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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Conduct unbecoming of a brother |
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| flyboy_nz |
| 04/18/02 at 07:45:09 |
| [slm] below is an e-mail I sent out recently. I know none of the brothers here would act in a disreputable manner, but we all know of some brothers who do and yeah I'd like to discuss how we can stop that kinda behaviour. I thought defining a formal code of conduct for brothers would be a start, so yeah read on and tell me what you think. wasalaam, Ahmed Asalaamu alaikum wr wb, I hope you're all in the best of health and imaan. Most organisations have a code of conduct, whether formal or informal but these are in place to ensure all involved understand the limits of behaviour and so on. similarly for brothers, I think we should have some defined codes of behaviour for ourselves to prevent brothers from being brought into disrepute. As a whole, muslim brothers have a bad rep... we are seen as sleazy, dishonest, irresponsible...... and the list goes on. I mean shouldn't we be the model of our Rasul (saw)? Shouldn't we be seen as the best of this society instead of the worst? The reason I'm bringing this up is that I have had a couple of sisters complain to me about brothers approaching them, whether in person or on the internet and trying to chat them up, calling them names such as "Sweety" and so on. This is simply unacceptable.. it is not how a brother should act.. this is not the image of a muslim that our Creator and our Prophet (saw) would want us to have (remembering the verse from surah Al-Tawbah "the believers (men and women) are helpers and protectors, one of another". So let this firstly be a warning to those brothers to curb their behaviour, before some action is taken on them...secondly lets define a code of conduct ie. how a real brother should act. So please get back to me with your suggestions for this. Please forward this to the other NZ brothers who I haven't added to the list. wasalaam, your akh, Ahmed |
| Re: Conduct unbecoming of a brother |
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| mujaahid |
| 04/18/02 at 13:39:38 |
| [slm] I think what we first need to do is tell the sisters that if they ever get any guy emailing them calling them sweety, or trying to chat them up, the sister should simply ignore the guy, be he a brother, or whatever.(he may not even be a muslim). If she ignores the guy, he will go away. The worst thing she can do is say something like "brother, please do not email again as i do not wish to engage in idel chatter with someone who is not my mahram" because the guy will probably see this as the sister playing hard to get, OR get kicks out of upsetting the sister, and continue harassing her. And more importantly, the ignorant man will see that this sisters DOES respond to his tauntsand continue what he's doing. The sisters should simply ignore such advances, dont fall for the bait. As for the brothers, smacking them around the head would be nice, but not really possible if you only know them on the net. They should be told to respect the sisters and not approach them any flirtatious way such as "hiya sweety pie", "hi honey" and other such nonsense This is where the mods should come in. If the brother, even once, during a conversation with a sister refers to her in a pet name, such as sweety, honey etc, he should be warned, and immdiatly banned if he does it again. The sisters on public boards should not respond online, instead they should send a private email to the mods to have action taken against the borther. NO decent brother would refer to a muslimah in a flirty way, and if any do, they should be seen as unwelcome guests and removed. ;-) |
| 04/18/02 at 13:41:47 |
| mujaahid |
| Re: Conduct unbecoming of a brother |
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| arielsharon |
| 04/18/02 at 15:51:37 |
| i would hope that brother mujaahid and others will not only behave in this respectable manner on these boards but properly at all times whether it is in real life or message boards. what i find most uncomfortable with is firstly that any brother would deem it necessary to approach a sister in such an unbecoming way and secondly that he would believe that because he is not on a muslim board , he is therefore beyong Allahs gaze. |
| Re: Conduct unbecoming of a brother |
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| mujaahid |
| 04/18/02 at 15:58:48 |
| Ariel SHARON? You cannot be serious with a name like that can you? Mods, i think that name should be banned. |
| Re: Conduct unbecoming of a brother |
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| arielsharon |
| 04/18/02 at 16:32:05 |
| does erasing the name solve the plight of our brothers and sisters in palestine. i am here to prick your conscience, that as you write of banning my name your brothers and sisters are suffering at the hands of the unbelievers. is my name the cause of the sorrow or your turning and looking the other way? |
| Re: Conduct unbecoming of a brother |
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| M.F. |
| 04/18/02 at 16:42:52 |
| your name doesn't prick my consciense, my consciense is very much alive, and so it is for everyone else on this board. The name you picked is just offensive to Muslims. Why would a Muslim choose to call himself with the name of his worst enemy? What benefit is there in that? I agree with Mujaahid that that name should be banned in the same way someone who calls himself zionist god would. It's just an ugly and repulsive word to look at and does no good at all. If you want to prick someone's conscience call yourself ShaheedJenin or something like that. |
| Re: Conduct unbecoming of a brother |
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| arielsharon |
| 04/18/02 at 17:49:35 |
| again why should a name on a message board be of so much concern over and above diredcting you enrgies towards your brothers that need your help. you know that i cannot be the person that you have hatred for..and if this is my name why should i be made to change it ? are you not being as uncompromising and equally intolerant as that you so dislike. are you not being the same? am i posting messages that are defammatory or rude..am i being blasphemous towards any religion? i think you need to think carefully before you start to impose banning orders on the basis of a name alone. |
| Re: Conduct unbecoming of a brother |
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| Mentallect |
| 04/18/02 at 19:46:36 |
| I'm with Sharon. And whats with this cut-off-air-supply censorship? Theres a WHOLE lot of "ban this" and "shouldnt ask that" talk here. I'm thinking about packing my bags and forming a forum of my own. tsk. You'd be the first invited, Sharon. You and your evil evil name. |
| 04/18/02 at 19:50:51 |
| Mentallect |
| Re: Conduct unbecoming of a brother |
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| Abu_Hamza |
| 04/18/02 at 20:28:56 |
| [slm] People, if you have issues with someone's username, please address it to them in a private message, or address it to the admins directly. There's no need to discuss this publicly, especially in a thread which is talking about something completely different (and important!) Jazakum Allahu Khairan. |
| Re: Conduct unbecoming of a brother |
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| BrKhalid |
| 04/19/02 at 02:54:19 |
| Asalaamu Alaikum ;-) Interesting topic Br Ahmed. So getting back to it I would say as well as getting together a code of conduct you might think about adding a section on the reasons behind it. For example the dangers of what such conversations could lead to... etc etc. |
| Re: Conduct unbecoming of a brother |
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| jannah |
| 04/19/02 at 04:56:00 |
| At the request of several madina citizens we have asked the username to be changed. As for the censorship banning issue: Please re-read the constitution. All we have done is follow the rules as we haven't amended or added any new rules in awhile. As for forming one's own forum, I think I've posted many times before that islam on the internet should expand, that it would be great if everyone had their own webpage and that there should be thousands of islam message boards on the web. So more power to you, make up your own rules and enjoy ;) [quote author=Mentallect link=board=bro;num=1019130309;start=0#7 date=04/18/02 at 19:46:36]I'm with Sharon. And whats with this cut-off-air-supply censorship? Theres a WHOLE lot of "ban this" and "shouldnt ask that" talk here. I'm thinking about packing my bags and forming a forum of my own. tsk. You'd be the first invited, Sharon. You and your evil evil name.[/quote] |
| Re: Conduct unbecoming of a brother |
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| Mentahlect |
| 04/19/02 at 10:56:15 |
| *salutes* sure thing. |
| Re: Conduct unbecoming of a brother |
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| abdulkabir |
| 04/20/02 at 07:26:18 |
| [slm]brothers should please understand each other and try to take to corrections no more bad names[color=Green][/color] |
| Re: Conduct unbecoming of a brother |
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| Beth |
| 04/20/02 at 07:35:36 |
| Hello A question: I see you all objecting to muslim men being flirtatious and suggestive towards muslim women over the net. How would you feel if, for instance, a muslim men was being equally suggestive and impertinent towards a non-muslim woman? Would this incur censure or would you simply dismiss it as of no consequence? |
| Re: Conduct unbecoming of a brother |
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| SisterHania |
| 04/20/02 at 08:07:25 |
| [quote author=Nelly the Elephant link=board=bro;num=1019130309;start=0#13 date=04/20/02 at 07:35:36]How would you feel if, for instance, a muslim men was being equally suggestive and impertinent towards a non-muslim woman? Would this incur censure or would you simply dismiss it as of no consequence? [/quote] I would feel ashamed if a Muslim man behaved this way towards any woman be she Muslim or Non-Muslim. A Muslim man should behave in a manner of modesty. If no-one else can see what he gets upto on the net he should remember Allah knows! |
| Re: Conduct unbecoming of a brother |
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| flyboy_nz |
| 04/20/02 at 11:00:55 |
| asalaamu alaikum wr wb thank you for the replies....although I'm at a loss as to how the username issue got involved ::) Okay the response I got from the local brothers ranged from "you should approach the brother individually if you see a problem" to "hey great idea, it really made me think about how I act and yeah it makes me feel guilty". But the majority of responses were that we should come up with a list of how a brother should act- being relevant to the youth today and backed up with references from Quran and hadeeth...things like "A real ;-) should lower his gaze" etc..... so I'm asking the help of my brothers (and sisters if you wish to contribute) of Madina to help out.. inshaAllah I'll start a new thread for this. In response to Nelly the Elephant:[quote]Hello A question: I see you all objecting to muslim men being flirtatious and suggestive towards muslim women over the net. How would you feel if, for instance, a muslim men was being equally suggestive and impertinent towards a non-muslim woman? Would this incur censure or would you simply dismiss it as of no consequence? [/quote] A real bro should respect ALL women. In this instance I was told by a couple of muslim sisters that this was happening to them. I knew also knew the brother in question, so was moved to act. Similarly if a non-muslim woman approached me and I knew the brother then I would also act. It simply should not be happening! The whole thing simply stinks! But the core issue isn't about bros approaching women, its our image in general...muslim bros are getting a bad rep because of behaviour like this and it really should be that we are the best in society- seen as respectable, kind, generous, helpful, honest etc. So I thought we should make an effort to focus on that. wasalaam, Ahmed |
| Re: Conduct unbecoming of a brother |
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| muqaddar |
| 04/23/02 at 13:45:49 |
| [slm] calling them 'Sweety' !! ;D errm that must definately be somebody based in south asia... |
| Re: Conduct unbecoming of a brother |
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| nouha |
| 04/23/02 at 17:48:27 |
| [slm] i have to disagree with mujaid, coming from a sisters point ofview, ive been there done that..... dont ignore..... ive had guys come up tome with sleezy things to say up tomy face and on that internet. both muslim and non muslim, when i tell them that what they are doing is wrong etc, every single one of them backed down. then didnt percieve it as 'ph shes just hard to get'... no u just have to be strong and brave and put their ego down by letting them know they are acting sooooo disgustingly.... once again, i speak from experience..... and to me ignoring them just made the problem worse.... wasalam nouha:) |
| Re: Conduct unbecoming of a brother |
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| muqaddar |
| 04/24/02 at 07:58:27 |
| [slm] nouha are you disgusted with them because of what they say or because they are expressing an interest in someone as a potential spouse? ??? |
| Re: Conduct unbecoming of a brother |
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| nouha |
| 04/24/02 at 17:05:28 |
| [slm] muqader -- im disgusted by what they say, things like salam sister u have a really nice eyes is not the way to appraoch me if u want to get married, wallahi these things have been said to me by muslims and worse!!!!! if they say salam, thats fine whatever but thats it, but ive recieved so much worse, i just want them to stop commenting on my looks, alhumdulilah i wear hijab etc, just like mujahid said, what is there to look at me if im all covered up? if a man considered me to be potential spouse, then i would hope inshallah he will take it seriously and do things the way they are supposed to be done not by commenting on this and that. to me thats not being serious, your just after lust.... wasalam nouha:) |
| Re: Conduct unbecoming of a brother |
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| se7en |
| 04/25/02 at 01:33:55 |
| [quote]How would you feel if, for instance, a muslim men was being equally suggestive and impertinent towards a non-muslim woman? Would this incur censure or would you simply dismiss it as of no consequence? [/quote] This is something that we jokingly referred to on the old board as the "Betsy phenomenon"... ie, when Joe Muslim is talking to a Muslim sister he is modest and respectful, but when it comes to "Betsy" from the office, he acts very differently. And yes, this does incur censure. At least from me :P I don't like two-facedness. You can check out a thread where this was discussed here: [url]http://www.jannah.org/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.pl/YaBB.pl?board=brothers&action=display&num=3971&start=0[/url] |
| 04/25/02 at 01:41:17 |
| se7en |
| Re: Conduct unbecoming of a brother |
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| Maliha |
| 04/25/02 at 07:34:53 |
| [slm] Ohhhhhh...I thought it was Betsy from our story in the Akhwat folder :-/ :-/ No wonder it didn't make sense at first :-[ Maliha :-) [wlm] |
| 04/25/02 at 10:13:27 |
| Maliha |
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