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Troublesome 2-year-old

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Troublesome 2-year-old
mama2two
07/03/02 at 02:23:10
[slm]Dear Sisters and experienced mothers,
I have a 2-1/2 y/o daughter and a 3 month old daughter.  During the last part of my pregnancy, I noticed major behaviour changes in my older daughter.  She became rude to relatives and friends, had regression of her potty training, and became generally rebellious and defiant of our authority.  It has gotten worse since then to the point where we have many fights daily over the littlest things...doesn't want to wear clothes/shoes, doesn't want to use the potty, wants her pacifier constantly, doesn't want to eat, whines constantly, wants to watch videos 24-7, hits and bites (okay, those are big things)...you name it, she does it!  She drives me to tears on a daily basis, and I often feel like I can't take it any more.  I feel like I have a teenager, not a toddler.  
I know she is feeling jealous of/threatened by the new baby, but I am doing everything I can to include her in whatever I do with the baby.  I am at my wits' end and I just want my sweet little angel girl back!
My question is, or rather, my questions are...
How do I not go insane?  Is this a normal phase and WHEN will it be over? How do I prevent myself from reacting badly (shouting, tearing up, ignoring her) when she misbehaves? Do you have any good sources (books, websites, etc.) to help raise great Muslim children?
JazaakumAllah Khair in advance  :)
Re: Troublesome 2-year-old
Muneerah134
07/08/02 at 15:45:50
[slm]
I remember those days!  >:(

I will make du'a for you and your Muslimas. I believe it will pass. Just keep doing what you are doing, "pick your fights" if you can compromise a little on things like the pacifier and eating (all of them go through periods of not wanting to eat) then do so, but be firm about the other things. InshaAllah she will realize that you need her help (telling her how important she is also helps, she may be young, but she understands!) has also been a tactic I have used. "Your sister is watching you, she will learn how to be a big girl and a good Muslim girl from you"

InshaAllah this will pass soon. Don't ignore her, shout only when you have to, and it will pass soon. She is just feeling replaced and forgotten, that isn't a good feeling whether you are 2 or 92.  :'(

MashaAllah you have already found some strategies that work.  I used to always remind myself, this person is a Muslim, I will treat her the way I treat my other sisters and brothers to the best of my ability, may Allah forgive me my shortcomings.

Go for a walk if you can and you and the 2 1/2 year old do some "special" things together also. Let her "organize" diapers and baby clothes, anything she can do (and that you can undo with ease when she isn't around!) is useful.

Enjoy this time, they grow so quickly! Be patient with them and yourself.
InshaAllah some of what I have said will be useful.
:-) Muneerah  []
Re: Troublesome 2-year-old
mama2two
07/08/02 at 22:56:21
[wlm]
Jazakillah Khair, my sister!  Those are some great ideas, especially about telling her that she is important to me and to her sister.  MashaAllah when she is good, she is so responsible it amazes me.  I will really need to focus on her positive attributes more...it's just so hard to do when you are short of sleep, and a hungry little infant is draining you as fast as you can eat ;)
I have started reading the last ten ayahs of Surah Baqarah daily (as advised by the Prophet [saw]), and I have noticed a difference in her behaviour.  Your duas are highly appreciated.  May Allah help us become Muslims that please Him.


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