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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| How to control Angry? |
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| isra81 |
| 05/21/02 at 13:06:47 |
| [slm] How to control Angry? [wlm] |
| Re: How to control Angry? |
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| Saffiyah |
| 05/21/02 at 15:02:18 |
| [slm] The invocation for anger is: [i]A'udhu billahi minash shaitaanir rajeem[/i] I seek refuge in Allah (SWT) from Shaytaan the outcast - Taken from Citadel of the Believer: Invocations from the Quran & Sunnah by Sa'id bin Ali bin Wahaf Al-Qahtani Some Ahadith When one of you becomes angry while standing, he should sit down. If the anger leaves him, well and good; otherwise he should lie down. (Ahmad, Tirmidhi). The strong man is not the good wrestler; the strong man is only the one who controls himself when he is angry. (Bukhari, Muslim). |
| Re: How to control Angry? |
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| mwishka |
| 05/21/02 at 16:47:17 |
| brother isra, how you deal with anger on the spot might vary, but how you control it in general is to learn to recognize yur own greatest sensitivities - the things that hurt you in some way. anger is usually a hurt response, based on something very personal to you, it could even be something deep inside you that you can't remember. if you are in a situation with a friend, say, or a family member, and they say something that suddenly makes you feel angry, before you allow yourself to say one word you have to take just a moment to feel. you have to figure out how you feel hurt or threatened by what just happened. it might be that you feel your friend is rejecting you, doesn't appreciate you and is treating you disrespectfully. it might be that you want to be closer to this person than they want you to be, so you feel they are rejecting you. it might be that you feel this person doesn't listen to you well, so doesn't even know what you said - or doesn't even know who you are because they don't pay attention well. even when people react in anger in public - such as some of these airport rage and road rage incidents, these people feel they've been hurt in some way, often through their pride. the driver who might be zooming along, impressing people (he thinks) and then some slowpoke pulls in front of him and he has to surrender his kingly, cool status, so he goes off on the slowpoke, as though that were the problem and not his own pride and arrogance. you have to figure out what you want in life, how you're going about getting there, and how a person you're interacting with could be affecting, as in to your point of view HINDERING, your desire to reach that goal. often when it is other people who make us angry, it has little to do with them and all to do with us. if you find yourself just blowing up all the time at all kinds of inconsequential little things, chances are higher that you're actually sad. you might be feeling sorry for yourself, for things you lack, so you feel each little setback is just one more thing working against you. if you feel this type of irritability, be very careful to eat consistently - never let yourself be hungry and irritable - and be sure you drink enough water and get enough sleep. don't be hard on yourself though, just do the best you can. my own rules are: never, under any circumstances, yell at an animal or a small child. in fact, for me, the rule is never yell at anyone or anything, but i have failed in that at times. try to never yell at adults, either, but somehow i think if you fail in this it is less horrible than if it is a more tender creature. and if you find yourself yelling at inanimate objects, well, there's a bonus in this -- it's much easier to come around to realizing how ridiculous yelling is then, and much easier to laugh at yourself for it. but the most important thing is to be quiet within yourself and figure out what your needs and wants are that are lacking. i would define anger as failed expectations, so you have to know what it is you wanted when you find yourself feeling that something or someone - sometimes yourself - let you down. here are some prayers given to me to help in such situations: (some of them might have other specific purposes, so i'm sorry if i misuse them. i choose what helps me....) O Allah veil my nakedness and give me security from those things that scare me. O Allah protect me from the evil that comes from in front of me, from behind my back, my right, my left, and from above me and I seek refuge in Your majesty from unexpected harm from below me. O Allah forgive me my sins, my ignorance, my transgression, and whatever you know about me better than i do, O Allah forgive me for sins committed in earnest and in jest, by mistake and deliberately, and I have done all of that. O Allah forgive me for what I have done in the past and what I will do in the future, what I have done in secret and what I have done openly and whatever You know about me better than I do, You are the Expediter and You are the Deferrer and You have the power over all things. O Living O Sustainer I am seeking succor through Your mercy and I'm seeking safety from your punishment, rectify all of my affairs and do not leave me to my own soul, do not leave me to any one of Your creation, even the blinking of an eye. ( > i.e., do not make me think that I depend on anyone but You.) Remove the suffering, Lord of mankind, and heal me, for You are the Healer, there is no helaing except Your healing, the healing which does not leave any illness behind. and this one i use the most: I seek refuge with Allah from Satan the accursed, from his madness, his arrogance, and his poetry. mwishka |
| Re: How to control Angry? |
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| isra81 |
| 05/22/02 at 10:37:35 |
| [slm] I would like to remowe this thread but I can only remove my message...The reason for remowing is not, i wrote wrong or so...I must bring my life self to end. Thank You for everyone...My Allah reward all members of Madinat Al-Muslimeen Board.Your brother in Islam [wlm] |
| 05/25/02 at 19:29:03 |
| isra81 |
| Re: How to control Angry? |
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| Maliha |
| 05/22/02 at 11:27:02 |
| [slm] Subhana Allah I read your story and got sooo depressed! :( You sound like you are in a lot of pain and suffering...I don't know what these people did to you, but is it worth sacrificing your life, family, happiness, and Faith over them? I truely sympathize with your situation, Being betrayed by people is a grave tragedy for the hurt is deep especially when we put our trust in these people. But that's why we have to put our complete trust in Allah, Every morning and night say seven times: "Hasbiyya Allahhu La Illaha Illa Huwaa Alayhi Tawwakaltu Wa Huwwa Rabbul Arshil Adhim" "My account is with Allah, There no God worthy to be worshipped but Him, In Him I place my trust and He is the Rabb of Great Throne" (excuse my rough translation). Time will heal everything but you have to start thinking of healing. You will only remain depressed and angry and sad if you continue thinking that way. But start by *thinking* positively. I know its hard. But little things like "Alhamdullillah I am alive, Alhamdullillah I can see, Alhamdullillah I can talk..." and soon you will realize Allah Has blessed you immensely. We are all put through trials and this is your test, don't give in to Shaytan by being angry and letting him control your emotions. *Know* that you are a blessed person, that this life is but a test, that Allah is the ultimate Healer, and that we have to put our complete trust in His hands only, otherwise we will be dissapointed over and over again. I will make duah for you my brother, but more importantly make the decision to *want* to feel better. Start being active, even physically...Work out (it does produce a feel good factor in your body), pray, read duah and take Charge of your life. No medicine or advice will make you feel better if *you* don't *actively* pursue your happiness, through increasing your imaan and dhikr, and through being a grateful servant of Allah. Take heed brother, life is too short to cling on past hurts, let the past die, move forward and begin living a positive constructive life and May Allah help you and guide you and open your soul.... Remember: "Inna Ma'3al 3usri Yusra... Fainna Ma3al 3usri Yusra..." "Verily with hardship there comes ease... Verily with hardship there comes ease"...(again rough translation). May Allah ease your affairs in this dunya and Akhera. Maliha :-) [wlm] PS: Start by putting the cute smiley face on your messages ;) |
| Re: How to control Angry? |
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| mwishka |
| 05/22/02 at 19:51:39 |
| brother isra, i am not muslim, please know that as you take my advice into consideration. you must bring your anger under control, for your own well-being as well as that of your family. you said a few things which were not quite clear to me - you mentioned a doctor and taking medicine. is this related to how you feel? are you seeing the doctor for depression or helping to control your anger, or for other medical reasons? because of the sense of hopelessness i hear, and your statement that you have lost interest in life, and that sad things around you remind you of your own sadness, and that you hate yourself, i would strongly advise you to see a doctor FOR depression, if that is not what kind of doctor you meant you are already seeing. i know, from what i've read and heard, that islam teaches that most illnesses are illnesses of the heart in its relationship to god, and i would not at all say i disagree with that, but i also know that the human body sometimes needs the help of specific medicines to correct harm causing conditions, of which depression is one. there is surely a doctor you can find who practices islam but who can also treat you with the medicine it sounds to me that you need. as for the situation with the people on the internet. i'm not quite sure how to advise you, except to say that you may have to deal with the situation inside yourself, rather than ever being able to have a satisfactory resolution through the people who have hurt you. for as much as i know about islam, i think that what you need to do is pray very hard for them to be forgiven for what they have done to you, and for yourself to be forgiven for what you are now doing to yourself and to your family. i hope that your family, at least your wife, knows what happened to you in this situation, and can help you and be supportive and pray with you to find a way to find ease within yourself. you said that your muslim friend tired of your woes - this may be true, but don't shut him out of your life even if right now you feel he has shut you out. ask him to pray for you. is there anything he can do to help resolve the internet situation? if there is, ask him - i don't think you yourself are up to any difficult tasks right now. i think that you need to concentrate on reaching a state where you are more like your old self, the one who was "happy and healthful". this is not impossible, and don't give up on it. explain to your wife and family EXACTLY how you feel, don't hide from them how bad you feel. they will be able to be more supportive if you are honest with them. maybe you could focus on the healing prayer and the forgiveness prayer i've written above - or other ones of your own, if you like, but these are the two that i think will help you most. i wish you well. mwishka |
| Re: How to control Angry? |
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| isra81 |
| 05/23/02 at 07:40:53 |
| [quote author=mwishka link=board=madrasa;num=1022000807;start=0#5 date=05/22/02 at 19:51:39]brother isra, i am not muslim, [/quote] Salam...I dont knew that you are not muslim. I think you cant me understand not in whole thinks. Because we have different issue /thinks) what is important in this life or not...We have different feelings to some happens.. You cant feel what I feel about islamic issues....For your others questions I'll message you privately if you want...All what I can say is now, most of your saying I do but they will never help me. There is no other way...Until there some misunderstanding is not cleared....Becuase all these thinks are like a chain. Even some problem will be solved than it will be ok for me..., I just try to be good with them and with all again and forget was happened and forgive eachother beacuse may it was misunderestanding.. As a muslim I have to clear thinks,that hurts me when some uncorrectly think is about me. Maybe they are better than me...But Allah swt knows better as us...Wassalam |
| 05/23/02 at 07:42:01 |
| isra81 |
| Re: How to control Angry? |
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| Caraj |
| 05/23/02 at 22:19:47 |
| Hello Isra, I too deal with anger issues, but I am now 40 and have calmed down quite a bit. I have noticed with me it comes out when others do not reason, I have little patience at times with foolish thing and unkindness. Sometimes I even look up and ask God/Allah, .... Do you ever get tired of us humans, cause I sure do??? ::) I truly ask him this. You'll be in my prayers. When you feel so fustrated try doing something that you know calms you. Me personally, for some weird reason running water calms me so I go by the water (creek or by the inlet near my home) and take deep breaths and talk to God/Allah. |
| 05/23/02 at 22:21:26 |
| Caraj |
| Re: How to control Angry; |
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| isra81 |
| 05/24/02 at 19:22:39 |
| [quote author=Caraj link=board=madrasa;num=1022000807;start=0#7 date=05/23/02 at 22:19:47]Hello Isra, I too deal with anger issues, but I am now 40 and have calmed down quite a bit. I have noticed with me it comes out when others do not reason, I have little patience at times with foolish thing and unkindness. Sometimes I even look up and ask God/Allah, .... Do you ever get tired of us humans, cause I sure do??? ::) I truly ask him this. You'll be in my prayers. When you feel so fustrated try doing something that you know calms you. Me personally, for some weird reason running water calms me so I go by the water (creek or by the inlet near my home) and take deep breaths and talk to God/Allah.[/quote] Salam..Sorry sister i did not understand all words of your messages..Are you not revert to islam?.wasalam |
| 05/24/02 at 19:41:42 |
| isra81 |
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