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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| visiting family |
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| Fatimah |
| 07/05/02 at 17:06:10 |
| salam alaikum ukhtis, I just wanted some advice from someone who may have had to be in this situation before. Next month me and my husband might travel back to america to visit my family, inshaAllah. We arent sure yet though. Anyways, I think we would end up staying with my dad and his girlfriend. I cant stop thinking of how uncomfortable this may be for us. If it was just my dad there wouldnt be as many problems. My husband is nervous to have to stay there with his girlfriend being there. I know she'll be in shorts and wont be shy. Also..How do I tell him that I dont eat their kinds of meat...and what if he starts smoking in front of us and watching bad tv? I dont want to be around haram, you know? My family arent muslim, so they dont understand or want to understand my beliefs...Do you think this would be more trouble than its worth? Another thing is..I wear niqab. I dont believe its obligatory to wear, so I was thinking to take it off while Im there. My family already dont like my hijab, Im kinda nervous if they know I wear niqab. I want to see them so bad, but I dont want to suffer while im there. |
| Re: visiting family |
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| Barraa |
| 07/05/02 at 22:52:56 |
| Sister Fatimah, i think your situation here is serious. is your father non muslim? if so allahs messenger said whoever cuts off his relative i will cut him off my relation. at the same time you could talk to your father on the phone and stuff. and i heard by a shaikh...(don't know his name now)...that it isn't right to take off your niqaab after you wore it...where is your mother? sorry if i'm going way out but your going to have to ask a known muslim good scholar. here are two good places to go for alot of fatawah is : 1 [url]http://www.uh.edu/campus/msa/articles/fatawawom/Content.html[/url] 2 [url]http://www.angelfire.com/mo2/scarves/islamicarticles.html[/url] |
| Re: visiting family |
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| ummkulthum |
| 07/06/02 at 18:43:55 |
| [slm] Dear fatima, is it possible that you could go home for a visit and stay somewhere other than your fathers place? You are in a difficult position but there might be ways of getting around it without causing offence to your family or harm to your deen, I also wear niqab and I know there is a difference of opinion regarding it, I also know sisters who wear their niqab selectivly depending upon where they are and who might be around. Although I ALWAYS wear niqab I go with the opinion that it is sunnah. On the other subject perhaps there are compromises that can be made, what about if you offered to buy and cook food,that way you could be sure you were eating halal, this is what I do when I visit my mother. Make plenty of du'a insha'allah and ask for Allah's help and guidance. umm kulthum |
| Re: visiting family |
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| Fatimah |
| 07/07/02 at 13:28:54 |
| salam alaikum wa rahmatu Allah wa barakatu, Thanks for your replies and thanks for the links too. My dad is non muslim (all my family are) and my real mom lives so far away (ive never lived with her before anyways). I dont really think staying there will hurt our deen, because we will not join in any activities that are haram, inshaAllah. We will not be around the tv, when my dad smokes we will leave the room, my husband wont be around the girlfriend, ect.. My main concern is doing this though. Doesnt it seem rude or something? There isnt anywhere else that we could stay, staying with my dad would be the best choice when compared to the rest of my family. Its too expensive and hard to find a place to stay for only a month. If anyone has ideas for this i'd appreciate hearing them. Alhamdulilah, Ive never cut my ties of relation with my family, I do email them all often. I hope inshaAllah this doesnt apply to me then: Allahs messenger said whoever cuts off his relative i will cut him off my relation. Ive never taken my niqab off, so this would be a first. I wear it because my husband likes me to, we both believe it is sunnah. (I seek the reward in trying to please my husband) Im nervous to take it off though, because Im so use to wearing it. I will probably feel like everyone is looking at me. Has anyone with niqab taken it off before and how did you feel? That was a good idea about buying the groceries and cooking for everyone..but we wouldnt be able to afford to do that everyday. I guess I will do it as much as possible, inshaAllah. I was thinking to just tell him that we dont eat those kinds of foods (the meat, pork, ect..) and eating with him when he eats other than that. (Like cheese pizza or something) and eating by ourselves the rest of the time. I know its going to seem like my husband is blowing off my dads girlfriend and my step-mom. They dont understand about mahrams. Both wear revealing clothing and arent shy, so my husband wont mix with them, alhamdulilah. Im just worried about what they will think of us. Im really worried its going to be uncomfortable there, its almost like we are living in two different worlds. InshaAllah I will make lots of dua. I really want to see my family, I miss them so much. I ask Allah to make it easy for me. Please if anyone has went though any of this, please let me know how you handled it. |
| Re: visiting family |
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| ummkulthum |
| 07/07/02 at 14:33:48 |
| [slm] Dear fatima, is there a Masjid in your dads locality? Maybe you could approach them and see if a muslim family might be willing to put you up during your stay, if not they might be able to suggest something else. I believe it's better to be as honest as possible from the beginning, imagine how strange it will look if you simply make excuses for not eating with them only to have to tell them the real reasons later down the track, they would most probably then find it difficult to trust what you say in the future. I have always been completely honest with my family about what is Halal for me and what is haram and though it may have been difficult for them at first I think we all feel that honesty from the outset was the best policy. As far as niqab is concerned I know of a sister who was in the same situation as you , and although she found it uncomfortable to be without niqab, she managed to get through the experience unscathed! Try the suggestion about the masjid insha'allah. I'd be interested to know how you get on. umm kulthum |
| Re: visiting family |
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| Barraa |
| 07/07/02 at 18:04:25 |
| yes i agree totally with umm kalthum....that is a very fine idea but it matters and is a bit *i'm not doing that!* feeling to goup to someone and ask if you cou;d stay with them for a MONTH i dont know walahi but it wont be too hard inshallah. |
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