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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Is it possible to be married in college? |
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| dirt |
| 05/30/02 at 23:30:30 |
| [slm] Let me be a little more specific. I know it's possible to be married while in college but does it work? Specifically, if the man is still in school and the woman is also in school or is already finished with school, can they make a marriage work? Does anyone have experience in this area? [wlm] |
| Re: Is it possible to be married in college? |
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| hanna |
| 06/02/02 at 01:02:56 |
| emm well i dont have any experience at this ..but i just wanted to say that i think its hard!!!! i mean im studyin at university and i know the workload is enormous .....so emm marriage wud put extra responsibilities ..... but then again i think it also depends on the person ....some ppl are able to handle all this ! . |
| Re: Is it possible to be married in college? |
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| dirt |
| 06/02/02 at 07:47:33 |
| [slm] What extra responsibilities? [wlm] |
| Re: Is it possible to be married in college? |
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| BroHanif |
| 06/02/02 at 08:44:06 |
| [slm], I'm sure tehy can make it work, I mean marrige isn't just for those who work and past a certain age, the beauty of marrige is that its for every sane person. If you've found a partner whom you like in Islamic terms and you both have similiar sorts of dreams and goals I'd say it would work. Its better to be married than to be in a illicit relationship. I think marrige would ease the hardhips of each other, by being there for each other rather and chilling out together in the Islamic sense. There would be no danger or fear of upsetting Allah since its halal. I knew a bro who was married and had two kids at uni, man he was kewl. What do you think makes a marrige work Bro mountain ? Salaams Hanif |
| Re: Is it possible to be married in college? |
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| Marcie |
| 06/02/02 at 12:01:25 |
| [color=Teal] [slm] My husband and I were both full time students this past year. Al hamdu lillah it works. I think that it was harder for him, because he also worked and thus he never had a down day, where he could sleep in or take time for himself. :P You need to be able to support one another when one has exams or papers and can't be much help at home. Insha'Allah if possible try to live on campus in the student housing for married couples. It will save time communting and you can go home inbetween classes. Another thing is that you have to be willing to tighten the purse strings, since school is so expensive. You probably won't have as much time for each as you would like too. Insha'Allah it is better than being single and waiting for the perfect moment to get married. :-* As salamu alaykum Marcie :-) [/color] |
| 06/02/02 at 12:02:05 |
| Marcie |
| Re: Is it possible to be married in college? |
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| hanna |
| 06/02/02 at 13:46:41 |
| i meant as in untill ur not married u just have ur ownself to take care of ..and worry about ..and then after marriage its not that way ..u'll have to take care of someone else too ...the responsibility of having a family ...but as some one has earlier said it does work very well wid some ppl |
| Re: Is it possible to be married in college? |
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| Dawn |
| 06/02/02 at 14:28:53 |
| Will it work? Ultimately, that depends on the couple, but I think so. But my experience is that it is easier if both are students, rather than one a student and one working. I knew some married couples in college and they managed just fine, though it must be said that their parents continued to support them (i.e., payed the tuition) after they were married, so they "just" had to come up with living expenses on their own. (And I knew a few couples who waited till college was over to marry simply because their parents would pay the tuition and room/board only if they were single.) That being said, my husband and I met and married while we were both in the early stages of grad school (i.e., still taking classes) and it worked quite well for us. I think, when both are students, both better understand the more varied nature of the demands placed on a student, and can also manage to fill the time the other needs to work (that Tuesday evening before the Wednesday exam, that Sunday before the Monday where the paper is due) with their own work (which they might otherwise procrastinate on). It can be harder on the other person if they are working (and getting a paycheck!) and the hours are fixed. They may be tempted to feel abandoned when their spouse needs to study those late evenings and jealous when s/he can take off that sunny Thursday afternoon while they have to be on the job. I have known, sadly, several marriages that didn't survive grad school. But in all those cases, it must be said that one spouse had returned to school, and the other was still working, so that the "routine" of the marriage was severely disrupted. If both parties to the marraige begin with the situation where one is working and the other studying, it will, I think, be easier, simply because no home pattern has yet been set. So in short, yes it can work, whether both are student or one is already finished, but the couple needs to be aware that it will be tough -- and as a result rewarding. Peace, Dawn |
| Re: Is it possible to be married in college? |
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| dirt |
| 06/02/02 at 18:54:27 |
| [slm] What do I think makes a marriage work? Hmm, this is an interesting question. I think the couple needs to be able to communicate well with each other. In order to communicate well, they must respect each other. So many problems in life, not just in marriage, are caused by communication breakdown. I believe that a marriage is a team effort. I often hear my fellow muslims talk about what a woman should do in a marriage and what a man should do. For me, I will take care of and comfort my wife. For my wife, she should do the same for me. I don't see marriage as this huge battlefield of the sexes. Arguing over who does the dishes or who takes out the garbage is so trivial to me. Both parties should want to do everything they can to make a family work...whether it is just the two of them or if they have ten children running around. Yes, I know that men are ultimately responsible for providing for and protecting the family. But a man cannot do this without the support of a good woman. The man who disregards the needs of his wife is a fool. For some reason, I can't think clearly today. My writing skills have vanished all of a sudden. Faith in Allah Subhana Wa Ta'ala, communication, respect, love, honesty, sincerity, mercy, COMpassion, and passion........man, I'm really having a hard time writing today... Maybe it is the subject matter which is causing my mind to freeze. Talking about marriage is ultimately sad for me because I am, as of yet unmarried. Insha'Allah, someday. Please, forgive my jumbled mess of a reply. [wlm] |
| 06/02/02 at 18:55:44 |
| dirt |
| Re: Is it possible to be married in college? |
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| dirt |
| 06/02/02 at 19:43:05 |
| [slm] Ugh, you know what disgusts me? Hearing things like, the man our daughter will marry must be of (insert nationality here) heritage, must be an engineer/doctor/millionaire, he must be at least 5'9", he must be this, he must be that......feh. Not one mention of Deen or what kind of man he should be.......disgusting. And people wonder what's wrong with our Ummah? Ugh. [wlm] |
| Re: Is it possible to be married in college? |
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| rchater |
| 06/02/02 at 19:54:19 |
| This is my first time here and my first post :) I found this subject interesting to respond to. My opinion is that a little time apart makes the heart long for the other more. Being students and married could in fact make a marraige stronger! |
| Re: Is it possible to be married in college? |
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| Aabidah |
| 06/02/02 at 23:24:15 |
| [slm] I think the answer to the question can't be explained better than bro dirt's reply. It is true, a marriage is the most important step in life, and when you step into it, you are sharing your world with another human being, SubhanAllah. I think the best example of a marriage is in the life of Rasulullah [saw] and how he was able to keep a succesful marriage. Also, with Allah's help and taking Rasulullah [saw] as our example not just in marriage, but in all aspects of our lives, InshaAllah a successful marriage will result, no matter what stage in life. Allah knows best. [wlm] Betul |
| Re: Is it possible to be married in college? |
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| hanna |
| 06/03/02 at 02:13:39 |
| "the man our daughter will marry must be of (insert nationality here) heritage" what do ppl think of the above ...as in most youngsters dont mind and are perfectly fine wid it ..coz of more exposure to different cultures and nationalities in todays time ....however parents sometimes feel that this isnt just right ..coz well the main reason is that it wud be too hard for the girl and the guy to adapt to each others culture and tradition ..and then they put in the fact that the children are kinda in the middle and whichever side is more dominating they adapt to his/her culture better ! that wud perhaps mess up the marriage!!!!! i personally think that deen is the most important thing ...and i believe it depends on the girl and the guy ..if they wanna make it work theey can inshaallah ! what do u ppl think? |
| Re: Is it possible to be married in college? |
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| dirt |
| 06/03/02 at 02:28:13 |
| [slm] While you can't discount the fact that a dissimilar heritage may (and I stress may) have an adverse affect on a marriage, a common cultural background is by no means the end all for a successful or unsuccessful marriage. For as we all know, there are plenty of marriages where the two people have similar cultural backgrounds and thenbsp; WHO WANTS TO BE A MU'MIN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and her husband are undergraduate students (from different ethnicities :)) and just from what I know of her experience, it is definitely a challenge.. esp in terms of balancing their schedules and making time for each other. on a practical level, a big thing to consider for two ppl in college is their financial situation.. do they want to rely on their parents for financial support? if not, how are the costs of living going to be paid if both are full time students? etc.. just some things to think about :) wasalaamu alaykum :-) |
| 06/03/02 at 14:05:26 |
| se7en |
| Re: Is it possible to be married in college? |
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| Kashif |
| 06/03/02 at 18:39:13 |
| assalaamu alaikum I have a friend who was married when he was 18, and by the time he had graduated from university (3 or 4 years later) he was the proud father of 2 kids, masha'allah. Alhumdulillah, he was happy with the marriage and how things panned out. But he would often talk about how good it would be to be able to spend some quiet time with his wife, as he was working two part-time jobs and studying full-time. Also, he had the *FULL* support of both his family and his wife's family with regards to helping with living arrangements and financial arrangements, etc. Kashif Wa Salaam |
| NS |
| Re: Is it possible to be married in college? |
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| muqaddar |
| 06/08/02 at 09:47:31 |
| [slm] hmm in my cultural tradition children take their fathers tribal name not the mothers so any girl who married out of the tribe her kids would never be members of the tribe . if i was married i would find it really weird if my kids rejected my family name and wanted to keep their mothers like the yahood...but then i'm patriarchal and proud of it ! ;D |
| Re: Is it possible to be married in college? |
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| Al-Basha |
| 06/08/02 at 17:02:13 |
| [slm] I think it's possible but it really depends on a number of things. I mean if both the wife and husband are studying and have to work then its a bit difficult. I have heard of situations where the husband works and saves up while the sister completes her studies, and then they switch places. I dunno how all this would work out if kids were involved. I guess thats where family comes in. Of course financial help from parents goes a long way, but then again doesn't that defeat the whole purpose of marriage? I thought when someone gets married they are supposed to be able to open a home and spend for their family etc. Wa Allahu A3laam |
| Re: Is it possible to be married in college? |
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| UmmWafi |
| 06/09/02 at 01:18:23 |
| [slm] Hmmmm.....will it work ? Actually, basically anything in life can make or break, depending on multiple reasons. However, I have always felt that ultimately what ensure the success of any particular endeavour, aside from Allah's Will and Pleasure, are sincerity of intention, honesty in actions, and an Islamic worldview. If we have these three, Insya'Allah, any endeavours we undertake, despite the nature and complexities of the endeavour, will be successful. I met my husband when I was doing my A levels. Due to circumstances, we were married only 4 yours later while I was in the University. Sure there were several problems and I guess things were made more challenging because my husband is not a graduate himself. But Alhamdulillah, we were both focused on what our goals are. That was 10 years ago. Today, I am Insya'Allah pursuing an MA. I am in another country alone while my husband and children are back home in Singapore. You think my marriage will work ? I am most interested to hear your opinion :-* Wassalam Olin-The-Fever-Wracked-Maniac |
| Re: Is it possible to be married in college? |
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| siddiqui |
| 06/10/02 at 15:07:58 |
| [slm] mmmmmmmmmmmm What i get paid and with no tution waiver I just manage to live and an occasional red lobster thrown in the budget goes haywire So getting married in college is dicey esp when you have to pay your way through BUT ALL SAID AND DONE ALLAH SWT IS THE PROVIDER AND NURTURER SO ITS NOT AN IMPOSSIBLE THING Is our Imaan that strong to rely on that or we just base our judgements on greenbucks? May Allah swt forgive and help me |
| Re: Is it possible to be married in college? |
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| Aliya |
| 06/11/02 at 05:39:09 |
| Nice topic! Actually I have been thinking about the same questions now for several weeks. I really liked the replies of several people. :) I am in a same kind of situation. Will marry in a couple of months. I want to start my PhD in the coming months and my future husband is still studying too. Sometimes I am really confused and a bit scared how things will work out! But than again I trust him a lot and hope GOD will help us getting things settled down. BTW: Dirt, I like ur thoughts about marriage in ur (i think) 3rd reply. And it is so true... "Hearing things like, the man our daughter will marry must be of (insert nationality here) heritage, must be an engineer/doctor/millionaire, he must be at least 5'9", he must be this, he must be that......feh. Not one mention of Deen or what kind of man he should be.......disgusting. And people wonder what's wrong with our Ummah? Ugh. " |
| 06/11/02 at 05:52:27 |
| Aliya |
| Re: Is it possible to be married in college? |
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| fiza |
| 06/11/02 at 16:27:20 |
| [color=Green][/color] well i used to tink like dat no marriage when its education...and thought dat u sudnt never get married when ur at coll or uni..etc but one day i realised.........the day my best friend told me she ws engaged...she ws 15 and her faincee ws 18 and my 1st reaction ws like............Woah ur too young......etc. she ws no no dats nt true, my parents sed yes cos they new it ws the rite thing to do.all the other peirs in our class sed yeh ur a bit 2222222 young and they laughed at it.....they actually accused her of lying. but then i realised dat woteva Allah SWT does He does it 4 a reason...so maybe this ws one of His signs and sort of making the girls in my class God consicous .........(cos all of dem say i dnt wanna get married. i am getting marreid at 28...at 30 ect) so now as i c dat u sudnt always say no no to marriage. tink" i am to young.......cnt cope wanna study..."etc. u can study as well as get married.but den agen it depends on how much a person can take etc. (and remeber all thoses gals dat say...i am never gona get married.......) u are always the 1st ones ...hehehehe. if u have the chance and its a golden oppurtunity den u sudnt say no.but nowdays ppl r getting married early and to say the truth they r ppl who are either in full time education or at uni...but i tink dats a gud think cos nowing these days and living in a cruel world isnt easy ...ur beta off getting married or being engaged....keeps u away 4rm sins. but as i sed it up to the individual 2 chose wot he/she wants......at the end of the day its his/her marriage and consideration sud always b taken dat intensions dats lead 2 actions sud plz Allah SWT. ne wsy i tink i sed bit too much. Tc ppl ......oh yeh i am new here so if ne one is wiling 2 make new friends i am free and also vry boredddddddd as my exams r ova.:-* |
| 06/11/02 at 16:47:58 |
| fiza |
| Re: Is it possible to be married in college? |
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| Soulman |
| 06/15/02 at 19:45:05 |
| Aslaaamu alaikum If you wish to grow up fast and take on the responsibilities of marriage at a young age then go for it. If you are both in love then I see little reason to delay the big step :-*- it will make you both better muslims and teach you a lot about life at an age when you can benefit greatly from experience. Don't think about failure, if Allah chooses it will work for you, it does not matter if you are 15 or 50. Nobody should say that when you get married you stop living, muslims start living once they get married, and it is a vast and beautiful experience which the kufar:'( have denied themselves. I would advise you make a special effort in maintaining your family ties and involving both of your parents in your decisions, because you will need their full support whichever way you choose. May Allah guide you to a clear decision. 8) p.s. if you need financial loans it is better to approach a family member and come to an agreement than going to the banks of kufar. Although this is embarrassing and involves some loss of face it has several advantages. Family will not charge you interest, you are practicing a sunna which will strengthen your blood bonds, your family will have some combined experience to give financial advice. Kafir banks :P will hound you for the money whether you go bankrupt and even have the power to put you in jail - but naturally they prefer to keep you working and increasing your indebtedness to phem. I found this out the hard way. [slm] ;-) Soulman |
| 06/17/02 at 07:51:25 |
| Soulman |
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