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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Been a while guys... and a lot has changed |
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| Abdullah |
| 04/02/02 at 13:26:13 |
| asalamu alaikum Wow, when was the last time I was in here? Well, ever since some sister posted on the old board how her husband was an addict to this board, I stopped coming... I've been all over the place... how are you guys? BroHanif, Haniff, Ahmed (flyboyz)... everyone else... I hope Allah SWT has kept you all afe and happy, and to everyone here on the board. I've been through some difficult times.... for one, I am going through a divorce... yeah I just got married a few days back and already divorce.... she's been feeling very sick and has some issues with her life... and I guess that means I get left and all, but Allah SWT is the only Friend we really need. I am here in Trinidad and Togabo, on the brink of emotion, trying to keep my faith in Allah SWT and be strong, asking for guidance, and strength through this divorce. I guess I never really talked to anyone outside so this is like a release for me to tell some fellow muslims. Just remember: a man, insaan, a human, will always let you down.... only Allah SWT will never let you down. Complete trust and reliance is only for Him and Him alone. asalamu alaikum. abdullah,. |
| Re: Been a while guys... and a lot has changed |
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| A_Stranger |
| 04/02/02 at 13:39:19 |
| [slm] woah..man, i'm sorry to hear that :S I hope everything else is alright though inshaAllah, your health, deen, family etc? i just wanna say, remember, life's a test. I pray Allah (swt) gives you the patience to get through this, inshaAllah. Wassalaam |
| Re: Been a while guys... and a lot has changed |
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| Maliha |
| 04/02/02 at 13:46:41 |
| [slm] This is really sad news :( I pray Allah gives you strength and sabr to go through it...I hope you have tried all other means of reconciliation (counselling, etc) Inshaallah? Anyway, be strong, and have faith, Allah is the best of Planners... Take care of yourself brother, you are in our duahs. Maliha [wlm] |
| Re: Been a while guys... and a lot has changed |
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| Yasin |
| 04/02/02 at 13:58:57 |
Assalamu alaikum bro abdullah, 3 or 4 days back , i was thinking about you . I'm very sad to hear that .. life is full of trial and tribulations . Be strong bro insha'ALLAH i'll remember in my du'aa . Your bro in ISLAM Yasin ;-) |
| Re: Been a while guys... and a lot has changed |
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| SisterHania |
| 04/02/02 at 14:08:09 |
| [slm] Bro Abdulliah, I remember how you used to talk about 'my Sadia' and how she bought you into Islam. You both have come along way together and given up a lot for each other and there is no way you should throw it all away. Please, please try to save the marriage. Is there no way of getting councelling or finding a third party to mediate? Maybe part of the problems were due tothe fact you lived apart, maybe you can try again but this time start things fresh, differently. Please try, please don't give up,I ould just feel how much you loved each other when I read your posts and thus I do not think you belong apart. very sad. Hania :( |
| Re: Been a while guys... and a lot has changed |
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| mujaahid |
| 04/02/02 at 14:27:08 |
| [slm] Abdullah i can't believe this, its shocking! Why are you getting divorced? Bro, only you know in your heart if you can or cannot save this marriage. If its something you feel can be overcome by talking, and discussing the issues that are causing the problems, then make as much effort as you to try and save the marriage. But if its something you feel cannot be resolved, then its best to save all the unneccessary heartache and let it go, dont put yourself through any more hurt then your already going through. Make dua bro, we're all thinking and praying for you. |
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| Mohja |
| 04/02/02 at 14:58:37 |
| [slm] [slm] Bro abdullah, you have been missed! I'm so sorry to hear of your marital difficulties.All i can say is have faith in Allah[swt] that He, with His infinite Mercy, will see you through this difficult time and replace whatever you have lost with something much better! I also concur with sr. Maliha’s advice to please explore all other alternatives before taking that final step towards divorce. Please keep us updated on your wellbeing. We can't do much but at least we can make du'a for you and lend a sympathetic ear if you ever need one. May Allah[swt] keep you strong, increase you in faith, and shower you with His Mercy. Ameen. [wlm] |
| Re: Been a while guys... and a lot has changed |
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| BroHanif |
| 04/02/02 at 18:04:47 |
| [slm], All praise to Allah, the most high the most great. Truly sorry to hear you are going through a divorce. However, have you tried every means possible to save your marrige ? Maybe you two just need to have a bit of time away from each other, as they say absence makes the heart grow fonder. Perhpas you could even try and talk to her parents or brothers and vice versa and maybe you could try and save it. Yet, if you feel that you've tried your best then I ask you not to have any emnity towards her or her family during this emotional rollercoaster. Have a clean heart and bear no grudges, I know its harder than words can say but it'll help. Have your strength based upon Allah and I'm sure you'll sil through this storm. If you ever need to talk you know where the board is and where I am. May Allah make it easy for the pair of you. Salaams Hanif |
| Re: Been a while guys... and a lot has changed |
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| bhaloo |
| 04/02/02 at 18:12:22 |
| [slm] I'm sorry to hear of this news brother Abdullah. I agree with all the members here, try to have an imaam that you both feel comfortable with to counsel you both. Perhaps its just some misunderstandings and miscommunication that can be dealt with by a mediator. I remember how happy you were to share with us your marriage and now this happens. Insha'Allah I hope things are resolved between you and Sadiya. |
| Re: Been a while guys... and a lot has changed |
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| Anonymous |
| 04/03/02 at 02:32:27 |
| Dear brother in Islam, I just wanted you to know that the first year of marriage is the most difficult and that you both have to be patient with each other. I am speaking from personal experience. I can think of at least 5 different times where things were so seriously wrong that we were considering divorce and by making dua and taking all the right steps towards a reconciliation. Alhemdulilah,we are very happy now and would never consider leaving each other. Really it can be a hard time, but remember no one is perfect and think of the good things of each other. Try to learn what are the manners of behaving towards each other. Change your expectations abit maybe and remember...the only one of shaytan's children which he hugs at the end of hte day is the one who has broken up a marriage. Show her that you love her and be supportive and merciful if she is sick. Remember the prophet pbuh advice to us in his last sermon was to treat them well. I wish I can help more...I will make dua inshalla Here is some you should both say: Allahuma asli7 li zawji, wa asli7ni li zawji Allahuma a7sin 3ishratana wa barik feena wa lana wa 3alayna Allahuma haddee sirrana Allahuma allif bayna qulubina, wa haneena Allahuma la tubsirni bi 3eyoobaha washghilni bi3eyoobi Allahuma la tubsirha bi 3eyoobi washghilha bi3eyoobaha Allahuma a3inna 3ala thikrika wa shukrika wa 7usni 3ibadatika |
| Re: Been a while guys... and a lot has changed |
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| M.F. |
| 04/03/02 at 05:01:34 |
| Assalamu alaikum Brother Abdullah! This whole week I've been wondering where you'd disappeared. I'm very sad to hear that you and Sadiya are going through a hard time. I agree with Anon that the first year of marriage is the most difficult (and I mean it can be REALLY hard) and both spouses have a lot going on in their head at that time. It takes a LOT of adjusting and waiting things out. I hope insha Allah that you can reconcile and maybe she can deal with the issues about her life with you still in it? Please don't think that all humans will always let you down. That's a very sad thought. Sure all trust must be in Allah, but human beings can also be trusted insha Allah. |
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| flyboy_nz |
| 04/04/02 at 05:07:10 |
| asalaamu alaikum akhi, I certainly agree, its been a while... I've been away from the board for a while too- islamic course, work and community activities keeping me busy...but Alhamdulillah I'm well akhi. Bro, I can understand you're in a difficult position.. perhaps I can share an experience I had last weekend- I was attending a da'wah course in Auckland and was staying overnight at the masjid with some bros... a couple of them couldn't sleep and decided to play a practical joke and put some toothpaste on my hand..as i was sleeping i rubbed it on my shirt and some on my hair... one of them tried to get it out of my hair and in the process woke me up... maan I was sooo angry!! I turned over with my back to the guys and decided I wasn't gonna talk to them again.. as I lay there seething with anger I realised that Allah SWT had let them carry out their practical joke and this was a test for me.. I was really awake by that stage so i got up, made wudu and prayed tahajjud. Afterwards I felt peace in my heart and was able to sleep.. I forgave the bros in the morning when we got up for fajr. Anyways what I'm getting at is that throughout our lives we face difficulties and these are tests. The important thing is to recognise them as such and respond in the best way possible..don't let despair or anger overcome you akhi, have sabr and be strong. You're in my dua as always. wasalaam, Ahmed |
| Re: Been a while guys... and a lot has changed |
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| BrKhalid |
| 04/04/02 at 08:37:51 |
| Asalaamu Alaikum Br Abdullah, inshaAllah, you will have strength to deal with this difficult time no matter what the outcome. Take care and take it easy. Wasalaam Br Khalid |
| Re: Been a while guys... and a lot has changed |
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| ahmer |
| 04/04/02 at 08:58:45 |
| [slm] this is soo heart breaking for me:(. Wallahi i was so shocked when i read your post!! :( For one, i have seen my bro going through it recently, and secondly i can tell you that it devastates the most strongest in the world. It literally made me cry..!! and there was even more tragedy to it with his son caught in the middle!!:( but Allah helped us a lot and now you, bro abdullah!! :( Everything comes from Allah, good or the bad, We may think something that happened as bad for us but Allah may have put lots of good in it. You never know. Keep your faith in Allah and we all know you are strong in faith in Allah!! Insha'Allah these Ayahs from Surah Baqarah will strengthen your eeman and help you in this difficult times. 155. Be sure we shall test you with something of fear and hunger, some loss in goods or lives or the fruits (of your toil), but give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere, 156. Who say, when afflicted with calamity: "To Allah We belong, and to Him is our return":- Allah will help you insha'Allah May Allah help you, protect you...ameen [wlm] ahmer |
| Re: Been a while guys... and a lot has changed |
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| iimaan |
| 04/04/02 at 09:26:19 |
| [quote author=flyboy_nz link=board=bebzi;num=1017771973;start=0#11 date=04/04/02 at 05:07:10]... a couple of them couldn't sleep and decided to play a practical joke and put some toothpaste on my hand..as i was sleeping i rubbed it on my shirt and some on my hair... one of them tried to get it out of my hair and in the process woke me up... [/quote] Bismillahirahmanirrahiem [slm] ;-), :-/ :-/ :-/ This is so funny! Forgive me flyboy... ;) :-/ :-/ :-/ Salaam, your :-). |
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| meraj |
| 04/07/02 at 22:12:48 |
| slm, wow... im sorry to hear of that bro... i cant think of much else to say excepts these few 'words' to reflect on... life. tests. faith. pain. emotion. love. forgiveness. Rasulallah. perseverance. Allah. hope. feel free to add anythign else that may express how you feel... and you got my duaas inshallah.. hope you get what is best for you and brings you closer to Allah, inshallah. |
| 04/07/02 at 22:13:15 |
| meraj |
| Re: Been a while guys... and a lot has changed |
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| Abdullah |
| 04/09/02 at 00:38:23 |
| asalamu alaikum, Since I wrote that post in haste and sadness, things have come a long way. I was so scared to read the replies because I thought maybe the divorce would happen and come true. But later things happened so that I felt I wanted it. At first, the divorce was something being forced on me, against my will. But later, it became something I wanted much more than she ever would. We've had some tough times. She fell very ill and went back home and her illness has just consumed her... I seriously feel like she was inhabited by jinn or something. She just changed... did things to me and herself that I would never imagine... excrutiating pain... I started having a heart problem, palpatations due to stress... hurting everyone in serious serious ways... but I don't want you all to think she's a bad person or something, she is very ill and she does not know what she is doing, if she did, she wouldn't purposely flush her life down the toilet. I hate Shayton, whichever jinn Wa'Allahi if they are doing this to her... but upon consultation with a sheikh it has been identified as a stress related problem. I'm not saying things are going to be okay, I've got my eye on her, but its hard to take a person's actions as nothing when they are not in the right judgement. Now, our marriage has been betrayed in every single way by illness... and I can't pick up from where we left off, but start new if Allah wants. Man, is this a test though. My tears are for Allah SWT and Him alone. And life ain't no Indian movie. Allahu Akbhar. asalamau alaikum. abdullah,. |
| Re: Been a while guys... and a lot has changed |
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| se7en |
| 04/09/02 at 23:08:37 |
| I'm so sorry to hear this bro :( may Allah make all this a means of purification for you. |
| Re: Been a while guys... and a lot has changed |
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| UmmWafi |
| 04/10/02 at 11:40:11 |
| [slm] Akhi, I was debating on replying because I sincerely feel that marriage is an extremely personal affair but I decided to respond based on your latest reply, Insya'Allah. I am deeply sorry to hear that it was an illness that tore at the fabric of your relationship with your wife. You see, I have been in that situation before and I know how much it hurts. I normally don't like to talk about what happened cos it brings nothing but painful memories but I wanted you to understand. 1 and a half year after marriage I fell seriously ill. I had chronic panic attacks and acute anxiety disorder. It was something so very new and frightening to me. I battled the illness with whatever means I knew. Psychologists, medical prescriptions..everything. I turned to prayers but syaitan was there taking advantage of my weakness. He was whispering doubts in me, asking me questions like who I was praying to and all that. I was alone, totally alone. I ended up as a vegetable, crying every minute, chanting "I don't want to die a kuffar". As u can guess, in that state, I was not much of a person, let alone a wife. I couldn't function as a normal human being. I know that it was extremely tough on my husband as well cos he had to be strong for himself and for me. Once, when I was heavily drugged by my prescribed pill I turned to him and told him that he is free to divorce me because I know that I cannot make him happy anymore. But he stayed. He stuck by me. He told me that we have problems now but we may not have problems always and forever. He clawed and he fought his way to save the marriage. Wanna know how he and I did it ? Its simple. We believed. Even in my semi-sane moments I believed. I believed in the Grace of Allah and I believed in placing my whole trust in Him. Everyday, my husband and I would do nothing but pray to Allah. Sure, it sounds clean and safe now, but believe me, the 1 year it took for me to really bounce back was an extremely long year filled with pain, heartbreak, sadness and despair. I pushed him away so may times. Many many times. Sometimes he couldn't understand and sometimes he reached breaking point. But always we told ourselves that we must love each other for Allah's sake and go beyond the physical world. Alhamdulillah, Allah heard our du'as and here we are now. I am not making myself out to be a model example but just wanna share with u that even in our bleakest loneliest hour, Allah still extend is Love and Mercy to us. If only we choose to see. There are just so many things we don't know and don't understand. Don't react. Pause and try to see what is the lesson Allah want us to learn and grow stronger from there. Please work things out. If its not meant to be, then say your Istighfar and clear your heart of whatever heaviness there are. My sincere du'a for the peace and happiness for you and your wife. May Allah Bless you with what is the best for both of you. Wassalam |
| Re: Been a while guys... and a lot has changed |
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| Anonymous |
| 04/10/02 at 15:10:08 |
| Assalamualaikum Brother Abdullah I am extremely sorry to hear what you are going through. You don't know me (cos I'm just another of the lurkers who never show up yet know everyone on this board....) but I have watched with much admiration your character as displayed on this board. Ma sha Allah, Allah has guided you into this noble deen and you have upheld your imaan beautifully. Indeed life is full of tests and being married myself, I think marriage is one of the greatest tests in a muslim's life. Before we get married most of us think marriage is the 'solution' ..(or at least I did..) yet sometimes the real problems in life begin when we get married. It is very difficult in the first year of marriage especially, to adjust with one's partner, because afterall we are totally different beings with our own independent ways of thinking, and getting on in life in general..so clashes are bound to occur. May Allah grant you the utmost sabr and may He grant her complete shifa and make things work out for both of you in the best possible way, ameen. thumma ameen... |
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