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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Frumpy hijabi |
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| Anonymous |
| 05/02/02 at 03:45:02 |
| Salamalaikom, Alhamdulila I wear hijab. The problem is I guess I am letting myself go. I've been wearing hijab for about 3 years. Before that on and off for one. But even at home, I worry about wanting to step out later and so I don't put any make up on. My husband keeps asking me to try to look nice, but I find that if I do, I will be more restricted. If I put perfume then I have to make ghusul as you know before I go out even to Asha prayers. Or if I put make up and then realize I need to go get something from the store, then it is at least a half hour routine of washing off. Even my style of clothing seems to be more conservative at home lately...hair removal might have something to do with it. I don't know where thaat's comin from! Are any of you going through similar phases. Is there a solution? I have tried to dress up and just feel like I'm not in my most comfortable clothes while at home just to make up for not doing it outside. I just feel irritated and sad but can't seem to do too much about it. |
| 05/02/02 at 04:20:21 |
| jannah |
| Re: Frumpy hijabi |
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| Aabidah |
| 05/05/02 at 23:56:13 |
| [slm] First, May Allah help you sister and keep us all guided on the straight path, ameen. Alhamdulillah you're wearing hijab. Keep it up InshaAllah. To answer your questions: There is nothing wrong with dressing up at home and looking nice for your husband, but there is something wrong with dressing up, putting on make up and going outside like that. Our sheikh said that it is haram for a man that is not our mahram to see us with make up and to even smell the perfume that we are wearing. To beautify ourselves, it is only for our husbands, and not for other men. Wear all the make up and perfume you want at home, but be careful when going outside. Remember that Allahu SubhanaHu Wata'ala is watching us and that we should please Him InshaAllah. And by trying to please Him, we try to stay away from the haram and do everything according to the Qur'an and Sunnah, InshaAllah. As time goes by, it will become easier, InshaAllah. Also remember that we need to ask Allahu SubhanaHu Wata'ala for His help in trying to please Him, because without His Mercy and Guidance, we would be nowhere and lost. Alhamdulillah, we are where we are and we are trying to better ourselves, inshaAllah. Always keep the faith InshaAllah and with Allah's Guidance and Mercy, the rest will come easily. May Allah help you and all of us in striving to become better Muslims and give us all strength and patience while trying to do so, Ameen. [wlm] Betul |
| Re: Frumpy hijabi |
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| M.F. |
| 05/06/02 at 10:04:44 |
| Assalamu alaikum I can certainly sympathize!! I feel like I should be doing a lot more to make myself look nice for my hubby. Unfortunately, I'm too self conscious to wear really cute clothes for him, and I feel a lot more comfortable wearing my good ol pajamas that I've been wearing for 3 years and that are starting to have holes in them (see, your situation isn't all that bad compared to that is it? :) ) Ok, it's a drag having to un-make yourself up every time you go out, so maybe what you could do is not put on make up and perfume till night time or when you think you don't have to go out again. Don't wear strong perfume so that you can rinse it off if you have to go out (you don't have to make ghusl before you go out if you wear perfume!). One very important thing to looking nice is keeping your hair nice. I found out that I'm not going to bother growing my hair long if it's going to be stringy and hard to keep nice-looking. You might be surprised that another hairstyle that you'd never considered (like short for example) looks nice, and is extremely easy to upkeep. Changing my hair had a huge impact on my self esteem :-) I finally figured I looked ok enough to wear my old holey pajamas and still look nice :-) no really. I'd love to have some nice house dresses that aren't too dressy and won't make me uncomfortable but still look nice and feminine-- a compromise. I think I'll have to get some made that suit my style. I like wearing just a regular long skirt and a tshirt sometimes at home, or long dresses. I feel feminine and at the same time I don't feel self conscious because something will show... you know what I mean? Anyway I hope that helps insha Allah. salaam mariam |
| Re: Frumpy hijabi |
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| se7en |
| 05/06/02 at 10:38:24 |
| as salaamu alaykum wa rahmatAllah, I think part of the reason marriage is such an intense relationship is because a person's spouse is their *sole* physical outlet for life. All feelings, words, actions that are related to desire are directed towards this one other individual, and this engenders an intensity in closeness and love between the two people that no one and nothing else can relate to. Islam is awesome in that it limits these things to marriage, to a bond of commitment and responsibility, but also seeks to guarantee both spouses contentement with that, as can be seen by the many texts that talk about the obligation of satisfying one's spouse. I think it's just so important for a man and woman who are bonded to each other in this way - and *only* each other - to try to satisify one another. I know that this is very easy to say and hard to do. I'm not married, so I can't give you any advice on this from that regard.. but there have been times when I just haven't been in the mood to dress like a half way decent human being :) something that I suggest is buying girly products, like body wash, cream, cleanser etc from victoria's secret, the body shop, etc :) that might just inspire you to dress up a little bit and take some time to look nice. I know that doesn't really get into the psychology of the matter, but it might help :) take care :-) wasalaamu alaykum wa rahmatAllah |
| 05/06/02 at 17:52:46 |
| se7en |
| Re: Frumpy hijabi |
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| Kareema_Abdul-Khab |
| 05/07/02 at 02:35:11 |
| [slm] Why not try a light routine of makeup- maybe just kohl and easily wiped off lipstick? Some products are designed to be taken off quickly. Perfume, if you only put it on your neck and wrists, you only would have to wash them, not ghusl. Clothes? I've found that some of the new stretch fabrics are extremely comfy, maintenance free and can be dressy.(like you know those bootleg black pants-sooo comfortable!) I agree with se7en, you might wanna find some new exciting makeup and clothes that make it feel like a pleasure, not a chore to dress up. |
| Re: Frumpy hijabi |
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| Noor |
| 05/07/02 at 10:47:25 |
| [slm] I'll just add one more suggestion....if you need to go out often during the day, then maybe it would be a good idea to invest in a couple of jilbabs..that way you can quickly put one on top of whatever u're wearing and not bother about changing etc wassalam :-* |
| Re: Frumpy hijabi |
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| Nazia |
| 05/09/02 at 14:32:56 |
| slm, Maybe instead of trying to look "nice"--which, somehow equates to "uncomfortable", perhaps you can just try to look "different." And make the changes subtle so that you don't feel uncomfortable. For example, trade in your big, worn tshirts, for smaller, more feminine "baby t's" They're still tshirts, but somehow they just look cute! And instead of big baggy, holey pajamas...try those new capri pajamas, or if you're feeling daring...maybe even boxer shorts! :o With summer upon us, the change will probably feel more comforable! The point is, its not makeup and sequins that make us look nice necessarily! Its all about keeping it different. Looking feminine can actually be fun when it doesn't entail high heels, heavy earrings and other atrocious items :) Anyways, just have fun with it...explore! Take Care and good luck :) Wassalam, Nazia |
| Re: Frumpy hijabi |
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| jannah |
| 05/09/02 at 15:24:22 |
| We always have enormous fun going shopping for stuff for a sisters party.. cause maybe for the first time we can buy ANYTHING in the store :-/ anyway I think it's important for you to dress up now and then (not in uncomfortable clothes, but fun clothes), for yourself if not only for your husband! It's important for girls to have good self-esteem, and sometimes its hard when you're covered from head to foot in loose clothing day after day!! |
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