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Re: ? about ex husband

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Re: ? about ex husband
bhaloo
07/13/02 at 22:31:24
[slm]

If he is threatening you like that, there is something seriously wrong with him and it would be advisable to stay away from him, for fear of your life and safety.  

With regards to the phone issue, you could always get him to pay for a cell phone for you.  He could give you the money, you could buy it, have the number unlisted and address information unlisted, then that way if he calls he can't find out where you or your family live.
Re: ? about ex husband
mwishka
07/14/02 at 09:56:50
sis jaj,

i have been reading all of your posts about your difficulties involving your ex-husband and your child.  since you have said that he was abusive to you, and that you fear future abuse to your son, it seems to me that the time has come for you to get a restraining order put in place against him, so that he could be properly punished if he continues to harass you in any way, even by implying that you OR your son would ever be in danger from him under any circumstances.

there is no reason for any human to live in fear - in ANY fear - of another human, and in your case, there are social provisions in place to protect you from an individual whose own selfishness and apparent misery leads him to cause grief and tribulation in the lives of you, your parents, and indirectly also your tiny son, who will pick up on your distress whether he understands the cause or not.

yes, there have been some horrifying instances in which restraining orders did not protect someone's life, but, fortunately, things are much much better most places now.  and now those who have been taken on themselves the social responsibility to protect those whom others would harm - police forces - have come to better understandings of the way in which it is society's irrefutable role to protect the weak and innocent even from their own families when necessary.  (and yes, of course, there are very corrupt individual police people who abuse power in the same way as those designated criminal - but not all are so devoid of integrity.)

have your parents go with you and your son to your local district attorney's office, and let the people in that office intervene for you.  i'm suggesting the DA rather than the police station because there is less chance of having to talk with a person who does not comprehend the potential dangers of such a situation.  

i do also suggest that you go to your imam, and talk with him very directly about this and how it affects you and the life of your whole family.  in the best situations our communities would take us in and protect us from harm at a moment's notice, but this is not often the reality we face.  still, give the imam the chance to help you, the chance to help you ease your own misery and to help you be free to offer your son a bright future.

mwishka
Re: ? about ex husband
Kathy
07/14/02 at 12:06:39
[slm]

Bhaloo and mwishka are offering good advice. I hope you take it.

I would go to both the police and the DA. Begin the paper trail. You may need this documentation in the future. Begin saving all phone bills as well as request from the phone company print outs of calls.

Also, go to the local woman/child SOS shelter. This will help you document a case if neccesary. They may offer you alot of good advice, as they are "experts" in this area.

One word of caution, please do not let any of them turn this into an Islamic/religion issue. Allah swt may be testing you in how you are treating this situation. It would be easy, especially in today's situation, to cry Arab, Muslim and run on the coat tails of the current hysteria.... and it would probably work.

The isuue is your Ex and his personality. Shelters are all over America- in every city. It is not an issue of a particular ethnic or religious group. Please do not go down that path.


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