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Quranic Concept of Love

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Quranic Concept of Love
Anonymous
07/05/02 at 03:00:24
Bismillah hirrahman nirraheem'In the name of Allah
(SWT) the Merciful, the Beneficent.

As-salamu-'alykum-wa-rahmatullaahi-wa-barakatuh.  The
article entitled "QUR'ANIC CONCEPT OF LOVE " is an
article written by Kashif Ahmed Shahzada. The article
can be found at the  Muslim Editorial Service
website,(www.musedserv.com)- THe Islamic Research WEb
Site. THe site has been recently recognized for its
efforts and has been been voted as beingone of the top
100 Islamic web sites on the internet.QUR'ANIC CONCEPT
OF LOVE


"Certainly We have revealed to you a Book in which is
your ownreminder; what! Will you not then use your
reasoning?"-Al Qur'an21:10

Do we have a free will to select our life partner? Are
we permittedto Love someone? Is it acceptable for
girls to have boy friends and for boys to have girl
friends? What are the criteria for selecting a
life partner? Following is a discussion of such
questions from a Qur'anic perspective.

FREE CONSENT FOR MARRIAGE

The Qur'an informs us that women cannot be forced to
get married and thus they have the right to express
their will. The following Ayah tells us;

"O you who believe! You are Forbidden to inherit women
against their will. Nor should you treat them with
harshness that you may take away part of the dower you
have given them -except where they have been
guilty of open lewdness; on the contrary live with
them on a footing of kindness and equity. If you take
a dislike to them it may be that you dislike a thing
and Allah brings about through it a great deal of
good." (4:19)

In Sura 4, the believing man is also given the
permission to marry women of his choice, thus he too
can excersize his free will.As reminded;

"If you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly
with the orphans, so Marry women of Your Choice two or
three or four; but if you fear that you shall not be
able to deal justly (with them) then only one.Or what
your right hands possesed.That is nearer,that you do
not decline from justice" (4:3)

Thus both believing women as well as men have been
given the right to have a say in their marriage, i.e.
women cannot be married forcefully and men also have
been given the right to marry women of their
choice.

Then again in Sura 4 Ayah 21 ,Marriage has been
identified as a `Meesaq' (Contract) that women have
taken from men:

"And how could you take it when you have gone in unto
each other and they (Your wives) have Taken from you a
solemn covenant? " (4:21)

A contract or covenant requires the free consent of
both parties in agreeing to that contract.

An agreement in which a person is forced to do
something against his or her will, does not constitute
a 'Meesaq' or contract.

If the woman has been forced into getting married or
the will of the man has been manipulated by coercion
then such an agreement does not become a contract or
'Meesaq'. Thus for a contract of marriage to
come about, both parties i.e. the man as well as the
woman have to use their free will in coming to terms
and agreeing to live the rest of their lives with each
other.If out of these two any one is forced or does
not have their free will involved then such would not
constitute a 'Meesaq'.

This should clarify that a believing man or woman does
have the right to accept or reject his or her would be
husband or wife.They do have the right to express
their will.

THE LIMIT OF LOVE

First of all we need to ascertain as to what do we
mean by the term 'loving someone' ? That 'someone', do
we like his or her physical appearance? Or do we mean
we like his or her character traits? Or what his or
her views are about life and many other things? Do we
like the background he or she is coming from ? Their
economic status ?

All of us do have feelings and emotions in us. We are
not rocks or made of stones, we do have feelings, we
cry when we get hurt, smile when we are happy, get
depressed when something happens against our wishes,
all these feelings are within us, but we should not
let these feelings and emotions rule our lives.The
feelings are there, no denying that, but they have to
be kept within the limits ordained by Allah.

We should not let these feelings rule our lives. There
has to be a balance between our feelings and emotions
and our reason and intelligence. We should be
constantly aware of our duties and responsibilities
and they should not be neglected by feelings and
emotions overcoming our minds.

When a person is emotionally worked up i.e. he or she
is under the influence of emotions like love, anger
etc then that person cannot use his or her faculty of
reasoning and intellect in ascertaining things. He or
she will only listen to what the emotions are telling,
no matter how much you try to make such persons
understand, they will not analyze things logically and
with reasoning until their emotions
are settled down.

We should let our feelings be subdued and look at
things in a more practical, reasonable and logical
way.

Usually with young people this is difficult to
understand, but with the passage of time, when one
attains some maturity we do realize these things.

Now about the issue of whether we can like (love)
someone, the Qur'an has laid certain conditions for
loving people as well. All of us do have these
emotions in us, after all it is Allah Himself who has
given these to us, but we cannot surpass the law of
Allah in that love. Our total devotion and dedication
has to be for the cause of Allah. We often hear the
very common expression that people under the
influence of emotions say to each other, something
like; "...I will give my life for you.." or "...you
are my everything..." etc.. Such devotion is not
allowed by the Qur'an.The Qur'an renounces such
people, who are so infatuated.

Allah informs us through His Messenger;

"Yet there are among people who take others besides
Allah as equal(with Allah): THEY LOVE THEM AS THEY
SHOULD LOVE ALLAH. But the Believers are strong in
their LOVE FOR ALLAH. If only the oppressors
could see behold they would see the penalty: that to
Allah belongs all power and Allah will strongly
enforce the penalty." (2:165)

The Believer in the message of Qur'an cannot be
totally devoted to someone rather than the cause of
Allah.His or her goal of life is mentioned in the
following verse;

"Say:' Surely my Salat and my solitude and MY LIFE and
MY DEATH are(all) FOR ALLAH, the Sustainer of the
Universe;" (6:162)

The above verse should be the motto of a true
believer, and a person who has such principles, can he
give his total love and devotion to someone else?

We cannot surpass the law of Allah in having any
feelings or considerations for any one, no matter how
close relations they may have with us.We (The
believers in the Qur'an) are strictly reminded;

"Say:'If your FATHERS and your SONS and your BRETHERN
and your SPOUSES and your RELATIVES and the WEALTH you
have acquired and the TRADE whose dullness you fear
and the HOMES in which you are satisfied,if you LOVE
any of these more than ALLAH AND HIS MESSENGER
AND THE STRIVING IN HIS CAUSE, then wait until ALLAH
brings about His order; and ALLAH guides not the
oppressing people." (9:24)

To the believers the cause of Allah is what matters
the most, the way of life that is prescribed for them
in the Qur'an, they don't make any compromises with
anyone against that way of life, even to their very
loved ones. Such quality of theirs is identified by
Allah Himself:

"You shall not find a people who believe in Allah and
the last day LOVING those who act in opposition to
Allah and His Messenger, even though they were their
(own) FATHERS, or their SONS, or their BROTHERS, or
their RELATIVES; these are they into whose hearts He
has written belief , and whom He has strengthened with
a spirit from Him: and He will cause them to enter
gardens beneath which rivers flow, abiding therein;
Allah is well-pleased with them and they are well-
pleased with Him these are Allah's party: now surely
the party of Allah are the successful ones." (58:22)

THE CRITERIA FOR SELECTING A LIFE PARTNER

The Qur'an is very clear about what to consider in
selecting a life partner.The following verse informs
us:
"And DO NOT MARRY 'mushrik' (Polythiest) women UNTIL
they believe, and certainly a believing maid is better
than a 'mushrik'(Polythiest) woman, even though she
should please you; and DO NOT give (believing women)
in marriage to 'MUSHRIK' MEN UNTIL THEY BELIEVE, and
certainly a believing servant is better than a mushrik
man, even though he should please you; AND
THESE(MUSHRIKEEN) INVITE YOU TO THE FIRE, and Allah
invites to the garden and to forgiveness by His will,
and makes clear His Ayat (verses) to Mankind, that
they
may be mindful." (2:221)

The above verse negates the concept of beauty or
physical attraction, along with wealth or economic
status of a person, and establishes that it is
'Eimaan' i.e. Belief and conviction on the Quranic
laws that should be the point to consider in selecting
a life partner.

MAKING BOYFRIENDS OR GIRLFRIENDS

The Believers are informed in the Qur'an that they are
to maintain a modest lifestyle and are discouraged
from having paramours.An important injunction
concerning those with whom marriage is permissible is
that they should not have any paramours.:

"This day (all) the good things are allowed to you;
and the food of those who have been given the Book is
lawful for you and your food is lawful for them; and
the chaste from among the believing women and
the chaste from among those who have been given the
Book before you (are lawful for you); when you have
given them their dowries, taking (them) in marriage,
not fornicating NOR TAKING THEM FOR PARAMOURS;
and whoever denies belief, his work indeed is of no
account, and inthe hereafter he shall be one of the
losers." (5:5)

Secret affairs and intimacy of this sort is not
permitted by the Qur'an.It is clearly reminded
regarding those women with whom the contract of
marriage is sought:

"There is no blame on you if you make an offer of
betrothal or hold it in your hearts.Allah knows that
you cherish them in your hearts: But do not make a
secret promise with them except that you utter a
recognized matter…" (2:235)

Believing women are also reminded what type of
behavior they are to maintain with un related men:

"O Women of the Prophet! you are not like any other of
the women; Ifyou will be on your guard, then be not
complacent in (your) speech, lest he in whose heart is
a disease yearn; and speak a recognized utterance."
(33:32)

Believing men are also reminded to maintain a modest
behavior:

"Say to the believing men that they restrain their
gaze and guard their private parts; that is purer for
them; surely Allah is Aware of what they do." (24:30)

TOTAL COMMITEMENT TO THE CAUSE OF ALLAH

To a believer the first preference in life is the
Cause of Allah, he or she is totally dedicated to that
cause and cannot have any emotional considerations
which would neglect their duties as believers. The
above verses are very clear in indicating this
aspect.I would like to repeat that verse again which
clearly expresses the agenda of a Believer in the
Qur'anic message:

"Say. Surely my Salat and my solitude and MY LIFE and
MY DEATH are(all) FOR ALLAH, the Sustainer of the
Universe." (6:162)

Total dedication to Allah.This is what is required to
be a Believer.

Kashif Ahmed Shahzada

Follow the Quran and the Sunnah and do not be
disillusioned by these wordly tempatations.
Re: Quranic Concept of Love
mwishka
07/06/02 at 09:54:28
um, i don't even really want to reply to these two articles (other one on choosing a mate), but....well...sigh.  guess i would be remiss if i didn't. :(

ok, everyone get out their thinking caps - and you can call up your creative abilities to aid you in your explanations, too!  ;)


there seem to be two contradictory statements run together here:

first one is about loving within the laws allah has set forth, as this says

[i]Now about the issue of whether we can like (love) someone, the Qur'an
has laid certain conditions for loving people as well. All of us do have these
emotions in us, after all it is Allah Himself who has given these to us, but
we cannot surpass the law of Allah in that love.[/i]




and then there is this part, which is about something different - yet they're set
together as though they're the same

[i]Our total devotion and dedication has to be for the cause of Allah. We often
hear the very common expression that people under the influence of emotions
say to each other, something like; "...I will give my life for you.." or "...you are
my everything..." etc.. Such devotion is not allowed by the Qur'an.The Qur'an
renounces such people, who are so infatuated.[/i]


i think most of us would agree that the second type of "over-devotion" to other people,
as far as a marriage is concerned, sounds a lot more like an old movie than real life.  

yet there are real ways in which we live this type of devotion to everyone around us.  
wouldn't any of us save another person or an animal from harm or death if confronted
with such a situation?  and might it not be  possible that that could require us to put our
own person at some risk to do so?  in that moment, the one you need to save is equivalent
to your everything, since you're offering the sum totality of your earthly existence for them -
admittedly if your faith in the afterlife is strong, your risk at losing your own life is then nothing,
is insignificant, and so you then might be offering nothing, but you don't know which.  and the
circumstances of your life so far would not enter your mind at that moment, as in "i will save them
because it will erase my wrongdoings..."




but i don't see how this, below, tells us NOT to love someone, just not to "over"love them (if such an
idea can even exist...since "love", as opposed to infatuation, can never be given too freely, in my
opinion.).  this  just kind of sounds to me like the idea that we're all unintelligent and barbaric, and,
actually, unpious and can't differentiate right from wrong or good from bad....

(bummer....didn't want to copy so much --- guess i have to....)


[i]Do we have a free will to select our life partner? Are we permitted
to Love someone?


THE LIMIT OF LOVE
                                                               
First of all we need to ascertain as to what do we mean by the term 'loving someone' ? That
'someone', do we like his or her physical appearance? Or do we mean we like his or her
character traits? Or what his or her views are about life and many other things? Do we like
the background he or she is coming from ? Their economic status ?

                                                               
All of us do have feelings and emotions in us.  We are not rocks or made of stones, we
do have feelings, we cry when we get hurt, smile when we are happy, get depressed when
something happens against our wishes, all these feelings are within us, but we should not
let these feelings and emotions rule our lives.The feelings are there, no denying that, but
they have to be kept within the limits ordained by Allah.

                                                               
We should not let these feelings rule our lives. There has to be a balance between our
feelings and emotions and our reason and intelligence. We should be constantly aware
of our duties and responsibilities and they should not be neglected by feelings and
emotions overcoming our minds.[/i]  



and this same "running together" is again emphasized here

[i]The above verse should be the motto of a true believer, and a person who has such
principles, can he give his total love and devotion to someone else?  We cannot surpass
the law of Allah in having any feelings or considerations for any one, no
matter how close relations they may have with us.[/i]


ok, this part directly above (bold) really (really really?)kind of bothers me.  it goes back
to what i sometimes hear here, that some people believe the way of islam is to ignore
everything around them that they want to as long as they accumulate rewards on some
path heading for heaven.  i know that sounds crude in the way i've stated it, but this
perspective does not sit well with me, and the words above make me very uncomfortable,
to think that people around me are regarding the world in this way, with "no feelings or
consideration for anyone"......

um...ok, i'm ending this here.....

mwishka

(sorry if this is kind of non-linear.......i had the content of the two articles mixed together in not only my mind, but my "notes"...  hope it's all sorted out in an orderly way now....)
07/06/02 at 15:00:32
mwishka
Re: Quranic Concept of Love
se7en
07/13/02 at 15:11:34

salaam,

First of all, with no disrespect to the author, the article was not written in very clear English.

[quote]there seem to be two contradictory statements run together here:

first one is about loving within the laws allah has set forth, as this says

Now about the issue of whether we can like (love) someone, the Qur'an  
has laid certain conditions for loving people as well. All of us do have these  emotions in us, after all it is Allah Himself who has given these to us, but  we cannot surpass the law of Allah in that love.




and then there is this part, which is about something different - yet they're set  together as though they're the same

Our total devotion and dedication has to be for the cause of Allah. We often  hear the very common expression that people under the influence of emotions  say to each other, something like; "...I will give my life for you.." or "...you are  my everything..." etc.. Such devotion is not allowed by the Qur'an.The Qur'an  renounces such people, who are so infatuated. [/quote]

Hmm.. I don't see a contradiction.. maybe you can explain?  The first sentence is stating that the Qur'an has laid certain conditions for the type and nature of love we should have for people; and the second states that one of those conditions is that, the love we have for people is not so intense that it overwhelms our love for and in the way of Allah.

[quote]  We cannot surpass  
the law of Allah in having any feelings or considerations for any one, no  
matter how close relations they may have with us.


ok, this part directly above (bold) really (really really?)kind of bothers me.  it goes back  
to what i sometimes hear here, that some people believe the way of islam is to ignore  
everything around them that they want to as long as they accumulate rewards on some  
path heading for heaven.  i know that sounds crude in the way i've stated it, but this  
perspective does not sit well with me, and the words above make me very uncomfortable,  
to think that people around me are regarding the world in this way, with "no feelings or  
consideration for anyone"...... [/quote]

Hmm.  I had to read the sentence you quoted a couple of times to understand it.. it's strucuture is definitely confusing.  I think what is meant is "We cannot surpass the laws of Allah in our consideration and feelings for people, no matter how closely they are related to us."

Now this is not saying that we should have no regard for people or that we should "ignore everything around us" as you've said, but simply that we should make sure our natural, human emotions, inclinations, feeling, desires etc are in accord with Islamic teaching.  Meaning we never reach that level of devotion to an individual that we would be willing to sacrifice our lives for them, or compromise our faith, or do something that is harmful or detrimental to ourselves.  So again, it's not about annihilating or erasing our instinctual feelings and attachments for people (as this is impossible), but simply trying to keep these feelings balanced and healthy and not allow them to reach extremes.

salaam :)


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