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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Will I ever fit in as a revert? |
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| Anonymous |
| 05/22/02 at 11:26:22 |
| I am a recent "revert" to Islam and I am having trouble fitting in with the community. Muslims are so family oriented and I just don't seem to fit in. It seems that I am an outcast within the muslim community and I'm an outcast in the American community I was raised in. I wonder if I will be an outsider for the rest of my life... This is hard for me because I am a friendly person and enjoy the company of people and I've never had so much trouble making friends as I have in the muslim community. Another thing which bothers me is there is so much politics involved with the local community. Sometimes the politics between masjids ends up hurting the community just because some of the people in charge are being stubborn and have grudges. I thought muslims were above such petty rivalries. I guess I just had an idealistic outlook on Islam and forgot that we are all still people, regardless of following Islam or not. |
| Re: Will I ever fit in as a revert? |
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| Maliha |
| 05/22/02 at 11:47:53 |
| [slm] Welcome to the Ummah Anon :) May Allah ease your trials and make your path to Jannah smooth (Amin). I am not a revert but I wanted to share my two cents:) It's not just you that feels that way, when I first came to this country i had the hardest time with the Masajids, and how everyone was segregated, the political environment, it just didn't make sense to me! I felt really alienated by the Muslims here...and since there's no one from my country I had a hard time "fitting in" too. But then I realized sometimes you have to try just a little harder...for instance, I greet, and kiss sisters whether I know them or not. I found out what the masjid activities were and immediately got involved with the different committees (exciting to meet the active and like minded people)...and then from there i just realized "oh it's not that bad..." not only that, now I find myself in a position to welcome new sisters so they won't feel left out. Where are you located? Maybe someone on the board is close by and you can meet up and stuff...but either way...extend yourself and you'll soon find out that though people may be more comfortable in their own circles they love connecting with new Muslims too :) Inshaallah this phase will pass soon :) As far as Masjid politics and stuff I just ignore it, and focus on the little ones in Sunday school they are a lot more fun ;D Sis, Maliha :-) PS: feel free to IM/email me I will be happy to be your virtual Sister (offer only applicable if you are a sister too ;) ) [wlm] |
| Re: Will I ever fit in as a revert? |
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| Marcie |
| 05/22/02 at 16:21:49 |
| [color=Teal] [slm] Since I'm not in your situation I can't see what is going on, but I'm going to have to agree with Maliha that you need to be the one to make more of an effort. Unfortunately right now most Muslims stay within their own cultural community. Insha'Allah if you continue to ignore this things will work out for the best. The community that I live in is the same way. I do my best to ignore it and not let it get me down. :-* [wlm] Marcie :-) [/color] |
| Re: Will I ever fit in as a revert? |
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| sabirah |
| 07/09/02 at 01:21:28 |
| [slm] and I'm so glad you found Islam. It took me a few years to really fit in, and to really find my place in Islam. Its like when you buy new shoes, and they don't feel quite right, eventually they sort of grow on you. I felt like an outsider, and I felt akward trying to adjust to a different set of practices and behaviors, but Alhamdulillah now Islam fits me like a glove and I am truly Muslim inside and out, and I can connect with others more easily and smoothly. and yes the truth is, with anyone, not just muslims, there are some ppl u will get along with, and others you won't. and with time you WILL inshallah find your special group that suits you. Keep the faith! :-) Emily |
| Re: Will I ever fit in as a revert? |
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| yunus |
| 07/10/02 at 23:59:26 |
| Salaam i too am also a recent revert praise be to Allah. I too at first had a tough time fitting in. It was especially awkaward at first because I lost most of my "old friends". But yes you will fit inshaAllah. I have found that many of the brothers at first are very friendly when I told everyone that I was new to Islam they always offered my out to dinner and wanted to give me various books and other things. You also begin to connect with other reverts and non reverts in the community. I agree with your comment about the mosques in the community i live in there are 5 mosques in a area where there is less then 200,000 people and there exists petty grudges between certain groups. I find that one of the worst things about my community here is that people from one particular nation or culture seem to stick togther and me being a white amercian at first had a hard time connecting with other people. But inshaAllah you should be able to make new friends try to be more upfront introduce yourself to people start going to classes or other activites sponsored by the mosque. |
| Re: Will I ever fit in as a revert? |
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| UmmZaid |
| 07/11/02 at 02:25:47 |
| Salaam 'Alaikum Anonymous: Alhamdulilah, you've found Islam... and now you've found Muslims as well. I know a sister who says "Praise God I found Islam before I found Muslims." Sometimes you have to be very strong, and remind yourself constantly that it all comes down to your faith, and not to anything else (the people, the masjid politics, American politics, etc). There is a saying of the Prophet [saw] that in the end times, holding onto Islam would be like holding on to a hot coal. So it is for many of us these days. Regarding the community where you live... you are an outgoing person, so insha'Allah, it wouldn't be hard for you to reach out to the brothers or sisters. Just start with one person. You may be surprised to discover other converts in your area as well. Ignore the politics. This is easier to say than do. But do your best to avoid getting involved in disputes between the mosques or factions of the community. Find "virtual friends" online. There are many fine people here, and there are groups on Yahoo! Groups especially for new converts as well (if you are a woman there are even groups for new Muslim women! Message me privately, and I'll direct you to some). This might sound pessimistic or cynical, but don't put your expectations up too high. You might always feel as though you don't fit in. Some people may not accept you b/c you are not from their country. You may end up a "loner" or with only a few friends. However, I have my hopes that some local family will take you under their wing, and invite you for dinner and holidays. You might also want to ask the sheikh / Imam at the masjid to introduce you to a brother or sister who is kind and patient and can show you the ropes. Umm Zaid |
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