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Words hurt...
Anonymous
08/13/02 at 21:06:24
Assalamualaikum

                I have been having this problem with my husband ever since we got married. Whenever he
                gets angry he says such hurtful things to me. In the beginning I was pretty shocked with
                this behavior. I mean, I can understand when a person is angry they say such things that
                they do not mean, but he says such things and never apologizes even though he knows how
                much it hurts me. Now I just bare with it or try to ignore his such comments but sometimes I
                just can't handle it. It just hurts too much. I tried to talk to him about it but it just
                doesn't seem to make a difference. He has even been mean to me in front of his mother and
                mine. I don't know why he doesn't understand and I don't know what to do about it. Please
                tell me what should I do??
Re: Words hurt...
M.F.
08/14/02 at 05:12:03
Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah
I don't know if this will actually help, but tell him: don't you know that each time you say something like that to me you're taking on some of my sins?  Thank you.  Pretty soon I'll be left with no more sins and then I can start taking away from your good deeds.
In some countries, as soon as someone gets mad then tell them: Salli 'ala Annabi (Say: Allahumma salli 'ala Muhammad  [saw]), and they have to stop whatever tantrum they're about to throw and say it, and if they start again say it again.
Or tell him when he gets angry say a'uzhu billahi min ash-shaytan arrajeem, because it's clearly from the shaytan that all this anger is coming from.  
Insha Allah if you make him do it every time he'll get out of the habit of saying bad thigns when he gets angry.
Also, as Allah to make him stop.  On this tape about du'aa I was listening to, I learned that du'aa for someone when they don't know about it is answered.  Ask Allah at a time when du'aa is answered: between Azhaan and Iqama, in the last third of the night, as soon as you've completed the Qur'an (reading I mean), on Friday (afternoons or evenings) and on Friday between the azhaan and when the khatib sits to give the khutba.... and persist in your du'aa, Allah loves to hear your voice in du'aa.  He also loves those who humble themselves in du'aa but don't say: oh Allah, only if you want to.... be strong in that respect, ask him using his beautiful names... and know that He is sure to answer.
May Allah calm your husband's heart and teach him to hold his tongue.
08/14/02 at 05:13:03
M.F.
Re: Words hurt...
HK
08/14/02 at 08:06:11
[slm]

I know this is a little unrelated, but I know what you mean about hurtful words being spoken.
Since I came back home my sister and I have had a few arguments, we can lose our temper quite easily and I don't feel it's a good thing. The silly thing is that we're both grown up adults, I'm 25 and she's 21, we should know better  :)
Anyway, we're not saying much these days, I heartily believe in the "silence is golden" saying  :) Sabr is something we're both trying hard to inculcate and I emphasise the word TRYING, because we do slip sometimes and do have a yell or two  :) Before I talk to her I think about whether I'm going to say something good or not, if I have something good to say I do and if not I keep silent  :) How many of you still have "little" fights with your siblings, even though you're grown up??  :-*

[wlm] ;-)

P.S. It's a good job we're only two siblings because my mum would have gone bonkers by now  :D


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