02 at 18:53:35
[slm] What? How in the world did my name come into the discussion ??? I'm gonna exercise restraint and refrain from commenting in this thread :)  it's long enough as it is :) Wassalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah

Re: What do the men do??
Mohja
04/02/02 at 21:04:27
[quote] How in the world did my name come into the discussion ??? [/quote] Well :-[ this *is* the ikhwan folder and *you* are the moderator (aka the gang leader) :P [quote] it's long enough as it is   [/quote] Do i detect some deep dark hidden wish for this thread to crash the folder and maybe mysteriously manage to get lost?  :o
04/02/02 at 21:14:17
Mohja

Re: What do the men do??
Aneesa_A.
04/03/02 at 05:53:41
[slm] Aww brother Othman, bet your wifey thanks Allah everyday for the way you are to her! Bless! [wlm] :-)

Re: What do the men do??
Jenna
04/03/02 at 17:03:44
[quote author=Qurat-Ul-Ain link=board=bro;num=1016523327;start=45#48 date=04/03/02 at 05:53:41]Aww brother Othman, bet your wifey thanks Allah everyday for the way you are to her! Bless! [/quote] Assalaamu'Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh!  I sure do Sis!!!  ;D  ;D Allahu Akbar!! Allah has blessed me, and I am willing to share my wealth with other women *hint* *hint* InshaAllah seriously....... :) wonder if hubby will read this...  :D  :D Your Sis in Islaam Jenna  :-)
04/03/02 at 17:05:05
Jenna

Re: What do the men do??
mujaahid
04/09/02 at 07:46:19
[slm] Jenna you saying you dont mind Othman getting another wife? Even another 3? OTHMAN!! WHAT YOU WAITING FOR MAN?!!!!! :o

Re: What do the men do??
Kathy
04/09/02 at 09:33:13
[slm] ;D I was wondering why it took so long for someone to comment on Jenna's post! I will add mine to the pot too! :-)

Re: What do the men do??
M.F.
04/09/02 at 11:54:06
[quote author=Kathy link=board=bro;num=1016523327;start=45#51 date=04/09/02 at 09:33:13] [slm] ;D I was wondering why it took so long for someone to comment on Jenna's post! I will add mine to the pot too! :-)[/quote] I think we were just all shocked speechless that's why :-) I can't figure it out.

Re: What do the men do??
Mohja
04/09/02 at 13:28:31
[quote]I think we were just all shocked speechless that's why [/quote] I don’t think it’s all that shocking. Quite the opposite! When Allah[swt] gives a certain right -such as polygamy or divorce- to people, it’s because in His Infinite Wisdom He knows that there are some who will need to exercise that right for whatever reason. It’s from His Mercy that he opens many doors for his servants so that each one of them will find contentment according to their own wants and needs. Despite what the brothers may think there *are* women who want their husbands to take other wives, for a multitude of reasons. I personally know of two friends who agreed that whoever is going to marry one, will also marry the other. This is their *choice*. There are a variety of opinions or beliefs that people have regarding marriage. Some view it as their personal sanctuary from which they draw their strength to face the tests and tribulations of this world. Others see it as an opportunity for sharing and want their fellow muslimahs to partake of their good fortune. Yet others might think that a husband’s goodness (or lack thereof) is overwhelming and it’s beyond their capacity to deal with it all by themselves ;)  Or they might look at it differently and decide that their happiness depends on their husband's happiness who happens to wish for another wife! A spouse means many different things to different people depending on their personality and specific circumstances. The trouble begins when people decide to idealize or impose any one point of view on everybody. Just my 2 cents :) Salaam

Re: What do the men do??
Othman
04/09/02 at 14:40:03
[quote]Jenna you saying you dont mind Othman getting another wife? Even another 3?   OTHMAN!! WHAT YOU WAITING FOR MAN?!!!!!  [/quote] [wlm] Oh My Brother Mujaahid.  If it only was that easy.  I am grateful to Allah (SWT) for granting me a wife with such beautiful mentality.  I know it has to be a very difficult decision for any woman to make, to share her husband with someone else.... And, though Allah (SWT) does allow a man to marry more than one wife, there is this one little tiny minute yet ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY condtion that must be met: FAIRNESS. Everytime I think about that, it sends shivers down my spine, because I fear that I may not be able to exercise full fairness (because of my human errors and faults) and I may dishonor or disrespect Allah's Amanah on me.   I DO NOT WANT TO DO THAT.  Sometimes I find it difficult to be fair to my ONE WIFE  :(  because I feel that I may not respect her, or take care of her the way I should, or honor her rights like I should....... I can't imagine what it would be like having more than one!  :o My wife is always reminding me that she is willing to make the sacrifice (for it IS a sacrifice) and wants me to marry again (though I do not need her permission, and she reminds me that I do not need her permission, but she only wants me to know how willing and supporting she is......) Everytime we have this conversation, I realize more and more how blessed I am....and even though I may or may not ever get married again, I pray that Allah (SWT) blesses her and rewards her with Paradise and everything her heart desires in it, for she has made me the happiest I could ever be; and I pray that Allah (SWT) guides me and allows me to honor all her rights, and respect her in the way such a person deserves. Ameen. [img]http://www.allahsway.com/images/othman.gif[/img] [slm]
04/09/02 at 19:12:01
Othman

Re: What do the men do??
Jenna
04/09/02 at 15:45:26
[quote author=mujaahid link=board=bro;num=1016523327;start=45#50 date=04/09/02 at 07:46:19] [slm] Jenna you saying you dont mind Othman getting another wife? Even another 3? [/quote] [color=Black]Wa'alaikum Assalaam wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh  Actually we have talked about that, and if he ever gets married again, he will marry InshaAllah at least 2 more. Your Sis in Islaam [img]http://www.allahsway.com/images/jendark.gif[/img]  :-) [/color]
04/09/02 at 21:25:24
Jenna

Re: What do the men do??
Aneesa_A.
04/09/02 at 16:37:37
[slm] "I pray that Allah (SubHana Wa Ta`ala) blesses her and rewards her with Paradise and everything her heart desires in it, for she has made me the happiest I could ever be; and I pray that Allah (SubHana Wa Ta`ala) guides me and allows me to honor all her rights, and respect her in the way such a person deserves. Ameen. " Ameen to that. Awwww...this is teary-eyed triggering stuff. May Allah shower his blessings upon the both of you inshaAllah. [wlm] :-)

Re: What do the men do??
mujaahid
04/10/02 at 07:48:00
:o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o I'm Speechless!!

Re: What do the men do??
zomorrud
04/10/02 at 08:03:21
assalamu alaikum Masha'Allah!  May Allah bless you both sr Jenna and br Othman and make each one of you the coolness of the other's eyes. Other brs & srs, please say masha'Allah instead of typing the bug-eyed icon thingy and dropping your jaw.  We don''t want to have hassad (envy) towards Jenna and Othman, right?  Maybe I am being superstitious, but I just thought to remind fellow madinans, having been afflicted by an evil eye recently myself (I am fine now al-hamdolellah). wassalam
04/10/02 at 08:04:08
zomorrud

Re: What do the men do??
Caraj
04/13/02 at 16:05:44
[quote author=mujaahid link=board=bro;num=1016523327;start=45#57 date=04/10/02 at 07:48:00] :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o I'm Speechless!![/quote] WELL thats a first   :P

Re: What do the men do??
Jenna
04/16/02 at 15:49:37
[quote author=Caraj link=board=bro;num=1016523327;start=45#59 date=04/13/02 at 16:05:44] WELL thats a first   :P [/quote] hahahahaha aint that the truth ;D  ;D Your Sis in Islaam Jenna  :-)

Re: What do the men do??
arielsharon
04/18/02 at 16:12:56
isnt it the same for everyone brother and sister: to share a destiny?

Re: What do the men do??
muqaddar
04/23/02 at 13:40:07
[slm] He has to smile and say "darling you've done a fantastic job full compliments to your mother "when he swallows the burnt turkey!
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