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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Muslimah's as a Scottish/American Revert. |
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| EdisonShi |
| 08/06/02 at 07:45:44 |
| I'm single and would like very much to marry, but in these times all I see is fear in the eye's of Muslimah's when I approach them. I've never dated a Muslim Woman and have only been a Muslim myself for a short time, but it is important to me that I atleast spend time with Woman who shares my morals. As Muslim Woman after 9/11 what approach could/should I take to begin discussions as a Man who has so many cultural and visable differences. It's very disheartening to see fear in the eye's of Woman you see as part of your Ummah. Any suggestions ladies? |
| Re: Muslimah's as a Scottish/American Revert. |
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| Kathy |
| 08/06/02 at 08:16:33 |
| [slm] Well- with you being a revert, there is no family to depend on to help with these kind of things. I would go to the Imam, tell him you are ready for marriage and ask for his help. As far as suggestions... If I were you, as a new Muslim, I would do everything I could to increase my knowledge of Islam. Study, Study, Study! |
| Re: Muslimah's as a Scottish/American Revert. |
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| muqaddar |
| 08/06/02 at 15:16:01 |
| [slm] Edisonshi pass the secret recipe on when you find the answer! I have A family and i can't find a decent muslimah ! ;D |
| Re: Muslimah's as a Scottish/American Revert. |
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| EdisonShi |
| 08/06/02 at 15:46:43 |
| So study and share anything I might learn. :D Sounds like a good place to start. |
| Re: Muslimah's as a Scottish/American Revert. |
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| muqaddar |
| 08/06/02 at 15:51:10 |
| [slm] Ok Edisonshi you do the book thing I'll go find the Lost World where all the decent single muslimah's are stranded *Muqaddar dons his Indiana Jones hat and cracks the whip as he disappears into the forest* |
| Re: Muslimah's as a Scottish/American Revert. |
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| saadia |
| 08/06/02 at 16:26:31 |
| [slm] [quote]Ok Edisonshi you do the book thing I'll go find the Lost World where all the decent single muslimah's are stranded [/quote] ok ok, Muqadder we get it, sheesh! I'm getting a lil sensitive to how many times I've heard brothers say that. I know PLENTY of "decent" single Muslimah's that are having a really hard time finding "decent" brothers out there so it goes both ways. Maybe besides your family, your Muslim friends or non Muslim friends who may happen to know of any Muslimahs out there, can help you out? [wlm] |
| Re: Muslimah's as a Scottish/American Revert. |
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| muqaddar |
| 08/06/02 at 16:40:38 |
| [slm] Ok my friends have tried to suggest their sisters are eligible in various indiscrete ways ;D unfortunately brothers don't always know what their sisters are upto.. and rather than me explain why not...i've played dumb |
| Re: Muslimah's as a Scottish/American Revert. |
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| EdisonShi |
| 08/06/02 at 17:16:50 |
| I see beautiful Sisters out everyday, I just don't know the proper Islamic way to go about talking to them so they know I"m sincere and I certainly say this without trying to offend but the sister's I have approached thus far act very differently when they don't know I'm Muslim. Once I tell them, it's prim and proper all the way...so it makes me wonder who they would continue to be if I were a Non-Muslim. The thing is as a revert, I want to know all sides of them. Tradition as well as Western. I just want to do it correctly. So I'll hit the books and wait for Indiana to return with the jewels. :D |
| Re: Muslimah's as a Scottish/American Revert. |
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| se7en |
| 08/07/02 at 05:12:48 |
| as salaamu alaykum wa rahmatAllah, bro I'm confused.. are you saying that you've tried to approach sisters for marriage, but they hesitate because you're white and they don't know you're Muslim? hmm.. maybe it's the way you are approaching them [ie directly, not through another party like the imam or a bro in her family or even a friend] that is causing them to hesitate? a lot of sisters feel more comfortable when the proposal comes from a third party because there's a level of modesty there, and so that they can inquire more about the person, etc just a thought :) wasalaam :-) ps -- I totally second saadia.. I know *a lot* of amazing sisters that are looking for good brothers.. |
| 08/07/02 at 05:21:54 |
| se7en |
| Re: Muslimah's as a Scottish/American Revert. |
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| HK |
| 08/07/02 at 06:03:28 |
| [slm] Seeing as there are lots of "good" bros and sisters, isn't there some way for them to find each other?? One of my chums used an internet muslim marriage service to look for a potential wife because he didn't have much luck in his area and through any of his contacts. Are these muslim marriage sites any good?? Anyone know someone who had a good experience from using them?? :) [wlm] ;) |
| Re: Muslimah's as a Scottish/American Revert. |
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| muqaddar |
| 08/07/02 at 13:54:22 |
| [slm] se7en he's saying that when he dosn't say he's muslim they behave as if he was just another bloke ..you know that whole flirtation stuff then when he say's he's a muslim revert they realise he's pretty islamic so they suddenly become ultra-muslim in behaviour...don't worry EdisonShi they do it to their parents too. Have you seen the ones who wear hijab then take it off as soon as they leave home?! |
| Re: Muslimah's as a Scottish/American Revert. |
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| SisterHania |
| 08/07/02 at 16:04:14 |
| [quote author=EdisonShi link=board=madrasa;num=1028634345;start=0#7 date=08/06/02 at 17:16:50]I see beautiful Sisters out everyday, I just don't know the proper Islamic way to go about talking to them so they know I"m sincere and I certainly say this without trying to offend but the sister's I have approached thus far act very differently when they don't know I'm Muslim. Once I tell them, it's prim and proper all the way...so it makes me wonder who they would continue to be if I were a Non-Muslim. The thing is as a revert, I want to know all sides of them. Tradition as well as Western. I just want to do it correctly. So I'll hit the books and wait for Indiana to return with the jewels. :D[/quote] [slm] First of all I'd like to say congratulations on reaching the path to Islam mash'Allah :) I know you are entering a 'different' world and there are certain areas you are new to. As a new Muslim you are like a blank page waiting to be filled in, you can become easily influenced by the 'wrong source' on matters related to Islam, especially if you approach the wrong people or read the wrong literature, and as a new Muslim it is difficult for you to judge which sources are providing you with the correct information. As Kathy suggested, if you are looking for a good Muslimah for marriage the best idea is to contact an Imam or a Shaikh (religious leader with wisdom on matters). They can offer you support and advice in all matters that you may feel concerned about,( especially as a new Muslim its advisable to have this support which will provide you networks in the community and a source of information on Islam). Imams have links with the community and insha'Allah they would be able to suggest suitable matches for you. If you have a Muslim directory on hand go through the list of organisations near you and contact them for support. In the meantime its not advisable to approach Muslim Sisters :-) you do not know. "Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty, that will make for greater purity for them... Say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty... O you believers! Turn you all together towards Allah that you may attain success" (Qur'an, 24:30-31). Nice article I found from a site called jannah.org :) http://www.jannah.org/articles/gazelow.html But by all means if you see a Muslim Brother its encouraged that you salam and build relations with him. May Allah bless you and make your path to Islam easy dear Brother :) |
| Re: Muslimah's as a Scottish/American Revert. |
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| Nafisa |
| 08/07/02 at 16:15:57 |
| [slm] br EdisonShi, i think you should go to the mosque and talk to your local imam. also, get networking amongst your fellow brothers and then ask if they have any sisters! ;D sorry for irreverant reply, i'm in a wierd mood today. :-* |
| Re: Muslimah's as a Scottish/American Revert. |
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| muqaddar |
| 08/07/02 at 17:06:24 |
| [quote author=Nafisa link=board=madrasa;num=1028634345;start=0#12 date=08/07/02 at 16:15:57] [slm] br EdisonShi, i think you should go to the mosque and talk to your local imam. also, get networking amongst your fellow brothers and then ask if they have any sisters! ;D sorry for irreverant reply, i'm in a wierd mood today. :-*[/quote] Nafisa i hope that advice was a joke... they wouldn't be your friends very long if you said no to their sister.. If they like you EdisonShi they'll do stuff like they did to me.. eg their sister joins company when you meet their mum or something the first time the sister was present she talked and talked and talked and i thought she was just nervous...next time i realised she was a person with VERY strong opinions she wanted to share.. ;D or worse case they show you pictures of when the family went on a trip and most of the pictures are of the sister... but honestly bro beauty is only skin deep and i'd advise you to check the girls background even if her brother is the best bloke in the world. |
| Re: Muslimah's as a Scottish/American Revert. |
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| EdisonShi |
| 08/07/02 at 23:31:19 |
| Thank you for all your reply's. It is a new world to me, Brothers and Sisters, but I would be doing a disservice to myself and the Ummah if I did not share what I know of "my" world. So in essence I, at 30, am not a blank page, but, yes I am in need of some assistance and appreciate all of your help (irrevrent or not. :)) I have spoken and will again speak to my Imam. |
| Re: Muslimah's as a Scottish/American Revert. |
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| eiman |
| 08/08/02 at 00:42:39 |
| [slm] first and foremost....i SECOND saadia's reply. muqaddar you seem really really pessimistic about finding a 'decent' muslimah..... its quite amusing as to how many posts i've noticed about you putting the ladies down.... :) you should take it easy though.... im beginning to get a *little* offended.... ;) at any rate - to bro Edisonshi.... i'm going to repeat to you what i think i've posted here countless times, :) and its such a beautiful thought that insha'Allah will offer you some sort of comfort. there's a quote, and i dont remember exactly how it goes, however it falls along the lines of love being comparable to a butterfly - in that when you compulsively run after and chase it, its absolutely impossible, yet when left alone it'll flutter over and find a place on your shoulder. ever tear your entire room apart upside down looking for something.... and then come back half an hour later, to find it in the most obvious of places? similar idea.... my point: it'll come insha'Allah.... when the time is right :) May Allah swt make things easy for you and grant you patience.... fi aman illah (in Allahs trust) serenity |
| Re: Muslimah's as a Scottish/American Revert. |
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| UmmWafi |
| 08/08/02 at 00:59:35 |
| [slm] Firstly, why does Muqaddar remind me of Mujaahid ? Hmmmmmm Anyways, back to the topic at hand. Bro Edisonshi, first and foremost, its good if u can make solah Istikharah ( that is special solah to seek Allah's guidance) and ask Allah to cleanse your intentions and to also give u guidance on what is BEST for u at this point in time. Then ask for the strength to deal with whatever challenges comes your way. Secondly, always believe that there is a partner that Allah has assigned for you as that will certainly keeps your hopes high (read Surah Ar-Rum). Thirdly, assess the criteria you set for your future partner. U mentioned in one post that u see beautiful Muslimahs everyday. Hmm...what is beautiful ? What kind of wife are u really looking for (aside from a practising Muslimah) ? If u are the standard white-male-package then u might need someone who looks beyond the physical and cultural heritage so someone who looks away when they see you might jolly well NOT be the one for u anyways :)))))))) That kinda narrow the field a bit. Look for someone who is willing to be more opened to inclusive attitudes. Fourthly, expand your social activities to include those that will ensure u can interact with more Muslims, brothers and sisters. This will help u tremendously to gain the trust of more Muslims. Lastly, any Madinat sisters here single and willing to give a Muslim bro a chance ? heh heh :-/ Wassalam |
| Re: Muslimah's as a Scottish/American Revert. |
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| SisterHania |
| 08/08/02 at 02:22:45 |
| [quote author=UmmWafi link=board=ma`rasa;num=1028634345;start=15#16 date=08/08/02 at 00:59:35] [slm] Firstly, why does Muqaddar remind me of Mujaahid ? Hmmmmmm [/quote] I was thinking exactly the same thing! Both their names begin with 'M', they live in the N.of England, when Mujaahid departed from the board - Muqaddar was born and their posts give off the same sort of reaction. ??? [quote] Secondly, always believe that there is a partner that Allah has assigned for you as that will certainly keeps your hopes high (read Surah Ar-Rum). [/quote] Well I know after reading this my hopes are high :-* shukran. |
| Re: Muslimah's as a Scottish/American Revert. |
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| Nafisa |
| 08/08/02 at 06:18:20 |
| [slm] I hope i haven't offended you br Edisonshi. I don't mean to make light of your plight (ooh, i rhymed that!). seriously though, if you make friends with lots of muslim bros then you can ask them to keep their peepers out for a single muslim girl. they're bound to come across someone or they can ask for you. i know i have friends who are 'on the lookout' for me. it's good becuase i can tell them what i want and i can trust them not to bring someone completely incompatible. Inshallah, you'll find one soon. just don't get too hung up about it or it'll drive you up the wall :) oh, i agree with serenity on the muslimah dissing, it's starting to grate a little... :'( |
| Re: Muslimah's as a Scottish/American Revert. |
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| mwishka |
| 08/08/02 at 09:28:19 |
| ok, looks like mwishka's needed once again, in her role as defender of all brothers or sisters, regardless of the sometimes careless way they might communicate..... ;) yes, umm wafi and sis hania, maybe some of the ways muqaddar has expressed his unhappiness come across as similar to mujaahid's style. but i know - because i had to write to him to apologize for what i felt was my OWN harshness to him :( - that muqaddar is a very nice and kind person, as is mujaahid. and i cautioned him (muqaddar) that he should try to be easier in the way he's saying these things, but that i was going to go straighten it out. and that was the last i heard from him (you out there muqaddar?? where'd you go?) maybe because he didn't want no li'l mouse taking up for him.... :) so, please, sisters, i know it sounds like he's being too harsh, but you all know, or can feel it somewhere inside even if the words get in the way, that sometimes the harshest words come from the person most in need of others being kind to THEM. so, take it easy on him, ok? he already told us he's in the middle of a dilemma, and just came here asking us for advice a very short time ago... um now's the time to call up those deep reserves of patience, and search for the wisest words you can use...... and sorry for um not quite being on the topic here...but, well, this isn't all as bad as it seems, and muqaddar does not deserve harsh words from any of us.... (and he's um planning..hee heee to try to not sound so harsh about sisters......RIGHT muqaddar...? think i convinced him yet? :D) mwishka |
| 08/08/02 at 09:56:10 |
| mwishka |
| Re: Muslimah's as a Scottish/American Revert. |
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| UmmWafi |
| 08/08/02 at 10:26:23 |
| [slm] [quote] so, please, sisters, i know it sounds like he's being too harsh, but you all know, or can feel it somewhere inside even if the words get in the way, that sometimes the harshest words come from the person most in need of others being kind to THEM. so, take it easy on him, ok?[/quote] Actually it was Muqaddar's way of joking that reminded me of Mujaahid cos Mujy and I used to exchange silliness. As for Muqaddar's harshness, I have been away from the boards too long to notice. SIS HANIA - I have misssssssssssseeeeeeeeeeeddddddddd uuuuuuuuu And yeah baby Sis, u must have hope. U are too too cute for brothers not to be enchanted :) Wassalam |
| Re: Muslimah's as a Scottish/American Revert. |
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| EdisonShi |
| 08/08/02 at 12:32:31 |
| I am in no way offended by any replies, at most I'm some what embarressed by how seriously people are trying to help with my clumsiness with the intricacies of Islamic communications. Thank you all for your kindness and I will look up that particular Surah. |
| Re: Muslimah's as a Scottish/American Revert. |
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| theOriginal |
| 08/08/02 at 13:00:17 |
| [slm] I think you guys are phunneee. The advice given covers all possible advice that I could give, so I'm not going to bother. But I have one thing to add.....R E L A X. Things will happen, inshaAllah. In the meantime, take it easy, try to focus on things that will take your mind off marriage. Try fasting. The Prophet [saw] has said that we should marry as soon as we have the means, and until then, fasting is recommended. I know I may be misconstruing the Hadeeth, but "means" implies more than the financial need. Let the imam know, let some friends know, attend that ISNA singles' night :-/ .. but make sure you continuing with your daily routine. Best of luck. SF. |
| Re: Muslimah's as a Scottish/American Revert. |
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| muqaddar |
| 08/08/02 at 15:34:30 |
| [slm] I remind people of Mujaahid... ;D ;D ;D Hey Mujaahid was a gujju..and my people have always respected his people because some of the greatest islamic teachers in our area were gujju's.. I suppose after centuries of supporting each other we do share certain things..we still don't put honey in our curry though... ;D ;D anyway i've known some of the people on this board a loooong time ok take your advice on board guys i'm gonna take a chill pill take up some gardening, read auto trader, juggle a few eggs annoy those folks at the Land Registry... intricacies of Islamic communications... EdisonShi ;D ;D bro you crack me up if we were talking about sikhs i'd say it's all in how tight the turban is..* |
| Re: Muslimah's as a Scottish/American Revert. |
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| EdisonShi |
| 08/08/02 at 17:25:48 |
| Thanks for pointing out one of my many fine traits to the Sisters, Bro: Humor. ;) |
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