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| question for moms |
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| jaj |
| 04/29/02 at 22:38:38 |
| [slm] yousif is almost 9 months and we're having a problem. sometimes (quite often, actually) whenever i put him down he SCREAMS. i don't know what's wrong with him (except he does have an ear infection but he's been on medication a few days and he's at the age of i want MOMMY). i love my son with all my heart, but i'm going insane! i can't do anything by myself, not even eat. i never get a break from him and that just adds to the stress and i don't know what to do. none of my friends will watch him and my mom has medical conditions that usually prevent her from being able to watch him more than an hour. i need a whole DAY to go out by myself with my friends and HAVE FUN. i havent been out with my friends for months. what can i do (other than getting time to myself which seems impossible!) to keep my sanity???? PLEASE HELP! jaj |
| Re: question for moms |
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| Jenna |
| 04/30/02 at 02:36:45 |
| yousif is almost 9 months and we're having a problem. sometimes (quite often, actually) whenever i put him down he SCREAMS ~~~~~~~~~ [wlm] First of all have a bebzi on me! [] I understand your frustrations *as I am a mom myself of a 2 y/o baby boy* Could it be Sis, that you have been holding him quite a lot? I know mothers who never have put their children down (always holding them, when cleaning etc...), and whenever the mother needs an arm break; the child starts screaming like crazy :'( . Its only natural for the baby to scream becuz he is so use to mommy holding him all the time. I am not blaming the mothers who do this, I am just saying that its something that comes w/consequences. If this is the case Sis, then the only solution *to me* would be to put him down and let him scream, I know I know; it will break your heart: but trust me, it will only be for a few days *at most*. And most imporant thing is to never start that habit again! Its not fair to him becuz he is like this* :'(* and its not fair to you becuz you are like this * :(*. I am not saying *never* hold him, but even it out a bit. About needing time for one self, what I have done was teach my son to play w/him self in his playpen near nap time for example, so I can have time to take a nice shower, read a book, etc.. whatever I want to do. It may not be for that long but its better then nothing. Or, wake up before her does and use that time to remain lying in bed and just let your mind wander and do what *you* like to do. I cannot stress how important nappy time is for a mommy *which I am sure you know* ;). When you see he has fallen asleep, stop doing the dishes, or dusting, and go do something for yourself. The dishes can wait *in my opinion LOL* ;D Grab whatever time you can. Teach him to be somewhat independent from you so you can have some time. Like I say it may not be much but its something and it will help you to stay sane. :-/ :-/ I promise InshaAllah! From on mom to another! :-* :-* Your Sis in Islaam :) Jenna UmmMuffin |
| Re: question for moms |
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| Dawn |
| 04/30/02 at 02:42:37 |
| jaj, For starters, if you are sure that there is nothing wrong with him medically, then it is OK to just let him scream once in a while. Mine (15 mo. old) went through a similar stage (about 7 months of age though) and I got so frustrated one day, I put her in her crib with a few toys, closed the door, and let her scream. (I also closed every door in our apartment between her and the kitchen, which is the farthest room from her bedroom, so I could still hear her, but barely.) After about a half an hour or so, the crying stopped, and when I went to check, she was playing with the toys. As soon as she saw me, of course, it all started again. ::) But by then, I had calmed down and was ready to deal with her again. Also, what worked for mine were stroller walks. We would go downtown or something, and that always seemed to capture her attention. I don't know if you can easily take walks where you live, but maybe a trip to the mall or something would keep him occupied with new sights and give you a nice diversion. And if you can't find a babysitter, try bringing him along once with your friends. One baby spread among 4 or 5 people can give you a semblance of a break too. Dawn |
| Re: question for moms |
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| jaj |
| 04/30/02 at 19:33:06 |
| [slm] thank you, sisters!! i really appreciate your in-put. today it has been better. he hasnt screamed that much when i leave him on his own. i don't hold him all the time cause after a while you know i think my arm will fall off lol i've never been the type of mom who held him constantly. a few months ago he was fine playing by himself and it all just started this month. now i have another question. he STILL sleeps with me most of the night. lately i've been putting him in his bed once he is asleep. (try to put him in there while he's awake and *POOF* he's wide awake and screaming!) but he wakes up every few hours (i know just wanting to know i'm still there) and then goes back to sleep in his bed. around 3 or 4 am he will do this BUT! he will not stay asleep in his bed. either i put him in my bed with me or he screams the rest of the night and i'm not quite sure what to do. i know that probably if i let him scream it out, he would quit but the thing is, i cant. we live with my mother and stepfather and my stepfather gets up for work at 4:30 or 5am. i don't want yousif to wake him before then. i've tried doing the letting him scream it out so he sees he needs to sleep in his bed and it's my way or the highway, know what i mean? but i get so frustrated and tired that i just give in and put him in my bed. my mother has medical conditions that makes her need all the sleep she can get, so she cant be much help at night and i am a single mother. i just don't know what to do. i don't want him sleeping in my bed anymore. any suggestions on this? thanks sisters :) jaj |
| Re: question for moms |
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| Dawn |
| 05/01/02 at 05:08:45 |
| jaj, This one is a it tougher 'cause of the considerations you are taking for the rest of the family. I don't know exactly how the family relationships are to know if this is possible or not, but I would try to talk to both your Mom and Stepdad and tell them what you want to try to do. Tell them it will probably take 10 days to 2 weeks, though it could easily take less, but you need to convince Yousif that he CAN sleep the whole night in his own bed. Then, recommend that perhaps for these two weeks, the dates of which you can agree on up front, that they wear ear plugs for the night. It would only be for a couple of weeks, and I don't think most people would have a problem with that. Then, I would also recommend the same for you. (And, contrary to what you might think, you can hear your baby when he cries. It is just not as loud, and hence, not as disturbing. I had to do this when we were trying to convince Fiona that she really could sleep through the night without hour long crying sessions.) But the important thing would be to let them know in advance what it is you are trying to accomplish and when it is you are trying to do it. That way they aren't caught by surprise. Again, I don't know if it would be implementable in your household, but it is all I can think of at the moment. And I know the ear plugs were a real help for us. And for the admins, what is the chance that we could find a smiley with bags under the eyes for all of us tired moms and dads out there? ;D Peace, Dawn |
| Re: question for moms |
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| Laila |
| 05/01/02 at 11:44:35 |
| [slm] I also had a screamer- my last son. He was, we found out later, ADHD, but that didn't help the baby years when I worked 12 hr. night shifts and had a 10 yr. old, too :P. Try moving the crib up against your side of the bed- the baby can see you and you can reach in to touch him and reassure him that you are still there. As the nights get easier- move the bed away from your's a little at a time so he won't be able to detect that much of the change, and hopefully before long he's where he should be. I wouldn't forget the earplug suggestion, though :D! You're still liable to need them ;) Hope this helps- it did me ;D Just sign me an ex-tired mom! [wlm] :-) Laila |
| Re: question for moms |
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| Mary |
| 05/08/02 at 23:42:12 |
| [slm] jaj I so agree with these two suggestions. I remember putting our second daughter who was about 6 months old to bed at 8 and spending the next three hours running up and down stairs trying to quiet her before she woke up her older sister. I saw a show on TV about kids with sleeping problems and it pretty much said the same thing. If they aren't sick or hurting let them cry. Check on them say every half hour but dont give in and let them up or let them sleep with you. And if they wake in the night go comfort them, keep the lights dim. say very little just reasure them that all is well. Dont take them out of bed, change them in bed if needed tuck them back in and leave the room. They will scream but each time the length of time they cry will be less and less. Same thing happened to her when we went overseas to meet my husbands family. We had enjoyed two months with her napping and sleeping at night in her own room. She was crawling everywhere and even trying to walk. When we came home she was 10 months old. She could barely sit on the floor by herself. Wouldn't crawl and cried If I wouldn't hold her all day :'(. For those two months she was held all the time. Spoiled spoiled and then spoiled. I took her to the DR. and he said just put her in a room and let her cry it out. it took over a week but one afternoon I heard......baby chatter :)...not crying...happy sounds. I ran to peek and she had crawled to her toys and was sitting there playing. ;D I hope all goes well. |
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