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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Life in Saudi: To divorce or not to divorce |
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| Abu_Atheek |
| 04/02/02 at 01:35:27 |
| [img]http://www.jamaat.org/jiwelcome2.gif[/img] [i]To divorce or not to divorce: that's now the question[/i] Statistics reveal separation rates By Mohammed Al-Khereiji, Arab News Staff JEDDAH, 2 April — Dana, 26, was introduced to her husband through mutual friends and was married to him for seven years. “He was nine years older than me, but I don’t think the age difference was a big issue in why we didn’t get along,” she said. “It soon became clear that my husband was cheating on me,” she continued. “The worst thing is that I discovered this when I was pregnant.” One day she caught him flirting on the phone, and he confessed all. “Anyway, he wasn’t understanding — very insensitive and aloof. He wanted to mold me into something I wasn’t,” she recalled. During their final years together, he took to beating her like she was a punch bag, to the extent that she came to fear for her life. Her complaints to his family about his behavior fell on deaf ears. “He was an only child, and in their eyes he could do no wrong,” she claims. She nevertheless demanded a divorce, and afterward the husband agreed to her having sole custody of their daughter, whom he visited on Fridays. If a divorce occurs, a husband can take custody of the children as a matter of course, and the husband has warned that he will indeed do so if she marries again. Welcome to modern Saudi Arabia. While divorce is the most frowned upon of everything that is permissible in Islam, it opens the door to a better life for both the husband and wife — provided it is done in accordance with the Shariah. The divorce rate is estimated to be running at almost 50 percent. According to a recent report in Al-Watan Arabic newspaper, in Riyadh there is an average of 40 divorces a week. In Jeddah alone, there are 400,000 divorced women; in Madinah, over 100,000. There are many reasons why this is so. According to Dr. Hussein, the consultant psychiatrist at Erfan Hospital in Jeddah, they are mainly sociological, economic, a difference in educational backgrounds, and the clash of personalities. “There are also psychological factors that are treatable. It could be a combination of these factors, or any one of them. Also, people’s perception of marriage and divorce has changed. A divorced person is no longer seen as an outcast,” he explained. There is unease among women here at the fact that their husbands can take four wives, and they rarely agree. ABC journalist Barbara Walters, recently in the Kingdom to make a 20/20 documentary aired last Friday in the United States, interviewed four young Saudi women and concluded that “they said they liked the emphasis Saudi society places on strong, extended families, but not the Islamic practice of allowing men to take four wives. None of the four women’s husbands had more than one wife.” Islamic law meanwhile states that men can divorce by stating “I divorce you”, followed by legal formalities. Women, however, have to go to court and state their grounds with solid, independent proof, and it is up to the judge to decide on whether to grant her the request. The process can take years, especially if the husband contests. Arab News decided to listen to the real-life stories behind the alarming statistics. Most of the divorces, it turned out, had at their root cause a simple, easily resolvable phenomenon: a lack of mutual respect and communication. Noor, 34, had an arranged marriage which lasted for 11 years and produced two sons and a daughter. “For the first five years, I was happy,” she said. “However, my husband suddenly lost interest in me after I gave birth to our last child. When I confronted him about his negligence, he said that he had started to think of me more of his sister than his wife.” Her worst fears came true when in their fifth year of marriage he took another wife, and she did not see him for months at a time. When she asked for a divorce he initially refused, but when she took up the matter with the court, it permitted her request Her husband gives support to the children, but hardly bothers to see them. “I hope to remarry, but feel someone with my history will not be in demand,” she said. Thamer, 50, was married for 15 years. His wife bore him four children. He married early, at 18, despite the fact that his parents did not give their approval. “My wife let herself go,” he says. “She ballooned, doubling her weight from 70 kg to 140 kg. When I took her to a health expert, she got upset and said ‘accept me way I am’.” He also discovered that his wife was very materialistic. Finally, he divorced her because of “irreconcilable differences”. He says that the experience left him bitter about marriage as an institution, and he can’t see himself remarrying again. Abeer, 30, also had an arranged marriage. It lasted for nine years, during which time she gave birth to two sons. “My husband was an airline pilot, and his work schedule made me feel that were just not compatible. He also viewed our marriage as a social obligation, and nothing more. He would not allow me to work, so I could not do anything to occupy myself in my spare time.” She felt restless and insignificant, even though she had a college degree in Islamic studies. “My husband was also in the habit of degrading me in public,” she claimed. Later, he met another woman on one of his trips abroad, but did not tell her about it. She only found out when friends spotted him out and about with his second wife. “After my divorce, I threw a big party to celebrate my newfound freedom,” she said. “I would never go through all that again.” The fact that such a statement from an independent woman would have been inconceivable here only 10 years ago is an alarming fact which should be taken as wake-up call for all who are concerned about the future of the family’s role as the very cornerstone of Saudi society. [url]http://www.arabnews.com/Article.asp?ID=13962[/url] |
| Re: Life in Saudi: To divorce or not to divorce |
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| jannah |
| 04/02/02 at 01:39:10 |
| [slm] Well that's really wack............. I think every society has their messed up divorce stories.. I hope no one thinks that the above has anything to do with Islam. |
| divorce: a conflict of rights |
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| jaihoon |
| 04/02/02 at 03:07:05 |
| [slm] Divorce rates are rocketing not only in SA, but elsewhere too incl. indian subcontinent. While it's all a small pinch of the the overall changes taking place in the cosmos, it definitely has some socilogical reasons behind it. The growing sense of individual rights and freedom, economic non-indepedence on spouses, etc. anyways, the greatest pain is on the children out of such cases. On a radio talk show, one caller said that such children find it very hard to find suitable matches in life, especially owing to the conservatism prevailing in some regions. Divorce is a conflict of two parties: one of the husband and wife who have the individual right to live/unlive wiht the person of their choice. For children, it is their right to live happily with their parents- a loving mom and a caring dad. |
| Re: Life in Saudi: To divorce or not to divorce |
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| Kashif |
| 04/02/02 at 06:55:52 |
| assalaamu alaikum Divorce rates climbing to 50%??? Surely, thats an exaggeration. |
| NS |
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