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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| relationship with a non-muslim? |
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| Anonymous |
| 06/06/02 at 13:18:49 |
| Salaam I have just come out of a relationship with a sikh guy who is the first and only guy I can say I have loved. He was the one who ended it. We both still have strong feelings for each other but he was the more sensible one in the relationship and knew that we have no future together. He wanted to end it before we got even more attached to one another and it would be more and more difficult to break up. We tried to stay friends but he said he couldn't because he still has feelings for me. I think last night was the last time I will ever speak to him. I know what I did was wrong and even when I was with him, I knew it was wrong. I guess I just wasn't strong enough to push my feelings for him aside and take a step back. Needless to say, my faith is also very weak just now, something which I am ashamed of. Do I have any right to ask for forgiveness for something that I know is totally wrong but I still want? The truth is, if he wanted to get back together today I wouldn't hesitate to say yes. Knowing that, can I ask for Allah's forgiveness? I am crying constantly and have no motivation to do anything. I know I've done wrong and I hate myself for it. I miss him and want him back. How do I get over this? Jazakallah Khair Wasalaam |
| 06/08/02 at 03:47:58 |
| Anonymous |
| Re: relationship with a sikh? |
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| roshni |
| 06/06/02 at 15:25:25 |
| [slm] Im not sure just what to say but I think first you should keep yourself busy doing things you enjoy. I think being with family and good muslim friends would be beneficial. Volunteer at a summer camp or something. And as far as forgiveness that is in the hands of Allah (swt) but as his servants our job is to ask. This is a little off the topic but I heard a story the other day about a man who was having trouble dying so the sahaba asked the Prophet (pbuh) to come see him. He did and inquired about his mother. He found out that she did not want to see him because she was very upset with him. So the Prophet asked for some logs and said it is better for him to experience fire here than in the hereafter. The mother unable to defy her motherly instincts forgave her son and he passed away. The point was when a mother who only has a fraction of the love that Allah (swt) has for us cant bear to see her children being harmed than you can only imagine the amount of love and forgiveness Allah (swt) has for us. |
| Re: relationship with a sikh? |
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| Kashif |
| 06/06/02 at 20:18:21 |
| assalaamu alaikum I hope that Allah takes you out of this turmoil that you're in right now, but my advice is to leave it and get on with your life. People come and go during our life, and even the strongest feelings do subside with time. Give it a couple of days, a couple of weeks, a couple of months, and you'll be right as rain, insha'allah. You recognise yourself that this relationship was wrong - not just for religious reasons, but also for practical reasons. I can't imagine that any Muslim parents would be pleased if their daughter wanted to marry a Sikh guy. And forgiveness from Allah, i've been taught, is conditional on feeling remorse for the wrong thing you have done. One can't be sincere in hoping for forgiveness when at the same time s/he says that if the opportunity arose to make the mistake again, they would. Why not ask Allah for forgiveness, and at the same time ask Him to help you get over this? Kashif Wa Salaam |
| NS |
| Re: relationship with a sikh? |
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| eleanor |
| 06/07/02 at 10:03:51 |
| [slm] I agree with the others. Ask Allah for forgiveness as much as you can. Think of the negative things about the relationship, think how sorry you are for putting your faith in jeopardy. Beg Allah for forgiveness, promise him never to do it again, and most importantly pray to Allah for refuge from the Shaytan, who is behind all of this. You will get over it, Sister, it'll just take time. Try to be strong and try to think of the "big picture". We are only here on Earth for a very very short time and you surely don't want to risk the chance of eternal paradise for the sake of an illicit relationship? Take care, you are in my duas. wasalaam eleanor :-* |
| Re: relationship with a non-muslim? |
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| Anonymous |
| 06/08/02 at 03:48:19 |
| Assalamu alaikum, I can understand your situation because I have been there myself. I myself was in a relationship with a sikh man, and at the time I knew I was doing the wrong thing, but I was too weak to give up what I was doing. I am now a totally different person and turned to Allah for forgiveness and repentance. He has blessed me with a good husband and children, everyday of my life I repent and ask for forgiveness for going astray from His path. The only way you can do it is total separation from him, to not meet with him and no longer speak with him. This will be very hard at first but Allah is with those who have patience and ask for forgiveness. This life is a test for us and if we fail then we have no place in the Hereafter. It is very easy to have a good time in this life and to carry on committing sins, but if you know what your goal of this life is and you want it attain it (i.e. to have Allah be pleased with you and to have a place in the Hereafter) then we must live this life on His Straight Path, to enjoin good and forbid evil. It is important that you ask for forgiveness and repent at every moment you can think of, and most importantly you have to be sincere in repentance. Live life as if you were going to die tomorrow....always think to yourself...what preparations have I made for the next life. Believe me...you WILL get over this...turn to Allah and ask for His forgiveness. I pray that you get through this and that you remain steadfast upon Islam. a sister |
| 06/08/02 at 03:49:04 |
| Anonymous |
| Re: relationship with a non-muslim? |
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| Anonymous |
| 06/08/02 at 03:49:49 |
| I need some help, advice for the past three/four years I have been in a relationship with a someone who was non-muslim, i did wrong, and yet did my best to put it right. I prayed to Allah to guide me, and to help me find a solution. My partner learned about Islam and felt this was for him and that he was'nt doing it just for me. He now has embraced Islam, and my mother/father have forgiven me, finding that my partner is both caring and a wonderful person. He is equally doing his best to learn more about Islam and become a better muslim. I however feel very very gulity, ashamed, and sinful. I want Allah to forgive me for all the pain I may have caused my parents and forgive me for the sins I committed. How can I seek Allah's forgiveness, because I feel like I have done him injustice by walking away from the path and allowing myself to be influenced by the devil. And I cann't leave my husband now either, yet I have read the only way to repent is to leave your mistakes, walk away and then seek forgiveness. I know I will suffer punishment for what I did, for I deserve it, but what can I do now to correct myself and become a better muslim, make my faith stronger. |
| Re: relationship with a non-muslim? |
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| muqaddar |
| 06/08/02 at 10:00:58 |
| [slm] 1) If he wasn't interested in becoming a muslim why did you get into a relationship with him ? 2) Was there a dearth of muslim guys or were they just not liberal enough for you? 3) I hope you tell any muslim guy BEFORE you get married to him because frankly if i found out something like this about any girl that either I or any of my friends or cousins was about to marry I would seriously think long and hard before marrying somebody like that or even letting my family visit their house. If you don't when he does find out he will be VERY angry >:( . Actually I know a sikh guy who found out the day before his marriage to this sikh girl from his friends that this girl had been commiting fornication with several muslim guys at uni , he confronted her and then cancelled the wedding. 4) One of my female friends was once taken to a sikh 'cultural' event by a sikh girlfriend of hers. They had this guy on stage with no beard wearing jeans and tee-shirt and this sikh priest came on and he said if any of you girls get involved with a muslim bloke we'll cut your legs off and then he introduced this bloke wearing sikh gear who was supposed to be what they were looking for 5) If you believe that you cannot get from any muslim guy what this sikha gives you then your nafs have certainly overtaken you. 6) From the sikh guys point of view i can understand why he would want to leave you now since obviously he has a nice sikh girl waiting for him somewhere. |
| Re: relationship with a non-muslim? |
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| se7en |
| 06/10/02 at 14:33:22 |
| as salaamu alaykum wa rahmatAllah, [quote]The truth is, if he wanted to get back together today I wouldn't hesitate to say yes. Knowing that, can I ask for Allah's forgiveness? I am crying constantly and have no motivation to do anything. I know I've done wrong and I hate myself for it. I miss him and want him back. How do I get over this? [/quote] I always found it interesting that poets and writers over the centuries have likened love, and the feeling of being in love, to intoxication. It is such a potent, powerful feeling that it can overwhelm your intellect, and your sense of right and wrong, just as a literal intoxicant can. What you are feeling now sis, is withdrawl. I want you to know that I do not discount your feelings of hurt. It is only natural to feel pain and anguish after being in a relationship like the one you were in. The way the human heart is - when there is closeness and a level of intimacy between two people, attachment builds. And when that level of intimacy is broken, that attachment is disrupted and pain results. It's human nature, and it occurs without fail between two people, whether their bond is legitimate in the sight of Islam or not. So what I'm about to say to you doesn't mean I have no appreciation for what you're going through. I understand that this is a time of hurt for you.. and it sucks. There's no way of getting around that. But I assure you, with certainty, that these feelings will dissipate over time, and you will be able to move on, if you respond to them in the right way. It is truly up to you, and whether you choose to act upon these feelings, that sets your path for the future. Your relationship with this man was outside the bounds of Islam. It was something that Allah, the most merciful, has legislated as wrong, unhealthy and improper for you. Sis, you need to acknowledge this if you want to change. If you want to seek Allah's forgiveness, you have to admit that you have done something you need to seek forgiveness for. What I mean is - you have to acknowledge that what you have done is a sin, and until you believe and understand this, you cannot begin the process of repentance. Like the poets have said, you've been on this emotional high for a while. But now you have been granted the opportunity to see things outside the stupor of your feelings for this man. I ask you to please, sit alone, and contemplate your life. Figure out what you're doing and where you're going. Figure out where you as a Muslim - who struggles to submit your whole self, feelings, hopes, thoughts, actions, words to what Allah has prescribed for you - have been derailed in trying to do things for Allah. And you cannot let your feelings for this man blind you from doing this. Because no man is with you when you have to battle it out with your conscience. And because no man will be with you when you stand before Allah, and He asks you why you disobeyed Him in favor of your own feelings and desires. I apologize if my words to you have been harsh. You are my sister and I truly feel for you. I just get kind of mad when I read posts like yours, because there is no reason for you to be in pain right now. I really believe that if we as Muslims just listened to what Allah has prescribed for us, we wouldn't experience anywhere near the amount of emotional tribulation we suffer through. May Allah beautify the Shar' in your sight and grant you strength in your journey of mujahada. wasalaamu alaykum |
| 06/10/02 at 14:43:52 |
| se7en |
| Re: relationship with a non-muslim? |
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| se7en |
| 06/10/02 at 14:53:33 |
| as salaamu alaykum Anonymous #2 :) [quote] And I cann't leave my husband now either, yet I have read the only way to repent is to leave your mistakes, walk away and then seek forgiveness. [/quote] If your husband became Muslim, and you two were married Islamically, your relationship with him is now perfectly legitimate. Yes, it is true that for a repentance to be accepted, a person has to make the commitment to leave their mistakes.. but you did that when you left your relationship with a non-Muslim man, and brought your relationship into the fold of Islam. wAllahu a'lam. I ask Allah to forgive you your mistakes and put baraka in your marriage. wasalaamu alaykum :-) |
| 06/10/02 at 14:54:16 |
| se7en |
| Re: relationship with a non-muslim? |
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| Chris |
| 06/10/02 at 17:55:49 |
| Love is the gift of God, and it can spring up in the oddest places. Being a devout Godist, I'm not sure what all the fuss is about. If you love this guy truly, go with him, and trust in God. If he is not the right guy, God will tell you though a sign, feel inside yourself (mentally, not phiscally) and make your decision then. Make sure that you feel love, not lust. I know a few muslim girls I could lust after, but I don't think I could spend the rest of my life with them. Thats the sort of commitment that you are thinking of making. Chris |
| Re: relationship with a non-muslim? |
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| khanzadeh |
| 06/10/02 at 18:28:24 |
| chris Thanks for the input but don't you think that the ladies are asking for opinions from the islamic perspective? |
| Re: relationship with a non-muslim? |
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| Chris |
| 06/10/02 at 18:30:53 |
| No, I think she was asking for advice and I gave it to the best of my ability. Islam is not the be-all and end-all of existance. That honer belongs only to God. |
| Re: relationship with a non-muslim? |
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| nisa |
| 06/11/02 at 09:35:55 |
| [slm] As Muslims I believe that we are very lucky in that we can ask forgiveness and repent for our sins, however grave they be, and have hope for Allah's Mercy upon us.....subHanAllah. In spite of our many sins, we are all negligent on our part in that we do not turn to Allah and seek His forgiveness enough. Our beloved prophet (peace be upon him) had all his past and future sins forgiven, yet he still sought forgivess every day: Sahih Muslim Book 035, Number 6522: Al-Agharr al-Muzani, who was one amongst the Companions (of the Holy Prophet) reported that Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) said: There is (at times) some sort of shade upon my heart, and I seek forgiveness from Allah a hundred times a day. We should learn the importance lesson of repentance from this, no matter how big or small our sins are. Allah likes those who after sinning, do not stick to it, but straight away seek His forgiveness. Allah has many beautiful names and He has told us Himself to call upon Him using these names. For example, when asking for forgiveness we should use His Names concerning His Attributes of forgiveness (Al-Ghaffar, Al-Ghufur) and kindness (Al-Rahim). When praying for wordly matters we should mention His Qualities of charity and bestowing gifts (Al-Wahhab, Al-Razzak) etc: "The most beautiful names belong to Allah: so call on him by them; " [7:180] "Say: "Call upon Allah, or call upon Rahmán: by whatever name ye call upon Him, (it is well): for to Him belong the Most Beautiful Names. "[17:110] So...we have to be sincere and frequent in our forgiveness and have conviction that He, the Pardoner (Al-Ra'uf) will listen to us. Allah, the Exalted says : "And ask forgiveness for your sin...'' (47:19) "And seek the forgiveness of Allah. Certainly, Allah is Ever Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.'' (4:106) "And whoever does evil or wrongs himself but afterwards seeks Allah's forgiveness, he will find Allah Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.'' (4:110) "And those who, when they have committed Fahishah (illegal sexual intercourse) or wronged themselves with evil, remember Allah and ask forgiveness for their sins; - and none can forgive sins but Allah - and do not persist in what (wrong) they have done, while they know.'' (3:135) To sum up, we all have to right to seek forgivess for something which is totally wrong. Also, I have read in a hadith, which I cannot find at the moment, that our sins should remain in the past and Allah is the concealer of our sins. We thus do not have to open our sins up to anyone as we have repented and are still repenting for them and do not intend to comitt them again. I will try and find this hadith, insha Allah. nisa. |
| 06/11/02 at 09:39:16 |
| nisa |
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