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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| InLaw Trouble |
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| Anonymous |
| 07/03/02 at 12:43:40 |
| Salaam all, I am getting so frustrated that its really affecting my life my marriage basically everything. I've been married 2 years and from day one my sisters in law have been causing problems. I am not from the West and their are differences in the way we have been raised. Regardless, my husband family calls themselves liberal muslims and everyone else is either secular or an extremist. Now where we live alhamdulillah I've gotten to know some people but its hard because all the people know my in laws and feel obliged to be on their camp and ignore me. Whenever I visit my hubby's family...we live in the same city...ot's as if I dont exist they will talk and laugh with eachother. If I've ever tried to make things better its always seen as a conspiracy. Alhamdulillah my husband was not bad at all although our marriage was arranged. Now, it feels more and more that his true colors are showing. What bothers me most is that he's involved with the muslim community but doesn't even bother to wake up for fajr. I dont know if I can go on like this. My iman is worse than ever. His sisters dont seem to improve they are getting worse than before. Sometimes I just feel like either leaving this marriage or just running away... I know my probs are nothing as compared to other people but I still cant cope. I would love to know how you all maintain sanity with your spouse and in laws? |
| Re: InLaw Trouble |
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| sam |
| 07/05/02 at 04:00:38 |
| [slm] sister, i have been married for 1 year and 7 months and my mother-in-law lives with us. my husband and i had a love marraige, we had met 7 motnhs before we got engaged and then were married a year later. my mother in law lives with my husband and i...his father passed away many years ago. his it was very hard at the beginning as you ajdust to a new life and then you must get to know his family and be part of it. yes i also feel the sameway when my husband gets together with his family, i do feel invisible...what upsets me the most is that at home he can be moody over something but then when he talks to his family on the internet he is completely different, laughing and joking and having fun. when we go abraod he is sooooo lively but then when we get back home he gets more and more miserable. hey, i'm very happy that he has fun with his family, it's important ot maintain family ties, but it doesn't mean that you have to exclude your wife when doing it...maybe it'll be even more fun with her involved too!!!! the in-law situation is very delicate, i had problems with my mother in law because i didn't understand her and she did not understand me although we both meant well, but whilst this was going on my poor husband had to deal with it too. eventually whenever i went to him over an issue i had with his mother he would get angry and say that i was being silly..he would back his mother up saying that she did not mean it like this and it could be she meant xzy... so i stopped going to him and just asked allah to give me sabar. now alh me and her get on fine...if she does say soemthing i do not like i just ignore it and carry on with my chores..and i ahve found that bith my husband and her are not very sweet tongued..they are very frank which was something i was not used to. i expected that when you ask soemone to something thenyou must ask nicely...but they were not like this. in the end i had to change...i have found that i had to change myslef ALOT in order to keep this family happy. if your sister in law in genuinely causing problems then i thin you must first talk to your husband that you feel this way, secondly you must talk to her and remind her that whosoever tries to breaka marriage/family, then they are commiting a big sin and are of those who are not on the right path. the point is ignore that fact that he has fun with his family and ignoring you. maybe he doesn't mean to do it but after a week of working and stress he may need this to relax and be himslef..yeah ok it's unflattering for you as you think why can he not be relaxed and happy with me? but if you care for his health then i suggest just forget it and try to join in their conversation whilst sitting next to your husband..make your presence known to him and his family...join in the fun!!!! soon maybe inshallah you won't be ignored as much. pray for sabr and pray against the evil eye. reciting Ya Maani will give you a good family life inshallah ( one of allah names). like you i am in a similar situation but there is no need to leave the marriage unless you have stopped loving him. by the way where aer you from? take care |
| Re: InLaw Trouble |
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| UmmAbdulRahman |
| 07/06/02 at 12:31:49 |
| [slm] Dear sister, Maybe you should go see the imam at your masjid or go to someone you trust as knowledgeable and strong in the deen. Sometimes, we need mentors outside of our families to talk to when the situation has gotten really unbearable and that is what the imam and leaders are for. I actually wouldn't try talking to your husband if you know from past experiences that those conversations are fruitless and just run in circles. An imam can act as a mediator between you and your husband and sisters-in-law and I know this can really help the communication. In the meantime sister, I wouldn't run away or do anything drastic. I *know* from experience in-law problems can be really miserable-there is no exaggerating there. But just try to solve this problem with wisdom and reasoning and patience. |
| Re: InLaw Trouble |
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| Anonymous |
| 07/11/02 at 04:01:34 |
| Asalam'alaikum, I would like to talk with you, as I too have a simular situation. If you are interested then e-mail me at yaua2002@hotmail.com, We can talk Insha'Allah! |
| Re: InLaw Trouble |
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| sam |
| 07/16/02 at 09:22:38 |
| who did you want to talk to? |
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