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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Talking with your Best Friend |
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| Kathy |
| 05/02/02 at 21:43:55 |
| [slm] I am sad. A friend called me last night and I can not stop thinking about it. She is a revert and had much trouble- adjusting to and living the life style of a proper Muslimah. She had no one guiding her in Islam and a couple of years after her shahadah she slept with a man. Her guilts took control almost immediately, she stopped seeing him, she repented and to the best of my knowledge never did it again. This was over twelve years ago and she has since, been married with children and considered a "pious" woman in her community. Her life has completely changed for the better and I just love her. I don't think anyone in the community knows about her sin- even her husband. I remember when she was getting married she checked with a scholar about this and was able to marry. Here lies the problem. We have a mutual friend- someone I dearly love and is a Sister to me. The Sister who had committed the sin shared this with her 12 years ago. She told her what had happened- looking for advice. Apparently this Sister has recently told some other women about the affair, and for no reason, other than gossip. In otherwords she betrayed her. Now this old sin is new again- with great fear of her husband finding out and of ruining her reputation. It makes me think of the hadith that we should not speak of our transgressions. I wish I knew what to do- much less is there anything to do., and also sad because I will no longer trust her as a confidant. The weird thing is the "tattle-tail" often visits from out of town the "repenter". She stays for days enjoying her hospitality and friendship. Now the "repenter" is mortified, embarrassed and angry and is asking what she should do- the next time she calls to visit. I would want to confront her- but then that would betray a confidence of the original sister who was told the story and had called and warned her. What a mess! |
| 05/02/02 at 21:45:00 |
| Kathy |
| Re: Talking with your Best Friend |
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| gift |
| 05/03/02 at 05:10:03 |
| [slm] i agree with you kathy this is awful - how could the sister betray a confidence like that >:( interestingly i read a hadith which may help.... [i]Rasul Allah - sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam - said, "The Wasil (One who fulfils the rights of his ties of kinship) is not the one who does good when family members do good (and bad when they are bad). The Wasil is the one who, when family members cut him off he does good to them." [Interpretation of a Bukhari Hadith.][/i] i've always had a problem putting such things into practice :'(- but it's a reminder that we all need. [wlm] |
| Re: Talking with your Best Friend |
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| maariya |
| 05/03/02 at 13:36:25 |
| [slm] sister Wow, that is such sad story. I have been betrayed by a friend, but it seems minute compared to what has happened in this situation. It makes me very angry when muslims spread gossip about one another >:( as though we don't have enough problems in the world!!! What this sister done 12 years ago was clearly wrong. It is between the sister and Allah (swt) . It is our duty as muslims to support and protect our fellow muslims and not to be judgemental. There is a hadith of the prophet (saw) 'The believer is he, who the other believers are safe from his hand and tongue' [muslim] I am sure that the sisters strength of character will see her through this very difficult period inshallah [wlm] |
| Re: Talking with your Best Friend |
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| nouha |
| 05/03/02 at 13:49:50 |
| [slm] kathy, im soo sorry about ur friend, may Allah(SWT) help her and all of us who are in worse situations. isnt it true though that u cannot accuse anyone of adultery unless there are four witnesses, wether the repenting sister told u this, and then twelve years later someone else comes from behind and starts something, i think you still need the four witnesses? thats such a sad story :( wasalam nouha |
| Re: Talking with your Best Friend |
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| Anonymous |
| 05/10/02 at 05:13:15 |
| Assalaamu alaikum Sister Kathy, While for the most part there is nothing that the sister that has repented can do, as she has placed the matter in Allah's hands and it is for He to decide, the tattletail sister should be stopped from spreading gossip. Did I understand that the TT sister visits the Repenting Sister? Perhaps should the R sister call the TT for friendly conversation and bring upthe importance of a keeping a confidence. She could use the example of (without detail or names) of a confidence she has been entrusted with. Then ask straight out if the TTsister had ever told anyone of her mistake. That way the TT sister would not be sure if R sister knew of her gossip or not, and no other sister would be implicated in how the R sister found out. The TT sisters answer to the R sister would help the R sister decide if their friendship were to continue. And as for letting her stay at her house well if so she is much stronger than I could be. Enshallah all will work out for her. She is blessed to have a friend as you. |
| Re: Talking with your Best Friend |
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| Kathy |
| 05/10/02 at 09:50:27 |
| [slm] Yeah the TT sister does visit and stay with the r sister a couple of times a year for a long weekend. the R sister said she will continue to open her home. Attia sent me some hadith about [i]paraphrasing[/i] A good muslim is one who does good to one who does good to them- a better Muslim does good to one who does bad to them. This has given my friend strength and resolve to continue to be hospitable.- Me too-'cause I was feeling angry about it too.... now i am just disappointed. It is a rare gift indeed to have a confident. I feel sad that we both lost ours. The disappointment is beause I always considered her safe, too. I don't think that she is the type to bring up the subject again to the tt sister.- it is too painful. She has chosen not to address it an has made dua to Allah swt to take care of it for her. |
| Re: Talking with your Best Friend |
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| isra81 |
| 05/18/02 at 00:11:39 |
| This is realy sad.So much sad thinks and sad ppl (specialy muslims) in this world......Wassalam |
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