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Any advice for going to live with inlaws?

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Any advice for going to live with inlaws?
Anonymous
05/10/02 at 05:07:00
as-salaamo alaikum

I'm going to be married soon and i'm worried how life will be like with my husband's
family. What if they don't like me or mistreat me? Can anyone describe what things i should
expect and what things would help me stay in my in-law's good books?

Re: Any advice for going to live with inlaws?
M.F.
05/10/02 at 11:01:31
[slm]
I don't know what it's like to live with inlaws, but insha Allah I think there's no reason to believe they won't like you or will mistreat you.  Don't go into it with that idea.  Go into it with the idea that you'll be getting to know the people who made your husband into the person you love so much you married and want to spend the rest of your life with!! :)  
Insha Allah show a lot of respect and admiration towards your mother in law, let her do things her way, give way since you'll be in her territory.  Insha Allah she'll love you since you're the one her son loves.
:-)
Re: Any advice for going to live with inlaws?
mujaahid
05/10/02 at 14:03:23
[slm]

Well i would say DONT GO but that isnt good advice!

Now Inlaws can be a bit of a problem but it all depends on thier character. Some are real fools, they will mistreat you, put you down if you dont do things perfectly, they will treat you badly. I have seen this happen so many times.

However on the other hand, you have inlaws who are brilliant! They will help you settle in, not say a bad word about you, never critisize you for any mistakes you make, either with the food preparation, or cleaning and other things etc, rather they will be undertsanding and help guide you. It depends on the parents.

Your concerns are understandable especially since we all know what inlaws can be like, and that you'll be moving in with a completely new family.

But inshallah things will be ok.

Re: Any advice for going to live with inlaws?
nabeela
05/10/02 at 22:51:19
asalaamu alaikum,

i've lived with my in laws and the best advice i can give is to be patient, and realize that they might say or do something you don't like, but chances are they don't have any bad intentions.  It just takes time to adjust and get used to eachother.  of course it is better living on your own, but living with your inlaws is not as bad as people make it out to be as long as they are not horrible people.  Try and help out your mother in law even if she says you don't have to.  
and insha-allah i'll post more as it comes to me.
Re: Any advice for going to live with inlaws?
BroHanif
05/12/02 at 11:01:08
[slm],

Be patient and above all take it easy. The experience is good. n laws are not wicked people but they are nice.
Re: Any advice for going to live with inlaws?
Sr_Mariam
05/12/02 at 16:07:21
Not that i've lived with in-laws but i have to say that, doesn't it make you wonder why in-laws have such a bad reputation attatched to them. Personally i think its the western thoughts that have infiltrated into our brains.

Its the west that make out that in-laws are bad and they mistreat you, hene we get brainwashed by that.

Islamically you have to treat your in-laws no different to ur own parents. And i think that if you treat them good then there's no reason why they won't do the same.

I think it will be nice living with in-laws, beats sitting at home on your own all day, waiting for your husband to come home from work.

Enjoy and don't let anyones negative thoughts put you off.
Re: Any advice for going to live with inlaws?
talib_ilm
05/12/02 at 20:21:13
Assalam Alaykum Saramatullah,

Have taqwa and be patience and treat them the way you want yourself to be treated InshaAllah someday.
Re: Any advice for going to live with inlaws?
Anonymous
05/13/02 at 19:35:09
"Its the west that make out that in-laws are bad and they mistreat you, hene we
get brainwashed by that. "

I've heard a lot of VERY traditional non-westerners (such as Saudis, Indians, and Chinese
people) express the idea that culturally it is expected that the wife and her mother in
law will NOT get along. So I don't think it's all a Western thing!

Re: Any advice for going to live with inlaws?
mujaahid
05/14/02 at 11:25:12
[slm]

I agree, bad in-laws are not not really a western problem, in fact i think its more of a non-western problem. Many westerners once they marry move out and get thier own place.

With muslims, most, once married, will move in with in-laws. I think one thing that may cause the agro is that the women who already live thier may feel their power and dominance threatened by a new woman moving in, even if its only the sons new wife.

Other younger women also tend to turn against the new girl in the house, backbiting, gossiping, and dissing her work. I dont know how common this is, but i've known of quiet a few cases.

But the key is Patience.

And also persevere.

Life aint easy, and before ease comes hardship, so always remeber thiers light at the end of the tunnel  ;)


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