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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Help Marriage Problems - Irritating Husbands? |
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| Anonymous |
| 03/25/02 at 15:04:59 |
| my husband he is very kind man he is good supporter and kind. i should be thankful cause some women get beat or not supported properly. what causes problem is this he has not a couple but many things he does that bothers me much. to a point i get very angry inside. maybe i am ungrateful but some of these things sometimes gross me out. i do not wish to hurt his feeling by tellin him but sometimes i don't want to be around him. what do you ppl think? |
| 04/11/02 at 11:48:08 |
| Anonymous |
| Re: Help Marriage Problems |
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| Mohja |
| 03/25/02 at 15:28:05 |
| Anon, Have you talked to him about these 'things' that he does that make you so uncomfortable? Maybe he doesn't realize that his actions are bothering you so much. And if he doesn't know, how is he supposed to attend to your concerns??? As for hurting him, he's bound to notice that you're not your true self when with him and that is more likely to hurt him than if you were to talk to him about what's troubling you. Just my 2 cents. peace, :-) |
| Re: Help Marriage Problems |
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| sunset |
| 03/25/02 at 23:38:05 |
| [slm] Dear sister, I'm pleased to hear that you have a very kind and supportive husband. About the things he does that bothers you much, I personally feel that you should discuss them with him. Sometimes there are things we do that might annoy others without realising it and vice versa. We will only learn when someone highlight the matter. I understand your worries on hurting his feelings but just think about it. If you don't do anything about it, you just have to learn to live with those actions forever. Personally, whenever I try to discuss about unpleasant matters, I like to use a subtle approach. Listing out all the things directly on his face would not be a good idea. He might be shocked and hurt to learn them. Maybe you can start by telling him how much you love him and how wonderful and supportive he has been to you. Before you jump into the things that bothers you, it is good that he knows your intention is not to hurt his feelings but only to create a better understanding in your marriage. Insha allah, he will accept those things with open heart especially from his lovely wife. But, just incase he doesnt change much even after you told him, then maybe you have to accept that certain habit are hard to change. Another way to accept this is to think about his goods rather than his not so good actions. Normally when we really care about someone, his goods will always overcome the not so goood ones. Well, those are just my opinion. At any rate, I wish that you both will have a wonderful marriage life :) Maybe some of our bros here can share their thoughts if they like it when their wives pointed out some annoying actions of theirs. [wlm] :-) |
| Re: Help Marriage Problems |
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| Anonymous |
| 04/11/02 at 11:47:49 |
| as-salaamu alaikum Question: can a wife ever receive too much kindness/loving from her husband so that it starts to irritate her? |
| Re: Help Marriage Problems - Irritating Husbands? |
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| Abu_Hamza |
| 04/11/02 at 12:47:34 |
| Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah, [quote author=Anonymous link=board=madrasa;num=1017086699;start=0#0 date=03/25/02 at 15:04:59]what causes problem is this he has not a couple but many things he does that bothers me much. [/quote] Like what? |
| Re: Help Marriage Problems |
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| se7en |
| 04/11/02 at 13:06:52 |
| as salaamu alaykum, [quote]Question: can a wife ever receive too much kindness/loving from her husband so that it starts to irritate her? [/quote] No. hahaha.. just kidding :) It might just be that you need some space. It's very easy to get irritated with someone when you're in their company twenty four hours a day, every day. It might be a good idea to just do some things seperately, have some time to yourself.. take a class or have a girls night out.. just give yourself some room to breathe. :) One of my friends who's married told me, "one of the reasons our marriage works so well is that we're not in each others faces all the time".. hahahah :) wasalaam :-) |
| 04/11/02 at 13:28:22 |
| se7en |
| Re: Help Marriage Problems - Irritating Husbands? |
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| nouha |
| 04/12/02 at 15:38:16 |
| [slm] anon number 2 -- i dont think its the love and kindness thats irritating the sister. wasalam nouha:) |
| Re: Help Marriage Problems - Irritating Husbands? |
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| Kathy |
| 04/13/02 at 01:39:39 |
| [slm] You are right Nouha- it's probably little things that disgust her. Cleanliness, Body Hygiene, Table manners, Social skills, and/or type of personality. I know a wife like this. Her hubby is kind and good but the day to day living with him is intolerable. It took her quite a while to tell him- but he disregarded her. Too- bad 'cause it really bugged her. I think it hurt her marriage because his refusing to change made her feel like he was disrespecting her. So I understand this Sister's predicament. How to learn to be greatful. Cause she is- she doesn't realize it yet because she is sad that he is acting in the ways that bother her. She is greatful that he is kind and supportive. It bothers her that the rest isn't happening....yet... |
| Re: Help Marriage Problems - Irritating Husbands? |
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| Marcie |
| 04/13/02 at 10:22:39 |
| [color=Teal] [slm] Sis, Food for thought. Do you and your husband ever sit and learn about Islam together? Why not learn about adab together? You could listen to some tapes or read a book by a knowledgeable scholar. Something that you are doing together, so that he does not feel like he is being attacked. Maybe then he'll start to think about his behavior on his own and won't feel like you are nagging. :-* [wlm] Marcie :-) [/color] |
| Re: Help Marriage Problems - Irritating Husbands? |
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| ash_aron |
| 04/19/02 at 20:21:58 |
| how do you expect him to know what is bothering you? you have to communicate, be diplomatic and not to labor on a point. also are you sure it is his habits that you are disliking or are you making this an issue because there is another deeper matter at heart? you have to resolve and tackle the real problem ,not one that is being used as an excuse. |
| Re: Help Marriage Problems - Irritating Husbands? |
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| Anonymous |
| 04/23/02 at 15:38:07 |
| thank you everyone very much for your comments. Since I posted this I have been able to go to him and talk things out. some of them anyway. Was just habits of his that made irritated me so. I was raised with manors and appearently he was not as much as I. He claimed I was to prim and proper. But he understands as we talked and is trying to tone them bad manors down. He really is a wonderful and loving husband. |
| Re: Help Marriage Problems - Irritating Husbands? |
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| muqaddar |
| 04/24/02 at 07:28:24 |
| [slm] hmm sometimes a sister should say something firmly and once then drop the subject I think some brothers (myself included) get vexed when some sisters go on and on about a subject and start to confuse the message with the messenger [] |
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