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Need Advice
ann
03/20/02 at 11:53:51
Marhaba, I am new to the site and have not posted that much. I am close to converting to Islam. My husband is Muslim and my children are to, but I was rasied up in Chrsitanity. My biggest problem with converting to Islam is my family, which they are very close minded about any other religion unless it i there own religion. They are even closed mind about other religions thought out christianity. Its there way or no way. They don't even know that we are going to raise our children in Islam they just thnk we are going to raise them christai.  I want to convert to Islam, but my husband wants me to tell my family before I do. I know that it is going to be such a huge mess. My parents and grandparents and my entire family are going to hit the ceiling. I would love any suggestions or any advice that anyone could give me. And if anyone has any storys about them converting to Isalm and would like to share with me. Thanks for your time.

Salam Ann  :-*
Re: Need Advice
sofia
03/20/02 at 13:39:19
Assalaamu 'alaikum, peace, Ann-
:)

Masha'Allah, like everyone, I'm sooo glad to hear you're sooo close to Islam.  Rather than wait, why not just do it?  Yes, please do read up on Islam and ask all the questions you need to (esp. to your local Imam), but if you're convinced, might as well take advantage; never know when our time's up in this world.  
We pray Allah makes it easy for you, aameen.
I have a friend going through just about the same thing (only she has already converted, just trying to figure out how to tell her orthodox Roman Christian family and friends), but have you checked out the folder, "Al-Manar Lighthouse"?  May have some helpful posts in there for you, insha'Allah.
Take care, and again, I'm sooo happy for you!
:-X
Re: Need Advice
Caraj
03/20/02 at 14:06:03
I too have had problems discussing Islam with my mother.
She is very firm in her beliefs and there is no other way but the way she believes to her. And I truly belive her opinion is based mainly on what she has her not her exploring and learning for herself.

Even Christians point fingers to other Christian groups and thats really sad.
Baptist think Mormans are wrong.  Some Apostolics think if you don't speak in tongues you can't go to Heaven.  Jahova's witness thinks diff and the list goes on and on and on and   ::).  on

After lots of prayer and reading one needs to do what they are lead to do in their heart and spirit.

When you approach your family about such things, do so with Love and respect, have something with the facts in it (i.e. pamplets, the Quran, a list of web sites) in case there are questions.  

And remember 1) you are responsable for your actions NOT their REactions.

2) You are responsable and answerable to God/Allah for yourself.

3) Give yourself permission ahead of time to end your conversation if it gets heated and non-productive.  (i.e. Saying something like, 'I see this is upsetting to you and the way we're going will only cause more discontent so let's take a break and discuss more of this later' ) Not verbatem but something to that effect and in your own words. Just set a boundary in advance of where you will stop the conversation. Offer information to them in the form of something they can take and read when the calm down and are by themselves.

Good Luck.
Re: Need Advice
Yasin
03/20/02 at 14:06:10

Hi Ann

Glad to hear that , but if you really convinced to convert and ready for it.
why you dont declare you shahadah and become muslimah ? you know that your family never accept this, but it is  a kind of trial that you gonna face it . If you stay strong during these trial and keep ur faith insha'ALLAH they may accept and respect your decision .


    ThE-YaSkA  ;-)
Re: Need Advice
ann
03/20/02 at 15:31:31
Thanks for the advice and suggestions. It just going to take time and I will have to talk to my husbad about this to Thanks again


Salam Ann  :-*
Re: Need Advice
Marcie
03/20/02 at 15:41:33
Hi Ann,

I think most of us, who have reverted, have had to deal with families who were not too thrilled with the idea.  You need to be patient.  They'll get used to it eventually.   No matter what is said don't turn it into a fight.

As for when is the right time to tell them.  That really depends on how comfortable you feel.  Maybe it is better after you become Muslim.  That way everything does not hit you at once so to speak.

Just my two cents.

Marcie
Re: Need Advice
BroHanif
03/20/02 at 19:35:24
[slm],

Take each step at a tie, don't rush into things.

When you do become muslim appreicate the feeling and the warmth inside.

When you feel its right to tell your family, then do so with kind words and with understanding, until then I would hold back. You don't want to upset them by saying words which are harsh but you want them to understand why you have become muslim, and I think the best way to do that is when you are fully prepared to do that, only you yourself will know when you are ready.

May Allah mkae it easy on everyone to handle the situation better.

Salaams

Hanif

p.s. welcome to the fold!.
Re: Need Advice
Laila
03/20/02 at 21:53:23
  [slm]
  Alhamdulillah on thinking of becoming Muslim  :)! If telling your family is the only thing stopping you, go ahead and say Shahada. If I had waited till the time was right to tell my family, I would have had to wait until my mother died, as she was my staunchest opponent :(. Luckily I followed my heart, and had several years in which to try to educate my mother as to the rightness, at least for me, of Islam. She never came to see my side, but at least when she died, we did not have that as an issue between us.
May Allah(swt) guide you in the rightness of your decision.
  [wlm]  :-) Laila
Re: Need Advice
ascetic
03/21/02 at 01:28:48
Assalam Aleikum,

IMHO, if you have accepted Islam in your heart, you should hasten to pronounce the Shahada. Let's look at what the Prophet (PBUH) had to say about such a situation:

*******
On the authority of Saa'd (Ibn Abi Waqas May Allah be pleased with him) who said that verses of the Qur'an revealed his story. He said Um Saa'd (his mother) swore not to talk to him ever nor eat or drink until he renounces Islam. She said: You claim that Allah commanded you to obey your parents. I am your mother and I order you to do this ( to renounce Islam). He said: She stayed with nothing to eat or drink for three days until she fainted because of strain. Then one of her other sons named Umarah gave her water to drink. And she started to imprecate against Saa'd, then Allah revealed this verse in the Qur'an, which translates to the meaning of {And We have enjoined on man to be good and dutiful to his parents; but if they strive to make you join with Me (in worship) anything (as a partner) of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not. Unto Me is your return and I shall tell you what you used to do} Verse 29:8 - Surah 29, Al Ankabut. This Hadith is narrated by Imam Ahmad in his Musnad and in Sahih Muslim in his Sahih under # 1748.
*******

Once you have accepted Islam and make sincere Du'a, you will be amazed how Allah (SWT) helps us in ways unimaginable.

*******
On the authority of Abu-Huraira, who said: I used to call my mother to Islam when she was still a polytheist. One day, while I was calling her she mentioned something about the Prophet  , Peace and Blessings be Upon Him, that I detested. So I went to see the Prophet , Peace and Blessings be Upon Him, while crying and told him: I used to call my mother to Islam and she would refuse. I called her today and she mentioned something about you that I detested. Please invoke the blessings and guidance of Allah on her. Then the Prophet , Peace and Blessings be Upon Him, said: O Great Allah guide the mother of Abu-Huraira. So I left full of hope because of the Prophet's supplication for my mother. When I reached home I found that the door was partially closed. My mother heard my footsteps and said: Stay still Abu-Huraira, then I heard the water running; he added my mother performed body ablution, put on her clothes and hurriedly opened the door without her head-cover and said: "None has the right to be worshipped but Allah and Muhammad, Peace and Blessings be Upon Him, is the Messenger of Allah". I went back to the Prophet , Peace and Blessings be Upon Him, crying of joy and told him: I am bringing you good news; Allah answered your prayers and guided the mother of Abu-Huraira. The Prophet , Peace and Blessings be Upon Him, praised and glorified Allah and said: this is good. I said: Oh Messenger of Allah, pray to Allah to make me and my mother beloved by Allah's believing slaves and make us love them. The Prophet , Peace and Blessings be Upon Him, said: Oh Allah, make this little slave of Yours and his mother (meaning Abu-Huraira and his mother) become beloved by your believing slaves and make the believers love them. Ever since, there was not a believer who heard of me, even without seeing me, that did not love me. Reported by Muslim in Sahih Muslim under # 2491.
*******

Wassalam.
Re: Need Advice
Sis_Malak
03/21/02 at 04:36:12
:-) [slm]

Ann, I just want to give you my advice.  I have been a Muslim for three years, alhamdulillah. However, I just told my mother that I converted this past Ramadan.  It was very hard, and I was terrified, but I knew Allah (swt) would lead me through it.  My advice: tell her not just that you want to be a Muslim, but what a Muslim is.  Also, make sure you stress that you still do, and always will, love her.  Finally, explain to her that this is a decision you came to yourself and that it was not your husband's pressure or anything like that.  That was the thing that helped my mom the most.  

 Inshallah Allah will guide you and make this path easy for you.  Ameen.

 [wlm]
Sis Malak  :-)
Re: Need Advice
eleanor
03/21/02 at 06:36:31
[slm]

Hi Ann. Sounds very similar to my situation. I reverted (Alhamdulillah) a little over a year ago. My family still don't know that I am Muslim. I didn't think there was any need to tell them before reverting, because at the end of the day I was reverting for me. Another thing - once you believe in your heart in the Shahada, then it is time to revert. You never know when Allah will take us out of this world, and therefore you shouldnt waste any time.

When you revert all your former sins will be forgiven :)

I have spent the last 3 years or so just discussing Islam generally with my mother, pointing out all the positive things, and giving good answers to her negative comments. I think she has realised that I am now Muslim (ie I don't eat pork, drink alcohol..) but we have never actually directly discussed it. It may be easier for me because I only see my family once or at the most twice a year, but still...

I wish you well and I pray to Allah that he will guide you and your husband to a speedy Shahada. Have faith in Allah. He will protect you.

wasalaam
eleanor  :-*
Re: Need Advice
Dawn
03/21/02 at 15:48:34
Ann,

I would add my voice to those telling you to take your Shahada first and tell your parents second.  I have only just started learning about Islam myself, so I have not gotten as far as you have, so to speak, but if this is what your heart is telling you to do, then I say, go for it.  Also, if your parents are so exclusively Christian, were they not terribly upset about you marrying outside the faith?  Perhaps their reaction to that would be a guage for you to judge how they will react to your conversion.  And if it is going to cause a big explosion, then why not introduce it gradually, after you have already embraced Islam?  

Just my two cents worth.

Peace,
Dawn
Re: Need Advice
WhatDFish
03/22/02 at 11:59:46
[slm]

sister

Alhamdulilla hil ladhi hadaana lihadhaa wamaa kunna li nah tadiya lau laa an hadaanaLlah!

All the praises and thanks be to Allah, Who has guided us ot this, and never could we have found guidance, were it not that Allah had guided us!

Al Qur'an, Chp 7 - The Heights, verse 43.

hasten to Islaam sister. say the shahadah, not just on the tongue but with conviction in your heart. and inshaa'Allah the actions will follow later. thats all you have to do to be a muslim. take a bath after that and ask ur husband to teach you salaah. the formalities of conversion at an Islaamic centre can be done later, that is for the state/country and this world. but to say the shahadah when ure convinced and feel compelled to do is most important. we'll be most pleased to help you if you have further questions.

and once you're a Muslim, ask Allah to make it easy for you to explain to your family and that they will accept it.

death is possible anytime, so dont we wanna meet our Lord as a follower of His Religion? the best of good deeds is one that is done without delay.

May Allah bless you with the light of Islaam and the light of Eeman, ameen.

wa assalaam

`Uthmaan





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