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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Odd Man Out |
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| Kathy |
| 06/17/02 at 23:10:18 |
| [slm] Hmmm.... I have many non-Muslim friends whom I have known for over ten years- some even twenty who have kids graduating this year and expected to get invited to alot of graduation parties. Not one invite.... wonder if it has anything to do with 9/11 and them not wanting thier families/friends to know they are friends with a Muslim? Another musing.... I went to an amusement park last weekend- in the middle of the country ( opposite of city). I seemed to have made a lot of people nervous- it is pretty obvious that I am Muslim and I felt bad about it. Kind of like my presence was adding a reminder/downer. It is like the white elephant in the room. Anyone else experiencing this? |
| Re: Odd Man Out |
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| muslimah_bham |
| 06/17/02 at 23:44:36 |
| [slm] well sis i use to work in a sea life centre, and i was the only muslim sister that wore a scalf. the was one other muslim but she did not wear a scalf. i definetly felt let out. the customers and staff would look at me. i cwas so happy to leave when i got the oppotunity. |
| Re: Odd Man Out |
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| Marcie |
| 06/18/02 at 11:30:04 |
| [color=Teal] [slm]Kathy, Al hamdu lillah here you are smack dab in the middle. :-* Maybe your friends were serving alcohol and thought that you would not feel comfortable. Wa Allahu alim. Sometimes it is tough when we have to think about how strong the friendship really is. At the amusement park did you feel uncomfortable? What vibes were you giving off to others? Whenever I feel that I am in a situation where people are staring or feeling uncomfortable I either ignore them or give them my biggest smile. ;D This past year I did my internship in a public school. In the beginning I could tell that many people felt uncomfortable in my presence, which I did my best to ignore. By the end of the year I had gotten to know many lovely people, althought there were still some, who felt uncomfortable. But that is not my problem if they live in whitey, tightey ville. Depending on where you live people have always stared. Maybe now you think about it more and thus notice it. I think that if you feel comfortable in your surroundings others will feel comfortable. Just my two long cents. Sorry that this is so fragmented. ;) [wlm] Marcie :-) [/color] |
| Re: Odd Man Out |
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| rchater |
| 06/18/02 at 12:30:34 |
| [slm] I'm just thinking, are you sure it's not you? Sometimes because you find yourself the "Odd Man Out" you imagine everyone is looking at you when they're really not. There are alot of people who do get uncomfortable around Muslims but I have found from personal experience that there are also alot who see me as just one more human on this earth! :) If in fact they are uncomfortable around you, my advice is don't back off or quit your jobs. Get in their face ( in a nice way ) until they accept you and find that you are not at all what the media portrays you to be. I believe that's the only way for us to grow as Muslims. Be seen! Be heard! Be proud! ...If you're a Muslim woman, let them hear you roar! ;) :-) rchater |
| Re: Odd Man Out |
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| M.F. |
| 06/18/02 at 13:03:16 |
| Assalamu alaikum, I just got back from the States. My dad and I went for a week or so to try to get my gramma to come live with us in Morocco. It didn't work, but that's another story. For the first time I felt REALLY unwelcome. I could really feel the difference in the way people stared at me. The last time I was there (march 2001) they just stared in a curious way. Now I felt it was different, I kind of felt their hostility, but my dad said maybe I was being subjective myself. I don't know. I'm pretty sure that was it. I also felt fear from them. Every time I passed by a mom with a kid who was running around she'd call him. I tried every time someone made eye contact to give a big smile like Marcie said but a lot of the time they don't make eye contact. My dad and I were also selected for every single "random search" at the airports. I felt unwelcome and I really felt that that was the last time I wanted to go to the States. Also, we were in the San Fernando Valley, one of the most depressing areas in the States anyway. Anyway I'm back home how :) Feeling much better al hamdu lillah. |
| Re: Odd Man Out |
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| zomorrud |
| 06/18/02 at 17:06:56 |
| wa alaikum assalam Kathy, were you there alone or with a group of muslims at the amusement park? sometimes, people might look at the individual differently depending on whether they are accompanied by others of 'their kind'! But then again, it might make things worse. But you are right - what can you do in these situations? I think smiling might raise more suspesion, if there is nothing to smile about - do you know what I mean? I often wonder -when I am in these situations- how long after the encounter do these strangers keep thinking about this. Do they go home and tell their families "I've seen one of those fudamental muslims at the park today", or do they forget about it soon afterwards. Oh well ... |
| Re: Odd Man Out |
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| Kathy |
| 06/18/02 at 17:59:21 |
| [slm] I was with my non Muslim family.- so in otherwords- alone in appearance. Trust me- I am the biggest proponent of " let them get used to us." What I was feeling was different than ever before. I used to get a silent chuckle as the man tripped over a curb because he was staring. Or I would get tickled watching the reaction of a young'in. I don't think I am noticing more because this kind of thing normally doesn't bother me. I just think that they are more uncomfortable and i hate feeling that "I" have made them feel that way. This time I felt bad for them- as if my presence was putting a damper on their fun at the park. It is a feeling I have never had before. I was wondering if other Muslims- those that look like one- are experiancing this too? The alcohol may be one of their reasonings- as it has been in the past. But then usually I get the phone call- 'we are having a get together and wanted you to know there will be liquor served.' This time- no mention- almost as if parties are not going on. MF! You were a meer 3 non stop day car drive away- and you didn't stop in for some cheesecake? |
| 06/18/02 at 18:01:45 |
| Kathy |
| Re: Odd Man Out |
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| salik |
| 06/18/02 at 19:30:59 |
| [slm] [quote author=M.F. link=board=madrasa;num=1024369819;start=0#4 date=06/18/02 at 13:03:16]Also, we were in the San Fernando Valley, one of the most depressing areas in the States anyway. [/quote] Sis what is it about San Fernando Valley did you find so depressing? Which city of San Fernando Valley did you really live in? |
| Re: Odd Man Out |
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| ltcorpest2 |
| 06/18/02 at 19:51:38 |
| on Today at 1:03pm, M.F. wrote:Also, we were in the San Fernando Valley, one of the most depressing areas in the States anyway. Sis what is it about San Fernando Valley did you find so depressing? Which city of San Fernando Valley did you really live in? you beat me to it. I live in the san fernando valley. Yeah, what is wrong with it? we are a half hour from the beach, great hiking trails in the santa suzanna mtns, and the santa monica mnts. except for it being a little hot in the summer, it has great weather. also great shoe stores at the sherman oaks galleria (not sure if that is true but i think i remember it from the song Valley Girl by Frank Zappa). and we might become our own city soon!!!! |
| Re: Odd Man Out |
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| Al-Basha |
| 06/19/02 at 01:49:43 |
| [slm] Well whenever i go out with my mom she always says she feels the same too. She doesn't like to go out alone because of the dirty looks she gets. Mind you, we used to live in the UK where ppl would use the filthiest of phrases to describe her hijab. I remember one time where some Scottish punks started chuckin garbage at her (she related the story to me) and my uncle (17 at the time) went after them with a baseball bat. I hope things have changed Insha Allah. This was from around 80 to 87. Sis Kathy, don't let those ppl get to you. Honestly people in the US by now should get used to seeing muhajabaat in the society, i mean anyone who gawks and says "whats that?" is either a very uneducated person or has been living on Mars for the past year. You can compare it to the post African American civil rights movement. Many Americans who had racial issues against African Americans still felt it was weird to see someone Black eating at the same table or sitting in the same seat as a white person. That's still not an excuse for a country that prides itself on its ethnic diversity. Suffice to say that post 9-11 events has clarified even further to many Muslimeen (including myself) who of the non muslim acquaintances respect your deen and who don't. Wa Allahu A3laam. |
| Re: Odd Man Out |
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| mwishka |
| 06/19/02 at 08:09:21 |
| brother al-basha, i believe this conclusion may have been reached somewhat rashly: Honestly people in the US by now should get used to seeing muhajabaat in the society, i mean anyone who gawks and says "whats that?" is either a very uneducated person or has been living on Mars for the past year. when i first started reading at this board, i was dismayed to always hear that muslims were advised to live only where there was a sizable muslim community. that didn't make any sense to me, in terms of the idea of spreading good and true words about islam, though i understood the reasons in other regards, such as maintaining one's deen in a supportive environment, etc. the US is a huge place, and the numbers of areas where americans will see muslims on a regular basis is quite small. i realize that there is a lot of discussion here and elsewhere about how to live and function and fulfill one's religious obligations in such a non-muslim society as the US, but as long as muslims do not have a desire to live everywhere and work at the smallest level of interaction with non-muslims, experiences like sis kathy's at the amusement park will continue to be the norm rather than unusual. maybe it's hard to remember how many places there are where it's not likely that people have seen, much less are used to seeing, women in hijab or men also mostly covered and wearing full beards and kufis, but muslims are still not generally visible in the majority of communities in the US - only in cities, where a minority of US residents live. the majority of americans have seen more muslims on TV than in their communities. Suffice to say that post 9-11 events has clarified even further to many Muslimeen (including myself) who of the non muslim acquaintances respect your deen and who don't. and, once again, a reminder that the majority of americans have no idea what islam is about. and, no, it may seem like there is a lot of information available to them and that they can get it anywhere, but that is a mistaken notion. the majority of americans do no have internet access, and are not near to muslim communities where they could go if they DID want to find out more. and might not even be as welcomed, if they did as some of us might hope to believe. as a simple example of lack of exposure, on my hired ride being delivered to the newark airport to leave for palestine, i spent the entire trip correcting mistaken notions the woman who was driving me there was "spouting" about islam. she considered herself extremely well-informed, yet even at this date, so long after the plane thing and all the work that has been done to disseminate correct information, she was totally hung up on the "7 virgins" thing - her version, and that muslim families would do anything at all when asked because they were being paid huge sums of money for any "terrorist" activities their family members would carry out, and a few other things like that. ok, i don't even want to write any more about this, but it gets frustrating to me to hear the stories coming from all directions - from the muslims, the christians, the jews......all wrong stories in some way about the others, yet all parties believing they have done all they could and communication with the dense others has been excellent, but they're just dense.... mwishka |
| 06/19/02 at 19:47:35 |
| mwishka |
| Re: Odd Man Out |
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| M.F. |
| 06/20/02 at 07:57:11 |
| Assalamu alaikum, Sorry ifI offended anyone living in the Valley! :) What found so depressing about it is all those little houses right on the street, tiny little houses with the blinds always closed, you can tell there's not enough light in them and they look extremely cramped. My gramma's house is one of them but at least she lives on a quiet street. She lives in Panorama city. The other thing that was depressing to me is having to use the car to go everywhere. At rush hour (which we avoided when we could) people spend about an hour in their car, just trying to get home. They probably get home exhausted and stressed out. See where I live now I can walk to work, and when I used to live in Albuquerque I was accross the street from campus. Houses weren't so cramped together. The other thing about the Valley is that everything seems to be going downhill, even the stores looked like no one felt like keeping them neat anymore. I guess it was even more depressing for my father and me because of the state my gramma was in, and she dragged us in with her. She has an extremely poor memory, dementia and she's a very difficult woman on top of that. We could do absolutely nothing to help. I hope I didn't depress anyone else :( I'm sorry. If you like the place you live then it doesn't really matter what other people say right? |
| 06/20/02 at 08:00:56 |
| M.F. |
| Re: Odd Man Out |
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| M.F. |
| 06/20/02 at 08:06:44 |
| [quote author=Kathy link=board=madrasa;num=1024369819;start=0#6 date=06/18/02 at 17:59:21] [slm] Trust me- I am the biggest proponent of " let them get used to us." [/quote] they used to be used to us, the problem now is they've gotten un-used to us. We're different people now to them. [quote]MF! You were a meer 3 non stop day car drive away- and you didn't stop in for some cheesecake? [/quote] I was even just a few hours away when I was in JFK but I was too busy being searched randomly to come for a visit ;) |
| Re: Odd Man Out |
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| ltcorpest2 |
| 06/20/02 at 13:04:48 |
| She lives in Panorama city. yeah, panarama city is a lot different than Chatsworth. so i wont take offence |
| Re: Odd Man Out |
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| salik |
| 06/20/02 at 18:52:20 |
| [quote author=M.F. link=board=madrasa;num=1024369819;start=0#11 date=06/20/02 at 07:57:11]Assalamu alaikum, Sorry ifI offended anyone living in the Valley! :) What found so depressing about it is all those little houses right on the street, tiny little houses with the blinds always closed, you can tell there's not enough light in them and they look extremely cramped. My gramma's house is one of them but at least she lives on a quiet street. She lives in Panorama city. [/quote] Sis next time you want to refer to panorama city please don't us color us other valley people with the same brush ;) You were close to beautiful places such as studio city, sherman oaks, valley village, burbank, glendale etc. things are different on this side of the town. ;) Well I have to agree with you with the need of car to step out and also the horrible traffic on the freeways here, other than that it's not really the most depressing area in the US. :P |
| Re: Odd Man Out |
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| Kathy |
| 06/20/02 at 22:13:43 |
| [slm] I guess I am not making myself clear. I am not talking about people's reactions to me. What I am talking about is my reactions.- to them- seeing me. For the first time I feel bad about - me making them nervous. |
| Re: Odd Man Out |
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| M.F. |
| 06/21/02 at 15:53:12 |
| Kathy, I understood you right away. You felt that if you weren't there the people would be having a better time. It's wierd. You're feeling guilty without having anything to feel guilty about. It's sad really that you felt that way. They'd look at you a certain way and you'd think: "I'm sorry I'm here making you feel whatever it is that's making you look at me that way". What can I say Kathy, snap out of it :) ;) You know it's not true that you're putting a damper on their fun, they might have felt uneasy for a minute when they saw you but that's it. I'm sorry you felt that way. I hope you don't feel it again. You know what it is? You're too kind and sympathetic :) Don't worry about people having their fun. They get plenty of fun. And if they're very briefly reminded of death once in a while, it's not a bad thing. |
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