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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Muslim guy divorces his wife |
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| Anonymous |
| 04/12/02 at 23:52:35 |
| Salaams people, I have a serious problem. About 2 years ago a cousin of mine married a girl from Pakistan, his mom and sister persuaded him to do this. However, now he is divorcing her. Appearantly he was in love with a hindu girl before the marriage and had been keeping in touch with the hindu girl, through the internet and the phone. I feel sorry for his Pakistani bride, because she tried to please him, but instead she was treated like dirt. I'm not sure how to advise him, any ideas. This is a big problem, but a bigger problem is that he only prays during Eid and when others are praying at dinners/functions. You know, those Muslim by name type people. I would like to hear what you people have to say. Especially I would like to hear from: Se7en? Mujaahid? Kathy? What would you do if you were in my place? Anyone else is free to comment. |
| Re: Muslim guy divorces his wife |
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| Kathy |
| 04/13/02 at 01:21:46 |
| [slm] What do you want to do? and What have you done so far? and does the Bride want you to get involved? Do the parents know? |
| Re: Muslim guy divorces his wife |
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| Marcie |
| 04/13/02 at 10:13:34 |
| [color=Teal] [slm] Just one question: Is SHE a practicing Muslim? Sometimes we see a situation and think that it is horrible, but maybe a divorce is the best thing for her, especially if there are no children involved. You say that she is treated like dirt despite trying her best to please him. Insha'Allah she will be blessed with someone who appreciates and respects her. As for your cousin maybe he needs to learn things for himself the hard way. Sometimes it takes something to really shake us up before we start to really think about our religion and our responsibilty as Muslims. Hope you don't mind my two cents. [wlm] Marcie :-) [/color] |
| Re: Muslim guy divorces his wife |
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| Chris |
| 04/13/02 at 16:09:06 |
| Coming from Britain, here are my two pennies. I sympersize with both of them. I hate arranged marraiges on gereral principles, but it is a little unfair on the girl. Its not her fault, and yet she suffers. Why has Islam fallen so far? My only word of advice is that the two of them should talk, perhaps she too has a lover, not as bossy man to submissive wife, but as equals. Perhaps he can support her, even after the devoice. Humm, hope I made sense there. Shade |
| Re: Muslim guy divorces his wife |
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| Mohja |
| 04/13/02 at 17:47:06 |
| [quote] Why has Islam fallen so far? [/quote] What are you talking about exactly? What has Islam got to do with all of this? Forcing someone to marry another person against their will is NOT islamic. It's one of those ugly deeply rooted cultural practices that many people in the world practice in various forms. It doesn't matter their religious background. There are chirstians as well as muslims who do that sort of thing. The same applies to honor killings and FGM. Now should i also ask you why has Christianity fallen so far? Let's please seperate religion from culture OK? |
| Re: Muslim guy divorces his wife |
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| explorer |
| 04/13/02 at 18:07:32 |
| [quote]Why has Islam fallen so far?[/quote] Chris, Why do you think Islam fallen so far? Is it because she suffered? If so, what has her husbands behaviour have to do with Islam? From what it seems he wasn't even a practicing muslim. If on the other hand you think Islam forces people into arranged marriages then you are misinformed. It certainly allows arranged marriages, but the final decision is that of the 2 proposed individuals. Furthermore arranged marriages isn't an Islamic issue alone. It also takes place commonly amongst the Hindu and Sikh communities. |
| Re: Muslim guy divorces his wife |
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| se7en |
| 04/15/02 at 13:19:23 |
| [quote]Especially I would like to hear from: Se7en? Mujaahid? Kathy? What would you do if you were in my place?[/quote] as salaamu alaykum wa rahmatAllah, Man :( This is a perfect example of how feelings can totally overwhelm a person's intellect and sense of right and wrong. It's unbelievable to me that this bro would continue contact with another girl even *after* he was married and lawfully bound to someone else. May Allah guide us :( If I were in your place, I *definitely* would not get involved in the divorce/reconciliation process. That's something that should be between the husband and wife, because only they know the circumstances and issues of their marriage well enough to decide what is best for them. [I say this because I know desi culture, and I'm sure that their families are pressuring them to remain in their marriage to keep 'their good name'. And you don't want to be responsible if they do reconcile because of the pressure, but live their lives in misery.] I think also, the damage the brother has done to his marriage is just a consequence of the main problem. The main problem is that he is involved in an illegitimate relationship with a woman that is not halal for him. This is the problem that needs to be remedied. If you are looking to help out in this situation, I think that's what you should focus on. How you go about doing that depends on your cousin's personality/nature, the best way to approach him and advise him. Even if he refuses to end his relationship with this Hindu girl (which is a possibility, considering how much he has sacrificed for her already) the least you can do is help him make the relationship halal, ie keeping the relationship from escalating to a physical level, bringing her into Islam, getting them married. Allahu a'lam. I'm sorry I don't have any better advice for you. May Allah guide and purify us, and make us to find the halal beautiful, and the haram ugly. wasalaamu alaykum wa rahmatAllah |
| 04/15/02 at 13:57:58 |
| se7en |
| Re: Muslim guy divorces his wife |
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| se7en |
| 04/15/02 at 15:11:50 |
| ps -- [url=http://www.jannah.org/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.pl/YaBB.pl?board=madrasa&action=display&num=4996]Here[/url] is a thread that might have some good advice for the bro. wasalaam :-) |
| 04/15/02 at 15:12:39 |
| se7en |
| Re: Muslim guy divorces his wife |
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| Chris |
| 04/17/02 at 15:50:03 |
| ??? Is Islan a religion and/or a cuture? If not, is Islam more important than culture? That Muslims, males and females alike, are sometimes forced into unwanted marrages is not debatable. That such things are not Islamic is also not debatable (see, even I agree ;) ) My main complaint, and, I'm ashamed to admit that for me personly it is almost academic, is that Muslims do this. Disobaying God! Disobaying their Religion! and in the process ruining lives! Because Muslims do this, it reflects on the entire Islamic world, Badly! Those who do not know much about Islam will quite happly hate it for this, and from their point of view, they would be right. Those who DO know more about Islam know that Muslims are breaking their own rules, and they wonder: "If Muslims do not respect their own rules, why should we?" Can anyone provide a good answer to that question? I can't. Chris |
| Re: Muslim guy divorces his wife |
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| explorer |
| 04/17/02 at 16:32:17 |
| [quote author=Chris link=board=madrasa;num=1018669955;start=0#8 date=04/17/02 at 15:50:03] ??? "If Muslims do not respect their own rules, why should we?"[/quote] Do 2 wrongs make a right? |
| Re: Muslim guy divorces his wife |
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| Chris |
| 04/17/02 at 19:09:11 |
| touche |
| Re: Muslim guy divorces his wife |
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| saadia |
| 04/17/02 at 19:22:45 |
| [slm] [quote]Because Muslims do this, it reflects on the entire Islamic world, Badly! Those who do not know much about Islam will quite happly hate it for this, and from their point of view, they would be right. Those who DO know more about Islam know that Muslims are breaking their own rules, and they wonder: "If Muslims do not respect their own rules, why should we?[/quote] ummmm, i'm a lil confused....why would anyone think that if a Muslim wasn't "playing by the rules" it 's ok to blame it on the religion.....? Let's take Christianity for example....with some priests molesting children--does that mean I dont respect the Christian religion, or does it mean that I don't respect those twisted individuals...? C'mon now! [wlm] |
| Re: Muslim guy divorces his wife |
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| ash_aron |
| 04/19/02 at 20:05:44 |
| this is about the dishonesty of the husband. if the husband was not wanting a marriage with anyone except his lover why did he pursue the marriage with an innocent. his divorcing is a catastrophe for his wife. there is no easy solution for her and her life will be ruined. this is the way of asian culture. it should be made in a uncompromising manner the nature of his deed..and that he should think extremely carefully about his future actions. if a divorce is to be sought then every effort should be made to ensure that his wife is provided for and cared for . it is the very least that any person should do. i was going to say moral person but he clearly has not been.. |
| Re: Muslim guy divorces his wife |
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| Chris |
| 04/22/02 at 12:40:43 |
| [quote]why would anyone think that if a Muslim wasn't "playing by the rules" it 's ok to blame it on the religion.....? Let's take Christianity for example....with some priests molesting children--does that mean I dont respect the Christian religion, or does it mean that I don't respect those twisted individuals...? C'mon now! [/quote] Islam is a more intrusive (not the word I want, but its the best I can think of) religion when it comes to people's lives. It dictates how one should dress, act, eat. Non-Muslims are sometimes aware of this, they see muslims wearing traditional clothes and perhaps understand this on some level. There is therefore a tendancy to assume that [i]anything[/i] a muslim does is islamic. It may not be fair, but if life was fair, we would not be having this conversation, haha. You're right, Islam is not the only offender. But what is the point in me blasting christianity here? C |
| Re: Muslim guy divorces his wife |
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| Aabidah |
| 04/23/02 at 02:35:58 |
| Assalamu Alaikum wa RahmatullaHi wa BarakatuHu, Chris, Islam does not dictate the life of a Muslim in any way. Islam is a way of life, not a religion where there are no escape holes. Islam does not dictate the life of a Muslim. There are four major scholars who's views differ in some matters, like one scholar will say that Rasulullah [saw] did s/thing one way and the other scholar will say that he [saw] did it in another. Both of the scholars are correct and Rasulullah [saw] did both ways to show the followers that if one day doesn't work, then we can do it in another way. If the circumstances are not available, then we choose the alternate way to do it, and that's to create ease for us, not hardship. If Islam was just a one way road, then there wouldn't be differences in the opinions of the scholars. Islam is not the offender in any way. Like some of the other brothers and sisters that replied, it's the culture that is mixed in with the religion. In Islam, there is no such thing as a forced marriage. Actually, if a woman is married forcefully, then according to Islamic law, that marriage is not accepted, meaning there is no marriage between the man and woman. If you look at Islam today, it is not the same Islam as it was during the time of Rasulullah [saw]. There is so much culture and tradition mixed into Islam, that it is hard to differentiate between the two. You cannot just blame Islam for what happened to the girl, b/c a forceful marriage is not Islam. Islam is a religion, not a culture. A culture is just the way of life of a certain group of people, the type of food they eat, kinds of clothes they wear, etc. Islam is a religion for all of mankind and Rasulullah [saw] was sent down as a Mercy to all of mankind. It's wrong if a Muslim represents Islam in a wrong way, but that doesn't mean there's a flaw in the religion itself. Islam is perfect, without any flaws, and the misrepresentation is caused by the Muslim, and has nothing to do with Islam itself. And Allah knows best. Just my two cents...If i've offended anyone, plz forgive me. Wassalamu Alaikum, Betul |
| Re: Muslim guy divorces his wife |
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| muqaddar |
| 04/23/02 at 13:11:20 |
| [slm] Having been through an arranged marriage myself I can't say anything good about them. In my situation though i put up with a bad situation until it emerged that i had been lied to right at the start and then i opted for a divorce. My mother supported me in y decision because she knew that at each stage i had warned her of the consequences and was proved right but i had given in to her blackmail due to the fact that she is extremely ill (she has cancer) I would warn other people in my situation to be pretty careful before going for an arranged marriage , don't get the impression that people in Pakistan are the innocent party they are in a lot of situation i have seen much more aware of the situation than you are but will do anything to get a green card. In this particular case i would blame this guys mother and sister, he shouldn't feel guilty as he was forced into this situation. If the family in pakistan didn't know of this i feel sorry for them and if they did then it's no more than they deserve. I think attacking the hindu girl is really unfair because she is prepared to leave her culture and family for this guy if she converts to islam. jazakallah |
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