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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| No mahram!!! |
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| Umm-Ahmad |
| 06/26/02 at 04:28:32 |
| [slm] I am posting this cuz I have no more advice for a dear sis of mine. She is the youngest of 4 daughters, their mom has been a widow for many years. the thing is that none of them are married! Alhamdulillah, they are good Muslimas, very knowledgable, educated and extremely sweet! :-* They live in a very culturalised Muslim community, where they do not fit in culturally at ALL! The fact that they have no Mahram makes things even worse, becuz there is no man to attend the mosque and put the word out that he has 4 unmarried daughters etc etc...I live in a different country now, and am not able to help them out. At university they did not find any like-minded pious brothers, they have absolutely no prospects in their environment. What kind of advice would you give them? Would it be proper for the mom or someone to approach the Imam and tell them about the situation? Bearing in mind that that Imam does not take kindly to talking to "ghair mahram women"? What else can they do? Maybe someone has been in a similar situation? What would you do? Wasalam Umm Ahmad :-) |
| Re: No mahram!!! |
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| mwishka |
| 06/26/02 at 08:59:16 |
| sis, can you explain this to me: Bearing in mind that that Imam does not take kindly to talking to "ghair mahram women"? is this just women unaccompanied by mahram, or is it women who just don't have them? i hope this only means some sense of propriety, and not that the imam, as a personal preference, doesn't want to advise women! i'm kind of hoping it means unaccompanied by them, because if it means the latter, that doesn't bode well for the huge numbers of women who choose islam who therefore have no mahram to aid them in their lives. i know you said this is in a muslim country, but it raised concerns to me about the way imams can choose or not choose to interact with the women in their communities. and, of course, i shouldn't continue to comment until i know what exactly you meant..... :) mwishka |
| 06/26/02 at 09:01:01 |
| mwishka |
| Re: No mahram!!! |
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| jannah |
| 06/26/02 at 11:39:12 |
| Sister, I'd suggest the mother take up the cause with the oldest networking system in the world: the auntie network.. just spread the word and they get things going.. and it sure is a powerful force.. let me tell you...;) |
| Re: No mahram!!! |
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| Umm-Ahmad |
| 06/27/02 at 02:15:54 |
| [slm] Thanks for the replies:) I realise that I was not 100% clear in my first post, so let me clear things up a bit, so Mwishka can get going on her post inshaAllah...;) When I said that the Imam does not take kindly to speaking to non-Mahram women, i meant ALL women that are not his family. This does not matter whether she is accompanied by her own Mahram or not. They belong to a certain "sect" of Muslims, and the men don't talk to other women. This is a MAJOR problem faced in that community as you can surely imagine. This is a NON-Muslim country, think about the implications??? What about the reverts? What kind of Islam is that? But thats another discussion altogether, which I am ready to get into btw... The problem extends beyond her city into practically the whole country. Does that make more sense now? As for the Aunty-Network...Jannah, I know it WORKS in some communities, but won't do a lot of good for this particular situation as all the "auntys" belong to either 1 of 2 ethnic groups, which are *closed* and not at all welcoming of someone who is different as these sisters are.:( Waiting for some way out of this situation inshaAllah...Mwishka, go ahead and post your opinion, I would love to read what you have to say. Umm Ahmad :-) |
| Re: No mahram!!! |
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| mwishka |
| 06/27/02 at 11:12:22 |
| oooooooo sis umm ahmad......have you ever seen any television cartoon where a little mouse has a tiny inaudible verbal explosion, kind of standing up on her little hind legs and throwing her paws up into the air and grabbing her head and pulling on her tiny mouse ears and throwing her paws up into the air over and over while her whiskers twitch furiously and tears stream down her face and she cries out why why why how could this be ---- but you can't hear a thing because she's a mouse and the decibel range of her sorrowful squeaking is outside your range of hearing?!!!!!! you haven't seen such a cartoon? well he hee me neither -- but i can just imagine it! so, um my first question/comment is: i'm not sure what sort of community this is, i mean culturally, but it's causing me to be confused about the definition of "imam" in islam. (what "sect" is this? or is there some reason you can't say? if you can't say, it inhibits both muslims and non-muslims from learning, and i don't see it as being critical when you're just giving us facts...) is there NO other community nearby, with a different kind of imam, that these women can go to for help and advice? what does this imam do when women in the community are in REAL trouble? does he meet with them with his own wife present? or does he not even do that? does he have them meet with his wife ONLY? maybe that's a possibility for your friends - could they go to the imam's wife? or maybe some other sister who is centrally involved in the community... ok, about these auntie networks: i know they "came" from other much older countries where the geographic extension of distant relation could be immense. when we ( < hee heee there i go again...) talk about these networks and finding suitable spouses and proper interactions and how to proceed and making clear your intent in all endeavors, well....sigh....it seems that the women involved in these networks might be asked to apply their skill to those beyond their own relatives and "national" or ethnic "kin". it might be a good thing for these networks to bring themselves further into the isalmic fold and further away from the tendency of nationalities and ethnicities to keep themselves "pure", no matter how innocent their reasons (well, the family would be most comfortable with a girl/boy of, um "our" kind, you know....). of course, some people will need to do this, some individuals and some families, and i don't mean AT ALL to imply any fault in that, but there's ummah of one kind and ummah of another kind --- one is all homogenous and one is beautifully radiantly exquisitely resonantly full spectrum, blessed and shining. (he he guess which one i like better..?) maybe what's needed are auntie network conferences! so aunties of all sorts and kinds could interact and train new "aunties"! (and there would be less, um "businesses" of this sort, the idea of which kind of bothers me..) the new "super aunties"! --- eh oh i really really dislike that term....um...what could they be? they could be the "beautiful aunties who seek to aid in the path to blessings for all the beloved of the ummah".... :D ok, i'm not good with brief things as you know. though he's missing right now, maybe muqaddar could name this new kind of aunties that are needed..... it is so sad to see how often people need to limit their concern and feelings to only themselves just to help themselves be ok, too. every time one of us does that it creates a ripple that washes out and causes the same thing to happen spreading out from us. and just imagine how intertwined and hard to break down the whole vast spreading of those concentric rings of negative influence are when we each have one emanating from us as its center...... um that last paragraph maybe got a little too intertwined into itself to be clear.... ;) (sis eleanor! MANY paragraphs! he he i just went back up and returned a few times... not natural breaks, but breaks nonetheless....) mwishka |
| 06/29/02 at 17:48:53 |
| mwishka |
| Re: No mahram!!! |
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| Barr |
| 06/28/02 at 01:47:18 |
| Assalamu'alaikum :-) [quote]I live in a different country now, and am not able to help them out.[/quote] MMMmmmaybe.. and maybe not. Are they willing to relocate? Have you explored the availability of saleh (good) brothers on where you are right now? Maybe you can help them find one, inshaAllah. Maybe they can relocate or the sisters can instead. Or can the mother outsource to her other relatives who are able to help her find saleh son-inlaws where they're at? Is there a brother (not the imam) who is pious and have a good network with other good brothers that she can contact? Maybe her daughters' teacher? [quote]They live in a very culturalised Muslim community, where they do not fit in culturally at ALL! [/quote] [quote]At university they did not find any like-minded pious brothers, they have absolutely no prospects in their environment. [/quote] [quote]They belong to a certain "sect" of Muslims, and the men don't talk to other women. This is a MAJOR problem faced in that community as you can surely imagine. This is a NON-Muslim country, think about the implications What about the reverts? [/quote] Hmm... just wondering... if the whole community is like that (without inflating and overstating the problem), would there be a brother that is suitable and compatible for them then, even if the imam is able to find a willing brother? [quote]Maybe someone has been in a similar situation? What would you do? [/quote] My response is... Allah's world is wide. InshaAllah, for those who have taqwa, there is surely a way out. And ALlah would provide rizq from sources that one can't even imagine... and isn't marriage a beautiful rizq bestowed from Allah. I do hope that the sisters would be able to taste the sweetness of marriage inshaAllah. It can be a head banging situation. And I totally empathise with that. And I'm sure Allah will reward you for all of your efforts. Take care, sister :) Allahua'lam :-) |
| 06/29/02 at 22:21:58 |
| Barr |
| Re: No mahram!!! |
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| nur-ul-aain |
| 06/29/02 at 16:40:15 |
| [slm] sister, well i havent read all of the replies that have been posted in response to ur question so i do apologize if this post becomes sort of an echo.. there are numerous Matrimonial sites online that one can use. I do know that ICNA and ISNA both have this facility and as far as arguing whether or not this kind of approach brings about a secure and happy marriage..Allahu Alim, that is all in Allah swt's hands so no arguing there. seriously, try checking it out if ya can...pray this helps.. masalaama (*, nur :-) |
| Re: No mahram!!! |
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| Asifa |
| 06/30/02 at 14:40:49 |
| [slm] Dear sweet sister Umme Ahmed I agree with your concern that without a non-Mahram it would be hard for a widowed mother to find an appropriate match for her daughters, especially if they are looking for a soul mate of desired qualities like religious and pious brothers. Mashallah, it is really appreciable. I don't have much to say but i would advise all un-married sisters to pray Dua-e- Istakhara after Salat-e-Esha every day and pray hard from Allah(SWT) to make things easy for them. I believe prayers are the only source that can help us in most difficult situations. Dua Istakhara is an excellent dua and it’s basically meant to seek Allah’s guidance for important decisions. Some people believe that it’s only meant to seek Allah’s advice when one is confused in choosing the best (among diff options or atleast one option). I believe that in addition to this, Istakhara also helps to lead you to the best even if you do not have any option. So please tell these sisters to pray two rakat Nafal after salat-e-Esha every day and pray this dua with earnest love and devotion. Inshallah, I will also try to find an article on Dua Istakhara to post in Masjid folder soon. Allah (SWT) would Inshallah make every thing easy for them. Inshallah, the most pious husbands would meet them soon. I will send you a private message also to talk about these sisters in detail. Inshallah Allah (SWT) would make every thing easy for them. May Allah(SWT) make this life easy for us and bless us with Janat-ul-Firdos in the life hereafter. Ameen. Jazak Allahu Khairun Asifa |
| NS |
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