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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Parents not accepting Marriage from diff heritage |
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| Anonymous |
| 05/08/02 at 17:44:53 |
| assala moi alaykum warahmatullahi wa barakah. dear brothers and sisters in islam, i am a 18 year old female sunni muslim. i have a major dilemma in my hands, i have met a muslim pakistani male whom i feel is a compatible match as a partner. we both feel that we are suitable for one another... being a muslimah of the current generation i do not see any problem with our choice to marry, unfortunatly coming from a gujrati heritage, problems will arise with my parents and family because we are from different cultures. this is also an issue with his parents. i am distraught with fear that maybe we will not be able to marry because of this petty cultural racism. i am sure that in islam, there is no racism between cultures, but what should i do? please help as i am extremely worried. jaza kamullah masalamah your sister in islam binte mahmoud |
| Re: Parents not accepting Marriage from diff herit |
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| nisa |
| 05/09/02 at 05:56:07 |
| [slm] sis, I am sorry to hear of the dilema you are currently in. This is definately a culture issue and not an Islamic one. Scholars of Islam are in agreement that if the boy/girl you want to marry are steadfast in religion and are of good character then the father/guardian should have no objections. If the boy/girl are not righteous then the parents have good reasons for their objections. It may be an idea to talk to a religious person in your community whom your father trusts, such as the imaam from the mosque to have a quite word with your father, and for the brother you want to marry to do the same. My best advise to you is to be patient, remain steadfast and pray istikhaara. Allah will surely show you the way through. nisa. |
| 05/09/02 at 05:57:21 |
| nisa |
| Re: Parents not accepting Marriage from diff herit |
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| muqaddar |
| 05/09/02 at 11:24:49 |
| [slm] hmm when you marry in south asian cultures you don't just marry the person you marry into the family. consider carefully if it's a situation where both your families hate each other whether you will be able to put up with that for the rest of your life. does he like your culture? do you like his? is he culturally impartial and only interested in quran and sunnah? it's best to go into something with eyes open and look at everything which makes up a person rather than think love conquers all. some muslim cultures do strongly dislike each other for historical reasons and it takes a very strong personality to be able to ignore historical wrongs. On the other hand some muslim cultures have pretty strong laws on cultural behaviour and if you violate them you can be ostrasized. |
| Re: Parents not accepting Marriage from diff herit |
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| se7en |
| 05/09/02 at 11:47:48 |
| as salaamu alaykum, muqaddar that's so scary. Here are two older threads that talk about situations similar to yours, anonymous. Hope these are of help inshaAllah :-) --> [url=http://www.jannah.org/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.pl/YaBB.pl?board=madrasa&action=display&num=6581]How do I win over his mom's heart?[/url] --> [url=http://www.jannah.org/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.pl/YaBB.pl?board=brothers&action=display&num=5791&start=0]How does this go?[/url] |
| Re: Parents not accepting Marriage from diff herit |
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| muqaddar |
| 05/14/02 at 10:09:46 |
| [quote author=se7en link=board=madrasa;num=1020894294;start=0#3 date=05/09/02 at 11:47:48]as salaamu alaykum, muqaddar that's so scary. [/quote] oops! ??? i scared you so sorry! marriage is a big thing and most people go into it thinking everything will be hunky dory 1) check out your partner ! is s/he what they claim to be ? do they keep secrets from you? how did you meet? eg if he was getting fresh with you how do you know he won't be doing that to ther girls once your married? virtually every one of the people i knew at school who was going out with some girl is now still going out with girls...after he's married. 2) check out his/her family . you may think they will leave everything for you and your in-laws will accept you .. can you trust a man who leaves his family for somebody he's only known for a few years? 3) check out his her culture.. are you able to put up with it? how would you feel if the family follows some 'pir'? would you accept them or reject them ? will the spouse freely talk to strange men or women? does their family? so sister se7en as somebody who's experienced the darker side of marriage don't want to scare you guys but better safe than sorry |
| Re: Parents not accepting Marriage from diff herit |
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| Anonymous |
| 05/16/02 at 03:30:52 |
| Pakistan... Gujarat... cmon... thats not way too off.... Im Pakistani.. at one point I liked an Indonesian sister... I shoulda known that..that wouldnt fly with my parents... after alot of fighting with my parents.. its been narrowed down to.... "she must be desi" sorry to diss the Desi sisters.... but i barely find any of them attractive.. whats a brother to do? |
| Re: Parents not accepting Marriage from diff herit |
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| muqaddar |
| 05/16/02 at 09:26:05 |
| [quote author=Anonymous link=board=madrasa;num=1020894294;start=0#5 date=05/16/02 at 03:30:52]Pakistan... Gujarat... cmon... thats not way too off.... Im Pakistani.. at one point I liked an Indonesian sister... I shoulda known that..that wouldnt fly with my parents... after alot of fighting with my parents.. its been narrowed down to.... "she must be desi" sorry to diss the Desi sisters.... but i barely find any of them attractive.. whats a brother to do? [/quote] hmm i was actually thinking of this along the lines of culture! hmm if you like indonesian culture then go ahead but if it's only a case of liking indonesian features i don't want you to find this insulting akhi but does the word 'shallow' ring a bell ? ;D |
| Re: Parents not accepting Marriage from diff herit |
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| sabirah |
| 06/18/02 at 21:29:52 |
| [slm] I have been through what you're going through. I wasn't muslim when i met this palestinian american Muslim. He wasn't practicing at the time. I was friends with him for a while til I went to his house and saw his parents praying. 6 months later I was muslim and we were engaged. they were against it cuz I was American, a convert, and besides that have some medical problems. We had numerous discussions, went to 2 imams, and I finally decided I coudln't come between him and his family. He wasn't willing or able to choose between me and his family so I had to be strong and make the choice for the both of us. I finally realized that Allah SWT was telling me that it wasn't right for me. I don't know how your partner feels but yes, if both of you are willing to stand up and do what you think is right, and still have a good relationship with your parents, then go for it. but from my experience I woudn't want my relationship to start out with such a bang, and Allah SWT works in mysterious ways! Maybe the parents disapproval is a sign from Allah SWT? Allahu Alim |
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