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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| "Middle Child" syndrome |
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| M.F. |
| 04/05/02 at 04:51:13 |
| Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah My husband has two little nieces. One's 5 and the other 3. They're both very sweet and although they used to fight a lot at first they became really close after a while. The little one was especially funny and sweet and cute and everything. Two months ago they got a new baby brother. Almost immediately, the little girl turned into... wel... a brat. She's become really difficult, she never listens, always fights with her sister (who fights back mind you!), she's gotten really clingy and waay too energetic, moody, etc etc. It sounds normal of course but I'm worried she'll just turn into another abandonment-fearing middle child. Her mom already has her hands full with the baby cause she's breast feeding. The girls go to school and I guess when they come back now there mom really doesn't have enough time for them. I want to do something special for her to help her not feel abandoned, but... I'm out of ideas. Is this just a phase she's going through? I hope she gets over it when the baby grows up a little but I really think she hates him wallahu a'lam. She tries to talk baby talk with him but you can see on her face that it's not real. What do you think? wassalam mariam |
| Re: "Middle Child" syndrome |
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| eleanor |
| 04/05/02 at 07:11:47 |
| [slm] It's certainly a difficult one...especially since she is the second girl and the new baby was a boy. So the older girl has special status being the eldest and the baby has double credits being a baby and a boy. When I was growing up I had an older sister and brother. The brother was in the middle so he was special being the only boy.. it worked okay. What I'd do is talk to her about the baby. How now she is a big sister. How she is still the "little girl". I mean, she's only three so there's only so much she can grasp.. other than the fact that the baby is getting all of Mommy's attention. How about taking her out.. just you and her, bring her for a walk, or over to stay in your house or something? I'd advise against buying her something because that's not really fair on the older girl. But maybe spending some quality time with her would work, Insha Allah. Another thing is to make her feel useful. As in fetching stuff or doing little jobs.. and telling her how great she is and how helpful. Kids usually get off on that too. Hope this helps, Insha Allah. wasalaam eleanor :-* |
| Re: "Middle Child" syndrome |
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| gift |
| 04/05/02 at 08:20:54 |
| [slm] i'm also a middle child, and when my brother was born i think i also fought with my older sister more. i did get over it, but i've never been as close to my sister as i am to my little brother. i think the thing that stopped my 'phase' (and this was only 4/5 years ago when i was 16 :( ) was realising that shaytaan creates divisions in the family, and this is how he will destroy the ummah. if there's anyway this little girl can be made to understand it before she turns 16 or older, it will save a lot of heartache like sister eleanor says i think the way to do this might just be to do things with her alone, as well as with her sister, so she doesn't feel abandoned. [wlm] |
| 04/05/02 at 08:22:49 |
| gift |
| Re: "Middle Child" syndrome |
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| zomorrud |
| 04/06/02 at 06:44:42 |
| assalamu alaikum, i think it is normal for any child to be jealous of a new born sibling. Just looking at my nephews and how the older one became more aggressive when the 2nd was born is proof, i guess. i was a middle child too, but between 2 boys. i don't recall being agressive towards my little bro when he was born (my mum also said i was ok). if anything, maybe being the only girl made them jealous of how spoiled i was (hehe). so i suggest that you try to reassure the little girl that she is still special in her mom's eyes. explain that she took very good care of her when she was very little, just like she is doing with the little brother. while you can try to busy her with some outings and errands around the house, what she really wants is for her mum to pay more attention to her. maybe you should talk to your sister-in-law and explain that she needs to tend to the insecurities of the girls. offer to help with the baby on a regular basis (if you can) so that she may have more time to relax and play with her girls. another thing that can help is to get the little girl (and older one too) a baby dolly, so that they can play 'pretend' mums with it. then they might understand how helpless this baby is and thus his need of more immediate care from the mother. it is tough growing up, i tell ya. we all want to be the special ones in mummy's eyes. take care wassalam |
| 04/06/02 at 06:48:08 |
| zomorrud |
| Re: "Middle Child" syndrome |
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| Kathy |
| 04/08/02 at 09:35:54 |
| From a Parent Resource Center: [u]Birth Order Quiz[/u] Do you share personality traits similar to others with your same birth order? Take this simple quiz and find out! Each question is coded either H, B, or T. For each question answered yes, write down the corresponding letter. At the end of the quiz determine which letter you have written down most often. Then read the results that follow! T I am most comfortable in leadership positions. H I often lack confidence in my abilities B I have been told that I an EXCELLENT negotiator. T I need to be in control at all times. B Growing up, my peer group was EXTREMELY important to me, like a family. H I have always enjoyed being the center of attention. T I am very conventional and like to follow the status quo. H I very much enjoy analyzing situations and other people. B I am a master at compromising. B I am excellent at seeing all sides of an issue. T I am very perfectionistic and need things done right the first time. H I often do things without considering the consequences of my actions. H I am very sociable and outgoing. T I tend to be overly-critical of others. B I am known to be very flexible in all areas of my life. T I like things to be predictable. Results: If you answered mostly T's... your responses reflect characteristics most similar to a first born or only child. An only child has traits very similar to a 1st born, except only children's expectations may be even higher. They may tend to be even more critical of themselves, more perfectionistic, etc. The characteristics of 1st borns noted on T answers are usualhy more pronounced with only children. If you answered mostly H's... your responses reflect characteristics most similar to a youngest child. If you answered mostly B's...your responses reflect characteristics most similar to a middle child. |
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